Safewords
- Thread starter Andreina
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bunny bondage
just cruisin' through
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mine is "philistine". it's easy to hear, even through a gag. of course, i'm much too full of pride to use it unless i REALLY need to. it's really a good idea to have one, since cries of "no! please!" could be mistaken for role-playing. using a safeword lets your partner know that you are out of character and seriously ready to stop, so i'd say it's important to have one! ^_^
~*sunkyssed_kym*~
...gone...
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I have to admit.................
My safe words are pretty dull compared to Bunny's. Just plain old red,yellow, and green.
Although, I'm happy to say I've never needed to use any of them as MY-Sir knows my limitations quite well.
-kym- One lucky sub
My safe words are pretty dull compared to Bunny's. Just plain old red,yellow, and green.
Although, I'm happy
to say I've never needed to use any of them as MY-Sir knows my limitations quite well. -kym- One lucky sub
lovetoread
hello daddy
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I dont have any and I've never used any.
P. B. Walker
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Is it kinda looked down upon to use a safeword? Are you seen as "wussying" out? Is it seen as not meeting your dominates expectations? Do you feel guilty for using your safeword? Do you view it as a failure on your part if you have to safeword out? Have you or anyone you know been released because they safeword out?
Dominates, how do you feel about safewords? Do you feel it's a failure on your part if your sub has to safeword out? Are you angry/upset/disappointed in them if they do? Would you dismiss a submissive if they safeworded?
Just trying to get a feel for safewords. The impression I get from reading people responses about them (not just here, but all over the board and in different threads) is that they are required and necessary, but when used it's almost a negative thing. Maybe I'm wrong and I'm just reading stuff into it. If I am, please don't hesitate to set me straight. I'm not implying anything or making any bold statements here, I'm just stating my impressions.
PBW "Can my safeword be pussy?" ;-)
Dominates, how do you feel about safewords? Do you feel it's a failure on your part if your sub has to safeword out? Are you angry/upset/disappointed in them if they do? Would you dismiss a submissive if they safeworded?
Just trying to get a feel for safewords. The impression I get from reading people responses about them (not just here, but all over the board and in different threads) is that they are required and necessary, but when used it's almost a negative thing. Maybe I'm wrong and I'm just reading stuff into it. If I am, please don't hesitate to set me straight. I'm not implying anything or making any bold statements here, I'm just stating my impressions.
PBW "Can my safeword be pussy?" ;-)
zipman
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Hey PBW! Good questions! Here's my take on what you asked.
I think there is a negative connotation to using a safeword. I have had subs who have not wanted a safeword. One of these, while I was fucking her really hard, yelled out "bad hurt" when I penetrated her too deep and at the wrong angle. I instantly knew by the way she said it that I had momentarily hurt her and we took a break from activity so that she could catch her breath. The pain was accidental, but occurred nonetheless.
Personally, I have a rule, that when a sub does use a safeword, all play stops immediately. This means I will respect their limits but they have to be sure before they use it. I personally dislike the red, yellow, green system. To me, having yellow as an option increases a subs ability to provide their own direction during a scene. I would much rather push limits more slowly, than allow the use of yellow to guide me. I also believe that the use of post-scene communnication is critical and asking were you close to using your safeword at anytime to be a "must ask" question. This way, you constantly gain understanding of your subs limits.
Hope that helps.
*edited for spelling*
No, I don't believe that it is looked down on or that anyone would think of using a safeword as wussying out. The truth is that I think a lot of subs would feel disappointed in themselves and guilty if they did use one, and wrongly so. I personally don't of anyone who has been released for using one.P. B. Walker said:
I feel that safewords are designed to be used primarily in two situations. The first is when doing something completely new. A sub hears about breath play and wants to try it. As soon as the Dom starts she panicks due to the lack of air. She safewords out of the scene as she did not like the experience. The second reason is when pushing a limit. A sub loves getting spanked and you use a flogger on her. The pain is more intense and you are trying to see what her limits are. The nature of pushing a limit is that you are seeing how close you can get to her breaking point. The tricky thing is that pain limits tend to move, and most subs build their tolerance for pain. As a Dom, I have never had a sub use a safeword. Having said that, if my sub did use one, I would not be disappointed in them, I would however be very disappointed in myself. A lot Dom/mes pride themselves on the fact that they know their subs and their limits. If a sub uses a safe word, it means you didn't know their limits as well as you thought you did.P. B. Walker said:
P. B. Walker said:
I think there is a negative connotation to using a safeword. I have had subs who have not wanted a safeword. One of these, while I was fucking her really hard, yelled out "bad hurt" when I penetrated her too deep and at the wrong angle. I instantly knew by the way she said it that I had momentarily hurt her and we took a break from activity so that she could catch her breath. The pain was accidental, but occurred nonetheless.
