Serving one master...?

[missinnocence]

I've got a toughie I need to get through. I am not merely a sub. I am incapable of real sexual pleasure without a dom. I don't just like it, I need it. With that said, my fiance was just starting to get my drift. I wasn't trying to "train" him, I was trying to make him happy and do what I felt was natural and pleasurable for both of us. I stopped at limits he'd set all the while pushing my own and expanding new horizons... He was starting to love his newfound freedom and I could tell that he still loved me and not only that but loved me more each day. I'm not trying to tell you a story, but pose a question... My fiance is in the army. He just left for Iraq and will be gone 18 months. He told me that it would be ok to have other relationships (purely physical) while he was gone, but I just don't feel comfortable with that. He is my master. What I do wonder is if it is out of place to go searching for an online dom to keep me company while he's gone? My problem there is that it would be a "no strings attatched" kind of thing meaning that there would be only physical servitude. Not only that, but I would be liable to any whim he might have of breaking it off. I'm not to the point of slut so I can't go searching for new doms every night. I was hoping for suggestions for what to do while he's gone to meet my needs, if anything. I feel bad for even asking this, he is so understanding. Anyway, thank you all!

 

[FurryFury]

As long as he is okay with what you are doing whatever it is, I say it's all good. If on the other hand you are hiding things from him you might want to take another look at what's going on. In my opinion, it's a good thing that you are thinking about the ethics of the situation, his feelings and about your needs.

Good luck!

Fury

BTW, is there anyway he could be your online long distance Dom?

 

[Quint]

They're doing awesome things with LD communication overseas now; to me it seems entirely possible for you to maintain the sexuality and D/s relationship between the two of you during his assignment. In fact, you could bring up with him the option of you having your own assignment, if you will: perhaps maintaining a journal, creating videos, or some other personalized form of service connecting the two of you. Some medium to fulfill the need for that power exchange, for his eyes only. I don't think anything can replace skin-to-skin, but at least this way you might be able to relieve some submissive frustration and maintain a sense of the stability in your relationship with him while possibly venting the physical side another way. It's a pity that he already left before you posted this, it probably could have been easier to talk about with him in person.

I feel like I'm rambling here but I hope something stuck out and might help you in his absence.

 

[missinnocence]

I had wondered about that, but having the mos or whatever it's called, he might not be able to reach the computer. I would never dream of lying to him or hiding things from him. He's just been pushing for what he feels is necessary for me... (to furryfury)
I am going to definately ask him about that, thank you so much! I really would like for him to be my internet dom, but with the possibility of all of those long times apart, well... it's more like not having one at all... but the idea of the "assignment" for me really hit home. That would fit with us perfectly! Thank you so much again.

 

[missinnocence]

For those reading from the first post, I just want to say that my fiance just surprised me and made me the happiest girl in the world!!! I told him that while he's been showing some dominating tendancies, I thought he was probably holding back because he wanted to respect me and I wanted him to know that being a sub had nothing to do with disrespect and everything to do with love and trust (at least for me)... Well, he flat out said "I just didn't want to scare you or worry you, but I have been a dom for a while before we were together and it is what I am." Now I'm wondering whether he's just saying that to make me happy or because he really means it, but I almost creamed when I read those words from him! I get to see him in March! Oh my God, I am so excited and so happy and so lucky to be able to serve the one man I love more than anyone else in the world!!!

 

[FurryFury]

That's great!

The only part that isn't is that you seem to not trust it or him that much yet. I'm sure that will grow with time if you both care to work on it.

I'm happy for you! That is a dream come true!

Fury

 

[catalina_francisco]

For those reading from the first post, I just want to say that my fiance just surprised me and made me the happiest girl in the world!!! I told him that while he's been showing some dominating tendancies, I thought he was probably holding back because he wanted to respect me and I wanted him to know that being a sub had nothing to do with disrespect and everything to do with love and trust (at least for me)... Well, he flat out said "I just didn't want to scare you or worry you, but I have been a dom for a while before we were together and it is what I am." Now I'm wondering whether he's just saying that to make me happy or because he really means it, but I almost creamed when I read those words from him! I get to see him in March! Oh my God, I am so excited and so happy and so lucky to be able to serve the one man I love more than anyone else in the world!!!

