S&M = Sexual Addiction?

[broken_halo]

What is one to think when they read that S&M is a form of sexual addiction because of it's distructing and humiliating behavior? This is a article i came across while browsing the web.
http://www.sexualcontrol.com/#types

This may be true for some because of the endorphine rush they get from the practice, but i don't see how just because one practices this that it can be considered a sexual addiction. If this is the case, are all BDSM'rs sex addicts?

Opinions would be great.

Thanks.

broken_halo

 

[SpectreT]

Hm.

Their opinions may be a bit skewed. I explored some of the links on that site, and they seemed to be drawing too much conclusion from not enough data. If you sometimes masturbate to help get to sleep, for example, in their opinion you've got a problem and need help. I don't know what other ideas I might have found if I'd stuck around, but there's not enough room in that kind of thinking for the likes of me.

 

[Todd-'o'-Vision]

If you sometimes masturbate to help get to sleep, for example, in their opinion you've got a problem and need help.

How else am I supposed to get to sleep at night then?

Yes I know to much information

BTW Spectre, thanks for the PM, I don't know if my thank reply went through or not, some of my PM's have been bermuda triangling after I send them

 

[KillerMuffin]

The single sentence gloss of S&M doesn't quite make the grade. Sexual addiction is generally something that helps people to avoid relationships or dealing with people as people, as opposed to sexual objects.

BDSM isn't a way to avoid a relationship. BDSM is a sexual practice hopelessly mired in relationship. The sexuality is all about the relationship of the people involved and the rest of it is just trappings.

Sure, there's people who use BDSM like others use drugs and alcohol and the Internet and the telephone and shopping and eating and barfing and any number of things.

Like everything else, it all relies on how a person uses the activity.

 

[morninggirl5]

Here's their sexual addiction quiz. If you answer yes to even one question, according to the site, you're addicted and need help.

Do you go from one sexual partner to another?Yes No

Do you use masturbation to get to sleep at night? Yes No Sometimes

Do you engage in techno-sex (telephone or Internet sex)? Yes No

Do you have to masturbate after you have sex with your partner? Yes No Sometimes

Do you go to prostitutes (male or female) for sex? Yes No

Do you use sex to relieve anxiety? Yes No Sometimes

Is masturbation your favorite form of sex? Yes No

Is pornography an alternate or primary form of sex for you? Yes No

Are you experiencing impotency?Yes No

Has sex become so prevalent in your life that it interferes with your job responsibilities? Yes No

Does your need to have sex cause you to neglect your family? Yes No



I scanned through the FAQ's on the site and found these quite interesting.

How much does it cost?

I make it a point to keep the counseling affordable.


Does my spouse have to get involved with the counseling?

There are situations in which it is best to ask your spouse to be involved in the counseling. In other situations you and your spouse would be better off if you did the counseling completely on your own. During the half-hour free consultation I will be able to advise which alternative would be best in your case.


You say that addictive sex is a relationship problem. Why?

Because sex is an emotional issue. One thing I teach all my clients, especially when it comes to marriage counseling: "emotional intercourse precedes sexual intercourse." To put it another way, the kind of sex you seek indicates the kind of intimate relationships you want. Take a look at the sex addiction interview for more insights into this issue.

I was sexually abused in my childhood. How will that impact the counseling?

It won't. This counseling is based on keeping you focused in the present and making your life work today.



I couldn't find this person's credentials anywhere on the site. I certainly wouldn't steer anyone looking for accurate information there.

