Seductive First Sentences

[HectorBidon]

This one is kind of long, but it sets the tone.

You've seen those pictures in the glossy magazines of the young woman dressed in boots and tweeds who stops beside the stone wall of the country estate, her cheeks slightly flushed from the briskness of her walk, her arm reaching down to pet the handsome setters at her feet, her smile so full of wholesome radiance that you can't help but turn back later to take another look. from The Woman She'd Already Become

 

[MillieDynamite]

I always attempt to write a good first sentence. Thinking on it, I'm pretty sure, most of the time, I fail and fail spectacularly. At the moment, I can't think of a single opening sentence I've written for any story. What does that say, let's not explore that, okay?

 

[MillieDynamite]

Okay, I remember one, it may not be the best I've done, but I don't think it's a failure.

From Written in Blood

My name is Jane Hanson, Doctor Jane Hanson, and I am about to die.

But it isn't seductive, it's more mainstream horror. While I think there is an erotic element in the novella, the horror and dread of what's about to happen are dominant themes in the book.

 

[Grendelpuppy]

A seductive or graphically sexual first line beats the Hell out of page after page of the characters' life stories.

 

[XerXesXu]

I do enjoy doing first lines, and first paragraphs,(and blurbs).

'The hair of man turns grey with age, his soul, the vibrant colours of forest leaves before they fall ... the souls of most men do.'
Sex Tourist.
(When Trevor loses his moral footing, is he falling or is he flying? His life will never again be dull. But, can he find happiness with a bar-girl?)

'In the Land of Wala, with money, you are fireproof, without it, you are lost; without the love and protection of family you are nothing at all.'
Bar Girl.
(This is a story of a maiden in moral hazard. For some, no Apocalypse is needed to deliver them into a corrupt, dog eat dog world. Blen, is one such. Surrounded on all sides by dangerous people, facing the ultimate sacrifice to secure the future of her family, with cunning and artifice she employs her opponents' weapons to defeat them. But, not without erotic misadventures along the way.)

'In the City of Fallen Angels, anyone can sit on a vacant bar-stool.'
Squealers

'He’d bitten her apple as Adam bit Eve’s, but he'd be no cuckold; he was leaving Susan.'
A Game of Forfeits.

'I won’t walk over graves; my wife, Riz, has no such compunction.'
A Resurrection on Day of the Dead.

If I were to rewrite this one, I’d reverse first and second lines.

'Bethany loved to masturbate.
Her day had been filled with coursing hormones and turbulent emotions that could only be stilled by an intense orgasm.'
Bethanys Troll
(How will Bethany, the career minded, new teaching assistant, resolve the conflict between her “new” and “old” brains? Intellect is sending her one message, but instinct, quite another. As she forms a schoolgirl crush on the mysterious Mr Hunter, whom both pupils and staff suspect of exotic sexual preferences, her "old" brain gains the upper hand, and events spiral out of her control.)

 

[Carnevil9]

"I'll never forget the exact moment when I started craving Daddy's cock."

First line from Craving Daddy's Cock.

 

[yowser]

Thanks for samples everyone. Obviously more than one way to get a story rolling. For me a great first line usually includes at least two pieces of information, often better when they are seemingly unrelated or otherwise contrasting. If done in a short, punchy package, that's a wonderful thing.

The pieces can be setting (I personally am a sucker for an intriguing setting, it can be commonplace but if strikingly described, I am all in), character identification (also think this is vital to a good story - establish the MC or antagonist early, a first sentence is a great way to do this), or illuminate the tension or conflict that is going to come.

A number of your offerings (I append the list below, for reference, picking my favorite example from those of you supplying multiples, adding my own best effort at the end) do this well, and you've chosen ones that tend to provoke interest to keep reading.

Stanley Fish's In How to Write a Sentence: And How to Read One devotes a whole chapter to first sentences, and has interesting observations to make on what makes a good one.

Are there other qualities to a good first sentence you notice in Lit stories?

****
"Excuse me, can I get past?"

The clock on the shelf said quarter past five; it was time to prepare myself, for He was always punctual.

"Fuck Christmas," Clover shouted, "and fuck you, Tony."

"It was the door-frame incident that had really knocked Ali's confidence."

"You want to fuck my sister, don't you?"

“Literotica is a bad place, populated by bad people, a few of them are my good friends.”

"Daddy, I'm late."

"I could taste her. I could smell her. It was all in my imagination, of course, but it still made my cock stir."

"The panties were always the last to go."

I never expected to be a barfly, but it turned out to be a pretty good life choice.

It was all fun and games, at least until Deana felt a strange cock sliding into her pussy.

"My name is Eric Roach, and I'm a cuckold."

JR could hear the couple arguing even before he reached the gate to his patio.

"I'm thinking of becoming a kept woman," said Anjali, as calmly as if she'd been commenting on the quality of the café's coffee.

"Ok, honey, I'm heading to my appointment. I'll be back soon."

You've seen those pictures in the glossy magazines of the young woman dressed in boots and tweeds who stops beside the stone wall of the country estate, her cheeks slightly flushed from the briskness of her walk, her arm reaching down to pet the handsome setters at her feet, her smile so full of wholesome radiance that you can't help but turn back later to take another look.

