Sadness
- Thread starter Aurora Black
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i didnt wanna go home today
FallingToFly
Political Stance: Porn
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I shouldn't be sad.
I have had the most amazing day, writing and Lit wise. My household is never what anyone would consider sane, so I accept that and base my happiness off other things. I was flying higher than a kite on A certain Way's success, and then I suddenly had a case of the doldrums hit me.
No, let me rephrase. A case of depression, so strong it physically hurts, hit me.
If I let myself, I could analyze it in all its bits and make a strong case for why I am depressed, and why it hit when it did but I don't need to, I know.
I let someone I care far too much for read A Certain Way, and that person's comment floored me - "So when are you going to draw your line in the sand and just come home to me?"
I know that this is where I say "I am not Laura." And I'm not, yet. I don't bother hiding what I feel or think or am, usually. But those unusually's are becoming more frequent, and this person sees it, much more clearly than I do. Has commented on it in the past. Has offered me the way out.
I love this person. They are my friend, my confidante, my partner in crimes against things I don't even want to think about right now, because despite my mood, I will giggle myself sick. We've learned the meaning of synergy through our eight year friendship, and we're so "in tune" it can, and has in the past scare(d) us and others.
But we both have very committed partnerships with other people. It's always been a running joke that we'd just run away together and let the devil take the hindmost, but neither of us would. I don't think. The attraction is mutual, mental, emotional and physical. we could be so very good for each other- and then what?
There's a reason opposites attract. As hot-tempered and flighty as we both are we would probably burn ourselves out in a spectacular blaze of melodrama. We would either feed each other's flames or burn each other out. And we'd hate ourselves and each other for it.
So I'm doing the smartest, safest thing I've ever done, and letting it lie as it lies between us. I don't have what it takes to give myself completely to anyone again, and they- well, I know where they stand.
I just wish that swallowing this bitter little pill didn't feel like broken glass going down.
(just FYI- there's no need for sympathy. I just needed to blurt this out, and I can't put it where my family {mother, brother, sister, best friend, husband} will read it, because all hell breaks loose then. They think Lit is a silly waste of time better spent being practical and sober citizens who don't "porn-monger" and such. Therefore, this is safe here.)
I have had the most amazing day, writing and Lit wise. My household is never what anyone would consider sane, so I accept that and base my happiness off other things. I was flying higher than a kite on A certain Way's success, and then I suddenly had a case of the doldrums hit me.
No, let me rephrase. A case of depression, so strong it physically hurts, hit me.
If I let myself, I could analyze it in all its bits and make a strong case for why I am depressed, and why it hit when it did but I don't need to, I know.
I let someone I care far too much for read A Certain Way, and that person's comment floored me - "So when are you going to draw your line in the sand and just come home to me?"
I know that this is where I say "I am not Laura." And I'm not, yet. I don't bother hiding what I feel or think or am, usually. But those unusually's are becoming more frequent, and this person sees it, much more clearly than I do. Has commented on it in the past. Has offered me the way out.
I love this person. They are my friend, my confidante, my partner in crimes against things I don't even want to think about right now, because despite my mood, I will giggle myself sick. We've learned the meaning of synergy through our eight year friendship, and we're so "in tune" it can, and has in the past scare(d) us and others.
But we both have very committed partnerships with other people. It's always been a running joke that we'd just run away together and let the devil take the hindmost, but neither of us would. I don't think. The attraction is mutual, mental, emotional and physical. we could be so very good for each other- and then what?
There's a reason opposites attract. As hot-tempered and flighty as we both are we would probably burn ourselves out in a spectacular blaze of melodrama. We would either feed each other's flames or burn each other out. And we'd hate ourselves and each other for it.
So I'm doing the smartest, safest thing I've ever done, and letting it lie as it lies between us. I don't have what it takes to give myself completely to anyone again, and they- well, I know where they stand.
I just wish that swallowing this bitter little pill didn't feel like broken glass going down.
(just FYI- there's no need for sympathy. I just needed to blurt this out, and I can't put it where my family {mother, brother, sister, best friend, husband} will read it, because all hell breaks loose then. They think Lit is a silly waste of time better spent being practical and sober citizens who don't "porn-monger" and such. Therefore, this is safe here.)
What was this thread doing all the way on the 5th page? 
He threw the three letter word around before and it took until I got completely drunk for him to tell me he's afraid to love and perhaps doesn't even know what it means or really is and he asked how the hell I can tell what it is - it's a fucking feeling, ass. What am I doing here? Why am I beside you in bed every night? Why are you the one to cheer me up? Why do your lips meet mine about a hundred times a day? But most of fucking all, why did I let this happen?
He threw the three letter word around before and it took until I got completely drunk for him to tell me he's afraid to love and perhaps doesn't even know what it means or really is and he asked how the hell I can tell what it is - it's a fucking feeling, ass. What am I doing here? Why am I beside you in bed every night? Why are you the one to cheer me up? Why do your lips meet mine about a hundred times a day? But most of fucking all, why did I let this happen?
Aurora Black
Professional Dreamer
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My heart is broken, yet I'm still alive. How on earth?
