Self development

[Codeman93]

So this might be alittle to personal for some. But what event or chain of events in your life have helped you develop into a petter partner and lover for other.

I’m trying to start this thread so that maybe we call all grow alittle from each other.

Mine was a couple years ago, I had a best friend that became more then a best friend. And up untill recently the only other woman that I had submitted myself to. Both of us being dom’s and I’ll use that term litely at that point in my life because I was truly just starting to understand what it meant. She had showed me things on both sides of the spectrum. And fully and utterly ingrained into the manner of trust in a person that allows them to fully give in to another. And the development that one has with other. But mostly she showed me trust in my self.

 

[Codeman93]

Give it a bump then I’ll let it die

 

[Cyber_Bella]

Is this like professional development? I’m getting enough of that this week.

 

[Strixaluco]

I've mostly taken inspiration to be better from books and other people's stories, so that I wouldn't need do it the hard way.

In my case the crucial thing seems to be, however, to learn myself better so that I can choose my partner better - for the sake of both. Didn't know there was a thing called DDlg, I was trying to be a big girl because I thought that's the only option... And that doesn't really work. Finding someone who loves to take care the little me is a lot better. It makes 2 people happy. (Remembering last night on His lap, all little.. )

 

[Deleted member 6592667]

2016 had a weird series of life events. My girlfriend at the time broke up with me, my living situation got fucked up, and my brother almost died. This was all within about a week or two. Life just leveled me and I was a mess.

But over time, and through a highly therapeutic road trip, I pulled myself back together and had some realizations. The biggest being that my girlfriend at the time did me a favor by seeing herself out. The sex was great but she was also flaky and kind of not that great of a person. She wasn't good for me in the big picture. I spent the rest of the year chilling by myself and just working on me. Something I truly needed to do since my divorce a couple years prior.

I came back better then ever. I had an entirely new mindset and felt so much better about myself. And when I got back into dating it was way more fun. I met some great people and had some fun. To bring it back to the main point, did it make me a better lover? Eh, hard to say. But it all definitely made me a better person.

 

[ToPleaseHim]

Dude. NRJ…in 2016 my marriage ended, my living situation got fucked, and my brother nearly died. And then my grandpa (who raised me), my last living parent/grandparent, died. 2016 was a living nightmare for me, too.



I learned a lot about myself that year and the years following. I learned who my friends are and that I have an actually amazing support system. I’m still learning to take care of me and to make that a priority. I’m focusing on my health and wellness and the family I choose.

 

[spankableBelle]

oh man... I have so many avenues I could go down with this question and I have no idea where to start, but I'll come back to this. It's a topic near and dear to me as I spend a great deal of time devoted to it on a variety of fronts in my life trying to be a better woman, writer, mom, friend, submissive/little girl, etc...

 

[Lady2020]

FWIW, self-development never stops, if you're self-aware. I'm still growing and going one step backwards. Being human is being fallible throughout life.

 

[Strixaluco]

Self-development is a wonderfully old-fashioned idea. The idea, that one should cultivate him/hersef as a human being. Not just superficial manners, though learning them can educate you, too.

Imagine a guy - a former punk - after some comments deciding to try to live like a gentleman for a year, really digging into what has been considered a gentleman, and then write a book about it (writing is his profession anyway). And he ends up keeping it up, it transforms his life and now years after the book came out he says it also saved his marriage which was on the decline. True story, unfortunately not translated into English.

That writer said in an interview that opening doors for people was one of the most difficult things to learn, as it requires you to think of other people before you just go and do something very mundane like going through doors. Maybe we should continue teaching that old habit to kids, it might transform the world.

 

[Deleted member 6592667]

I recently got books on cognitive behavioral therapy and anger management. The work never stops.

 

[spankableBelle]

I recently got books on cognitive behavioral therapy and anger management. The work never stops.

Which books on CBT?

 

[spankableBelle]

A snippet of a podcast showed up on my YouTube the other day that was so fucking appropriate for how I was feeling...

- When you think, 'Do they like me?', instead ask yourself 'Do I really like them?'

- When you think, 'Do they find me attractive?', instead ask yourself 'Am I working on myself?'

- When you think, 'Will they/can they take care of me?', instead ask yourself 'How can I better take care of myself?'

These questions have really put a lot of things in perspective for me over the last several days.

 

[Deleted member 6592667]

Which books on CBT?

Cognitive Behavioral Therapy by Olivia Telford. I haven't cracked into it yet but I will very soon.

 

[English_guy_bkk]

Xxxxxxxxxxxx

 

[Strixaluco]

I'm drinking less due to the difficulty to typing .. I'm back in Haiti to work . I was here from 2011 to 2015. Back now in 2023. That period totally screwed me up and I know it with will happen again.i know im a mess

I hope it's a shorter period this time.