Personally, I have a rule, that when a sub does use a safeword, all play stops immediately. This means I will respect their limits but they have to be sure before they use it. I personally dislike the red, yellow, green system. To me, having yellow as an option increases a subs ability to provide their own direction during a scene. I would much rather push limits more slowly, than allow the use of yellow to guide me. I also believe that the use of post-scene communnication is critical and asking were you close to using your safeword at anytime to be a "must ask" question. This way, you constantly gain understanding of your subs limits.
Hope that helps.
*edited for spelling*
Last edited:
P. B. Walker
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That definitely helps Zip... some very good insights there. Thanks.
PBW
PBW
~Dream~
Loving My Soulmate Scott
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Re;Safewords
Is it kinda looked down upon to use a safeword? Are you seen as "wussying" out? Is it seen as not meeting your dominates expectations? Do you feel guilty for using your safeword? Do you view it as a failure on your part if you have to safeword out? Have you or anyone you know been released because they safeword out?
____________________
Like Sirs, Mine are the good ol simple traffic signals of Red,yellow,Green ,simple and easy to use and understand,I have only had to use Red 2 times.once when Master got a bit too rough in the er uh "chest area'(my nipples ARE atatched) lol and the other to STOP conversation that was greatly upsetting to ME..
It should NEVER be looked down upon to use a safe word as it is EVERY subs RIGHT ..peoiple that look DOWN upon it are people to be "aware' of IN MY EYES..
I was not seen as 'wussying' out at all but as being a responsible and caring enough about myself,submissive ..after all I am my Master's so I have to take care of myself for Me and also for Him ..
Master expects me to use them or He would not give them to be used.. I will NOT abuse them tho ,at all.
I HAVE NEVER felt guilty for using them and I Never will..
it's Never a "failure' to 'protect' yourself ,the Fools are those who do not ,in my opinion.. building up trust is one thing in itself ,but for new submissives ,I FEEL it helps us to FEEL safer..
If I was ever "Released' simply for 'safewording out' of something ,then that more than likely was NOT the Dom I needed to be with in the first place ..
Is it kinda looked down upon to use a safeword? Are you seen as "wussying" out? Is it seen as not meeting your dominates expectations? Do you feel guilty for using your safeword? Do you view it as a failure on your part if you have to safeword out? Have you or anyone you know been released because they safeword out?
____________________
Like Sirs, Mine are the good ol simple traffic signals of Red,yellow,Green ,simple and easy to use and understand,I have only had to use Red 2 times.once when Master got a bit too rough in the er uh "chest area'(my nipples ARE atatched) lol and the other to STOP conversation that was greatly upsetting to ME..
It should NEVER be looked down upon to use a safe word as it is EVERY subs RIGHT ..peoiple that look DOWN upon it are people to be "aware' of IN MY EYES..
I was not seen as 'wussying' out at all but as being a responsible and caring enough about myself,submissive ..after all I am my Master's so I have to take care of myself for Me and also for Him ..
Master expects me to use them or He would not give them to be used.. I will NOT abuse them tho ,at all.
I HAVE NEVER felt guilty for using them and I Never will..
it's Never a "failure' to 'protect' yourself ,the Fools are those who do not ,in my opinion.. building up trust is one thing in itself ,but for new submissives ,I FEEL it helps us to FEEL safer..
If I was ever "Released' simply for 'safewording out' of something ,then that more than likely was NOT the Dom I needed to be with in the first place ..
serijules
just seri
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I love this topic, it spurs the most interesting debates and ideas. I'm snipping from my essay again here since this pretty much covers all that I feel on the matter.
Safewords
Safewords cause a lot of debate in the BDSM world. Some find them restricting and unnecessary. However, I am one that feels they are vital and insist upon having them. I will not play with someone that will not respect my safeword, nor will I play with a Dom that doesn't insist on one being established. It is up to you to respect the safeword and not use it inappropriately, and up to him to respect it no matter what his feelings may be on the time you choose to use it.
I do believe that in solid, long term relationships, that safewords might not be necessary providing that the other partner knows his/her bottom well enough to KNOW when it's too much and will stop because they respect their bottom enough to care about his/her mental and physical safety. (I've seen Tops keep going after it is obvious the bottom has had enough and that is pretty scary just to watch) I would think it would take a long time for any relationship to get to this point, especially considering how diverse this 'kink' can be and how body language and language in general in spanking can be very misleading. (screaming "no, no, stop!" doesn't always mean stop at all, etc) So it is of my opinion that even couples in long term relationships should consider establishing a safeword or action that is never, ever to be abused.
If safewords are established and the relationship is a healthy one, it will most likely naturally evolve to a point where the safeword isn't even an issue anymore. Trust is a wonderfully strong thing, but innocent misunderstandings are much stronger.
My safeword is simple. I tell anyone that I play with what it is, and since I often play spur of the moment with new people in intense scenes at parties....it would be very dangerous of me not to establish one for many reasons, including the fact that I'm deaf and miss out on a lot of things that come naturally for most people, plus a history of abuse that I'm always wondering if is going to be triggered when trying something new.