Selena_Kitt
Disappearing
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Aurora Black said:
AchtungNight
Lech Master
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Sympathy and good wishes to all here!
cheerful_deviant
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Aurora Black said:
Nothing to say that will really help. Just *HUGS* and
es.
Luna_Wolf72
CinnaWolf circa 2023
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Have you ever had a day where everything seems to be just fine? You know, the kind where you don't feel any different than usual or at least the usual that most people see? And in the middle of having this not so bad/not so great day, have you suddenly been dropped so far down into the depths of despair that you can no longer function?
It's more than sadness, it's like this gut wrenching blackness that swallows you whole, leaving you unable to breathe, eat, cry, sleep. On top of this, you are a single parent with children who are so attuned to your every mood that it is utterly impossible to hide it from them.
What do you do? Honestly, what can you do? I sit here and I type away at strangers, trying to keep the blackness at bay. I can hear a siren's song of forgetfulness, of sleep that doesn't end. I want so badly to curl up and just go away. Why does that happen? If it's a case of depression, where the hell is it coming from...and why do I feel so alone, so lost, so scared? Why am I afraid to be by myself. I am using my children to protect me from me. I guess I am using the people here, as well.
What happens when this no longer works?
It's more than sadness, it's like this gut wrenching blackness that swallows you whole, leaving you unable to breathe, eat, cry, sleep. On top of this, you are a single parent with children who are so attuned to your every mood that it is utterly impossible to hide it from them.
What do you do? Honestly, what can you do? I sit here and I type away at strangers, trying to keep the blackness at bay. I can hear a siren's song of forgetfulness, of sleep that doesn't end. I want so badly to curl up and just go away. Why does that happen? If it's a case of depression, where the hell is it coming from...and why do I feel so alone, so lost, so scared? Why am I afraid to be by myself. I am using my children to protect me from me. I guess I am using the people here, as well.
What happens when this no longer works?
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FallingToFly
Political Stance: Porn
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In the temple of love you hide together
Believing pain and fear outside
But someone near you rides the weather
And the tears he cried are the rain
On walls as wide as lover's eyes...
With a gun for a lover and a shot for the pain at hand
Believing pain and fear outside
But someone near you rides the weather
And the tears he cried are the rain
On walls as wide as lover's eyes...
With a gun for a lover and a shot for the pain at hand
she_is_my_addiction
insane drunken monkey
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so i watched this movie, and it was so perfect...the dynamic and the behavior...even the anger, warrented and not. the only difference was the time span and that didn't even seem to matter. but i couldn't cry. i couldn't cry. it's like i've turned inside out. nothing shows on the outside, and only leaks on the inside. i think i may die this way. always blaming myself for the little quips that may never have been. because of me. and secretly, i think maybe i'm only good for ruining people.
Last edited:
Nirvanadragones
Literotica Guru
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arienette said:
Because sometimes doing the right thing makes us sad
Nirvanadragones said:Because sometimes doing the right thing makes us sad
I don't know what to do with myself.
I just sit and stare - I should get paid for this because I am damn good at just sitting and staring. My mind is everywhere, no one can talk to me because whenever I try to pay attention to what people are saying, my mind wanders and they sound muffled. I'm nauseated, but I feel hungry at the same time and my head hurts and I feel so alone. I sat with the phone earlier and remembered I don't really have anyone to call, no one is there to just listen to me ramble and no one knows the situation I'm in anyway, except for a few people I can't even talk to. The boy doesn't help...he just talks about how goddamn cute his kids are and GODMOTHERFUCKINGDAMMIT.
*wanders to the venom thread*
Nirvanadragones
Literotica Guru
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arienette said:
You're not allowing yourself to feel what you are feeling. You have to acknowledge what is really going on inside before you can make peace with it and move on.
Be sad. Hug your pillow. Cry in the shower. Put on Sarah Mclachlan and sing until the tears come (even if it is the neighbours tears) and then have a cup of (i would say tea because that would work for me) a prefered warm nurturning beverage, and be safe.
Sometimes we have to take care of ourselves, Sweet. And I know it hurts, and I know it would be better to have a real person there to hold you when the pain comes. But you are more than enough to get yourself through this.
Just you wait and see
she_is_my_addiction
insane drunken monkey
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arienette said:
*sigh*
Nirvanadragones said:You're not allowing yourself to feel what you are feeling. You have to acknowledge what is really going on inside before you can make peace with it and move on.
Be sad. Hug your pillow. Cry in the shower. Put on Sarah Mclachlan and sing until the tears come (even if it is the neighbours tears) and then have a cup of (i would say tea because that would work for me) a prefered warm nurturning beverage, and be safe.
Sometimes we have to take care of ourselves, Sweet. And I know it hurts, and I know it would be better to have a real person there to hold you when the pain comes. But you are more than enough to get yourself through this.
Just you wait and see
You know, you and SIMA are making me remember how much I used to love Sarah McLachlan...I'm downloading the entire Mirrorball CD.
SIMA, you are my angel...just remember that.
x12I don't know what I'd do without you.
she_is_my_addiction
insane drunken monkey
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arienette said:You know, you and SIMA are making me remember how much I used to love Sarah McLachlan...I'm downloading the entire Mirrorball CD.
SIMA, you are my angel...just remember that.
I don't know what I'd do without you.
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