If you're interested, the National Council on Sexual Addictions and Compulsivity has a website with a definition of sexual addiction and articles that cite as references journals respected in the Psychology/Social Work fields.

http://www.ncsac.org/definitions.html

For any behavior (and for psychologists, sex is a behavior) to be an "addiction" and be considered for treatment by reputable therapists, there must be some escalation of the behavior in spite of increasing personal and social consequences for continuing the behavior. In plain English, if it's not causing a problem for you personally or in your relationships, it's NOT a problem.




yes, i'm one of those kinky psych majors, WD

 

[RisiaSkye]

What is one to think when they read that S&M is a form of sexual addiction because of it's distructing and humiliating behavior? This is a article i came across while browsing the web.
http://www.sexualcontrol.com/#types

It isn't an "article," it's a sales pitch. The links all lead to the counseling this person is selling. The whole thing is geared to convince the largest possible audience of their pathology, thus steering them toward salvation at the hands of this "guide," or vanilla-Dom. And at a very reasonable price, I'm sure.

Suffice it to say, I'm less than impressed with it.

 

[broken_halo]

Offensive

Sales pitch or article, i myself found it to be offensive. i am not sure why it hit me like that. Maybe just because it is another comparison to the lifestyle that makes us look bad. Like the BDSM =abuse thing.

 

[SpectreT]

How else am I supposed to get to sleep at night then?

Yes I know to much information

BTW Spectre, thanks for the PM, I don't know if my thank reply went through or not, some of my PM's have been bermuda triangling after I send them

Nope, I didn't get your thanks. Another one lost to Rod Serling, I guess. I would like to know what kind of response my little piece got. Try PM'ing me again with some of it.

We now return you to your regular thread. If this had been an actual hijacking, we would be making demands for our destination to be changed to someplace with a mild year-round climate and no extradition agreement with the US.

 

[Lancecastor]

For Only $69.....

...YOU can be get the Sex Readdiction Counselling YOU need!

That's Right!

Tired of a Normal sexlife?

Missing those twisted nights of perverted lust before you were "Cured"?

Tired of mising out on all the Fun of BDSM?

Wishing you could ELAILA ......??
(Enjoy Life Again In Real Life)

If you answered "Yes!" to ANY of these questions....you Qualify!

And best of all...Everyone Is Approved!!

How do you get Readdicted To BDSM, you ask....?

Can I start Today?

Will the cure for the cure really cure my ass?

Yes! Yes! Yes! It's easy!

Simply send $69 (usd) to:
Lance Castor,
Head Master
School For ReEnlightenment Through Fast Hard Public Penetration & Flogging For Fun
6969 MyStreet
Toronto
Canada, Eh1
S&H extra
EO&E
Not valid in some states, such as the Great States of Self-Doubt, Paranoia or Fundamentalism.

 

[broken_halo]

Re: For Only $69.....Hmmmmm

...YOU can be get the Sex Readdiction Counselling YOU need!

That's Right!

Tired of a Normal sexlife?

Missing those twisted nights of perverted lust before you were "Cured"?

Tired of mising out on all the Fun of BDSM?

Wishing you could ELAILA ......??
(Enjoy Life Again In Real Life)

If you answered "Yes!" to ANY of these questions....you Qualify!

And best of all...Everyone Is Approved!!

How do you get Readdicted To BDSM, you ask....?

Can I start Today?

Will the cure for the cure really cure my ass?

Yes! Yes! Yes! It's easy!

Simply send $69 (usd) to:
Lance Castor,
Head Master
School For ReEnlightenment Through Fast Hard Public Penetration & Flogging For Fun
6969 MyStreet
Toronto
Canada, Eh1
S&H extra
EO&E
Not valid in some states, such as the Great States of Self-Doubt, Paranoia or Fundamentalism.

 

[shysub]

Entertaining

If nothing else, this sure was entertaining to read. Something to think, how stupid people must think others are. It goes to show you that there is a cure for everything and a sucker to buy into it.

 

[broken_halo]

Not entertaining for everyone.

Although some may look at it as a joke. There people at slaa a 12 step program for addicts dont think so. Just as their is 12 step programs for every other kind of addiction there is for sex as well. i myself took the 40 question test. i answered yes to about 28 of the questions. Sex addict? Me? No...i just enjoy sex. i dont look at it as i am addicted to it. If i am considered one by there definition, then so be it. What gets me though, is the people that are considered to be involved in S&M are not just always in it for the sex. i guess that is how those that are suppose to be "normal" think though.