Typical safewords most often used are the three colours. Green for "I'm fine, continue". Yellow for "I'm nearing my limit, find out what is wrong and adjust, or move on to something else". Red for "Stop, immediately, I've had enough and need a break." A Top that doesn't know your reactions that well can check in from time to time and ask you what colour you are at, and Red can be used any time in the scene to stop the action. Some people use other unusual words that would not come up in the scene such as "butterfly". Never choose words such as "Enough" or "No". It is too easy for your Top to think this is simply a part of the scene and ignore it. I am always begging for the spanking to stop or whining "no morrrrrrre" and I don't mean it in the least.
My safeword is "Master". It is a word I would never, ever address to anyone as at this point in my life. I never have been a fan of the typical "Red" safeword as it seems awkward to squeal out "RED!" in the middle of a scene. If I was in a scene in public where something was just too much, physically or mentally for me to take, saying "please, master" would be a natural phrase that would immediately let my partner know to stop, but wouldn't make either of us feel embarrassed since anyone watching would assume it was just a part of the scene.
Same as in a punishment with my disciplinarian...addressing him as Master would alert him that I really am at the end of what I can safely take. I've never used it, but I would if I had to, and I always establish it with anyone I play with. Most Tops/Doms bring up the issue before I do...that's one sign for me that they are someone I would feel safe and secure playing with. Other safety measures I've seen include a hand on the ankle when over the knee or curling a hand into a fist (I've had to use this during a flogging scene once when it knocked the breath out of me). It is important to have non-verbal safeactions established in scenes where you are gagged, bound or otherwise might not be able to utter an audible word. (noisy club settings come to mind here)
Some people refuse to use their safewords out of pride. However, safewording for mental issues (certain things could cause flashbacks in abuse victims) or health reasons (breathing problems, dizziness, etc) is something that makes or breaks the scene. If you keep going well beyound what you can handle, you will be the one that has to live with the fears and doubts in the future. Other people don't like safewords because they feel it takes the control and punishment out of a discipline scene if a bottom can safeword out when it starts to hurt. I understand how it might be a bit of a damper in punishments (after all, is it really a punishment if the bottom can safeword out of it?) but on the other hand, what if a partner misreads your body language and doesn't immediately recognize a problem that comes up? How do you handle it if something does happen?
An established safeword takes care of that, but is only a good safety measure if it is used. I had a situation once where a safeword (action really) was ignored or not noticed and instead of insisting on it being respected, I "braved" it out. It took me a long time to get over the fear that resulted, and the trust I had in that Dom was shattered. It is a bit scary to think about how often that must happen and what the results could be. Never let your pride be stronger than your common sense. You are the one that is going to pay, mentally and physically.
One note of caution though....a safeword doesn't always make one "safe". Sometimes you need to rely on your Dom's experience and knowledge as to when you've had enough. There are times when you just aren't able to know when enough is enough, and the Top needs to being responsible in that too. When I am in subspace, I can take literally *anything*. It's a bit frightening to realize that I am not capable right then to know when it's time to stop. So safewords can create a false sense of security as well. Work with your partner to establish a method that works for you.
Safewords
Safewords cause a lot of debate in the BDSM world. Some find them restricting and unnecessary. However, I am one that feels they are vital and insist upon having them. I will not play with someone that will not respect my safeword, nor will I play with a Dom that doesn't insist on one being established. It is up to you to respect the safeword and not use it inappropriately, and up to him to respect it no matter what his feelings may be on the time you choose to use it.
I do believe that in solid, long term relationships, that safewords might not be necessary providing that the other partner knows his/her bottom well enough to KNOW when it's too much and will stop because they respect their bottom enough to care about his/her mental and physical safety. (I've seen Tops keep going after it is obvious the bottom has had enough and that is pretty scary just to watch) I would think it would take a long time for any relationship to get to this point, especially considering how diverse this 'kink' can be and how body language and language in general in spanking can be very misleading. (screaming "no, no, stop!" doesn't always mean stop at all, etc) So it is of my opinion that even couples in long term relationships should consider establishing a safeword or action that is never, ever to be abused.
If safewords are established and the relationship is a healthy one, it will most likely naturally evolve to a point where the safeword isn't even an issue anymore. Trust is a wonderfully strong thing, but innocent misunderstandings are much stronger.
My safeword is simple. I tell anyone that I play with what it is, and since I often play spur of the moment with new people in intense scenes at parties....it would be very dangerous of me not to establish one for many reasons, including the fact that I'm deaf and miss out on a lot of things that come naturally for most people, plus a history of abuse that I'm always wondering if is going to be triggered when trying something new.
Typical safewords most often used are the three colours. Green for "I'm fine, continue". Yellow for "I'm nearing my limit, find out what is wrong and adjust, or move on to something else". Red for "Stop, immediately, I've had enough and need a break." A Top that doesn't know your reactions that well can check in from time to time and ask you what colour you are at, and Red can be used any time in the scene to stop the action. Some people use other unusual words that would not come up in the scene such as "butterfly". Never choose words such as "Enough" or "No". It is too easy for your Top to think this is simply a part of the scene and ignore it. I am always begging for the spanking to stop or whining "no morrrrrrre" and I don't mean it in the least.
