David46893
Virgin
- Joined
- Mar 14, 2012
- Posts
- 5
I’m looking for someone to read and edit 11,000 words of
Male-female: themes - voyeurism, blackmail and consensual sex
Read: because I’ve no idea if what I’ve written is any good (this is my first attempt at writing erotica (a fact that I’m sure will become clear to whoever reads it!) and the only person that has read it is me
Edit: because even though I’ve read and re-read it many time, and run ‘white smoke’ over it (my weapon of choice for writing). None of this will tell me if I’ve written
“He put one hand on her lobes, the other on her wasso and the other on her darcy”
(Although I’ve checked as far as I can, that my character does not develop three hands that are all double joined)
Also I’m sure that there are great and manifold crimes against grammar concealed here!
The work is first person, so someone will have to deal with sparkling prose like this
I watched the two women face off in our kitchen, the slim beautiful bitch goddess Mrs. King
vs. my wife, slightly shorter, just as slim, but so much more sociable
Just for a second I tried to imagine the three of us naked in bed together, all moving,
writhing, touching, licking and caressing. But I put that image away from me. Something
like that would take a miracle, but I’d forgotten that today miracles are commonplace.
I’ve tried to avoid the ‘medical’ terms (P in V) but also avoid the over the top phrases
“The bursting piston of his love pulsed into the flowerpot of her desire”
but perhaps my idea of 'vanila' is not the same as everyone else's
Thank you for reading this!
Male-female: themes - voyeurism, blackmail and consensual sex
Read: because I’ve no idea if what I’ve written is any good (this is my first attempt at writing erotica (a fact that I’m sure will become clear to whoever reads it!) and the only person that has read it is me
Edit: because even though I’ve read and re-read it many time, and run ‘white smoke’ over it (my weapon of choice for writing). None of this will tell me if I’ve written
“He put one hand on her lobes, the other on her wasso and the other on her darcy”
(Although I’ve checked as far as I can, that my character does not develop three hands that are all double joined)
Also I’m sure that there are great and manifold crimes against grammar concealed here!
The work is first person, so someone will have to deal with sparkling prose like this
I watched the two women face off in our kitchen, the slim beautiful bitch goddess Mrs. King
vs. my wife, slightly shorter, just as slim, but so much more sociable
Just for a second I tried to imagine the three of us naked in bed together, all moving,
writhing, touching, licking and caressing. But I put that image away from me. Something
like that would take a miracle, but I’d forgotten that today miracles are commonplace.
I’ve tried to avoid the ‘medical’ terms (P in V) but also avoid the over the top phrases
“The bursting piston of his love pulsed into the flowerpot of her desire”
but perhaps my idea of 'vanila' is not the same as everyone else's
Thank you for reading this!
