Serious advice needed by confused little girl
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BabblingBrooke
It's whatever
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Did you meet this person here? These strong feelings for a month-long at max relationship?
I do get that. I really do. Trusting someone enough to give away your power, your autonomy, can take you really deep, really fast.
My advice would be to step back, take several deep breaths, and make yourself see that it was just a month. Forgive yourself, and move on. Get your hands on some books on D/s. My personal favorites: Screw the Roses, Give me the Thorns and The New Bottoming Book.
I do get that. I really do. Trusting someone enough to give away your power, your autonomy, can take you really deep, really fast.
My advice would be to step back, take several deep breaths, and make yourself see that it was just a month. Forgive yourself, and move on. Get your hands on some books on D/s. My personal favorites: Screw the Roses, Give me the Thorns and The New Bottoming Book.
kittiGoddess
Experienced
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- Jul 9, 2015
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I am so sorry for you, I feel for you, I know those feelings of desperation, not knowing what to do, I've been there, maybe running away was your subconcience trying to save you. I too am married and have been swept away like this, You are not alone, you hurt but maybe getting out of the situation is what you mind knew you needed.
Good luck in your healing, just take one day at a time
Good luck in your healing, just take one day at a time
SlutAddicted
Literotica Guru
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- Aug 25, 2014
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You write that if he has found someone else and is not feeling as you are that you would find that devastating but deserved.
The decision you made may be one that you are regretting but it was yours to make and you don't deserve to be devastated or to suffer emotional pain.
I understand the fear of falling too fast. Was it also linked to feelings about your marriage? Is that aspect of your life clear enough that you can make an unfettered decision or is that commitment an ongoing factor? I am trying to say that as delicately as possible as it is not my place to tell anyone else about marriage commitments and what they should or shouldn't be. But there is a difference to you if seeking a Dom is acceptable and consistent (whatever that means) with your marital arrangements or not. And if not then is seeking another man the least bad alternative in an imperfect world or complex relationship or is it a selfish avoidance of the commitment or the obligation to terminate it? I have no idea. I am only asking whether that is the conundrum that encouraged you to run.
We don't live in a perfect world and we can all envision situations where taking a lover or Dom is the least bad option. Yet we also know deep down that seeking our own happiness does not justify betraying someone else's. So it is difficult for such decisions to be completely unfettered.
The decision you made may be one that you are regretting but it was yours to make and you don't deserve to be devastated or to suffer emotional pain.
I understand the fear of falling too fast. Was it also linked to feelings about your marriage? Is that aspect of your life clear enough that you can make an unfettered decision or is that commitment an ongoing factor? I am trying to say that as delicately as possible as it is not my place to tell anyone else about marriage commitments and what they should or shouldn't be. But there is a difference to you if seeking a Dom is acceptable and consistent (whatever that means) with your marital arrangements or not. And if not then is seeking another man the least bad alternative in an imperfect world or complex relationship or is it a selfish avoidance of the commitment or the obligation to terminate it? I have no idea. I am only asking whether that is the conundrum that encouraged you to run.
We don't live in a perfect world and we can all envision situations where taking a lover or Dom is the least bad option. Yet we also know deep down that seeking our own happiness does not justify betraying someone else's. So it is difficult for such decisions to be completely unfettered.
SpunThings
Literotica Guru
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I recommend you google "sub frenzy". From what I've read it's very common I circumstances like yours.
I second the idea that you have a lot of reading to do. There are people out there who want a relationship that fulfills you in the same way. It just may take some time.
I think you need to come back to earth a bit. I think reading about sub frenzy will help gove you some perspective.
I second the idea that you have a lot of reading to do. There are people out there who want a relationship that fulfills you in the same way. It just may take some time.
I think you need to come back to earth a bit. I think reading about sub frenzy will help gove you some perspective.
SpunThings
Literotica Guru
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Oh, and please don't think I'm denying that your feelings are very real. You just need to do some work to start thinking with your head rather than your heart and lady bits.
Collar_N_Cuffs
Clink Kink
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First of all, I would suggest you quiet your mind for a few moments, block out everyone else, and think about what YOU want. Not what you think you should do for others, but what you should do for you.
Then think about the possibilities. Is what you want even possible? How can it be done? When can it be done? Perhaps there are portions of your life that are not ready for new commitments. Those bits of baggage trend to cause us no end of hardship and pain.