My safeword is "Master". It is a word I would never, ever address to anyone as at this point in my life. I never have been a fan of the typical "Red" safeword as it seems awkward to squeal out "RED!" in the middle of a scene. If I was in a scene in public where something was just too much, physically or mentally for me to take, saying "please, master" would be a natural phrase that would immediately let my partner know to stop, but wouldn't make either of us feel embarrassed since anyone watching would assume it was just a part of the scene.
Same as in a punishment with my disciplinarian...addressing him as Master would alert him that I really am at the end of what I can safely take. I've never used it, but I would if I had to, and I always establish it with anyone I play with. Most Tops/Doms bring up the issue before I do...that's one sign for me that they are someone I would feel safe and secure playing with. Other safety measures I've seen include a hand on the ankle when over the knee or curling a hand into a fist (I've had to use this during a flogging scene once when it knocked the breath out of me). It is important to have non-verbal safeactions established in scenes where you are gagged, bound or otherwise might not be able to utter an audible word. (noisy club settings come to mind here)
Some people refuse to use their safewords out of pride. However, safewording for mental issues (certain things could cause flashbacks in abuse victims) or health reasons (breathing problems, dizziness, etc) is something that makes or breaks the scene. If you keep going well beyound what you can handle, you will be the one that has to live with the fears and doubts in the future. Other people don't like safewords because they feel it takes the control and punishment out of a discipline scene if a bottom can safeword out when it starts to hurt. I understand how it might be a bit of a damper in punishments (after all, is it really a punishment if the bottom can safeword out of it?) but on the other hand, what if a partner misreads your body language and doesn't immediately recognize a problem that comes up? How do you handle it if something does happen?
An established safeword takes care of that, but is only a good safety measure if it is used. I had a situation once where a safeword (action really) was ignored or not noticed and instead of insisting on it being respected, I "braved" it out. It took me a long time to get over the fear that resulted, and the trust I had in that Dom was shattered. It is a bit scary to think about how often that must happen and what the results could be. Never let your pride be stronger than your common sense. You are the one that is going to pay, mentally and physically.
One note of caution though....a safeword doesn't always make one "safe". Sometimes you need to rely on your Dom's experience and knowledge as to when you've had enough. There are times when you just aren't able to know when enough is enough, and the Top needs to being responsible in that too. When I am in subspace, I can take literally *anything*. It's a bit frightening to realize that I am not capable right then to know when it's time to stop. So safewords can create a false sense of security as well. Work with your partner to establish a method that works for you.
serijules
just seri
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More great questions! This topic is so diverse.
Since I wrote the essay that I quoted above, I HAVE had an experience where I had to use my safeword (and in all honesty, should have used it much much sooner than I did). Guilt and fear of dissapointment played a huge factor in my choice not to use the safeword, and it really upset me later on and still does, because I used to feel so secure in my ability to use the safeword if the situation came up. I let the 'punishment' go much further than it should have, and still have cane marks from the session....it was 10 weeks ago. Now the dissapointment is in the fact that I DIDN'T have the strength to safeword.
The few times I've topped, I've always established a non-verbal safeword. I'm SO new to topping yet that I really don't trust myself to recognize things that I probably should, and make sure my partners realize my own inexperienced. Oddly enough to me, many are still very willing to bottom to me, which is a nice feeling....and how else does one learn? I would be extremely upset and even angry if anyone I topped DIDN'T use the safeword when they needed to. This is a reaction I expect from anyone that Tops me as well, even in a long-term relationship.
I have to say that is the impression I often get too, and until my recent experience, I didn't have as deep of an understanding as I do now, on how hard of a struggle it can be to use your safeword. I think the negativity exists mostly in the submissive's mind though, than any actual dissapointment or anger on the Dom's part. I would think a good Dom would be angry if the sub didn't use it, rather than the other way around. Sub's are usually a lot harder on themselves than anyone else is, in some ways, it seems.
sorry so long winded (again)
herrreeeee pussy pussy pussy...... meow
P. B. Walker said:
Since I wrote the essay that I quoted above, I HAVE had an experience where I had to use my safeword (and in all honesty, should have used it much much sooner than I did). Guilt and fear of dissapointment played a huge factor in my choice not to use the safeword, and it really upset me later on and still does, because I used to feel so secure in my ability to use the safeword if the situation came up. I let the 'punishment' go much further than it should have, and still have cane marks from the session....it was 10 weeks ago. Now the dissapointment is in the fact that I DIDN'T have the strength to safeword.
The few times I've topped, I've always established a non-verbal safeword. I'm SO new to topping yet that I really don't trust myself to recognize things that I probably should, and make sure my partners realize my own inexperienced. Oddly enough to me, many are still very willing to bottom to me, which is a nice feeling....and how else does one learn? I would be extremely upset and even angry if anyone I topped DIDN'T use the safeword when they needed to. This is a reaction I expect from anyone that Tops me as well, even in a long-term relationship.
