Serious wording question...

[English Lady]

Ok now i have both hands back i am off and writing again(Thank the Good Lord above)

Now I have got to a point where i want to say..

She got up onto her knees and crawled to the end of the bed where she knealt up and reached her hands out and around her lovers hips, pulling his crotch towards her. She began licking along his thigh, up towards his slightly stirring cock, after each sweep up his thigh she placed a tight lipped kiss upon the tip of his now expanding manhood.

Now my problem is that first line:

She got up onto her knees and crawled to the end of the bed where she knealt up

it just sounds wrong...but how else do i explain it?

She's crawling along,she stops, she needs her hands for other stuff so she sits back ,her knees bent and her legs under her...

how the hell do i say that so it flows right and so people understand what i mean?

 

[Guest]

Lady, so glad you're recovered! I couldn't simply play around with your words, so did this. Just a sample. (I never know if it's toward or towards.)

Best, Perdita

She crawled to the end of the bed and rose up kneeling in front of him. Her hands reached out and around her lover’s hips pulling his crotch toward her. She began licking first along one thigh then up toward his slightly stirring cock. After each course up a thigh she would place a tight lipped kiss on the tip of his now expanding but rigid manhood.

 

[MathGirl]

She got up onto her knees and crawled to the end of the bed where she knealt up

Dear EL,
Lose the "up" at the end and it sounds fine. Personally, whenever I see the term "manhood" it always seems like the writer is trying too hard.
MG

 

[English Lady]

Perdita that sounds much better thanks!


MG..i just don't like that word knealt....it doesn't look right*L* oh and this is my really rough first draft so i'll probably loose the manhood eventually

 

[Guest]

manhood on the loose

i'll probably loose the manhood eventually

Ha! sounds like fun. P

 

[Rainbow Skin]

She got onto her knees and crawled to the end of the bed where she rose up. Kneeling, she reached her hands...

As the first getting onto her knees sounds like kneeling, you were trying to use a verb 'kneel up' meaning 'kneel higher than the first kneeling'. But if you drop the first 'up' and use a direct upward verb like 'rise (up)' for the next move, they don't clash.

'She got onto her knees' means either she was on her belly and got up or was standing/sitting and got down. If one of those is already clear from context, you don't need the 'up'.

 

[MathGirl]

MG..i just don't like that word knealt

I believe the proper word would be "kneeled."
MG

 

[Rainbow Skin]

knelt

 

[MathGirl]

knelt

She kneeled. She had knelt.
MG

 

[Rainbow Skin]

Where there are doublet -t and -ed endings (and I can't think of any examples where the preterite and the past participle differ), one perceived difference is in timing. As -t makes the preceding vowel shorter and -ed makes it longer, you might say:

The paper burnt up in a flash.
The house burned all night.

You could make the same distinction with any verb that has a divisible duration:

The milk spilt when I dropped it.
The milk spilled over the table and flowed onto the carpet.

I only feel comfortable making the distinction when there's a clear punctual vs durative contrast. With other verbs I tend to prefer one form, I think usually the -t, though I could use the other for effect:

I dreamt of you last night.
I dreamed for an hour as I tossed and turned.

I knelt by the bed.
?The elephant kneeled for the children.

Now, when you use the perfect, the act is complete, so it's likely you're viewing the action as a single event:

The house has burnt down.
The milk has spilt over the table and carpet.
I have dreamt of many people.
I have knelt at many feet.

 

[Alex De Kok]

Knelt is fine, but it may be English English usage. Just another aspect of this common language which divides us!

English Lady - perhaps "... where she knelt, sitting back on her heels..."

Just an idea.

Alex

 

[English Lady]

By gum! You guys are a fountain of knowledge!

I was unsure of the kneeled/knelt thing and thank you rainbow skin for your great explaination of their usage


Alex De Kok, i like your suggestion too,i was thinking of something like that but as often happens the exact wording wouldn't come to mind!

Thanks folks

 

[Uther_Pendragon]

Perdita that sounds much better thanks!


MG..i just don't like that word knealt....it doesn't look right*L* oh and this is my really rough first draft so i'll probably loose the manhood eventually

|
That might be because the spelling is "knelt."
|
OTOH, maybe you should start her on "her hands and knees"
then "rose up." Or "squating on her heels," though I don't like "squat" "
this sort of an erotic story.

 

[English Lady]

Uther please ignore the "a" spelling has never been my strong point!

But in the context i thought knelt sounded to harsh..it's a very sharp sounding word; as is squat.

i do like ADK's suggestion and perdita's too,i'll have to see which fits the best


thanks!

 

[patrick1]

As for the phrasing, personally I'd go for:

'She got up on to her knees. Crawling to the end of the bed, she knelt up...'



p

 

[Guest]

knelt up?

P1: it simply sounds odd, i.e., to kneel is to lower one's self; how can one do both simultaneously? I do understand the actions involved here, still it reads illogically. P

 

[patrick1]

Ah! Did I half-miss the point as usual?

Actually, if I couldn't make it read write, I'd change the action.



p

 

[Guest]

Ah! Did I half-miss the point as usual?
Actually, if I couldn't make it read write, I'd change the action.

Perdita is smirking (vs. purring).

 

[Gabriel_Lee]

She crawled to the end of the bed, where she raised herself up on her knees.

 

[MathGirl]

She crawled to the end of the bed, where she raised herself up on her knees.

I think GL has solved the problem. Quid Erat Dictum
MG

 

[Guest]

I think GL has solved the problem. Quid Erat Dictum

Yes, if we all spoke Latin we'd have no problems (writing that is).

Perditus

 

[MathGirl]

Perditus

Better leave your name as is. "Perditus" would be a guy.
MG

 

[Guest]

a, ae

Better leave your name as is. "Perditus" would be a guy.

I knew you'd point that out. But wouldn't Latin be great for bi- people (as opposed to bi-peds)?

Perditae (when I'm schizy)

 

[Croctden]

Just change the word

She got up onto her knees and crawled to the end of the bed where she reared up and reached her hands out and around her lovers hips, pulling his crotch towards her. She began licking along his thigh, up towards his slightly stirring cock, after each sweep up his thigh she placed a tight lipped kiss upon the tip of his now expanding manhood.

 

[Croctden]

Re: Re: Serious wording question...

Personally, whenever I see the term "manhood" it always seems like the writer is trying too hard.
MG

My manhood and I are very insulted