 

[Ebonyfire]

Way to go Muff, I agree

The single sentence gloss of S&M doesn't quite make the grade. Sexual addiction is generally something that helps people to avoid relationships or dealing with people as people, as opposed to sexual objects.

BDSM isn't a way to avoid a relationship. BDSM is a sexual practice hopelessly mired in relationship. The sexuality is all about the relationship of the people involved and the rest of it is just trappings.

Sure, there's people who use BDSM like others use drugs and alcohol and the Internet and the telephone and shopping and eating and barfing and any number of things.

Like everything else, it all relies on how a person uses the activity.

I was going to say something like the two subjects are separate issues. S & M and sexual addiction may intersect one some point because of the individuals involved. But they are not intertwined.

When I read hear stuff like what was said about sexual addiction, I think that it reflects a hidden agenda.

Ebony

 

[cymbidia]

Re: Not entertaining for everyone.

What gets me though, is the people that are considered to be involved in S&M are not just always in it for the sex. i guess that is how those that are suppose to be "normal" think though.

People who "do" BDSM sexuality are in it for a variety of reasons - just like anyone doing any kinda sexuality.

Some of us are drawn to it because it's what we **are** as sexual beings. some of us do it because it's thrilling. Some of us prey on others of us. Some of us do it cuz it's fashionable. Some of us got pulled in by someone we care(d) for. Some of us don't have a clue why we do this. Some of us do it cuz we're sex addicts, too.

On and on and on. There are as many reasons why people are involved in this kind of sexuality as there are people involved in it.

So what? I don't get the point here.

And "normal"? For me, BDSM sexuality is normal, thanks. Nilla sexuality is not normal, for me.

I disregard terms like "normal" with respect to sexuality anyway. There are such huge gigantic variances of what's "normal" even among nillas - who is to say what's inside and outside the lines of "normacy"?

I've volunteered many times to be the one to determine that but no one seems to be taking me up on it. Some people think the Bible is the authority - but which version? Whose Bible? Which part?

The whole idea of "normal" sexuality is a myth.
None of us is normal or all of us are.

Just my opinion, of course.

 

[pierced_boy]

on Normal

I agree with Cym here

I have know what i wanted since before puberty. It is not some artifact of porn or literature or personnal experience.

I knew i needed intense sensations and the space to surrender and please before I became aware of what was available to read, what other people did. I wanted steel in my body (and did it) before pierced ears became fashonable.

While it may be addiction it is still at least an innate and natural (in that it has not been created in nuture) expression of myself. It is normal(to me) and by the evidence of others posts here the same for others.

Harry

 

[Ebonyfire]

Sex is sex to me

I am not into S & M, does that make me vanilla? I think not. It just means I am not a sadist or a masochist. Not all sadists or masochists are in it for sex. We all here know the definitions of these two words.

I am into D/s, and sex is not the focal point, service is. I can get the sex I want without being in a D/s relationship. Does that make me vanilla, no. It just makes me different from you. Not all D/s folk are in it for the sex. Assumptions are the mother of all f-ups.

Sexual addiction is another story all together. It just depends on who you are.

Ebony

 

[Lancecastor]

Re: Not entertaining for everyone.

Although some may look at it as a joke. There people at slaa a 12 step program for addicts dont think so. Just as their is 12 step programs for every other kind of addiction there is for sex as well. i myself took the 40 question test. i answered yes to about 28 of the questions. Sex addict? Me? No...i just enjoy sex. i dont look at it as i am addicted to it. If i am considered one by there definition, then so be it. What gets me though, is the people that are considered to be involved in S&M are not just always in it for the sex. i guess that is how those that are suppose to be "normal" think though.

I guess that was pointed to me...hmmmm.

I went and saw the site that was the starting point of this thread.

It's crap.

Snake oil.

Some people like snake oil.

Or at least, they buy it.

