Sex ed: When did you first learn that the birds & bees weren't really birds or bees?

[shereads]

Sex ed: When did you first learn that the birds & bees weren't really birds or bees?

I started to post this at Lady Jeanne's condoms thread, but I didn't know how to use it.

Here's how sex education worked at our house:

When I was 11 or 12, I found a pink box tucked into the drawer where I kept panties. It was tucked underneath the panties, with just enough pink cardboard showing that I couldn't help noticing it. (As if the box knew we needed to have "the talk," but was embarrassed.) Inside the box was a product sample (not a condom) and a pamphlet explaining that girls have a special time of the month.

The rest of what I knew about sex before it happened to me, I learned from:

1. Eavesdropping on girls who had "done it." Not very informative, since they weren't explaining it to each other, just giggling about it. But they did teach me that sex is funny, "gross," and funny.

2. Cosmopolitan magazine and Penthouse Forum. There's a lot of information there, but it can be disconcerting if you don't already know the basics. "He came." Came from where?

3. A girl in our dorm. Carla C had done things with her married boyfriend that would have made Hugh Hefner blush. On Wednesday evenings, while the rest of us did our manicures, Carla C would read the Penthouse letters aloud and then take questions.

Before the pink box in the underwear drawer, the closest thing my family had to "the talk," was when I watched "A Place In The Sun" on TV with my mom and her sister. I was livid that Shelly Winters could force Montgomery Clift to give up Elizabeth Taylor simply by saying, "I'm going to have your baby."

Me: "Why does it have to be his baby, if he doesn't want to be the father?"

Mom: "Because he is the father."

Me: "Why?"

silence

Me: "Just because she loves him, she can make him be the father?!"

Mom's sister: "Hush. We can't hear the movie."

I didn't blame Montgomery Clift one bit when he let Shelly Winters drown.

Later, I made the connection between what Shelly Winters tried to do to Montgomery Clift, and a story I heard about a girl who was having a baby because a stranger attacked her. This sex thing was getting scarier by the moment.

It was bad enough that a woman could make a man be her baby's father just by saying he was the father; now it seemed that a strange man could surprise a girl in a parking lot and order her to have his baby! No wonder nice people didn't talk about sex. It was safer to stay under the radar.


~ ~ ~

Does anyone know if the Southern Baptist Church still approves this "Don't ask, don't tell" approach to teaching your kids about sex? Has it been replaced by a "Don't ask, don't tell" approach to abstinence only?

 

[Guest]

Does anyone know if the Southern Baptist Church still approves this "Don't ask, don't tell" approach to teaching your kids about sex? Has it been replaced by a "Don't ask, don't tell" approach to abstinence only?

I dunno.

Just ignore me.

 

[CharleyH]

I was in grade one or two. My mom had already explained the details, but of course my mind did not wrap around the thought. One thing I knew for certain was when the little bastard kid Ronnie said "babies come from the stomach," I knew he was dead wrong. I proceeded to tell him, in my way, that babies come from, you know . . . THERE.

He got angry. "NO! The daddy sticks his thing into the mommy's mouth, and leaves the seed in her stomach, where the baby grows."

I was confused. I had not heard that one before. I immediately rushed home to ask my mother. After the initial look of shock and burst of stomach cramping laughter, she explained exactly how babies happen. I never forgot, neither did my mother. lol.

 

[shereads]

He got angry. "NO! The daddy sticks his thing into the mommy's mouth, and leaves the seed in her stomach, where the baby grows."

Possible scenario:

Ronny walks in on Mom and Dad having oral sex. He has questions. They can't tell him that Dad sticks his thing in Mom's mouth because it's fun. That would send the wrong message...

 

[wornoutkeyboard]

Is... I have always known...an option?

I can pretty much remember the thought of sexual goings-on from very early childhood. I remember getting caught masturbating when I was like 3 years old and it wasn't just the curiosity thing they tell ya about in parenting magazines. I was getting down and dirty. I knew what that thing was and I knew how to use it.

I don't remember every having an epiphany and going "Ah ha! So that's what my vagina is for!" I always knew it was something good.

As far as the actual mechanics of sex...well..until I was about 11 I wondered how the mechnics worked. I thought at the time that when men have erections that it sticks straight out like a flag pole. I didn't know that their equipment would be better designed than that. C'mon...they were just stupid boys...how could they possibly be designed well? It doesn't help that romance novels don't tell you this sort of info. But at 12 wehn I discovered porn...THAT's when the epiphany happened. Oh....so it really does work properly.

So...to answer your question. I have always known. I was born one big bundle of sex nerves.

