Saving rock & roll

[shereads]

Unreleased Jimmy Page Guitar Riff To Be Retrieved From Secret Vault To Save Rock And Roll

GWYNEDD, WALES—Calling it the planet's last, best hope for saving rock music, the Guardians of the Protectorate of Rock announced Monday that they would take the extraordinary step of unleashing a never-before-heard Jimmy Page riff, hidden for decades in a mythic, impenetrable vault.

"We who believe in the immortality of rock took a vow 30 years ago that we would never release this incredibly powerful force unless we faced a Day of Reckoning—and that day has come," said Black Sabbath guitarist Tony Iommi, one of the chosen few who helped forge the Secret Vault to Save Rock and Roll, at a press conference in the Welsh highlands. "Just look at the pop charts, and you shall know I speak the truth."

"Let's give rock and roll its fucking balls back," he added.

The Guardians said recent developments in the music world, such as the unaccountable popularity of the Dixie Chicks and Sufjan Stevens, have created a "perfect storm of lameness" from which rock might never recover. While Iommi refused to say when the vault would be opened, hard rock sources believe it will take place just prior to next month's Fall Out Boy–Honda Civic tour, which many fear will suck the remaining lifeblood from all that still rocks.

http://www.theonion.com/content/news/unreleased_jimmy_page_guitar_riff

March 5, 2007 | The Onion[/quote]


More news:

Apple Launches iLaunch

Archeological Dig Uncovers Mysterious Race of Skeleton People

 

[ABSTRUSE]

I'm riveted to the "skeleton people" story. I hope Discovery channel does a three hour special on it.

 

[Huckleman2000]

Coffee spew, from the 'Skeletons' story:
"Or perhaps they bartered goods in a nearby city to acquire skeleton accessories, such as chains, coffins and tattered, dirty clothing."

 

[mckai777]

Good to know we're being rescued from a "perfect storm of lameness".

 

[ABSTRUSE]

Coffee spew, from the 'Skeletons' story:
"Or perhaps they bartered goods in a nearby city to acquire skeleton accessories, such as chains, coffins and tattered, dirty clothing."

and.......

"Although we found crude cooking utensils in the area, as well as evidence of crafts like pottery and weaving, we are inclined to believe that the skeletons' chief activity was jumping out at nearby humans and scaring them. And though we know little of their language and means of communication, it is likely that they said 'boogedy-boogedy' a lot."

 

[shereads]

and.......

"...it is likely that they said 'boogedy-boogedy' a lot."

Without question.

 

[shereads]

Post-launch reaction to iLaunch:

Shortly after Jobs' address, Microsoft announced that they are working on a similar product, the Launch-O, due to debut in 2009.

 

[shereads]

I'm riveted to the "skeleton people" story. I hope Discovery channel does a three hour special on it.

"This is an incredible find," said Dr. Christian Hutchins, Oxford University archaeologist and head of the dig team. "Imagine: At one time, this entire area was filled with spooky, bony, walking skeletons."

Creepy.

http://files.photojerk.com/shereads/onion_news2205.jpg

 

[ABSTRUSE]

"This is an incredible find," said Dr. Christian Hutchins, Oxford University archaeologist and head of the dig team. "Imagine: At one time, this entire area was filled with spooky, bony, walking skeletons."

Creepy.

http://files.photojerk.com/shereads/onion_news2205.jpg

I wonder if Jesus was a skeleton person?

 

[cumallday]

I know a guy who was sonically castrated after going to a Dixie Chicks concert. He's suing them in a really high pitched voice.