DG Hear
My Friend Kipper
- Joined
- Jun 14, 2005
- Posts
- 6,689
If these don't make you smile then you beter check your pulse.
Sayings of grandchildren
My young grandson called the other day to wish me Happy Birthday. He asked
me how old I was, and I told him, "62." He was quiet for a moment, and then
he asked, "Did you start at 1?"
*************************
After putting her grandchildren to bed, a grandmother changed into old
slacks and a droopy blouse and proceeded to wash her hair. As she heard the
children getting more and more rambunctious, her patience grew thin. At last
she threw a towel around her head and stormed into their room, putting them
back to bed with stern warnings. As she left the room, she heard the
three-year-old say with a trembling voice, "Who was THAT?"
*************************
A grandmother was telling her little granddaughter what her own childhood
was like: "We used to skate outside on a pond. I had a swing made from a
tire; it hung from a tree in our front yard. We rode our pony. We picked
wild raspberries in the woods."
The little girl was wide-eyed, taking this in. At last she said, "I sure
wish I'd gotten to know you sooner!"
*********************************
My grandson was visiting one day when he asked, "Grandma, do you know how
you and God are alike?" I mentally polished my halo while I asked, "No, how
are we alike?"
"You're both old," he replied
*********************************
A little girl was diligently pounding away on her grandfather's word
processor. She told him she was writing a story. "What's it about?" he
asked.
"I don't know," she replied. "I can't read."
*******************************
I didn't know if my granddaughter had learned her colors yet, so I decided
to test her. I would point out something and ask what color it was. She
would tell me, and always she was correct. But it was fun for me, so I
continued. At last she headed for the door, saying sagely, "Grandma, I think
you should try to figure out some of these yourself!"
**********************************
When my grandson Billy and I entered our vacation cabin, we kept the lights
off until we were inside to keep from attracting pesky insects. Still, a few
fireflies followed us in. Noticing them before I did, Billy whispered, "It's
no use, Grandpa. The mosquitoes are coming after us with flashlights."
**************************************
When my grandson asked me how old I was, I teasingly replied, "I'm not
sure."
"Look in your underwear, Grandma," he advised. "Mine says I'm four to six"
***************************************
A second grader came home from school and said to her grandmother, "Grandma,
guess what? We learned how to make babies today."
The grandmother, more than a little surprised, tried to keep her cool.
"That's interesting," she said, "How do you make babies?"
"It's simple," replied the girl. "You just change 'y' to 'i' and add 'es'"
**********************************
Children's Logic: "Give me a sentence about a public servant," said a
teacher. The small boy wrote: "The fireman came down the ladder pregnant."
The teacher took the lad aside to correct him. "Don't you know what pregnant
means?" she asked.
"Sure," said the young boy confidently. "It means carrying a child."
*********************************
A nursery school teacher was delivering a station wagon full of kids home
one day when a fire truck zoomed past. Sitting in the front seat of the fire
truck was a Dalmatian dog. The children started discussing the dog's duties.
"They use him to keep crowds back," said one youngster.
"No, said another, "he's just for good luck."
A third child brought the argument to a close. "They use the dogs", she said
firmly, "to find the fire hydrant."
Sayings of grandchildren
My young grandson called the other day to wish me Happy Birthday. He asked
me how old I was, and I told him, "62." He was quiet for a moment, and then
he asked, "Did you start at 1?"
*************************
After putting her grandchildren to bed, a grandmother changed into old
slacks and a droopy blouse and proceeded to wash her hair. As she heard the
children getting more and more rambunctious, her patience grew thin. At last
she threw a towel around her head and stormed into their room, putting them
back to bed with stern warnings. As she left the room, she heard the
three-year-old say with a trembling voice, "Who was THAT?"
*************************
A grandmother was telling her little granddaughter what her own childhood
was like: "We used to skate outside on a pond. I had a swing made from a
tire; it hung from a tree in our front yard. We rode our pony. We picked
wild raspberries in the woods."
The little girl was wide-eyed, taking this in. At last she said, "I sure
wish I'd gotten to know you sooner!"
*********************************
My grandson was visiting one day when he asked, "Grandma, do you know how
you and God are alike?" I mentally polished my halo while I asked, "No, how
are we alike?"
"You're both old," he replied
*********************************
A little girl was diligently pounding away on her grandfather's word
processor. She told him she was writing a story. "What's it about?" he
asked.
"I don't know," she replied. "I can't read."
*******************************
I didn't know if my granddaughter had learned her colors yet, so I decided
to test her. I would point out something and ask what color it was. She
would tell me, and always she was correct. But it was fun for me, so I
continued. At last she headed for the door, saying sagely, "Grandma, I think
you should try to figure out some of these yourself!"
**********************************
When my grandson Billy and I entered our vacation cabin, we kept the lights
off until we were inside to keep from attracting pesky insects. Still, a few
fireflies followed us in. Noticing them before I did, Billy whispered, "It's
no use, Grandpa. The mosquitoes are coming after us with flashlights."
**************************************
When my grandson asked me how old I was, I teasingly replied, "I'm not
sure."
"Look in your underwear, Grandma," he advised. "Mine says I'm four to six"
***************************************
A second grader came home from school and said to her grandmother, "Grandma,
guess what? We learned how to make babies today."
The grandmother, more than a little surprised, tried to keep her cool.
"That's interesting," she said, "How do you make babies?"
"It's simple," replied the girl. "You just change 'y' to 'i' and add 'es'"
**********************************
Children's Logic: "Give me a sentence about a public servant," said a
teacher. The small boy wrote: "The fireman came down the ladder pregnant."
The teacher took the lad aside to correct him. "Don't you know what pregnant
means?" she asked.
"Sure," said the young boy confidently. "It means carrying a child."
*********************************
A nursery school teacher was delivering a station wagon full of kids home
one day when a fire truck zoomed past. Sitting in the front seat of the fire
truck was a Dalmatian dog. The children started discussing the dog's duties.
"They use him to keep crowds back," said one youngster.
"No, said another, "he's just for good luck."
A third child brought the argument to a close. "They use the dogs", she said
firmly, "to find the fire hydrant."