It's simplistic to try and cram all human behavior of a "similar" kind into any one pigeon hole or give it all a label.

that being said...there's a sucker born every mnute, particularly on the World Wide Wank.

So...hey, sure, I'll deprogram the deprogrammed with a Baker's Dozen 13 Step Program anytime, duckie!

And the 13th step is yours to keep....

Step right this way! See the Great Egress!

Lance "Barnum was doing Bailey" Castor

PS: My fave wacky sites: rickross.com and coincidencedesign.com

Heal me! I'm sarcastic!

 

[Ebonyfire]

Let's go back...

to a kinder, gentler time, when all you had to worry about was..


hairy palms!!!!!!

Now, now, stop playing with that!!!! You naughty boy/girl (add one)!

Ebony LOL

 

[broken_halo]

Re: Re: Not entertaining for everyone.

I guess that was pointed to me...hmmmm.


~~~~
Sorry to burst your bubble, but it was NOT pointed at anyone directly. Only to those who find humor in others pain with addictions.

 

[Lancecastor]

What is one to think when they read that S&M is a form of sexual addiction because of it's distructing and humiliating behavior? This is a article i came across while browsing the web.
http://www.sexualcontrol.com/#types

This may be true for some because of the endorphine rush they get from the practice, but i don't see how just because one practices this that it can be considered a sexual addiction. If this is the case, are all BDSM'rs sex addicts?

Opinions would be great.

Thanks.

broken_halo

When one reads such an article while browsing the web, my opinion would be that they should think about doing some or all of the following:

1. Wonder how they got to that skanky corner of the Web?!;

2. Resolve not to go there again;

3. Shake their head at all the ways people try to squirrel money out of people by making them think they are "sick";

4. Ponder your monthly bills and think if there's a way to personal financial freedom and/or achieving The American Dream in copying the scam, er, business in question, maybe by Direct Mail from home;

5. Feel sorry for the less fortunate, the addicted, the homeless and resolve to get back to church soon or do volunteer work;

6. Laugh at the multitudes of idiots being led down the garden path online in record numbers, wasting hours alone at a screen, turn off the computer and go for a walk, kiss a baby or watch Oprah;

7. Try to see if the title of the site can be hacked the way you could change the page headers at Bianca's Smut Shack in 1993 and change it to something reallllllly rude, just for fun;

8. Fwd: the URL with an email of concern to everyone you think might be gettin just too much sex, then masturbate again;

9. Take the test....feel guilt and shame;

10. Hit "back" to google and re-search for Sex Addicted SM Freaks again! (or just go to Lit)


My honest opinion....thanks for asking;
Lance

 

[broken_halo]

Re: Re: S&M = Sexual Addiction?

When one reads such an article while browsing the web, my opinion would be that they should think about doing some or all of the following:

1. Wonder how they got to that skanky corner of the Web?!;

2. Resolve not to go there again;

3. Shake their head at all the ways people try to squirrel money out of people by making them think they are "sick";

4. Ponder your monthly bills and think if there's a way to personal financial freedom and/or achieving The American Dream in copying the scam, er, business in question, maybe by Direct Mail from home;

5. Feel sorry for the less fortunate, the addicted, the homeless and resolve to get back to church soon or do volunteer work;

6. Laugh at the multitudes of idiots being led down the garden path online in record numbers, wasting hours alone at a screen, turn off the computer and go for a walk, kiss a baby or watch Oprah;

7. Try to see if the title of the site can be hacked the way you could change the page headers at Bianca's Smut Shack in 1993 and change it to something reallllllly rude, just for fun;

8. Fwd: the URL with an email of concern to everyone you think might be gettin just too much sex, then masturbate again;

9. Take the test....feel guilt and shame;

10. Hit "back" to google and re-search for Sex Addicted SM Freaks again! (or just go to Lit)


My honest opinion....thanks for asking;
Lance

Actually, my search was not for sex addicts at all or for S&M freaks. However, when i do run across things like that and read them, it gets one thinking. What is there sick game? What led them to believe things like this? Why are they twisted in there way of thinking...or is it my way of thinking that is twisted? Maybe i am missing something here. i know there are lots of scams here, i know these scams hurt many people...look at the ones that happend and are still happening with the 9-11 disaster hit.
