Role-model BDSM

[ASongOfPleasure]

Hi, I’m new to Lit and I’m finally getting down to what I came here for. Here is a little back story. I have a 2 year old son. His mother is no longer with us... it took me almost 2 years to be emotionally ready to start dating the girl I am now. I wasn’t even looking to date but she found me, and if she hadn’t I don’t know if I ever would have dated again. I’m very into BDSM, I’m a dom. I know I’m going to be into BDSM for the rest of my life and my girlfriend is also into it and we play when we get the chance. The thing I’m concerned with is the effect it could have on my son if he ever found out. I’m not talking about when he’s my age, I mean like if he’s young like 5 or 6 and he accidently walks in on us and we are doing BDSM type things. What kind of effect could that have on him? Would it traumatize him? Also what can I do to make it better? Or so he never finds out? Should I stop BDSM until he is older? I'm sorry if this post is in the wrong place, if it is please tell me where to post it, like I said I'm new. Thank you in advance for any advice you can give me.

 

[Kurokami]

Perhaps I shouldn't be freely giving out advice while sleep deprived, but there are a number of ways to avoid getting walked in on; plenty of parents go without ever having that happen, and I know I'm going to work my hardest to avoid that situation with my own daughters.

Best advice I can give is to get a lock for your bedroom door, and make use of it. He can't get in if you do. Also, you'll have to make concessions to the fact that you do have a kid in your life: maybe that means having less kinky sex, maybe it means waiting until he's out of the house. It definitely means you should avoid the twenty-four hour lifestyle stuff, and perhaps find a way to be quiet about it, and avoid leaving any marks on each other you'd need to explain away. Find a place that's way out of reach to store your toys, with a lock if you can and be diligent about packing up after each session. You don't have to give it up completely, but you do have to be responsible about it, and make sure your kid comes first. Which, given that you're worried about it, seems to be the case

As for whether seeing you guys at it would scar him... I'm not a child psychologist, but I'd assume it's preferable that he not see y'all doing that, and try aiming for that outcome. Doing otherwise is planning to fail

Oh, and welcome to the boards!

 

[ASongOfPleasure]

Perhaps I shouldn't be freely giving out advice while sleep deprived, but there are a number of ways to avoid getting walked in on; plenty of parents go without ever having that happen, and I know I'm going to work my hardest to avoid that situation with my own daughters.

Best advice I can give is to get a lock for your bedroom door, and make use of it. He can't get in if you do. Also, you'll have to make concessions to the fact that you do have a kid in your life: maybe that means having less kinky sex, maybe it means waiting until he's out of the house. It definitely means you should avoid the twenty-four hour lifestyle stuff, and perhaps find a way to be quiet about it, and avoid leaving any marks on each other you'd need to explain away. Find a place that's way out of reach to store your toys, with a lock if you can and be diligent about packing up after each session. You don't have to give it up completely, but you do have to be responsible about it, and make sure your kid comes first. Which, given that you're worried about it, seems to be the case

As for whether seeing you guys at it would scar him... I'm not a child psychologist, but I'd assume it's preferable that he not see y'all doing that, and try aiming for that outcome. Doing otherwise is planning to fail

Oh, and welcome to the boards!

Thank you for the great advice. im deffinatly gonna get a lock for the door. Also im not really into the 24 hour lifestyle so thats no problem. Thanks so much you have deffinatly given me so great plans And yes my son always comes first

 

[His_pet_slut]

I remarried when my children were just a few years older than your son. Several things will help. Number 1 and one of the hardest initially is to make your bedroom a kid-free zone. No exceptions. If he is ill and you need to sleep with him, sleep with him in his room, do NOT bring him into your room.

Start early with respecting one another's space. If you are in your room and he needs you, teach him to knock on the door. That goes both ways, if his door is closed, you knock lightly before entering.

Any gear will need to have a secure place to keep it put away in your room. While you are setting it up as a kid free zone, there may well come a time when he is older that curiosity will get the better and he will go snooping.

Use good common sense about most of it and you should do fine.

 

[Stella_Omega]

If you possibly can, put at least one room between his bedroom and yours.

Even so, if you guys are likely to get real noisy, try to find a local dungeon club to do it in. it's nice to have the furniture once ina while anyways...

 

[JustaSCOUNDREL]

Most children of that age sleep pretty well when that age. If there is any doubt I'd get a baby monitor and install it in his room and keep it turned up in yours when you are playing.

I think I'd do a double lock for the door. a regular one and a throw bolt. Better safe then sorry. Teach him early one if the door is closed he has to knock and wait until you open the door I also agree your room is yours and kids never sleep in there. Kids free zone.

I have no idea how hard you play but if she is a screamer for any reason get her a pillow to scream into.

I really doubt you'll have any problems for a few years but start early and reap the rewards later.

I didn't see all the other answers when I started this reply.

Mike

 

[CutieMouse]

Teach him that everyone deserves to have their privacy respected. Show him that adults have loving, respectful relationships full of healthy communication and support. If he does happen to "walk in on something"... odds are good that might happen, kink or no. Decide how you're going to handle it in the moment, before the moment happens.

(I have yet to meet a parent who hasn't had their young child knock when hearing "weird noises" at night, found mom & dad's toy stash, or caught them in potentially awkward situation. Mine was the then 7 year old wandering into the middle of a dinner party [after being put to bed], holding a dildo. Yay! Parenting!)

 

[ASongOfPleasure]

Thank you!

Thank you all so much for the wonderful advice I will take it all to heart. You all have not only helped with my problem but also gave me more confidence as a parent thank you all again.

 

[Evil_Geoff]

hehehehe...

Just wait until they are older.

This conversation was last Thanksgiving...

Daughter In Law: Dad, can I ask you a question?

Me: Sure! What's up?

Daughter In Law: Would it squick you guys out if we went to CAPEX (BDSM group in Charlotte, NC) to see Catherine Gross do her cutting demo?

*LOL*

Tori and I are the "cool" in-laws. *LOL*

 

[Licia]

We've three children ranging in age from 11 to two. Our closet sports a lock just as the bedroom door. Sometimes everyone ends up in our bedroom to hang out, but the kids know that if the bedroom door is hanging open it means they are welcome inside.