I have to say that is the impression I often get too, and until my recent experience, I didn't have as deep of an understanding as I do now, on how hard of a struggle it can be to use your safeword. I think the negativity exists mostly in the submissive's mind though, than any actual dissapointment or anger on the Dom's part. I would think a good Dom would be angry if the sub didn't use it, rather than the other way around. Sub's are usually a lot harder on themselves than anyone else is, in some ways, it seems.
sorry so long winded (again)
herrreeeee pussy pussy pussy...... meow
NemoAlia
Voracious
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I second that! (all that...)
Here are some links to past threads on the subject:
Is a safe word counterproductive for extremely novice submissives? begun by WriterDom on 03-29-2002
Panic Stops begun by Cirrus on 07-01-2002
Sub using the safeword, feelings of Dom/me begun by Frouwa_Aph on 03-30-2002
Here are some links to past threads on the subject:
Is a safe word counterproductive for extremely novice submissives? begun by WriterDom on 03-29-2002
Panic Stops begun by Cirrus on 07-01-2002
Sub using the safeword, feelings of Dom/me begun by Frouwa_Aph on 03-30-2002
Daddyslilpet
Marked And Owned
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I have the color safewords too. I have used "yellow" a few times to indicate a cramp or when things got more than I could handle but I didn't want to dead stop everything.
Did I feel bad about using my word? No, not for the cramps, but I did to a degree for the other reason. Master assured me it was the right thing to do tho, so I moved past it.
I have not used "red" nor do I feel I'll ever have to. Master knows me pretty well.
~smile~
dixi
Did I feel bad about using my word? No, not for the cramps, but I did to a degree for the other reason. Master assured me it was the right thing to do tho, so I moved past it.
I have not used "red" nor do I feel I'll ever have to. Master knows me pretty well.
~smile~
dixi
I don't think in a healthy, giving relationship that using safewords would be looked down on. I don't consider it "wussing out", but part of the purpose of a scene is to stretch my limits and go where I've never been before, so I do hold out on using a safeword. With my first Dom, we didn't have safewords (didn't know what they were), and there were times when what he did was very painful and I couldn't stop him. Blood on the sheets, when it's not meant to be there, a bad, bad thing! I've never had to stop a scene since that first Dom, but I have used a "yellow" word a couple of times, due to 1. a restraint being too tight, and 2. to reposition my head (I can get dizzy if my head is in certain positions). I didn't view that as a failure, and the Dom I was playing with simply paused to make me comfortable before starting up again. I think I would feel disappointment if I felt I had to safeword out of something, but I think a Dom's reaction to that is far more important - does he stop and talk about what happened? Does he try to reassure? Does he understand? I've never met anyone who was released because they safeworded out of something, although I have met dominants who have stated that if a sub uses her safeword, he will dismiss her. I don't waste my time on them.
Safewords are necessary. However, after a time, a Dom does get comfortable with how much his sub can take. In my instance, with my first Dom, we didn't use safewords. Granted, at times there was some serious hurt, but nothing that sent me to the emergency room. But he learned to read my body, my eyes, tone of voice. He got to know exactly how far he could push before I went into a bad place. So, while I believe strongly that safewords are needed in the beginning of a relationship, I believe over time, the flow between Dom and sub is such that they are no longer really required.
~Dream~
Loving My Soulmate Scott
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keep it coming ..
this thread is gettin better and better ty to everyone for their imput and thanks for this serijules:
My safeword is "Master". It is a word I would never, ever address to anyone as at this point in my life. I never have been a fan of the typical "Red" safeword as it seems awkward to squeal out "RED!" in the middle of a scene. If I was in a scene in public where something was just too much, physically or mentally for me to take, saying "please, master" would be a natural phrase that would immediately let my partner know to stop, but wouldn't make either of us feel embarrassed since anyone watching would assume it was just a part of the scene.
'Red' works ALOT better for me as I dont really feel that My Master,will ever put me in a "scene' in public where something is too physical or mental for me,He just isnt like that at all... I only use RED to Stop because at that time of OUR "scene' ,in the privacy of the bedroom .He "accidentally' put me in physical pain,not yet knowing my "limits and I can withstand ALOT of PAIN ,and love it ,esp spankings.. I would feel ALOT More embarrassed saying please Master than RED ',simpply because the connotation of "please Master ,from me ,usually means MORE !! lol I really dont feel it has anything to do with how well He knows me tho because Master Artful knows me BETTER that ANYONE does... JMHO..
this thread is gettin better and better ty to everyone for their imput and thanks for this serijules:
My safeword is "Master". It is a word I would never, ever address to anyone as at this point in my life. I never have been a fan of the typical "Red" safeword as it seems awkward to squeal out "RED!" in the middle of a scene. If I was in a scene in public where something was just too much, physically or mentally for me to take, saying "please, master" would be a natural phrase that would immediately let my partner know to stop, but wouldn't make either of us feel embarrassed since anyone watching would assume it was just a part of the scene.