~WOK

 

[brightlyiburn]

Somehow, I always realized that "Birds and the Bees" wasn't about insects or animals.
What was terribly odd about me is that, while I usually put logic to things like that and knew what was being talked about, I didn't really know what sex is until sixth grade. Somehow the concept of insertion never occured to me, which is weird, because that's the sort of logical conclusion I would normally come to. Imagine my surprise. They showed us a video in sixth grade where penetration was explained about. Boy was I ever shocked.
I can be painfully naive like that. Other girls were getting into boys and I still thought they had cooties. I simply thought I was too young at twelve years old to be kissing boys or shaving my legs or wearing a bra. Dunno why.

 

[Guest]

you mean they dont come out of the belly button?

 

[Virtual_Burlesque]

you mean they dont come out of the belly button?

Yes, vella; but they come out of their own belly button, not their mommy's.

 

[Guest]

Yes, vella; but they come out of their own belly button, not their mommy's.

so, its like an inverse birth?
very interesting. tell me more? it sounds very messy.
i gave birth but tragically, ive blocked it out and can no longer remember.

 

[NoJo]

Okay. Earliest sexual memories was of dreaming of naked store mannequins, which, for reasons that will be forever shrouded in my unconscious, "dyookas."
I was in a buggy, almost certainly no more than three years old.

At around that time I asked my mother why my "willy" would sometimes go up.

She answered that there were two reasons: One, I'd been playing with it, or Two, I'd been "thinking about girls". the latter phrase is ingrained deeply in my psyche.

For many years I thought that the "playing with it" reason was a non-sexual one, while the "thinking about girls" one was not only sexual and slightly guilt-laden, but almost magical, inasmuch as something so ephemeral could produce such a physical response.

My brother was seven years older than me, and besides filling my brain with wonderful falsehoods such as "Heinz tomato soup [my favorite as a kid] is made out of cow shit", he gave me pretty explicit and technically accurate descriptions of sexual practice, which he got from his biology books and conversations at the bus stop.

 

[wornoutkeyboard]

My brother was seven years older than me, and besides filling my brain with wonderful falsehoods such as "Heinz tomato soup [my favorite as a kid] is made out of cow shit", he gave me pretty explicit and technically accurate descriptions of sexual practice, which he got from his biology books and conversations at the bus stop.

And what exactly is so wrong witht he bus stop? It was a very infomative location for me. All the world's secrets were always revealed in great detail while sitting at the bus stop. I mean...c'mon...look at Forrest Gump.

~WOK

 

[LadyJeanne]

My parents told me nothing except not to have sex until I was married. Period. Come to think of it, I didn't get much info on periods either.

All through college, my mom would end every single phone conversation with me by saying "Be Careful" which was mom-code for "Don't Have Sex".

Like She, I too learned how gross and funny sex was from the giggling girls in high school. Judy Blume also taught me a lot in "Are You There God? It's Me Margaret". The one she wrote about the boy who kept getting unexplained hard-ons that he tried to hide by always carrying around a stack of books and wearing a raincoat went completely over my head. I honestly had no idea what what she was talking about, what went up, what went down, what he was hiding.

And then there was some book where the character was saying, "Come, Kathy, come!" and Kathy had no idea what he meant. She was there, in his arms. Where was she supposed to go? I had no idea either.

My first orgasm 'came' in the tub, after I read about someone using a shower attachment. I was twenty and already having sex.

 

[mrboom]

Like a lot of people I guess it was from friends who where making up a lot of their encounters with girl. It took me until I was 19 to unravel things. A lovely Swiss girl took pity on me and told me exactly what was expected of me and how to go about it.

 

[shereads]

Okay. Earliest sexual memories was of dreaming of naked store mannequins, which, for reasons that will be forever shrouded in my unconscious, "dyookas."
I was in a buggy, almost certainly no more than three years old.

I suffered from a repressed memory just like yours. Recently, I mentioned the "dream" to Mom. She thinks I might have been remembering the porn store she used to shop at where the mannequins were fucking.

Edited to add: She still won't tell me why Shelly Winters could make Montgomery Clift be her baby's father.

 

[NoJo]

I suffered from a repressed memory just like yours. Recently, I mentioned the "dream" to Mom. She thinks I might have been remembering the porn store she used to shop at where the mannequins were fucking.

Edited to add: She still won't tell me why Shelly Winters could make Montgomery Clift be her baby's father.

I get confused between you and WOK. One of you use a different font.

 

[shereads]

I get confused between you and WOK. One of you use a different font.

