Sense of Self

[Guest]

I think that even three words to describe your character tells more about your sense of self than telling about what you do.

So then, why is it that many people, when asked about themselves, begin by telling you the roles they have in life rather than by telling about their character?

I'd rather others know about the kind of person I am than what kind of job I have or about other "hats" I may wear. Just wondering what others might think about this.

 

[enjoyingitall]

Dang..not logged in when I started this thread. Didn't mean to be unregistered.

 

[MissTaken]

I agree with you entirely!

Answering the query, "Tell me about yourself" leads to I am a mom, homemaker, social worker, PTA member, church goer blah blah blah


But try answering the question, "Who are you?"

It is a bit difficult.

I also think that for some, they find their "self" either lacking in some respect, or difficult to define and therefore will always answer,....I am SWF, computer technician blah blah blah


Sometimes, we try to fit in those little boxes as they are a great hiding place from ourselves.

 

[lovetoread]

Because its easier to say that I am a mom and a lover to Tiger,than to say..

Hi I am LTR, a sub who needs to be dominated.

Some people just dont understand the "real" person inside,and need to have a label to put you under.

 

[superlittlegirl]

agreed

I actually get very pissed off when someone asks me what I do, unbidden. I will tell what I do if I feel like it, but those people who keep persisting (in real life, no one on here) run the risk of getting a pencil shoved into their eyeball. I would much rather answer a thought provoking question that doesn't revolve around the way I make money. People seem to use this question as a way to size me up, and there's a lot more to me than the work I do. Yes, let's have more queries of "who are you" than "what do you do". What we do to survive is rarely what lies at the core.

--Freya

 

[Suzi]

Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm.....

A sense of self? I suppose you are right EIA. I do identify myself with the fact I am a mother and homemaker. It states something of the obvious. To tell someone about your character, however, you must DO, not say! For example, if you are honest...then you show it by almost always telling the truth. If you are caring, you show it by how you treat others (children, parents, friends). If you are passionate in love, that comes in the relationship...easy to show. If you are passionate about life, your hobbies etc...you show it by your enthusiasm, with gusto.

Suzi

 

[Laurel]

really damn tired.

 

[Zamdrist]

Who am I?

Something in between a lesbian poet and Opie Cunningham.

 

[lovetoread]

really damn tired.

Kitties keeping you awake?

 

[SXCRgirl]

I guess that question is often misunderstood by both parties. I think that when people ask who you are, they are usually referring to the type of job that you do. For example, when the plumber comes knocking on your door and you ask who it is, they say... "It's the plumber!" So it carries over to other conversations as well.

Another thing, I think "Who are you?" is truly revealed by time and experiences. We find out who are friends are by having spent enough time with them to really know who they are.

Just my 0.02.

 

[Ishmael]

Me???????????

I'm a knowledge sponge. Anything else would get far to complex.

As to the vocation angle. Guess what? It does say something about you. It's not a full description and it certainly doesn't have to be the focal point of the conversation. Hell, at one time in my carreer I worked on nuclear weapons. I couldn't talk about my job.

"What do you do?"

"Oh I play with Hydrogen bombs."

"How interesting, tell me a little about it."

"Sure, right after I call the FBI."

Seriously, most professions are life choices and do say something about the person and their character. Something, not everything. Just another facet, but a benign one.

Ishmael

 

[Debbie]

really damn tired.

I hear you there, little kitties need their Laurel mommy
all the time. (sigh I could do with a nap myself)

When someone asks me tell the about myself, I ask for clarification. Do they mean in general, work, personally.
What in particular do they want to know?

OMG and in three words?


friendly, caring and... oops ran out of words.

(Edited to fix grammer and say I need more sleep
Sick kids.)

 

[enjoyingitall]

Certainly, the choices we make in life help to define who we are. But I agree with those who said it's just the easiest route to take to tell what we do rather than something about our personality.
If someone tells me something about their character, I'm much more interested than if they just define their roles.

 

[Suzi]

Aaaaaah!

I agree with you Ishmael!

Suzi

 

[Guest]

I am so damn glad this issue was addressed. When I see people from the past or meet new folks I am asked "So, what do you do?" I am tempted to say so many things. I am more than an occupation. I do so many things without payment. I am a person with feelings, dreams, hobbies, etc. I'd rather sit in peace than be forced to answer stats questions.
Grr. Pet Peeve.

