Secret fantasy

[arenth8]

My wife like ONLY traditional sex, nothing too exciting or different. Her idea of variety is doing it on a different day of the week. Needless to say, I have lots of secret fantasies and I'd love to hear about yours. Post your secret fantasy here. The thing you've always wanted to do but never told anyone. Or maybe something you did before that you're dying to do again.
So lets hear them!

 

[bobtheiceman20]

My wife is similar, very conservative in bed. When in college I had a gf who would always masterbate while over my knee as I spanked her. damn, miss her a lot.

 

[Donsehan]

you know I'd suggest pampering them and see if they'll try something.

or just surprise them, you never really know what you like till you try it. You can tell them that with certainty because they may not like the idea, but they may actually like doing it.

although I must say I'm young, unmarried, and well why not take a chance? it can't hurt.

 

[Donsehan]

just thought about something, if you make her feel sexy she'll probably open up too. Romancing her definitely will help a lot. You have to make her feel sexy and wanted. She'll have more confidence that way and hopefully that will have a snowball effect.

also check this thread out, not exactly the same problems you two have, but I'm pretty sure the same solution could apply

https://forum.literotica.com/showthread.php?s=&postid=10984520#post10984520

 

[arenth8]

Been there...Done that

I've tried all sorts of things with her. The fact is that she has never been very sexual or sensual. She'll let me have sex with her but it certainly isn't what I would call making love. I'm tired of trying, talking, begging, and doing all the work when it comes to our sex life. But I'll be damned if I'm going to give up sex just because she doesn't care for it. My fantasy, and what I'm really looking for in here, is to find a woman (maybe evn married and in the same situation with her husband) who enjoys sex and likes to initiate and take part in it and make it fun.

 

[Donsehan]

I dunno what to say, have you tried to make her feel sexy? I don't mean by just telling her but say like acting like you can't keep your hands off her. I dunno, you seem so oriented on sex, no offense, but have you ever tried more foreplay??

 

[bobtheiceman20]

Donsehan, I hear what you are saying, and it is good advice. After being married for a while sometimes it gets hard to break out of the mold, so to speak. But, I would agree with Arenth that when you end up begging for sex, it feels like when you do get it, you sort of lost the war anyways.

 

[blindhound]

I dunno what to say, have you tried to make her feel sexy? I don't mean by just telling her but say like acting like you can't keep your hands off her. I dunno, you seem so oriented on sex, no offense, but have you ever tried more foreplay??

Trust me when I say that this strategy is not going to be successful. The net result is woman who is annoyed and asks "why are you bugging me for sex?" speaking from experience more foreplay would be a welcome change as compared to a "lets get this over with" kind of vibe

 

[arenth8]

You said it. I'm tired of begging and trying. I do love her and I am not looking to get out of our marriage. everything else in it is good but as shallow as this sounds, I need some sex. so I've decided to find a discrete love if I can. No luck yet.

 

[Donsehan]

Originally posted by blindhound
Trust me when I say that this strategy is not going to be successful. The net result is woman who is annoyed and asks "why are you bugging me for sex?" speaking from experience more foreplay would be a welcome change as compared to a "lets get this over with" kind of vibe

I originally meant spike up the mood more, and don't act like you're begging for sex. I meant more like have lots of foreplay you know? or at least try to. I actually have never been in a situation where she asked "why are you bugging me for sex?" So I didn't know that could happen, as I said earlier, I'm young.

I think though you should orient yourself a little away from sex and more to foreplay.

 

[bobtheiceman20]

foreplay is great, but after being married X number of years, the wife knows where foreplay is leading to. In other words, you need to get foreplay started before you can even think of more/better forepaly.

