Sent back story

[eroticstoryspinner]

Hello all,

I have submitted Part 5 of my Penal Slave series for the 3rd time and it has been sent back for the 3rd time with this message;
"Were there any serious errors in punctuation or formatting (i.e. submitted in all capital letters, capitalization errors, etc.)?
Please fix the format of the dialogues in the story."

The first time was valid, I didn't upload the final draft.

The second time my editor and I both went over it again before I sent it in. Same message.

Before I submitted it the 3rd time I had two other sets of eyes look at it. I also requested some specifics as to the problem if rejected again.

Rejected with the same message. No additional guidance.

I am at my wits end. I would appreciate any insights, suggestions and especially anyone willing to look the story over and point out what the four of us are missing?

I have PMed Laurel and as yet, no response.

 

[NotWise]

I am at my wits end. I would appreciate any insights, suggestions and especially anyone willing to look the story over and point out what the four of us are missing?

I have PMed Laurel and as yet, no response.

I'm trying to get my own story out, so I don't have much time. I did look at your most recent published story. That story was missing punctuation that should have been there, resulting in some long and shapeless sentences that were hard to follow. Could your new story be similar?

 

[jaF0]

I am at my wits end. I would appreciate any insights, suggestions and especially anyone willing to look the story over and point out what the four of us are missing?

The way to do that is to post two or three paragraphs here for all to see.

 

[SimonDoom]

Hello all,

I have submitted Part 5 of my Penal Slave series for the 3rd time and it has been sent back for the 3rd time with this message;
"Were there any serious errors in punctuation or formatting (i.e. submitted in all capital letters, capitalization errors, etc.)?
Please fix the format of the dialogues in the story."

The first time was valid, I didn't upload the final draft.

The second time my editor and I both went over it again before I sent it in. Same message.

Before I submitted it the 3rd time I had two other sets of eyes look at it. I also requested some specifics as to the problem if rejected again.

Rejected with the same message. No additional guidance.

I am at my wits end. I would appreciate any insights, suggestions and especially anyone willing to look the story over and point out what the four of us are missing?

I have PMed Laurel and as yet, no response.

I haven't seen your submission but I quickly scanned chapter 1 of your story. It contains numerous basic problems with punctuation and style. I'm surprised that it was accepted. Here are some things I caught:

1. You switch from 1st person POV to 3d person POV for no apparent reason 8 paragraphs into the story.

2. In the first few paragraphs of the story you switch between present tense and past tense for no obvious reason.

3. In paragraph 4 you failed to insert quotation marks after the lawyer's comment. In the same paragraph you wrote "have" instead of "had."

4. Also in paragraph 4, the word "whispered" needed to be followed by a comma and the word "Tell" needed to be capitalized.

5. In paragraph 11 you failed to end the quotation with a period.


In the first 11 paragraphs you've switched tenses and point of view and you've violated numerous basic conventions on how to write dialogue. I strongly recommend you take some time to look at some of the "how to" guides that have been published here by experienced authors and that you work harder to emulate how they do things. You will avoid these problems if you do that.

 

[eroticstoryspinner]

SimonDoom,

Thank you. My first story didn't have the benefit of an editor and it shows. I have done 6 more since, with no problems.

In the story at hand, there have been multiple reviews. Hence, why I am reaching out.

 

[SimonDoom]

SimonDoom,

Thank you. My first story didn't have the benefit of an editor and it shows. I have done 6 more since, with no problems.

In the story at hand, there have been multiple reviews. Hence, why I am reaching out.

I haven't read the submission that was rejected, so I'm commenting blind. But my guess, based on what I've read, is that you're over-complicating things. Dialogue is extremely easy to write if you just write it the way that convention says to write it. Judging from the sample I saw in your first story, you tend not to do that. Some basic ideas:

Every single time you start a new quotation, start with a new paragraph. Stop burying quotes deep inside paragraphs. You do this a lot. Don't do it. Just don't.

Stop using complicated dialogue tags like "continued." Use "said" or "asked" or nothing. Period. Make it easy on yourself. Once you've gotten proficient go ahead and expand your tag repertoire, but not until then.

Make sure that lines of dialogue end with commas or periods, and know when to use which every time. Don't ever end a line of dialogue within quotation marks without a period or comma.

Here are some links to "how to" articles that have been published at Literotica. Read them carefully and write dialogue the way they say to write it and you will have no problems.

https://www.literotica.com/s/how-to-make-characters-talk

https://www.literotica.com/s/dialogue-this

 

[eroticstoryspinner]

I'm trying to get my own story out, so I don't have much time. I did look at your most recent published story. That story was missing punctuation that should have been there, resulting in some long and shapeless sentences that were hard to follow. Could your new story be similar?

Thanks for taking the time to look. I am going to look at part 4 again. Something I am starting to wonder about is whether on not the way I am posting might be causing some issues. My initial draft is in Google Docs. Then I cut and paste into Word for spelling and grimmer review. Then it goes to my editor, who sends back the file and I make a final pass.

Once the story is in final form I copy and paste to LIT.

While I don't think that is the root of the problem by any stretch, I am curious as to how others upload their stories and if the copy and paste process might be introducing formatting errors.

 

[NotWise]

Every single time you start a new quotation, start with a new paragraph. Stop burying quotes deep inside paragraphs. You do this a lot. Don't do it. Just don't.

I'm not aware of a widely-accepted rule saying this, and I can think of reasons why you wouldn't want to treat it as a rule. It is limiting. A change in the speaker should change paragraphs, but that's different.

Make sure that lines of dialogue end with commas or periods, and know when to use which every time. Don't ever end a line of dialogue within quotation marks without a period or comma.