'Red' works ALOT better for me as I dont really feel that My Master,will ever put me in a "scene' in public where something is too physical or mental for me,He just isnt like that at all... I only use RED to Stop because at that time of OUR "scene' ,in the privacy of the bedroom .He "accidentally' put me in physical pain,not yet knowing my "limits and I can withstand ALOT of PAIN ,and love it ,esp spankings.. I would feel ALOT More embarrassed saying please Master than RED ',simpply because the connotation of "please Master ,from me ,usually means MORE !! lol
I really dont feel it has anything to do with how well He knows me tho because Master Artful knows me BETTER that ANYONE does... JMHO..
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serijules
just seri
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Re: keep it coming ..
*nods* It wouldn't work for a lot of people for exactly that reason, and would actually be silly to use "master" as a safeword for those that DO have a relationship where they address the Dominant as Master, as in your case.
But for me, since most of my more intense play is in public situations, and I play with new Dominants a lot in those same situations...ESPECIALLY at a club, I wouldn't want to put myself in a situation where I'm going to feel embarressed to use the safeword, and those same situations are probably ones that will more likely get to a point where the safeword will come into play since the two people don't know each other well, or even at all, beyound reputation.
I think if I was in a committed D/s relationship, my safeword choice would probably change. But for now, and the way I play, it is what I'm more comfortable with...and that is the key. You have to be comfortable with it, and imagining myself squealing "RED!!" just makes me feel so silly. Addressing someone as Master and really meaning it, makes me feel uneasy...so it's a perfect safeword since it has a totally different meaning for what I use it for.
Just goes to show how diverse we all are, and how each relationship and situation has it's own set of "tools" that work for them.
Artful's dream said:'Red' works ALOT better for me as I dont really feel that My Master,will ever put me in a "scene' in public where something is too physical or mental for me,He just isnt like that at all... I only use RED to Stop because at that time of OUR "scene' ,in the privacy of the bedroom .He "accidentally' put me in physical pain,not yet knowing my "limits and I can withstand ALOT of PAIN ,and love it ,esp spankings.. I would feel ALOT More embarrassed saying please Master than RED ',simpply because the connotation of "please Master ,from me ,usually means MORE !! lol
*nods* It wouldn't work for a lot of people for exactly that reason, and would actually be silly to use "master" as a safeword for those that DO have a relationship where they address the Dominant as Master, as in your case.
But for me, since most of my more intense play is in public situations, and I play with new Dominants a lot in those same situations...ESPECIALLY at a club, I wouldn't want to put myself in a situation where I'm going to feel embarressed to use the safeword, and those same situations are probably ones that will more likely get to a point where the safeword will come into play since the two people don't know each other well, or even at all, beyound reputation.
I think if I was in a committed D/s relationship, my safeword choice would probably change. But for now, and the way I play, it is what I'm more comfortable with...and that is the key. You have to be comfortable with it, and imagining myself squealing "RED!!" just makes me feel so silly. Addressing someone as Master and really meaning it, makes me feel uneasy...so it's a perfect safeword since it has a totally different meaning for what I use it for.
Just goes to show how diverse we all are, and how each relationship and situation has it's own set of "tools" that work for them.
Great Thread!
Good answer, Zipman.
As a dominant, I INSIST on a safeword. The safeword can and should be used when any type of scenario arises which is too difficult for the submissive. There is absolutely no shame in using a safeword.
This goes farther than the PHYSICAL; it can also be used in everyday situations. For example, if the sub is directed to be more assertive if that is contrary to his or her normal demeanor.
Good answer, Zipman.
As a dominant, I INSIST on a safeword. The safeword can and should be used when any type of scenario arises which is too difficult for the submissive. There is absolutely no shame in using a safeword.
This goes farther than the PHYSICAL; it can also be used in everyday situations. For example, if the sub is directed to be more assertive if that is contrary to his or her normal demeanor.
Ebonyfire
Ball Stretcher
- Joined
- Jan 6, 2002
- Posts
- 11,729
I love safewords!
I use the usual ones if my subs are verbal. Green, red, and yellow.
I use hand/body signals for times when sensory deprivation is being used or they cannot speak.
If is it considered being a wuss, so be it. The safety of my boys is paramount.
Eb
I use the usual ones if my subs are verbal. Green, red, and yellow.
I use hand/body signals for times when sensory deprivation is being used or they cannot speak.
If is it considered being a wuss, so be it. The safety of my boys is paramount.
Eb
~Dream~
Loving My Soulmate Scott
- Joined
- May 21, 2002
- Posts
- 18,275
Re: Re: keep it coming ..
