Seeking Editor

[Ph03n1x028]

Hi everyone,

I'm looking for an editor who can help me with the flow of the story I'm writing as well as helping me bring in more conversation between the characters.

Ideally I would like someone who has experience with group sex stories as this is based on a wife taking on, firstly three men, and then later, her husband joins.

I have plans to expand on the story that and develop the bond between the characters.

 

[Ph03n1x028]

Extract of the story

Here is a few paragraphs of the story to give you an idea:



She responded by turning towards her husband and said, "It's all on the table. Dinner is ready." Each of the men came to greet her and gave her a kiss on the cheek and a hug.

They made small talk during dinner although there were some quiet periods. Lauren knew time was getting closer to when the subject of sex would come up. She looked at James. She thought him handsome and she felt comfortable to be around him. She turned her gaze towards Gary, who was looking at her as well, and smiled. She wondered if he would yell out when he came in her pussy like he did that night several months ago. Next she looked at Kevin, and remembered how hard he was banging his wife before exploding deep into her pussy and wondered if he bang her that hard as well. Lauren knew he would not bang the headboard up against the wall in her bedroom because the bed was not against the wall. She nearly chuckled when she remembered that. She wondered what Daniel would do and think when he saw any of their cock's in her. She was concerned it might cause trouble with their marriage, but Daniel had agreed it was alright with him. She was wondering what the guys were thinking right now.

The small talk had slowed down which gave Daniel time to think. He looked at Lauren, then at each of his best friends. He tried to imagine all of them naked together. Would he be jealous while he watched? He didn't think so because there were no secrets. Would Lauren like their love making better than his? Would she have more orgasms with either of them? There were several questions running through his mind at that moment. When he looked at the three men, he thought how lucky they were going to be to have sex with Lauren. Then he wondered how many times they would want to fuck her tonight?

 

[Charrla]

My advice: in the first main paragraph, look for ways to vary the first word of a couple of sentences, because many of them start with the pronoun "she." You could change the order of the sentence and start it with an introductory phrase (though not too often! You can do this about once a paragraph before it gets to be overdone). This would sound like: "Glancing quickly at John, she wondered if he would be first."