Seriously now ..

[boston_bbw]

I am 35 and single. Not intentionally just can't seem to meet guys that are worth more then the time of day. I have tried a lot of the cliche suggesstions, laundromat weekly (even though I have a washer and drier), went back to school and am taking classes, tried frequenting the bookstore/coffe shop place, the mall, pool hall even though I suck.******* personals and sites, been to a few bbw dances and I hate dancing.. even took a wood working refinishing class at my local harware store with no luck. I have been making a serious effort the past 3 years or so... any new suggesstions?? I am really not a bar/club kind of girl and usually the type of quality person I am looking for isn't there anyway.

 

[EJFan]

i know how frustrating it can be. it sounds like you're doing all the right things though. if you go places and do things that you're passionate about you'll meet others who share those interests and that puts you way ahead on the potential-mate-o-meter.

the only thing i have to offer is to be patient. be conversational, be yourself and keep doing what you're doing. hopefully someone can suggest something more substantive than that but that's all i have. good luck to ya!

 

[M's girl]

Although I have never been desperate (I'm not saying you are) there have been times, when I was single, that I was wondering about the same thing. I consider myself to be a nice enough girl, both in looks and personality, but there have been times when it seemed no one was even slightly interested.

What I found out was that your state of mind makes all the difference. Although men usually don't pick up on lots of body language and subtle hints ( ) it seems they can almost smell if you are feeling desperate or too lonely: if you are looking too hard. It seems to scare them off too.

I remember one time when I had been alone for three years. Tired of all the problems in relationships and such. For the longest time I was VERY happy to be alone and I was coping very well too. Maybe I came across as too independent, I don't know. I think it showed that I was happy the way things were. Then there came a time when I wondered if I was ready for another relationship again and my mind-frame changed a bit. Nothing happened and then I started to wonder, like you now.

Then I fell in love and the guy loved me back. All of a sudden men came to me like flies to a shitpile ... I was almost angry: where had they been when I "needed" them??!!

But sometimes it works like that I guess. Try not to worry to much, since I have always found that the right one comes along one day. It might just not be the day you expect or want him to, and this may result in not recognizing him right away....

Like EJ said: you seem to be doing all the other right stuff I can think of. Keep going and one day you will be surprised... when you least expect it!

 

[All_Of_Me]

Deleted for personal reasons.

 

[Cathleen]

Wish I could add something of value, but I will echo the others that you're doing some great things. I wish you the best.

 

[boobwitched]

Something to that ...

I have to say I think there is something to what M was getting at ...

Nothing is sexier than confidence ... especially confidence in your sexuality. I am always telling women (when they ask) that "being sexy" is about 80% attitude, about 15% "presentation", and about 5% "natural looks".

I have known women of all shapes, sizes, colors, ages, etc., who were unbelievably sexy ... and I have known women who were (by most standards) physically beautiful but not sexy in the least.

I suspect this applies to guys as well ...

 

[human_male]

You go to these places where there are men and that's good, obviously a good start. But what then? What do you do? Do you talk to anyone? Do you catch someone's eye and smile at them (or something encouraging like that)? Because if not what do you expect is going to happen? Just showing up isn't going to help if you just keep your head down and not talk to anyone, especially the places that aren't social in nature like the laundromat. When you see someone you like approach them. Talk to them. At least make a point of saying hello when you see them, that way you'll get their attention and make them think you're interested. I recently asked someone out at work because (aside from being nice) she always made a point of being friendly and saying hello, even just passing in the hall. It made me think there must be something there, so I made an effort to get to know her, got chatty with her and asked her out. If she hadn't said hello to me I wouldn't have really noticed her. I think that's more important than any aura of confidence you exude or what mindset you're in or whatever.

Also, most men are under the impression that women don't like strange men approaching them in laundromats.

 

[footlongish]

I'm a pretty confident male and I sometimes find women very hard to approach.

Last night I was doing laps roller blading on a path. On each lap I would meet face to face and then from behind this nice looking gal. The first time I met her face to face, I smiled. No reaction. The next time I met her from behind I think I thanked her for moving to the side of the path. (I rollerblade pretty fast.) At that point I was thinking she wanted nothing to do with me.

But the next time I met her face to face, she gave me a smile and said something. I said "Hi". But I was going fast and just kept going. Silly me, I should have turned around and talked to her. Stupid, stupid, stupid.

Anyway, the verbal cues you give off are very important. And so is how you position yourself and make yourself available for conversation. I met the same gal 3x on the path and the first two times there was no interest shown in me.

I find it very easy to meet and talk to women in a setting like waiting in line for food, that sort of thing. Close proximity and a natural subject. Sometimes meeting women in a bar is easy, sometimes hard. Meeting women on a bike path where these is physical separation and such is much harder.

Its easy enough to go up and say to her "Great evening..." and go from there. Sometimes you'll get the wedding ring or the "I'm seeing someone". Other times it works out great. Every once in a while you get the "leave me the hell alone, creep" look.

Be sure you are making yourself inviting.

"Also, most men are under the impression that women don't like strange men approaching them in laundromats."

I have a very hard time figuring out when a women is and isn't interested in a conversation or more. I really, really like it when they break the ice. I will always talk with them for a while, even if I am not interested. Not to just be nice or anything, but because I like talking to women and I admire someone who will make the effort to make a connection.

 

[Eilan]

Meeting women on a bike path where these is physical separation and such is much harder.

Not to mention that some women don't appreciate being bothered when they're in the middle of a workout, whether it's on a bike/running path or in the gym. Unless they're working out only to be seen or to meet people, and those types are generally pretty obvious.

Yeah, this post has pretty much nothing to do with the original topic.

 

[Guest]

 

[Reba67]

My favourite are the friends and relatives who keep asking "what are you doing to meet people?" or "you know, you're not getting any younger. Gee thanks. I hadn't noticed that all my friends from high school were starting to get married and have kids.....hadn't noticed at all. I figure I'm just going to keep doing the things I like to do and one of these days, I'll meet my handsome prince. Don't know where, don't know when........

 

[Lurnk]

I agree with human_male. It's great that you go out and make yourself seen. However, you pretty much negate the act if you don't in some way put yourself out there, even a little bit. A "Hello" or a smile or even both are very good things.

Two things to remember: no one can read minds and no one likes to be rejected. How will the guy know you're interested unless you let him know? Chances are you'll get your guy by sending out the cues as you're essentially telling him that he won't be rejected.


Good luck. Hope you get your ideal dude.


Lurnk.

 

[gartner83]

Best people are usually friend's friends

 

[Carnevil9]

I think this has been said by most of the posters above, but I'll say it in a slightly different way: work on YOURSELF for YOURSELF first and foremost. Do things that YOU find interesting. Make yourself the best you can be for YOURSELF. Nothing brings potential relationships out of the wordwork like confidence, self-respect, self-satisfaction, and NOT appearing to be looking for a relationship. Ironic, but true, in a sort of Zen way.....Carney