 

[shell seeker2]

I only know of one friend who doesn't like sex. I feel badly for her, because I don't think she realizes what she's missing. The thing about women is that they really want to feel connected. Have any of you tried doing something with your wives that would help her to reflect why she fell in love with you in the first place? I however, never turn down sex. (with my man of course)

 

[cymbline]

Here is a thought, as far as foreplay goes. Foreplay does not need to lead to making love, at first. You may want to tease her for two, three or four days. If she is in the kitchen cooking or any task she is doing, ask her if she needs help. Either answer she gives you walk up behind her put your arms around her waist kiss her softly on neck and whisper something nice in her ear “ You look beautiful today” or “You smell good or “Thank-you”. Then let her go and rub her behind with the palm of your hand, one or two strokes. Then go on with what you were doing. Or other time just sit next to her and gently stroke her thigh, only the outside or brush up and down her arms. Touch her is a sensual way. Briefly and gently tease her. Get her mind wondering. You also could cuddle at night and if she says something like “are you going want to have sex” Just tell you “No, I just enjoy holding you.” and then fall asleep. Who doesn’t like to be held. It’s like trying to woo her again. I hope this helps.

 

[Donsehan]

Originally posted by cymbline
Here is a thought, as far as foreplay goes. Foreplay does not need to lead to making love, at first. You may want to tease her for two, three or four days. If she is in the kitchen cooking or any task she is doing, ask her if she needs help. Either answer she gives you walk up behind her put your arms around her waist kiss her softly on neck and whisper something nice in her ear “ You look beautiful today” or “You smell good or “Thank-you”. Then let her go and rub her behind with the palm of your hand, one or two strokes. Then go on with what you were doing. Or other time just sit next to her and gently stroke her thigh, only the outside or brush up and down her arms. Touch her is a sensual way. Briefly and gently tease her. Get her mind wondering. You also could cuddle at night and if she says something like “are you going want to have sex” Just tell you “No, I just enjoy holding you.” and then fall asleep. Who doesn’t like to be held. It’s like trying to woo her again. I hope this helps.

I agree, I don't think foreplay has to lead to sex, if it does, it's because she wants it, not because I do.

 

[Quoll]

Here is a thought, as far as foreplay goes. Foreplay does not need to lead to making love, at first. You may want to tease her for two, three or four days. If she is in the kitchen cooking or any task she is doing, ask her if she needs help. Either answer she gives you walk up behind her put your arms around her waist kiss her softly on neck and whisper something nice in her ear “ You look beautiful today” or “You smell good or “Thank-you”. Then let her go and rub her behind with the palm of your hand, one or two strokes. Then go on with what you were doing. Or other time just sit next to her and gently stroke her thigh, only the outside or brush up and down her arms. Touch her is a sensual way. Briefly and gently tease her. Get her mind wondering. You also could cuddle at night and if she says something like “are you going want to have sex” Just tell you “No, I just enjoy holding you.” and then fall asleep. Who doesn’t like to be held. It’s like trying to woo her again. I hope this helps.

Well said Cym

Strange as it sounds,and I have read this hundreds of times plus know from experience (have been there) one of the best aphrodisiacs you can give a wife is, you`re going to hate this guys, is housework, do something for her, tell her she looks tired, sit her down with a drink and do some of her work, wash dishes, vacuum anything, don`t ask for sex afterwards, you might be surprised at her response, hell she might even initiate sex.
Also checkout the How To threads, lots of people there with some good advice.

Still waiting for you to drop in Cym

 

[~*sunkyssed_kym*~]

Re: Been there...Done that

I've tried all sorts of things with her. The fact is that she has never been very sexual or sensual. She'll let me have sex with her but it certainly isn't what I would call making love. I'm tired of trying, talking, begging, and doing all the work when it comes to our sex life. But I'll be damned if I'm going to give up sex just because she doesn't care for it. My fantasy, and what I'm really looking for in here, is to find a woman (maybe evn married and in the same situation with her husband) who enjoys sex and likes to initiate and take part in it and make it fun.

Egads! A woman who doesn't want or like sex??!
*ahem* Sorry, the thought is unnatural to me.