If, after some reflection, you decide that you made a mistake and that a relationship with your Dom could work, then go back to him and try and work it out. If not, then bide your time and begin searching for what you want and need, and learn everything you can from this experience. Don't forget it. Sometimes the best we can take out of a bad situation is experience as we move on through life.
Finally, stop feeling guilty. It does absolutely no good whatsoever. It's extremely harmful to a lot of things, including the ability to move forward in a healthy way. You may not believe it, but you will most likely be fine
Do subscribe to the notion that all things happen for a purpose. It helps 
Then think about the possibilities. Is what you want even possible? How can it be done? When can it be done? Perhaps there are portions of your life that are not ready for new commitments. Those bits of baggage trend to cause us no end of hardship and pain.
If, after some reflection, you decide that you made a mistake and that a relationship with your Dom could work, then go back to him and try and work it out. If not, then bide your time and begin searching for what you want and need, and learn everything you can from this experience. Don't forget it. Sometimes the best we can take out of a bad situation is experience as we move on through life.
Finally, stop feeling guilty. It does absolutely no good whatsoever. It's extremely harmful to a lot of things, including the ability to move forward in a healthy way. You may not believe it, but you will most likely be fine
Do subscribe to the notion that all things happen for a purpose. It helps CutieMouse
Meticulously Flighty
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I couldn't tell from the post if this was an online-only arrangement, or in person, but regardless...
If a situation with someone new, involving intense emotions, dredges up feelings that require the use of words like "devastated" and "terrifying" and "humiliating", IMO it might be worth looking at things from a non-kink perspective.
If it was all online? Of course he was perfect, and of course there could easily be some bleed-over from the virtual to everyday thoughts. You invested quickly and deeply. Dude took up residence in your head, and it made you uncomfortable so you "ran" for lack of a better word. Happens a lot.
If this was an in-person situation? Take the kink [D/s] out of it. If you reacted this way to a new relationship that flipped your switch (panicking, massive roller coaster of emotions, throwing yourself off the deep edge of despair)? I would suggest therapy, especially with the follow up comment that you have an intense fear of rejection. The whole things reads like a textbook unhealthy boundaries issue (to me).
Dating is hard. Relationships are hard (online and/or otherwise). Healthy dating and healthy relationships, even more so. That doesn't change just because kink and/or power dynamics are involved.
So. What will you do differently [next time]? What do you need to figure out to have healthier entanglements [next time]? What boundaries do you want/need to avoid the [next] freak out? How do you develop the skills to minimize emotional chaos [in the future]? Can you identify any triggers [in particular] that contributed to the stress of the situation? How can you move forward, with enough knowledge to make moving forward less risky [than this situation]?
Because the wisest thing to do, even when you don't belong to anyone, is to make "protecting the property" [you] your highest priority. Otherwise, the fall-apart stuff takes up more energy than the fun stuff.
If a situation with someone new, involving intense emotions, dredges up feelings that require the use of words like "devastated" and "terrifying" and "humiliating", IMO it might be worth looking at things from a non-kink perspective.
If it was all online? Of course he was perfect, and of course there could easily be some bleed-over from the virtual to everyday thoughts. You invested quickly and deeply. Dude took up residence in your head, and it made you uncomfortable so you "ran" for lack of a better word. Happens a lot.
If this was an in-person situation? Take the kink [D/s] out of it. If you reacted this way to a new relationship that flipped your switch (panicking, massive roller coaster of emotions, throwing yourself off the deep edge of despair)? I would suggest therapy, especially with the follow up comment that you have an intense fear of rejection. The whole things reads like a textbook unhealthy boundaries issue (to me).
Dating is hard. Relationships are hard (online and/or otherwise). Healthy dating and healthy relationships, even more so. That doesn't change just because kink and/or power dynamics are involved.
So. What will you do differently [next time]? What do you need to figure out to have healthier entanglements [next time]? What boundaries do you want/need to avoid the [next] freak out? How do you develop the skills to minimize emotional chaos [in the future]? Can you identify any triggers [in particular] that contributed to the stress of the situation? How can you move forward, with enough knowledge to make moving forward less risky [than this situation]?
Because the wisest thing to do, even when you don't belong to anyone, is to make "protecting the property" [you] your highest priority. Otherwise, the fall-apart stuff takes up more energy than the fun stuff.
