Security

[ultramarineblue]

What makes you feel secure? What do you equate security with? Do you need to feel secure?

I've been thinking about this a good bit lately. I think that I'm more apt to react badly to situations or worry obsessively when I'm not secure. I also realize it's impossible to feel secure in every situation. Even in those situations, if I'm secure about other important aspects I can handle those I'm not secure about better.

I'm trying to figure out the essentials of what makes me secure right now. Knowing where I stand with someone helps that feeling. I'm not sure at this point if that's the surface and not the underlying reason though.

As far as the need to feel secure, I believe I do to an extent. My first instinct is to say that I need to feel secure all the time. However, after thinking a little bit I've realized that too much security can lead to complacency and boredom.

 

[ecstaticsub]

Not sure if you are talking about being secure in a particular moment or secure in life so I will give a short answer to both.

I feel secure in life because of financial security. Not that everything is about money but I have been frugal since the first babysitting dollars I made as a teen. I know if something would happen to my husband I have the education, the intelligence and the savings to care for myself and my children.

I also have maintained close relationships with family and friends to where if I needed help I would feel I could go to them.

That is my long term security.

Short-term in the moment security I trust my instincts. They have never in my 40+ years of life failed me. Knowing that and having self-confidence I feel secure. Sure it is nice to be in a trusting relationship...but to feel really secure I need to be able to have faith in own abilities and intellect.

 

[Cattypuss]

I have this knee-jerk reaction to everything in life: I imagine the worst-case scenario and ask myself if I would be able to cope with that somehow.

The answer (so far, touch wood) has always been yes.

And that's what I need so as to feel secure.

 

[sb2009]

financial security is a big one, but it's almost equal with knowing that I am valued as a person. I had financial security but was not even liked by my ex husband, and it was horrible.

So now, while the financial security is less - in a luxury sense - I'm loved and valued, so I feel more secure now than before.

This is a good topic. Not that I think I am a slave to my childhood, but so much of what I think is important NOW in feeling secure is what was missing in my childhood.

 

[chy_girl]

*snip*
I have this knee-jerk reaction to everything in life: I imagine the worst-case scenario and ask myself if I would be able to cope with that somehow.

Same here, but I start at the absolute worst worst-case an work up.

There are other things though, like having at least a little trust for the people I'm with and a lot of trust for the people I'm going back to.

 

[Netzach]

I have this knee-jerk reaction to everything in life: I imagine the worst-case scenario and ask myself if I would be able to cope with that somehow.

The answer (so far, touch wood) has always been yes.

And that's what I need so as to feel secure.

Same.

Everything better than abject misery is a possibly transient gift.

No wonder they say the people who are happiest test highest in the ability to self-delude. LOL.

 

[MisterSir]

Same.

Everything better than abject misery is a possibly transient gift.

Yip. You can't be disappointed if you never get excited, a lesson I still can't grasp.

 

[Keroin]

Hm, it's something I never think about.

Well, that's not entirely true. I latched onto a Helen Keller quote a long time ago and it really speaks to my feelings about the matter.

“Security is mostly a superstition. It does not exist in nature, nor do the children of men as a whole experience it. Avoiding danger is no safer in the long run than outright exposure. Life is either a daring adventure, or nothing.”

I do like living in a place where I can leave my doors unlocked even when I'm not home, though. So, I guess small towns are my security blanket, to a certain extent.

 

[Lizzie_Borden]

I agree with the family and financial security points. Whilst I may never be rich, if my rent and bills are paid and I can afford food, I figure I'm doing alright.

If all that fails, I have my family to run home to. And they've tried to tempt me in the past, when times have been tough.

That's the big life stuff. On a smaller scale, within my relationships, rituals, routines, and knowing where the boundaries are make me feel safe, and secure. They feel like an extention of his arms wrapped around me, protecting me from the world at times, and myself at other times. They give me a space and time frame to work within. That makes me happy.

 

[Homburg]

What do I need to feel secure?

Something worth protecting.

