Seeking feedback for a quick story

[TalkToMeInSB]

This is my very first submission to literotica! The story was inspired by a picture of a chat friend, and fueled by my man-period (meaning I was horny as fuck and needed to cum!).

Have had online friends say they masturbated to it which, in my mind, is the highest praise! It is pretty much a straight forward description of a couple fucking...

http://www.literotica.com/s/a-walk-in-the-woods-29

All feedback welcome... I can take it!

 

[sr71plt]

I'll slip in ahead of the guaranteed critics of this.

As a single sex-scene stroker vignette, it works quite fine for Literotica, I think. I think there's a large base of readers looking exactly for this for short arousal reads.

Where you will get critics is that it isn't a story, it's a sex-scene vignette, and it's making the reader ("you") into someone that most of the readers aren't, and there will be those who tell you the story fails because of that. (There are a legion of readers who won't look that deeply into the work to care about that, though--so latch into what of this means the most to you: to please a bunch of shallow readers looking for quick arousal and to get yourself off in the process or to seek the approval of literary critics).

There will be those who will approach their criticism by saying writing in second person is the kiss of death. There's something similar to second person that's bothering them about this piece, but be aware that it isn't written in second person. It's written in first person, from the perspective of the narrator, who isn't the "you" in this piece. So be aware that all of the "second person" discussion will be off base at the base.

For Literotica, I thought it was written well--and was erotic. There are a few technical issues, but very few and so it's "good enough" for Literotica.

If you were going for a quick, erotica stroker, you done good--for a large set of Literotica readers.

If you wanted to add literary value to it, I was able to see that, with just a little adjustment, it could have been made into a piece where it could be read both/either as straight heterosexual and as gay male. That would have made it something worthy of literary discussion.

 

[TalkToMeInSB]

Erotica Stroker

Pilot,

Thank you! Yes, it is an "erotica stroker"! Perhaps that should become a new category!

I've read the second person argument and, while I understand the point, still enjoy the first person viewpoint as it allows more insight into the narrator's thoughts, feelings, etc.

Thanks again. Curious what happens with an erection at 80,000 ft?! Is it possible? Does the g-suit suppress it? Enhance it?

 

[sr71plt]

You are scared erectionless at that altitude--or at least I was. Some of the guys said it was better than sex. But I took that to mean they weren't having the sex I was on the ground.

 

[_Lynn_]

This is my very first submission to literotica! The story was inspired by a picture of a chat friend, and fueled by my man-period (meaning I was horny as fuck and needed to cum!).

Have had online friends say they masturbated to it which, in my mind, is the highest praise! It is pretty much a straight forward description of a couple fucking...

http://www.literotica.com/s/a-walk-in-the-woods-29

All feedback welcome... I can take it!

I'm one who doesn't care for the "you" stories. However, that's a personal preference. Whatever POV an author chooses for their story is up to them.

I agree with SR that you wrote a good stroker but I can't add anything new to what he already gave you. He made excellent points. You wrote an erotic scene that many readers will enjoy.

Good job for a first submission.

 

[4glory6]

I liked it at least a four rating worth. I often check out the new stories for just a quick zing and too often find nothing but War and Peace. The writing was good enough that I did not have anything working against a fast read. If you write more like this, it will be fine with me. I would not have minded being the you character in this.

 

[pfflyerhot]

I liked it. I tend to go for shorter reads, too, but overall, erotic and arousing. Keep on writing, TTMISB.

 

[Bramblethorn]

This is my very first submission to literotica! The story was inspired by a picture of a chat friend, and fueled by my man-period (meaning I was horny as fuck and needed to cum!).

Have had online friends say they masturbated to it which, in my mind, is the highest praise! It is pretty much a straight forward description of a couple fucking...

http://www.literotica.com/s/a-walk-in-the-woods-29

All feedback welcome... I can take it!

Welcome! I'm not into stroke so I'm not the target audience, but I think people who do like stroke would enjoy it. SR has already mentioned the "you" issue and I'll second him on that; otherwise, looks good.

And yeah, I really wish there was a stroke/non-stroke tag. I'd find it more useful than ANY of the current genres, if we could agree on how to set it

 

[SquareC]

I enjoyed reading it, it got me wet and horny (er) and wanting to take a walk in the woods myself