Road rules

[Croctden]

Has anyone ever been in relationship that was in the closet at home, but more flexible on the road? Recently I was with a girl who would only submit in private (which was basically the weekends as we did not live together), unless we left town for somewhere no one knew us. Out of town anything went, wet t-shirt contests, being lead on a leash and spanked in a bar, being forced to strip in front of another couple in a hotel pool, etc. The humilation turned her on. I did not mind, but I found it odd she liked it so much; she was terrified people who knew her might learn she was a sub.

 

[Johnny Mayberry]

This just seems obvious, to me anyways. The nervousness about being outed can make enjoyment of play almost impossible.

 

[catalina_francisco]

While the fear of being discovered can be a legitimate cause for caution and concern, at some point in life it is important for peace of mind and soul to make an informed decision to live life the way you are happiest. It is unfortunate that society demands we try to please everyone as in reality it is impossible so then we need to come back to pleasing ourselves and those we love in a responsible and mindful way that will not wilfully harm others.

Some may feel it subjective as to how others are harmed, but as a keen advocate against censorship (apart from child porn), I prefer the idealistic view that there will come a day when we can all feel safe being whoever we are without need to hide and feel judged.....except for the erotic thrill of the fear and judgement our D's gift us with.

On a serious note, the harm I refer to is physically imposing our practices and tastes on others, openly judging others, or exposing children to sexual activities which can prove disturbing. It is simple to keep those activities in an adult environment, but it would be nice if the less harmful activities were possible to be enjoyed in society without censure, legal or otherwise. Perhaps then we would not be living in such a screwed up world where people feel compelled to act out their fantasies, frustrations, and repressions on innocent people.

 

[Justina123]

I completely understand your sub. I live in a small city, small town atmosphere- being led on a leash in public or doing other obvious "sub" things turns me on tremendously but I MUST refrain in my area. I cannot afford to have my job jeopardized, my single parenthood questioned, etc. etc. However, when travelling, that's another story, and boy do I look forward to those opportunities!

- justina

 

[AnelizeDarkEyes]

Your relationship makes perfect sense to me. My LDR with Sir dictates that one of us travels to the other. Because of my job flexibility, so far, that has been me. When i am on His "turf" so to speak, i am much more apt to do things i would not do in my own "backyard" for the simple reason that none of these people know me. His town is quite small, and so is mine, and "going out" possibilities are pretty limited. It's pretty much a trip to the next big town for a night out. I often wonder how i would react if He were to travel to my hometown, and what His expectations would be. It would be a stretch of my submission to go about my hometown, which is full of elderly people (alot of whom i know from various meetings) in restraints.

~anelize

.

 

[D's mariposa]

makes perfect sense here

A lot of us live this to some extent. For instance, no leashes and or collars in front of my family or coworkers. But when we went on vacation last year I was collared all the time except when we were snorkeling or swimming, cause salt water is bad for leather. I also learned why we don't fall asleep in the car when our Dom is driving. Said Dom decided that a blow job would be a way to wake one up..

 

[Croctden]

I understood why she was nervous

Okay, I can comprehend being nervous, but at some point don't you have to say fuck it, this is who I am? A job is one thing, but family and friends are another. How close can you really be to someone if you are hiding something that significant from them? I guess I'd just rather have a few close friends rather than a horde of casual acquaintances.

 

[Ebonyfire]

Re: I understood why she was nervous

Okay, I can comprehend being nervous, but at some point don't you have to say fuck it, this is who I am? A job is one thing, but family and friends are another. How close can you really be to someone if you are hiding something that significant from them? I guess I'd just rather have a few close friends rather than a horde of casual acquaintances.

There is more at stake than a loss of friendship. I have a male sub who happens to be a middle school teacher, how long would he have his job if he "let it all hang out"?

School systems take a dim few of certain lifestyles. I am sure there are others jobs just as touchy.

Descretion is the better part of valor.

 

[Native Alien]

For some people the fear of loss of friends and family can be as real as the loss of job, etc. So do try to understand that she is this way because she believes that someone will not understand the way that she feels. I know that in the small town where I am it would be looked down upon.

 

[AnelizeDarkEyes]

Re: I understood why she was nervous

Okay, I can comprehend being nervous, but at some point don't you have to say fuck it, this is who I am? A job is one thing, but family and friends are another. How close can you really be to someone if you are hiding something that significant from them? I guess I'd just rather have a few close friends rather than a horde of casual acquaintances.

The question is....How open are you are about your private life in general? Most people aren't that open about their private lives to the general public on a day-to-day basis much less their sexuality. I don't look at it as "hiding something that significant." I just look at it as living my life on a normal, day-to-day basis. I don't flaunt my sexuality in my friend's faces, strut my stuff in front of my co-workers, let it all hang out at the local PTA *grin*, much less walk through the local church hall with a leash on. It's just a matter of .... personal privacy. I'm not trying to hide anything. I just don't flaunt my sexuality in those venues.

~anelize