Now I am confused because initially you told us he was your Master? Now he has admitted he was a Dom long before you met and has been holding back so as to not scare you but now you have told him about your feelings and his dominant tendencies you have noticed he can tell you this and be the Dominant you need? If he was already your Master you knew he was a Dominant, no? You did mention he had set limits, so how come this discussion did not include his former Dominant status, especially if he was your Master and you had indicated you wanted more and to submit to him? Seems we are missing some parts of the story or it is a bit mixed in the telling perhaps. Either way, I hope it works out for you both long term and if you do get to see each other, that you communicate lots on this subject.

Catalina

 

[missinnocence]

Now I am confused because initially you told us he was your Master? Now he has admitted he was a Dom long before you met and has been holding back so as to not scare you but now you have told him about your feelings and his dominant tendencies you have noticed he can tell you this and be the Dominant you need? If he was already your Master you knew he was a Dominant, no? You did mention he had set limits, so how come this discussion did not include his former Dominant status, especially if he was your Master and you had indicated you wanted more and to submit to him? Seems we are missing some parts of the story or it is a bit mixed in the telling perhaps. Either way, I hope it works out for you both long term and if you do get to see each other, that you communicate lots on this subject.

Catalina

Lol, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to confuse you. When this discussion started, I considered him my master even though he didn't want to control me or be my dom. He didn't want to make me feel as if I was trapped, but I talked to him about my feelings and let him know how I see him. After that he told me that he has been a dom all along and didn't want to tell me because he was afraid of frightening me or hurting me... I am the happiest girl in the world today!

 

[missinnocence]

That's great!

The only part that isn't is that you seem to not trust it or him that much yet. I'm sure that will grow with time if you both care to work on it.

I'm happy for you! That is a dream come true!

Fury

Thank you so much!!! It really is a dream come true, I was crying while I found out. I do trust him, I just want to make sure that this is what he wants and that he isn't doing it to please me (lol, which would make us both subs? oh, lucky us, lol)... I don't think he is, and I would trust him with my life. Thank you again, so much!

 

[FurryFury]

Thank you so much!!! It really is a dream come true, I was crying while I found out. I do trust him, I just want to make sure that this is what he wants and that he isn't doing it to please me (lol, which would make us both subs? oh, lucky us, lol)... I don't think he is, and I would trust him with my life. Thank you again, so much!

A two sub relationship is my situation.

I'm happy for you!

Fury

 

[missinnocence]

A two sub relationship is my situation.

I'm happy for you!

Fury

Two subs, how does that work? I mean, I can imagine in theory, but it's never quite the same. I'll bet that with the right person it could be amazing. Love comes in many weird shapes and forms.

 

[FurryFury]

Two subs, how does that work? I mean, I can imagine in theory, but it's never quite the same. I'll bet that with the right person it could be amazing. Love comes in many weird shapes and forms.

We've been together in a 'nilla relationship for over 17 years.

Last year I realized consciously for the first time that I was kinky and started to explore that.

I assumed he was Dominant in the bedroom. He didn't feel that way at all.

The way it works is that we have communicated and loved one another throughout this journey, all the while trusting each other as we explored some potentially scary things.

We aren't done with our journey yet, but for now, we sort of take turns giving each what the other craves.

Lately he has been taking charge more and it's been lovely for me.

I'm very lucky he is so open. He is willing to try new things and he is so trusting of our love that he is very secure when others, I imagine, would not be.

Fury

 

[raven2]

We've been together in a 'nilla relationship for over 17 years.

Last year I realized consciously for the first time that I was kinky and started to explore that.

I assumed he was Dominant in the bedroom. He didn't feel that way at all.

The way it works is that we have communicated and loved one another throughout this journey, all the while trusting each other as we explored some potentially scary things.

We aren't done with our journey yet, but for now, we sort of take turns giving each what the other craves.

Lately he has been taking charge more and it's been lovely for me.

I'm very lucky he is so open. He is willing to try new things and he is so trusting of our love that he is very secure when others, I imagine, would not be.

Fury

It sounds great Fury.

 

[FurryFury]

It sounds great Fury.

Most of the time it is pretty great when we have the time to spend together. LOL. Still, this is a real relationship so you know things go up and down back and forth in and out . . .*c* It's not always great but it's mostly pretty damn good.

Fury

 

[missinnocence]

We've been together in a 'nilla relationship for over 17 years.