Perhaps the reason has nothing to do with you, but how your wife was raised? Either in a church or home where sexual relations were considered dirty and only done for procreation of the family? I dunno, but there are lots of people out there who have been brought up to believe this; fortunate for me, I'm not one of 'em!


~kym~ PERISH THE THOUGHT!

 

[bobtheiceman20]

Would have to say, in my situation, there are couple of issues that I can identify --unreleated to foreplay-- that are probably bigger factors...

1) I agree with kym's thoughts, SO's upbringing, etc..

2) probably a lot of blame is with me. I have, for lack of a better way to put it, a "hard core nerd job" that leads to lots of late nights and lots of travel. Arriving home at 2:00 AM and hoping to get some, when the SO has to head out at for her job at 8 AM is probably not realistic.

 

[Donsehan]

Originally posted by bobtheiceman20
Would have to say, in my situation, there are couple of issues that I can identify --unreleated to foreplay-- that are probably bigger factors...

1) I agree with kym's thoughts, SO's upbringing, etc..

2) probably a lot of blame is with me. I have, for lack of a better way to put it, a "hard core nerd job" that leads to lots of late nights and lots of travel. Arriving home at 2:00 AM and hoping to get some, when the SO has to head out at for her job at 8 AM is probably not realistic.

I can't believe you're complaining to us about bad relations when you have this kind of work day.

With that said, find time on the weekend, and really, less focus on sex.

 

[Quoll]

As others have said, upbringing, but also past traumas, is there fear, low self esteem, some people would love to try new things but are afraid to ask for various reasons. We all know what I am going to say next "communication" good luck guys, have been there, still am but getting better year by year.

 

[Deprived_in_AZ]

You said it. I'm tired of begging and trying. I do love her and I am not looking to get out of our marriage. everything else in it is good but as shallow as this sounds, I need some sex. so I've decided to find a discrete love if I can. No luck yet.

I know exactly what you're thinking. As my handle suggests I feel I'm not getting near what I need, and in my case it's the husband who isn't real interested - how weird is that, I thought all men want sex! What I want to say to you is, be careful mate, if you do stray you'll have to come home eventually and look her in the eye, and if you love her as much as you say the guilt will kill you. Trust me, I know.

 

[Cama de Rosas]

Hi

Not knowing your exact situation, I don't know if this is gonna be helpful but...
a couple years back me and my man had a, lets call it a trauma, which led to clinical depression on both our parts.
We have dealt with it really well BUT (and this is a big but) as long as it took for us to realise that we were actually suffering from depression, it took even longer to realise just how tied up my feelings about sex were with my feelngs about life generally.

The longer I was 'off' sex, the bigger we both blew it up in our minds. We got into a cycle where everytime he touched me, I assumed he wanted sex. Not feeling like it I'd either turn him down cold or 'get it over with'. He ended up scared to touch me, and horribly hurt; I felt like a victim and a bitch at the same time.

Men are so much better at compartmentalising their lives - work is work, friends are friends, sex is sex, and so on. For women everything tends to be tied into everything - if one part of our life is upsetting us, everything else suffers.

Eventually even just talking about it - admiting there's a problem - becomes as terrifying as actually doing it. But (and I know it's a cliche) that's what you have to do. Talk. She won't like it initially, you'll probably be nervous as hell. It's really hard when someone you love rejects you, but you can get past it, I promise.

Sorry, this is horribly long, but I'm hoping it might be of some small use to you.

Cama

 

[arenth8]

My wife like ONLY traditional sex, nothing too exciting or different. Her idea of variety is doing it on a different day of the week. Needless to say, I have lots of secret fantasies and I'd love to hear about yours. Post your secret fantasy here. The thing you've always wanted to do but never told anyone. Or maybe something you did before that you're dying to do again.
So lets hear them!

OK folks, we've gotten off the topice here. The idea is to post your secret fantasy not to discuss my wife's lack of sex drive. Let's try again please.