Their are not just scammers that think this though. There are professionals that do as well. i just like to pick apart someones brain, their way of thinking.

By the way, i did like those answers. Maybe you need to write David Lettermens top 10 lists.


broken halo

 

[Lancecastor]

Caveat Emptor

Actually, my search was not for sex addicts at all or for S&M freaks. However, when i do run across things like that and read them, it gets one thinking. What is there sick game? What led them to believe things like this? Why are they twisted in there way of thinking...or is it my way of thinking that is twisted? Maybe i am missing something here. i know there are lots of scams here, i know these scams hurt many people...look at the ones that happend and are still happening with the 9-11 disaster hit.
Their are not just scammers that think this though. There are professionals that do as well. i just like to pick apart someones brain, their way of thinking.

By the way, i did like those answers. Maybe you need to write David Lettermens top 10 lists.


broken halo

I think that morninggirl5 covered the academic side of your question in a cogent fashion earlier in the thread when she pointed out that the site in question was absent of credentials, pricing, and gave some advice that was likely indicative of poor or nonexistent certification/licensing of the counsellor in question.

As to "why" sites like this are found, I do really think it's (mostly) all about the money...the internet's a largely unregulated environment where small scale commerce of all kinds thrives....free enterprise of all kinds. You can buy a wife from a third world country, a baby, unapproved drugs/treatments, get prescriptions filled by real doctors in jurisdictions where your jurisdiction wouldn't allow that drug for that ailment, buy a used popcorn machine from someone for $20 across the continent....you name it. If there is a perceived need to be filled, you can fill it on the WorldWideWeeeb.

It's also a big soapbox....I earlier referenced rickross.com, who takes it upon himself to track "cults"...I had business friends who became wealthy off their .com's and then became involved with The Sterling Institute For Relationships (they were all single or divorced workoholics) and tried to recruit me to pay a bunch of money to get on a bus to go to an undisclosed location for a weekend , possibly longer (at their sole decision) of "learning"....they were quite insistent and ganged up on me and my life in the most wierd kinda way at a restaurant, so I asked for their literature. There was none. I had to trust them. (trust and giving cash to people to go "learn" mysterious things using denigration as the persuasive technique don't equate here) I asked what would happen if I searched Sterling in search engines and was told not to, that the Web was full of lies about Sterling....this from hardcore WWW businessmen driving new Porsches...so of course I searched it immediately, found RickRoss and his critique....which helped me realize my newly monied buddies were probably getting hosed by a scam. And they were, which they figured out after they had a radical cashectomy performed on them. So that wierd little soapbox site, full of all kinds of crud of varying grades, actually helped me keep my bimmer. Go figure.

As for letting sites like that alter your way of thinking, I'd suggest you stick to your beliefs, whatever they may be, versus allowing a money-trolling website aimed at web-users who are feeling pangs of WASP guilt over enjoying the vast oceans of sex on the web influence your thinking.

As for getting inside their heads...I think it's about the money and perhaps some twisted beliefs of their own fuelled by a bitter divorce or a parent who wasn't loving enough, who knows? Who cares? They're trying to take advantage of possibly weak others to advance their belief system, nuff said in my book.

I do know they won't get my cash and more importantly....they won't get inside my head, thank-you very much.

Caveat Emptor.

Thanks for listening, and for the kind words on my humour.
LC

 

[RisiaSkye]

Re: Caveat Emptor

As for letting sites like that alter your way of thinking, I'd suggest you stick to your beliefs, whatever they may be, versus allowing a money-trolling website aimed at web-users who are feeling pangs of WASP guilt over enjoying the vast oceans of sex on the web influence your thinking.

Well said, Lance.

 

[catalina_francisco]

bump...