Last year I realized consciously for the first time that I was kinky and started to explore that.

I assumed he was Dominant in the bedroom. He didn't feel that way at all.

The way it works is that we have communicated and loved one another throughout this journey, all the while trusting each other as we explored some potentially scary things.

We aren't done with our journey yet, but for now, we sort of take turns giving each what the other craves.

Lately he has been taking charge more and it's been lovely for me.

I'm very lucky he is so open. He is willing to try new things and he is so trusting of our love that he is very secure when others, I imagine, would not be.

Fury

My already high level of respect for you has just gone up. I can't imagine how it would be to find out something about yourself only to feel you might have to give it up and the fact that you seem willing (if necessary) to give a part of that up for someone you love is a lot. They say sacrifice is the highest form of love.

 

[FurryFury]

My already high level of respect for you has just gone up. I can't imagine how it would be to find out something about yourself only to feel you might have to give it up and the fact that you seem willing (if necessary) to give a part of that up for someone you love is a lot. They say sacrifice is the highest form of love.

Thanks Miss Innocence, but I don't plan to give it up. I mean if I had to in order to make him happy or for our marriage to survive I would but it would be very painful.

As it is, he plays with me and I with him. In the future it's possible I may get the courage to play with another so that we may both experience "real" domination. We both think our relationship, communication and trust level is good enough for that but I am still very cautious and afraid because, IMO the ramifications can never be truly known until you take that step, you know?

I feel very lucky to have such an open, understanding, supportive, communicative and playful man as I do in this husband. The bonus of two subs in our relationship is that we both truly want to please the other before ourselves but it can also keep us from moving forward into more, at times. Life is complicated that's for sure. There are times I am extremely frustrated but that too is life, I think.

Right now it a good time for our relationship. So I'm happy about that aspect of life but whoa, other things are in the shitter atm. LOL! Oh well, it's off to bed for me finally.

Fury

 

[Moonlit]

He didn't want to make me feel as if I was trapped, but I talked to him about my feelings and let him know how I see him.

I am not sure how him being your Dom would make you feel trapped... Is it because of him going away for so long? If so, how is that different that being in any committed relationship with him being gone for that length of time? unless that would make a person feel trapped too.

Before you ask, I do know how it feels to be apart from a partner (both vanilla and not) for that long (also because of military life)....

Keep something in mind: You may have communication with him while he is gone...internet, snail mail, telephone BUT it will probably not be as private as you might like.... and open sexual contact can and often is considered a no-no by the powers that be.

That doesn't mean it cannot be done.

 

[catalina_francisco]

Keep something in mind: You may have communication with him while he is gone...internet, snail mail, telephone BUT it will probably not be as private as you might like.... and open sexual contact can and often is considered a no-no by the powers that be.

That doesn't mean it cannot be done.

Definately true...we have a sub in Iraq and we are limited in how and what we can say/do etc. Mostly it is just simple communication with a small touch of spice until he is back closer and we can spend time away from prying eyes and ears.

Catalina

 

[catalina_francisco]

As it is, he plays with me and I with him. In the future it's possible I may get the courage to play with another so that we may both experience "real" domination. We both think our relationship, communication and trust level is good enough for that but I am still very cautious and afraid because, IMO the ramifications can never be truly known until you take that step, you know?



Fury

You mean submitting as a couple to a Dominant or Dominant couple? That could be the answer for you both and you could set high limits to begin with to counteract the fear of getting in too deep, too much intimacy with another etc., until you perhaps both feel comfortable to take subsequent steps to swim in deeper waters. Doing it together could seem less threatening to your primary relationship while allowing you some exploration. Good luck with it.

Catalina

 

[FurryFury]

You mean submitting as a couple to a Dominant or Dominant couple? That could be the answer for you both and you could set high limits to begin with to counteract the fear of getting in too deep, too much intimacy with another etc., until you perhaps both feel comfortable to take subsequent steps to swim in deeper waters. Doing it together could seem less threatening to your primary relationship while allowing you some exploration. Good luck with it.

Catalina

Yes, that is an idea I've had to try. It's something we've talked about together. That's also one reason why I've been trying to get in touch with a local munch. So far I haven't been able to but I'll keep trying. I'm very cautious and slow moving on things like this.

Thanks,

Fury