*agreed* each relationship is indeed UNIQUE in its own way,,,I wish I did have the experience you do have with more "public" scenes but I feel it may come with time,that however ,will be up to Master,I feel GREAT about adreesing Artful as Master as NO other man will ever be called that by me ,Ever ,and never has been with the Love I do now..I would feel as "uncomfortable ' with not calling Him "Master' as I would without my safeword ,however I do feel in my heart as our relationship progresses,and it WILL, I will eventually feel so Comfortable with *US* that I will not need one anymore .. ty for the post serijules..
____________________serijules said:
*nods* It wouldn't work for a lot of people for exactly that reason, and would actually be silly to use "master" as a safeword for those that DO have a relationship where they address the Dominant as Master, as in your case.
But for me, since most of my more intense play is in public situations, and I play with new Dominants a lot in those same situations...ESPECIALLY at a club, I wouldn't want to put myself in a situation where I'm going to feel embarressed to use the safeword, and those same situations are probably ones that will more likely get to a point where the safeword will come into play since the two people don't know each other well, or even at all, beyound reputation.
I think if I was in a committed D/s relationship, my safeword choice would probably change. But for now, and the way I play, it is what I'm more comfortable with...and that is the key. You have to be comfortable with it, and imagining myself squealing "RED!!" just makes me feel so silly. Addressing someone as Master and really meaning it, makes me feel uneasy...so it's a perfect safeword since it has a totally different meaning for what I use it for.
Just goes to show how diverse we all are, and how each relationship and situation has it's own set of "tools" that work for them.
*agreed* each relationship is indeed UNIQUE in its own way,,,I wish I did have the experience you do have with more "public" scenes but I feel it may come with time,that however ,will be up to Master,I feel GREAT about adreesing Artful as Master as NO other man will ever be called that by me ,Ever ,and never has been with the Love I do now..I would feel as "uncomfortable ' with not calling Him "Master' as I would without my safeword ,however I do feel in my heart as our relationship progresses,and it WILL, I will eventually feel so Comfortable with *US* that I will not need one anymore .. ty for the post serijules..
Ghost's amaris
Really Experienced
- Joined
- Oct 2, 2002
- Posts
- 179
This is a great thread,
I must say i have the usual safewords red, yellow, green. I have never actually used the safe words. I also have safe actions. I have them for when i loose my voice as i do as i deeper into subspace.
I have used my safe action once because it was just way more than i could take at that time. It was after we had been playing all day long.
I was not looked down apon. we discussed it after I was able to talk again. We discussed and learned about where things were at and where I was.
I am encouraged to use the safeword or action out if it is just more than i can handle. I have only had to use the action out once I am proud to say though.
Ghost's amaris
I must say i have the usual safewords red, yellow, green. I have never actually used the safe words. I also have safe actions. I have them for when i loose my voice as i do as i deeper into subspace.
I have used my safe action once because it was just way more than i could take at that time. It was after we had been playing all day long.
I was not looked down apon. we discussed it after I was able to talk again. We discussed and learned about where things were at and where I was.
I am encouraged to use the safeword or action out if it is just more than i can handle. I have only had to use the action out once I am proud to say though.
Ghost's amaris
artful
*His eyes as an Eagle's*
- Joined
- Dec 24, 2001
- Posts
- 4,364
Safe Words,...
...yep, I use them,...*NOW*,...and in the future. In the past,...I gave no thought to having a safe word SYSTEM. I have learned so much, from more experienced people in this Forum.
In all my, one on one relationships of the past, I relied on lengthy communication BEFORE, during, and after a PLAY to insure the safety of my sub. Most all my experience, was mostly gained as I stumbled through 20 years with one woman.
Only after reading in THIS Forum, did I ever hear of a SYSTEM coded-red,yellow,green. I first used this system with Dream. I use it as a two-fold system.
FIRST:
To insure her safety, (she has medical conditions that I am not totally familiar with). Also,...it being our first encounter skin-to-skin, I felt caution to be of EXTREME importance.
SECOND:
I know this might seem contradictory, but I used them as a tool in finding out, just where her pain threshold REALLY was,(emotionally AND physically).
Personally,...not having a lot of experience in using, (red-yellow-green)=RYG, I would STILL recommend their use for all.
Others may have sound reasons for using different words, but I have given it a lot of thought, and I think it merits a re-think by all.
As I have come to learn, the RYG is used by the majority. With exceptions, it is a UNIVERSAL code that works well for MOST.
When pet codes are used with new, inexperienced, or unfamiliar participants, they would be MUCH more likely to be forgotten, in the "heat" of the moment, than the simple RYG.
Safe Gestures?,...Well,...that's another concern. Do any of you have ones you use over and over, in particular situations, (such as gagged, hooded, speech impaired, hearing impaired, etc.)????
...yep, I use them,...*NOW*,...and in the future. In the past,...I gave no thought to having a safe word SYSTEM. I have learned so much, from more experienced people in this Forum.
In all my, one on one relationships of the past, I relied on lengthy communication BEFORE, during, and after a PLAY to insure the safety of my sub. Most all my experience, was mostly gained as I stumbled through 20 years with one woman.