My name is Jane Hanson, Doctor Jane Hanson, and I am about to die.

'In the City of Fallen Angels, anyone can sit on a vacant bar-stool.'

"I'll never forget the exact moment when I started craving Daddy's cock."

It was quite by accident that I met her at that pub north of Cambridge, but of course accidents are ubiquitous and enliven the world unmercifully.

 

[GrushaVashnadze]

What’s the best first sentence bait you left out there for your reader?

From Alison Goes to London:

"Fucking or Non-Fucking?" asked the lady behind the ticket counter.

 

[joy_of_cooking]

Their sex life was fine.

 

[onehitwanda]

"I'm thinking of becoming a kept woman," said Anjali, as calmly as if she'd been commenting on the quality of the café's coffee.

Still squeeeing over this one. It's very seldom that the first line hooks me, but this one totally did.

 

[Bramblethorn]

Their sex life was fine.

Oh, that's great. Says so much in five short words.

 

[EmilyMiller]

New ones:

—

I'm normally an office rat, but, every few months, they let me out of my cage.

— Off the Shoulder

—

...I followed his instructions and the machine whirred in to life.

— Caputpedes

—

I have to say that I seldom think about this. So anything that is even hemidemisemi-decent is pretty much accidental.

Em

 

[MillieDynamite]

Oh, that's great. Says so much in five short words.

Couldn't be more eloquent if there were twenty more words.

 

[Rob_Royale]

750-word stories are good for this, cuz you can't waste your words. From my Aunties story.

Cindy's heart pounded wildly as Angela's hand slipped beneath her dress.

 

[onehitwanda]

She shifted behind me, and her soft, warm, tee-shirt-sheathed breasts brushed against my shoulders once again.

 

[lustychimera]

'I won’t walk over graves; my wife, Riz, has no such compunction.'
A Resurrection on Day of the Dead.

This is a perfect first line. So much info told so simply, and it hooks.

If it doesn't spoil the story, I'd love to know if the protagonist and their wife become in conflict with each other or if you were just setting their opposing characterizations.

If it's the former, that's some awesome foreshadowing with the sentence structure.

 

[AlinaX]

Few of mine really stand out, but I like this opening from Genital Obsession:

"Hi!" I said cheerfully. "I'm Ali, a gorgeous blonde with 42DD breasts and legs that won't quit."
Fiona gave me a baleful glare. "What are you - the narrator?"

because it's so tongue-in-cheek. One of my favourites is from Agent Murphy and the Sexbot:

When the hole appears in the wall in front of me, a hole that would be a tight squeeze for my pinkie, I have just enough time to think, "That's odd," before the thundering echoes of the ship's hull hammer against my ears and a hundred alarm systems awake, screaming emergency.

because it really sets the scene. Of course, blatant foreshadowing is always an option, like this from A Walk in the Woods:

Never walk in the woods in the early morning during full moon.

and juxtaposition can be effective, like this from Chastened:

In the ballroom at home, we had a grand piano that had been brought all the way from Earth.

 

[SexyVita]

I do a lot of SRP rather than story writing, but my favorite first line from a story I wrote long ago on a long defunct forum was this:

If you'd asked me after, why I did everything he asked, no matter how crazy, I'd have replied, "It was his voice."

 

[Djmac1031]

Funny. Going back through my stories, i don't think I have any truly groundbreaking, super catchy first lines.

Looking through them, I don't think any one posted out of context with the rest of the opening would be enough to really get a reader to look it up lol.

It would be an interesting experiment to make a thread listing first sentences only from all my stories and polling people whether they'd look the story up or not based on that one line alone; no story title or premise given. Just the one line.

Anyway, this one, from The Devil And Angel Em, I do really like. I thought it was clever anyway:

It seemed like a good idea at the time, it really did. But then, bad ideas often do.

 

[MillieDynamite]

I like this one I wrote for Written in Blood. Not sexy, but hopefully something that grabs you and pulls you in. It's a story with over 30,000 words, so it needed a hook to get attention.

My name is Jane Hanson, Doctor Jane Hanson, and I am about to die.

 

[Djmac1031]

I like this one I wrote for Written in Blood. Not sexy, but hopefully something that grabs you and pulls you in. It's a story with over 30,000 words, so it needed a hook to get attention.

Okay, that's a good one. I'm intrigued already

 

[onehitwanda]

I closed the door and sighed.
A hard habit to break, breathing.
Angels don't do it, see - though we have everything we need to do it with.

 

[Comshaw]

From "Stranded"

"As he watched the snow falling outside the car window, Carl knew he shouldn't have tried it."

From "A Trip to Remember"

"The summer after high school graduation, before the Army came and got me, I decided to hitchhike across the country."

Comshaw

 

[MillieDynamite]

I seem to have repeated myself on a single page. HUM! Pops and Mum aren't the only ones with memory issues.

 

[DreamingOfMyEx]

"Hello, I'm incredibly wealthy."

I haven't used it in a story yet, but I know women are sure to find it arousing.