Rough Sex Question

[goud21]

Hey everyone, I love this site, but I don't post nearly enough. Between the Blank Manual and other posts, I've learned a lot and had a lot of fun over the past few years.

Recently, I started dating a woman, we'll call her Erin, who likes her sexual play rougher than anyone I've been with before. In the past, the women I've been with were more interested in sensual teasing, light caresses, and slow, deep sex. Erin likes things a little rougher. She likes to have her nipples pinched and bitten, likes to be thrown around, likes it hard and rough from behind, etc.

My question is, how do I know how far to take things? I know it's silly, but I do worry about hurting her. I think it's just a lack of experience with these type of activities. My personal thought is that if it's too rough, she'll tell me. She tends to be vocal, so I'm fairly certain she'd say something and stop me, I'm just curious if anyone has any experience with this that they could share. Thanks in advance everyone.

 

[Mephistophelily]

A main suggestion is a safe word.
Sometimes in a rougher time, I will start saying things to my hubby... but then be upset when he really does stop. So... Safeword. If I get too scared of what's going on, I'll use that word. Make it something that would definitely get your attention. Something that she would NOT be shouting if she were having a good time.

Another idea is to just ask her what she considers going too far. Don't ask this before you start playing around... You'll get a very blunt answer that probably won't help you much.

 

[coolr]

a little communication goes a long away, while agreeing with above poster about a safeword, normally "rough sex" doesn't quite have the use for one, i've personally either communicated before hand or have kept going until they say something. when it's just "rough sex" and not getting into bondage or role playing or anything like that, then you shouldn't need a safeword

 

[goud21]

a little communication goes a long away, while agreeing with above poster about a safeword, normally "rough sex" doesn't quite have the use for one, i've personally either communicated before hand or have kept going until they say something. when it's just "rough sex" and not getting into bondage or role playing or anything like that, then you shouldn't need a safeword

Yeah, it's more of just rougher play in general, not bondage or anything like that. I guess I'm going to leave it up to communication as things progress.

 

[the captians wench]

Deffinitly ask her how far is too far I think. I agree that a safeword may be a bit drastic for what you are talking about, but perhaps asking her from time to time how she's doing/feeling, in the midst of play might be an idea. Tho it's really been my experence that if you're being too rough your partner will let you know. There's a difference in "oh stop too much" and "wholly shit what the fuck are you doing", and usually once you've gotten used to each other you can tell the difference between her saying stop and not meaning it and when she's really pushed to the edge.

 

[TBKahuna123]

You can talk about this, communicate in a way that becomes part of your foreplay. Have her describe where her limits are, how far she'd want to push those limits, then agree on a safeword. First off, it will put you at ease, becasue you will know where the boundary lies. Second, if she is into this kind of primal sex, the conversation alone should get her pretty worked up. And you too, I'd imagine.