WOK is the one who knows the 13 herbs and spices used in the Colonel's secret recipe. That's why WOK is in the Federal Witness Protection Program.

I'm the one whose posts are always edited for safety purposes.

None of you are going to explain about Shelly Winters' baby, are you.

 

[NoJo]

None of you are going to explain about Shelly Winters' baby, are you.

I think it's to do with her having a bifocal perineum, according to my older brother.

 

[LadyJeanne]

None of you are going to explain about Shelly Winters' baby, are you.

I think it may have drowned in the Poseiden Adventure.

 

[Boota]

When did you first learn that the birds & bees weren't really birds or bees?


In the emergency room while having my penis treated for bee stings.

 

[shereads]

When did you first learn that the birds & bees weren't really birds or bees?


In the emergency room while having my penis treated for bee stings.

Are you sure there were bees? I've heard they can swell up sometimes for no reason.

 

[sweetnpetite]

Like She, I too learned how gross and funny sex was from the giggling girls in high school. Judy Blume also taught me a lot in "Are You There God? It's Me Margaret". The one she wrote about the boy who kept getting unexplained hard-ons that he tried to hide by always carrying around a stack of books and wearing a raincoat went completely over my head. I honestly had no idea what what she was talking about, what went up, what went down, what he was hiding.

The one about the boy was called "Then again Maybe I won't" that was pretty much my 'boy eduction' as well- even though my mom was quite open about most things and she always told me that someday she'd tell me about boys- she never did. I really coudln't figure out what kind of secrets boys had. I mean, girls got a period and boys didn't. That was pretty much what I new. Most everything else I learned (what do you call you're private parts... what is a hard on... what does virgin mean...) came from one cousin or another and all the dirty jokes we would tell. (Remmeber the boy named Deeper? )

Yes, that damn banana is distacting! I just zoned off and stared at it for about 2 minutes. Wet dreams were the hardest thing for me to figure out- even when I read "then again" I'm still not sure if I understand all the 'boy stuff' which is especially perplexing because I have two sons, so what do I do when they start going through stuff that I don't understand? [And don't say "Leave it to dad" that's not always an option]

I think I always thought 'birds and bees' was kind of an ironic statement. It was a way to say 'sex' without the adults getting embarrased and the kids giggling. ONly I think we gigled at birds and bees too.

REmember- 'humping' 'doing it' and pressing your fingers together to show kissing? and then the humping hands thing?

 

[Weird Harold]

Yes, that damn banana is distacting! I just zoned off and stared at it for about 2 minutes.

Hit the STOP button on your browser after the page loads completely and it will freeze all animations until you refresh the page or load another.

Wet dreams were the hardest thing for me to figure out- even when I read "then again" I'm still not sure if I understand all the 'boy stuff' which is especially perplexing because I have two sons, so what do I do when they start going through stuff that I don't understand? [And don't say "Leave it to dad" that's not always an option]

My daughter found a series of educational books for my granddaughters that is specifically designed to address "body issues" as they arise. I think there is a parallel series for boys; I know there are books out there for boys but I don't know if there is anything that is "staged" the way the series my daughter found is.

Whether you use books as a guide or not, the main thing is to keep the lines of communication open from the very start. Treat sex education as just another part of "health" education or general education and teach your children a bit at a time so that there never is a "talk" involved.

The gradual approach is how I learned about "Sex" -- I hav four younger brothers, so "where do babies come from" got four different answers over the years; the first brother just appeared one April Fools Day and as far as I knew, Mom just went down to the clinic and checked him out like a library book.

Teasing by my older sister, peer discussions, and reading everything from Readers Digest to the Playboy subscription my Mother gave me for my sixtenth Birthday all added bits and pieces to a sex education that isn't complete even now -- some 40 years later.

 

[dr_mabeuse]

I used to get hard-ons as a little kid watching Superman when the bad guys would tie up Lois Lane. I remember wondering whether I should ask my doctor about them.

My older cousin told me how babies were made when I was about 10 or 11. I was totally disgusted. It was some relief to me when he also told us that if you didn't want to do it, the doctor would do it for you.

---dr.M.

 

[shereads]

My older cousin told me how babies were made when I was about 10 or 11. I was totally disgusted. It was some relief to me when he also told us that if you didn't want to do it, the doctor would do it for you.

---dr.M.

Hence the name, Dr. M.

 

[wornoutkeyboard]

I get confused between you and WOK. One of you use a different font.

The big pic of the colonel with his wee beady eyes doesn't help guide you?

Well... I too get that confused with a picture of a beautiful woman's legs. The colonel is a right sexy bastard.

~WOK