Separated or divorced...

[DreamOfSun]

For those of you who are separated or divorced, how did you know it was truly over? Do you feel as if you made the right decision?

 

[silkynsmooth]

I'm Divorced and have been HAPPILY for 4 yrs. Mine was an abusive marriage so not sure i can answer your question because it was a definite I KNEW I had to get out of it.

I can say if kids are involved and it's not abusive, think long and hard they are the one's that usually pay the hefty price.

Good luck sweetie

Silky

 

[DreamOfSun]

Thank you for your input, silkynsmooth.

-bump-

 

[omahaman2]

For those of you who are separated or divorced, how did you know it was truly over? Do you feel as if you made the right decision?

DREAM,
big huggggggs to you my friend!!!!!!
Im divorced but i also cant answer since it wasnt my choice. I
think silky gave some wise advice,she usually does. Take care of yourself and if you need anything, you know you have a friend. Also, sometimes some things happen better in thee future, they did for me as you know.I heard john bon jovi needs a mate.

 

[Missingmeds]

When you lay in the bed (paraphrasing someone else here) and you know you are just as alone as you would be if that person laying beside you weren't there, then it is basically a done deal.

When all of your needs aren't being met, it is time to go. Or at least discuss some options.

As to staying together for the sake of the children, I am opposed to that. Yes, they do pay a price. But understand that while they might not understand what is going on, they do know that something isn't right.

 

[silkynsmooth]

MM - wise words...yes. Let me rephrase about the kids. Meant that if there are kids, do what you can to fix whatever the problem is. If it's fixable. Not all is but some is.

Silky

 

[Bandit58]

I separated from my husband in April 02. It was my choice.....I'd had enough of being taken for granted and put down and hating him to touch me Talk to him? Like talking to a complete stranger.....we had nothing in common apart from the kids and I totally agree about lying in the bed with him (with as much space between us as I could get) and feeling utterly alone.

When I moved out the kids were almost 19 and just turned 14. The younger chose to stay with her father on the farm.....the older was away at university. They didn't seem very surprised....daughter was initially upset but calmed when she knew exactly what was happening and where her mum was going (not too far away as it turned out, 20km or so).

I've definitely made the right decision for ME.....I feel alive again whereas before I was depressed, had had a stomach ulcer and felt so trapped. I've had a couple of relationships and now I'm going to be moving to Australia in 3 weeks......to be with someone who loves me, really loves me, and who I love right back I've gained in confidence. got my self esteem back, go out and have fun.....made new friends and let the ME that I always hid away come out. People can't believe I'm the same person.....

 

[Missingmeds]

Bandit58, as a long term lurker, let me say it is good to see you and GilT2 together and it looks as if you both found what you were searching for. Best of wishes to you both.

 

[Bandit58]

Thank you Missingmeds
I still pinch myself, cos I never dreamed that I'd find someone so very special And it's not long to wait now, 24 January is THE day but the days seem to be crawling by.....

 

[Missingmeds]

You are most welcome and I am very happy for the both of you.

It will go fast enough.

Sorry for the hijack DreamOfSun.

 

[John Roberts]

Deep down I knew it was over and was grieving, it was over for her long before it was over for me.......it still smarts I guess I am still grieving for lost dreams....the reality is we do not get along, it is not anyones fault we just are incompatible......He..he...I think she thinks it is my fault though.

 

[DreamOfSun]

Thanks for all the repsonses, everyone.