 

[Jimi]

Definition: real vs. banal

You know, a lot of us north American males identify ourselves chiefly by what we DO do for a living, so the question, while banal in the extreme when asked before we attempt to find out about the PERSON, is often perfectly normal...

I am many things - friend, aircraft fixer, dad, husband, cook, raconteur, smartass, and who-knows what else...

 

[fgarvb1]

Having had problems with and talking with other people who have had problems with their sense of self, I was struck with how normal sounding all of your answers were.

To think there are people who go through life not getting lost in other people, places and things. People who have never lost their sense of self. Truly you are blessed.

 

[enjoyingitall]

fgarvb1..that brings up a very good point. When we define ourselves by what we do, ie. mom, dad, teacher, engineer, wife, husband.... we overlook who we truly are. That's why I think it's important to tell about ourselves, not to tell just those other things. It's easy to lose oneself that way.

 

[Ice Cold]

I just simply state, "I'm just me." Whatever people perceive that to be is up to them.

 

[cybergirly]

I think it's all ways easier to tell one about what one does, as opposed to what one is. Especially when in so many situation your un-sure of what the other party really wants. ie.. at a job interview you are asked "tell me about yourself" does the interviewer want to know that you have 3 kids, a great personality, and you like to read erotic fiction? Or would they rather know that you completed your last project 3.5 million under budget and a year ahead of schedule?

Ok I'll stop rambling now

Me: intellegent (some would argue, but I find they are idiots anyway) sarcastic (some would call me a smartass, to which I say thankyou) loyal (enough said)

 

[fgarvb1]

What you said enjoyingitall is true. However once again i failed to make myself clear.

I mean losing ones sense of self for real..as in one sick puppy.

Been there. Done that. I stay on guard everywhere, even here at Lit. Might be why i'm so standoffish at times.

To gain an insight into what i mean look up codependency or codependence, ( if you want to see just how fucked up i am look up adult childern of alcoholics (ACOA).

 

[Cheyenne]

I think that even three words to describe your character tells more about your sense of self than telling about what you do.

So then, why is it that many people, when asked about themselves, begin by telling you the roles they have in life rather than by telling about their character?

I think that what you "do" in life, the roles you play, DO tell a lot about your character, what you value in life, what your skills are, WHO you are. That's why unemployment is so tough for many people. Their sense of self is taken away and they are lost until they find another way to define themselves.

Of course, if you don't like what you do, or are ashamed of it, then you probably don't want your job (or other rolls in life) to define who you are.

 

[SleepingWarrior]

When people are asked about who they are it is easier to say what you do for a living... to begin with. Like if you are just getting to know someone would you rather tell them what you do for a living or what makes you you ( I'm intelligent, frail, uncertain, untrusting, afraid of the unknown, fear commitment, hate women, hate men, have many fetishes, etc..). You should become comfortable with a person before you open the whole can of worms that makes you the human being that you are, not answering them with everything that makes you tick if you are just starting to get to know them. Part of the getting to know who someone really is is the best adventure in life. It shouldn't be the first thing you tell someone or want someone to tell you.

 

[freescorfr]

Self-knowledge is a lifetime's work and always, I suspect, unfinished.

I think it is often hard to emerge from the blankets, often heavy blankets, of definitions piled upon us by our education, our work, our parents, our relationships and credit rating, to emerge as who we are in ourselves.

And we are often not naked under the blanket in the first place.

 

[Ishmael]

Self-knowledge is a lifetime's work and always, I suspect, unfinished.

I think it is often hard to emerge from the blankets, often heavy blankets, of definitions piled upon us by our education, our work, our parents, our relationships and credit rating, to emerge as who we are in ourselves.

And we are often not naked under the blanket in the first place.

I always used to try to describe it as like walking through the 'hall of mirrors' at the Carnival. We describe ourselves in terms of the distorted images that we see of ourselves at different phases of our lives.

We're not trying to be purposefully misleading, it's just that we are unable, or unwilling, to see our true self.

On the other hand, it's sometime surprising how clearly we can see others and others can see us, being unburdened by the distortion of the mirror.

Ishmael