I'm curious to hear people's ideas on this:
It seems to me that our society's view of sex gives rise to both genders being "stuck between a rock and a hard place" when it comes to finding sexual satisfaction. This is more true for people with a particularly strong sex drive.
Proverbially, the "rock" is our society's demand for discretion, appropriateness and dignity -- and the "hard place" is our animal lust. We're taught about this from the time we're really young: "keep your hands to yourself," we are taught, and "don't touch someone in the no-no places." I even remember seeing little charts for boys and girls with the "no-no places" of female breasts, both genders' genitals, and the ass being the no-no places in question. At the time, I found it kind of strange and curious. I hadn't yet matured sexually so I didn't understand that those were, ironically, the very best of places to touch and be touched...
As I grew up, I think I took the lesson a bit too far, and in my psyche, I cast any sexually aggressive male I encountered in an unfavorable emotional light. I was also jealous of these "players" because their disrespectful sexual aggression always seemed to result in more attention and companionship from the fairer sex... So, as a male, I'm now irrationally afraid of what I call "harrasser shaming" where a man is looked down upon as being disrespectful towards women because he has made an aggressive or forward sexual advance.
Women deal with something similar in terms of "slut shaming" where a lady isn't considered a lady if she exposes herself too much or gives herself to too many men.
For those of us who lust intensely, it's natural to want to touch and be touched in the "no-no places", even with people who we don't know very well. It's natural to want to expose ourselves, and it's natural to want to have sex in a variety of situations, including the workplace and in public. For those who feel as I do, that's the hard place we are stuck between, because our society causes us to think we ought to feel ashamed for expressing such desires, and even more ashamed for acting on them. And so we numb ourselves up with alcohol before picking up one-night-stands in bars, and we keep "discretion" (i.e. we lie) about any extra-marital affairs that we may be lucky enough to start.
I'm not complaining - we're all trying to figure it out and I don't know that society is necessarily even to blame. Sex is primal. It is the very genesis of life. It can't be effectively communicated about with written or spoken language in the same way that some other things can be, so of course we find it challenging to "wrap our heads around it".
In the end, it just seems to me like there's an enormous amount of "social risk" when it comes to having sex. Say it ain't so!
1) Private monogamous sex behind closed doors and
2) privately masturbating to pornography, also behind closed doors
Those are the types of sex that seem to circumvent this social risk -- but there's always the risk of getting caught masturbating, and there's the social risk and the awkwardness that is necessary in dating... so those don't fully excuse us from the inherent social risk in sexual exploration.
Without risk there is no reward? Why must one of the greatest things in life (sex) be so fraught with social risk? Am I the only one who is frustrated by this? I think not! It's confusing!
Your thoughts?
It seems to me that our society's view of sex gives rise to both genders being "stuck between a rock and a hard place" when it comes to finding sexual satisfaction. This is more true for people with a particularly strong sex drive.
Proverbially, the "rock" is our society's demand for discretion, appropriateness and dignity -- and the "hard place" is our animal lust. We're taught about this from the time we're really young: "keep your hands to yourself," we are taught, and "don't touch someone in the no-no places." I even remember seeing little charts for boys and girls with the "no-no places" of female breasts, both genders' genitals, and the ass being the no-no places in question. At the time, I found it kind of strange and curious. I hadn't yet matured sexually so I didn't understand that those were, ironically, the very best of places to touch and be touched...
As I grew up, I think I took the lesson a bit too far, and in my psyche, I cast any sexually aggressive male I encountered in an unfavorable emotional light. I was also jealous of these "players" because their disrespectful sexual aggression always seemed to result in more attention and companionship from the fairer sex... So, as a male, I'm now irrationally afraid of what I call "harrasser shaming" where a man is looked down upon as being disrespectful towards women because he has made an aggressive or forward sexual advance.
Women deal with something similar in terms of "slut shaming" where a lady isn't considered a lady if she exposes herself too much or gives herself to too many men.
For those of us who lust intensely, it's natural to want to touch and be touched in the "no-no places", even with people who we don't know very well. It's natural to want to expose ourselves, and it's natural to want to have sex in a variety of situations, including the workplace and in public. For those who feel as I do, that's the hard place we are stuck between, because our society causes us to think we ought to feel ashamed for expressing such desires, and even more ashamed for acting on them. And so we numb ourselves up with alcohol before picking up one-night-stands in bars, and we keep "discretion" (i.e. we lie) about any extra-marital affairs that we may be lucky enough to start.
I'm not complaining - we're all trying to figure it out and I don't know that society is necessarily even to blame. Sex is primal. It is the very genesis of life. It can't be effectively communicated about with written or spoken language in the same way that some other things can be, so of course we find it challenging to "wrap our heads around it".
In the end, it just seems to me like there's an enormous amount of "social risk" when it comes to having sex. Say it ain't so!
1) Private monogamous sex behind closed doors and
2) privately masturbating to pornography, also behind closed doors
Those are the types of sex that seem to circumvent this social risk -- but there's always the risk of getting caught masturbating, and there's the social risk and the awkwardness that is necessary in dating... so those don't fully excuse us from the inherent social risk in sexual exploration.
Without risk there is no reward? Why must one of the greatest things in life (sex) be so fraught with social risk? Am I the only one who is frustrated by this? I think not! It's confusing!
Your thoughts?
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