seduction of words

[Misslolo]

he sits among great poets
a void in talent
and i pull down his words
and sigh........

unacquainted with
fate and glass breaking
in the dark wrinkles of night
my breath is culled

caught off my guard
i lose my balance of character

he speaks of Love
and twists my arm
and my mind flies circles
around his lust

surprised by my desire
I bow into the rhythm
of his body
and lose control

and all the words written
now fade in the moment
of pure delightful
sex

 

[Angeline]

Welcome Misslolo--that's one stunner of a poem you have there.

I think I would change the ending very slightly to "pure delight" because "sex" is clear from the context and the poem is--imo--a little stronger for that lasr rouch of ambiguity, Just an opinion, of course--it seems a rather amiguous poem anyway, depending on how you interpret it.

I really like it though. The imagery and metaphor are wonderful.

 

[Misslolo]

Thanks Angeline......i love feeback.....don't need anyone kissing my ass....unless it's foreplay........

 

[Angeline]

lol. Thanks but you don't know me. I ain't much of an ass kisser--I'm just a nice person.

 

[HomerPindar]

lol. Thanks but you don't know me. I ain't much of an ass kisser--I'm just a nice person.

Poetic asskicker, another name for nice person?

Hi Misslolo, seeing as you've met the better part of Lit poets already, I'll humbly offer my two cents in the hopes you notice it in the radiance of Ang's presence.

(see, now THAT'S ass kissing )

right, kill the ellipsis. I'm telling this to everyone though, I'm on an anti-ellipsis kick. consider if they do serve a purpose though, please.

i lose my balance of character

I love this line!

Is the changing tenses intentional? (I suck at keeping tenses straight myself, so I'm working on examining it in my readings)


Welcome to the board!

HomerPindar

 

[Angeline]

Poetic asskicker, another name for nice person?

Hi Misslolo, seeing as you've met the better part of Lit poets already, I'll humbly offer my two cents in the hopes you notice it in the radiance of Ang's presence.

(see, now THAT'S ass kissing )

right, kill the ellipsis. I'm telling this to everyone though, I'm on an anti-ellipsis kick. consider if they do serve a purpose though, please.


I love this line!

Is the changing tenses intentional? (I suck at keeping tenses straight myself, so I'm working on examining it in my readings)


Welcome to the board!

HomerPindar

you want me to pay for the pizza, right?

 

[eagleyez]

you want me to pay for the pizza, right?

yes.

i'll get the sodas....

 

[HomerPindar]

yes.

i'll get the sodas....

Sounds like a plan, stan! (And I just checked, no one in my closet )

 

[Misslolo]

I will never surrender my ellipsis.......no...never......

Most of my writing is unintentionally intentional ......i am not in for grammar or sentence structure.....i just ride the horse because it take me places i have never been before......

Sometime the English language just ain’t no good..........cha cha!


*throws in five bucks towards pizza*

 

[HomerPindar]

I will never surrender my ellipsis.......no...never......

Most of my writing is unintentionally intentional ......i am not in for grammar or sentence structure.....i just ride the horse because it take me places i have never been before......

Sometime the English language just ain’t no good..........cha cha!


*throws in five bucks towards pizza*

Dem'z fightin words! (as a failed pacifist I'll keep it to fightin' words though )

So, if you are going to insist on using them, perhaps you'd be so kind as to actually define thier intention?

If you are not into grammer and sentence structure that's fine, I often like to deconstruct words and phrases myself. The catch is knowing when you are doing intentionally so that you can do it with the greatest of intent, impact and effect. If, on the other hand, you care not for grammer and sentence structure because you can't be bothered to learn then you're being self-insulting. I'd rather doubt that's the intention though. That would mean you're not taking your own work serious enough to edit, to polish, or (to steal you own analogy) you care not enough to take care of the horse upon which you ride. And while one might be more than willing to ride a wild horse, one should never be willing to hurt the horse in the process.

HomerPindar

 

[Misslolo]

Seriously, I have been to college and back. I am too set in my ways to change. I have found freedom in my Lolo language and will run the horse till dead.
If I thought a pulitzer in my future then i would worry, but seeing how I’m on a message board called literotica, I think i can fudge on the English language a bit............besides, I only post here while intoxicated...........cha cha

BTW....thanks for the welcome.....

 

[deezire1900]

I love to drink to much wine and then post.

 

[BooMerengue]

I go away and then come back and everything's different again...

what is a failed pacifist?

never heard Homer say so much.

Darest thou slam the Lit message board?

I heard Angeline has a nice ass...

Is that real New Yawk pizza?

...fading away...

 

[HomerPindar]

I go away and then come back and everything's different again...

what is a failed pacifist?

never heard Homer say so much.

Darest thou slam the Lit message board?

I heard Angeline has a nice ass...

Is that real New Yawk pizza?

...fading away...

While I agree with the philosophical ideal of pacifism, having been raised american I find it hard to contain my desire to kick the living shit out of some of the worlds population. Thankfully, it's a short list.

Chuckle, look for the Critical Mass thread....

Not sure if I'm the one daring to slam the Lit board, but if so, okie dokie. A good slamming every once in awhile is fine by me (see failed pacifist).

I'm willing to bet she does, but I rather doubt she'd want me contesting to it even had I the pleasure of knowing for certain.

If Ang is buying, I'm not picky. (ee offered to pick up the coke, so I guess I'd bring the chips)

(quite the lurker these days myself)

HomerPindar