Only after reading in THIS Forum, did I ever hear of a SYSTEM coded-red,yellow,green. I first used this system with Dream. I use it as a two-fold system.
FIRST:
To insure her safety, (she has medical conditions that I am not totally familiar with). Also,...it being our first encounter skin-to-skin, I felt caution to be of EXTREME importance.
SECOND:
I know this might seem contradictory, but I used them as a tool in finding out, just where her pain threshold REALLY was,(emotionally AND physically).
Personally,...not having a lot of experience in using, (red-yellow-green)=RYG, I would STILL recommend their use for all.
Others may have sound reasons for using different words, but I have given it a lot of thought, and I think it merits a re-think by all.
As I have come to learn, the RYG is used by the majority. With exceptions, it is a UNIVERSAL code that works well for MOST.
When pet codes are used with new, inexperienced, or unfamiliar participants, they would be MUCH more likely to be forgotten, in the "heat" of the moment, than the simple RYG.
Safe Gestures?,...Well,...that's another concern. Do any of you have ones you use over and over, in particular situations, (such as gagged, hooded, speech impaired, hearing impaired, etc.)????
serijules
just seri
- Joined
- Sep 19, 2002
- Posts
- 1,941
Re: Safe Words,...
I have had to incorporate a safe gesture into a scene twice...once for me, and once for someone I was topping.
For the man I was topping...he was over my knee, and since I am deaf and can't hear a safeword if I can't see the person's face to read their lips, I told him to grab my ankle if he wanted me to stop. He didn't have to use it, but I felt much more secure knowing I wouldn't miss it.
In my case, we were in a noisy club setting, I was on the St Andrews Cross, and he was flogging me. It was my first time being flogged. Since it was too noisy for him to hear a safeword, he told me to keep my hands flat on the cross...and if I needed to safeword, to curl my hand into a fist and raise it away from the cross.
At one point in the flogging, he was using a very very heavy leather hide flogger on my already well-flogged back...and was aiming too high. It knocked the breath right out of me, and I curled my hand into a fist and waved it in the air.
It didn't work in that situation (long story, another thread sometime) but I still feel it is very important to establish gestures as well as words....but they arn't always foolproof
I don't do gags, but I've seen Dom/me's give their subs a ball to hold when gagged. If the ball is dropped, scene stops.
artful said:Safe Gestures?,...Well,...that's another concern. Do any of you have ones you use over and over, in particular situations, (such as gagged, hooded, speech impaired, hearing impaired, etc.)????
I have had to incorporate a safe gesture into a scene twice...once for me, and once for someone I was topping.
For the man I was topping...he was over my knee, and since I am deaf and can't hear a safeword if I can't see the person's face to read their lips, I told him to grab my ankle if he wanted me to stop. He didn't have to use it, but I felt much more secure knowing I wouldn't miss it.
In my case, we were in a noisy club setting, I was on the St Andrews Cross, and he was flogging me. It was my first time being flogged. Since it was too noisy for him to hear a safeword, he told me to keep my hands flat on the cross...and if I needed to safeword, to curl my hand into a fist and raise it away from the cross.
At one point in the flogging, he was using a very very heavy leather hide flogger on my already well-flogged back...and was aiming too high. It knocked the breath right out of me, and I curled my hand into a fist and waved it in the air.
It didn't work in that situation (long story, another thread sometime) but I still feel it is very important to establish gestures as well as words....but they arn't always foolproof
I don't do gags, but I've seen Dom/me's give their subs a ball to hold when gagged. If the ball is dropped, scene stops.
NemoAlia
Voracious
- Joined
- Jul 31, 2001
- Posts
- 1,434
Oooh, the ball-dropping idea is my favorite kind of safeword. It becomes another element of the erotism for me to be required to hold onto something while being ____(fill in the blank)____ed. If I let go, the play stops; but while I'm holding on, I should expect no quarter unless the Dom wills it.
Safe Gestures
The one I usually have my kids use is to make a fist, then raise one finger at a time. It looks like an octopus hailing a taxi, can't be mistaken for anything else, and is fairly obvious.
And just to address a question earlier in the thread, about "wussing out." It can seem like that, because at the moment the sub uses the safeword, the Dom/me may be very into the scene, and having to suddenly stop can be like hitting a curb at 50 mph- a bit of an angry shock. But once that wears off, all good Dom/mes will admit that the sub should use the safeword if they're in trouble (IMO, anyway).
The one I usually have my kids use is to make a fist, then raise one finger at a time. It looks like an octopus hailing a taxi, can't be mistaken for anything else, and is fairly obvious.
And just to address a question earlier in the thread, about "wussing out." It can seem like that, because at the moment the sub uses the safeword, the Dom/me may be very into the scene, and having to suddenly stop can be like hitting a curb at 50 mph- a bit of an angry shock. But once that wears off, all good Dom/mes will admit that the sub should use the safeword if they're in trouble (IMO, anyway).