 

[sinnocence]

Yip. You can't be disappointed if you never get excited, a lesson I still can't grasp.

Ditto.

 

[ultramarineblue]

There are so many aspects to security I hadn't even considered. That's why I love discussions here.

Unfortunately, with the bad weather in the area for the evening, I will have to wait to respond to more tomorrow night.

Thank you all for responding.

 

[rida]

I confess that I never really felt any major lack of security in my life. Nor financial, nor emotional. For that I guess I belong to a lucky minority.

I don't know if it is due to my lucky upbringing that I also personally feel that one way or another I could handle almost everything. Together with a healthy sense of the importance of financial security, the appreciation for what I have and the importance of being ready for rainy days was also installed.

As such, even now when the future carries a lot of question marks, I still feel confident that things will work out, one way or another.

I have to make an addendum: when it comes to myself alone, I honestly believe that I would survive where ever and no matter what, one way or another. Feeling responsible for the well-being of my children though adds a layer of apprehension that no amount of financial security or what not can sooth. I can only focus to do my best to guarantee security on aspect of life I can have control (such as providing a loving home and teach them out to handle life). For what is beyond my control, I can only "be ready for the worse, while hoping for the best". (the quote is one of the tenets of my philosophy of life).

 

[Homburg]

Yip. You can't be disappointed if you never get excited, a lesson I still can't grasp.

I can't live like that. I'll take the losses if it means I get the wins too. Hell, the losses are more important, as they teach you far more than the wins do.

 

[Netzach]

The attitude in question should not lead to "oh fuck it anyway" but an understanding that the wins and the losses don't have it in for you, personally. It's just life.

 

[MasterPhoenix]

I heard somewhere, can't recall where "Show me someone who has never hurt, and I will show you someone who has never lived."

 

[ImOnIt]

sad

 

[MisterSir]

I can't live like that. I'll take the losses if it means I get the wins too. Hell, the losses are more important, as they teach you far more than the wins do.

Which is a nice attitude to have, I'm just not there yet. Doesn't help my personal win-loss record looks like the Lions' - not being self-pitying here, a lot of that is my fault, but it's harder to remain as relentlessly cheerful as me (he says, nose growing longer by the second) when pricks like that one guy siphon up all the wins.

 

[ultramarineblue]

I've worried that if I lose my job that I'm not sufficiently qualified for other jobs where I will make enough to make ends meet on my own. There are some changes going on around me that really give reason to worry, but I know those worries can't consume me. They do make me feel less secure. I've worked hard to make it where I can support myself. I don't want to lose that. However, I'm afraid my career choice is now looking to be a not so good idea.

 

[Homburg]

Which is a nice attitude to have, I'm just not there yet. Doesn't help my personal win-loss record looks like the Lions' - not being self-pitying here, a lot of that is my fault, but it's harder to remain as relentlessly cheerful as me (he says, nose growing longer by the second) when pricks like that one guy siphon up all the wins.

Everybody goes through dry spells. Think about it - the Saints just won the Super Bowl. How long have they wanted that ring?

 

[intothewoods]

The attitude in question should not lead to "oh fuck it anyway" but an understanding that the wins and the losses don't have it in for you, personally. It's just life.

Yes. Exactly.

 

[MisterSir]

Everybody goes through dry spells. Think about it - the Saints just won the Super Bowl. How long have they wanted that ring?

Engaging me on a level I can understand, well played sir. 9.6. The remaining 0.4 points were lost for not including the Maple Leafs who are, if not quite the worst example, then certainly the best-known one. 43 years and so on, so forth.

 

[Homburg]

Engaging me on a level I can understand, well played sir. 9.6. The remaining 0.4 points were lost for not including the Maple Leafs who are, if not quite the worst example, then certainly the best-known one. 43 years and so on, so forth.

*bows*

I figured you would appreciate the example offered.

When you do score, I expect that "Who dat!" will pop up in the back of your head.

 

[MisterSir]

Proooobably not. That space has been earmarked for "And Sundin wins the game with 500 in his terrific career!"

 

[Homburg]

It's about the same thing.