Or a question mark, or an exclamation points.

 

[NotWise]

While I don't think that is the root of the problem by any stretch, I am curious as to how others upload their stories and if the copy and paste process might be introducing formatting errors.

Lots of us copy from the word processor and paste into the submission form. I haven't heard of that causing format problems.

 

[SimonDoom]

I'm not aware of a widely-accepted rule saying this, and I can think of reasons why you wouldn't want to treat it as a rule. It is limiting. A change in the speaker should change paragraphs, but that's different.



Or a question mark, or an exclamation points.

You're right. The "rule" isn't quite so simple. But I think sometimes authors here who are having troubles would do well to start from square one and take the time to master the rules at a basic level before moving on. This author has a habit of starting quotations deep inside paragraphs, and it makes things much less readable. A good, perhaps temporary, antidote would be to go in the opposite direction and just not do that, ever, for a while. See how things turn out. They'll turn out better, I wager -- certainly in terms of getting stories accepted for publication.

 

[SimonDoom]

SimonDoom,

Thank you. My first story didn't have the benefit of an editor and it shows. I have done 6 more since, with no problems.

In the story at hand, there have been multiple reviews. Hence, why I am reaching out.

I took a look at Penal Slavery Pt. 4. I'll point out some things I found:

You repeatedly use very unconventional ways of leading into quotations. You won't find these ways supported by any dialogue conventions or writing guides. For instance, not far into your story you have these two paragraphs:

Brooke looked back at Mark, smiled and said,

"Fancy a gallop?"

I've never seen that done that way. I don't think it's supported by any writing guide. You can't end a paragraph with a comma, ever. The way to do this is like this:

Brooke looked back at Mark and smiled.

"Fancy a gallop?" she asked.

Stop preceding your quotes with tags and narrative. Set the quotes apart.

 

[ElectricBlue]

It's not upload formatting that's causing you problems, I reckon it's this:

Suddenly, there was a clicking sound from the door and a voice came over the speaker,

"Thirty minutes for breakfast and be ready to go to the showers and orientation after that. You can spend it eating or fucking. Doesn't matter to me."

Brooke looked back at Mark, smiled and said,

"Fancy a gallop?"

You do this repeatedly. It's incorrect dialogue punctuation. If you use leading tags (which are okay to use), it should be like this:

Suddenly, there was a clicking sound from the door and a voice came over the speaker.

"Thirty minutes for breakfast and be ready to go to the showers and orientation after that. You can spend it eating or fucking. Doesn't matter to me."

Brooke looked back at Mark, smiled, and said, "Fancy a gallop?"

In this case, the reader doesn't know who is on the PA, so you can't sensibly use a dialogue tag; whereas Brooke is the speaker of her dialogue slug, so you need a leading tag within the same paragraph (if you're fond of leading tags - but for variation, mix it up with following tags).

The convention is one speaker per paragraph. Where there is a lot of dialogue, it's a good idea to break it up as required with simple 'he said' 'she said,' so the speaker attribution is clear.

The fact that four "editors" missed such a basic dialogue formatting thing is astonishing - for one to miss it, maybe; but four? That's a worry. All the more reason to learn the fundamental rules of grammar yourself.

 

[KeithD]

SimonDoom,

Thank you. My first story didn't have the benefit of an editor and it shows. I have done 6 more since, with no problems.

In the story at hand, there have been multiple reviews. Hence, why I am reaching out.

There's no vetting of editors here. Another reader is usually very helpful in picking up some problems you missed, but there is no telling that they know any more than you do about how to write or how to punctuate/spell it. The most useful specific remedy here is to get a response to your PM to Laurel (good luck with that). In the long term, some basic study yourself of writing standards is going to serve you best.

Posting three paragraphs of your problem chapter, which you said was edited, would be of some help on seeing whether you really got sufficient help, but it won't help you get the rest through unless you see how renderings should have been there and have enough knowledge yourself to apply them elsewhere.

 

[KeithD]

I'm not aware of a widely-accepted rule saying this, and I can think of reasons why you wouldn't want to treat it as a rule. It is limiting. A change in the speaker should change paragraphs, but that's different.

I for one, don't accept that every single quoted passage has to have a new paragraph. If you interject some action or narrative between the quotes of the same character, there's no reason they can't be in the same paragraph.

As you note, beyond that, each new speaker should kick off a new paragraph, though.

 

[KeithD]

Brooke looked back at Mark, smiled and said,

"Fancy a gallop?"

This doesn't have to be rewritten, it just needs to be punctuated and formatted correctly:

Brooke looked back at Mark, smiled[comma. Publishing uses the serial comma] and said, "Fancy a gallop?" [all in one paragraph]

Incidentally, if an editor here left your (the OP's) paragraphing--the quotation slug and then a new paragraph to provide the quotation--as others quoting your writing indicate, you don't really have an editor. No one with even a basic understanding of writing would do that.

 

[NotWise]

I for one, don't accept that every single quoted passage has to have a new paragraph. If you interject some action or narrative between the quotes of the same character, there's no reason they can't be in the same paragraph.

I agree. I interject actions and narrative between quotes from the same character pretty regularly. It helps keep the dialogue from being choppy and from becoming formulaic. I also feel free to put tags in the middle of quotations for much the same reason.

 

[eroticstoryspinner]

First, I want to thank everyone who responded. You gave me a lot of food for thought and research and some discussions with my editor. I have also discovered that there are some different schools of thought concerning dialog punctuation. Most importantly, I really need to have my monitor display at 125% because i apparently can't distinguish commas and periods and the absence of periods as well as I thought I could.

Again, thank you for your time.