i'm over this now. i woke up this morning soooo sad. unbelievably sad. about everything in my life, things changing, my career, my gf i'm still searching for, and then i couldn't stop thinking about people around me dying. very sad. and about my future, how my life will turn out. and i've got all this shit to do but it might not really matter or amount to anything. a wasted life. and i probably won't get all the things done this summer i was hoping to get done.
i went to bed later and woke up earlier. i think part of my brain was still asleep. for the past year or so these thoughts, esp of people around me dying and not being around anymore, those thoughts would enter my my mind and i would become very awake. i've lost sleep over it. i hate that at night. but in the daytime, i think, well that's just life, that's how thing are and there's nothing i can do about it. it will happen someday. and everyday it gets closer. i think about my family dying, parents, relatives. then i think that one day i'll die too. freaking unbelievable.
and i can't get it out of my mind. at night sometimes i can ignore it. today was the first time it ever spilled over into regular life. i think some part of my mind is asleep at night and this other part starts thinking this stuff. then in the morning, my mind is completely awake, more rationale.
i haven't had a panic attack ever, but i've heard about them. this was just a huge wash of sadness. i couldn't shake it. i couldn't control it. and i don't want that to happen again but i think it will since the nighttime sadness thought come back.
how do i deal with this? what do other people do? there's nothing i can really do to control these things. that's life. people die. it happens. i was sad for about four hours this morning. it was hard to function. i tried going through my normal stuff but i couldn't shake the sadness.
what do i do about this? what do i do when it comes back? because if the nighttime sad thoughts come back frequently and if i don't get good sleep again which is very likely, then another day soon i'll be this sad again when i wake up.
on the other hand, maybe it's some kind of concentrated sadness. i've had sad and scary at night before. kind of terrifying really at night, my mind doesn't know what to think about not existing anymore or where people i love go when they die. hard to think about. and it never gets anywhere. maybe i haven't felt anything for a long time and it just came out like this.
what do i do when it happens again? how do i deal with this? i don't like being out of control sad like that.
i went to bed later and woke up earlier. i think part of my brain was still asleep. for the past year or so these thoughts, esp of people around me dying and not being around anymore, those thoughts would enter my my mind and i would become very awake. i've lost sleep over it. i hate that at night. but in the daytime, i think, well that's just life, that's how thing are and there's nothing i can do about it. it will happen someday. and everyday it gets closer. i think about my family dying, parents, relatives. then i think that one day i'll die too. freaking unbelievable.
and i can't get it out of my mind. at night sometimes i can ignore it. today was the first time it ever spilled over into regular life. i think some part of my mind is asleep at night and this other part starts thinking this stuff. then in the morning, my mind is completely awake, more rationale.
i haven't had a panic attack ever, but i've heard about them. this was just a huge wash of sadness. i couldn't shake it. i couldn't control it. and i don't want that to happen again but i think it will since the nighttime sadness thought come back.
how do i deal with this? what do other people do? there's nothing i can really do to control these things. that's life. people die. it happens. i was sad for about four hours this morning. it was hard to function. i tried going through my normal stuff but i couldn't shake the sadness.
what do i do about this? what do i do when it comes back? because if the nighttime sad thoughts come back frequently and if i don't get good sleep again which is very likely, then another day soon i'll be this sad again when i wake up.
on the other hand, maybe it's some kind of concentrated sadness. i've had sad and scary at night before. kind of terrifying really at night, my mind doesn't know what to think about not existing anymore or where people i love go when they die. hard to think about. and it never gets anywhere. maybe i haven't felt anything for a long time and it just came out like this.
what do i do when it happens again? how do i deal with this? i don't like being out of control sad like that.
