Risks of incompetent/inexperienced doms

[MzDeviancy]

What are they?

I can figure it out for myself as far as messing with stuff like asphyxiation and hard beatings, but can some of you experienced folk point out some stuff that can go wrong with comparitively vanilla BDSM activities?

 

[jadefirefly]

I'm not sure what you're looking for.

Any number of odd things can go wrong with nearly anything. Enemas, gags, any sort of actual binding at all, can all be dangerous if one doesn't pay close attention and know how to do them properly.

Wax can burn faster than you think; anyone, but especially people with certain illnesses, can get dehydrated (or in need of a snack) faster than you may think.

How "comparitively vanilla" are you looking for? A little more specific will help in getting you the answers you're actually wanting, and will skip the stuff you're not worried about.

 

[catalina_francisco]

I'm on the run at the moment but thought perhaps you might find this interesting.

Catalina

 

[RJMasters]

I think Jade is right here, we need a bit more of what you are looking for in order to give any kind of feedback.

Basically consequences can be broken down into two categories. Physical and Emotional.

Incompetent and inexperienced Dommes/Doms hurt others when they think somehow magically their will and desires no longer need to abide by reality and the laws of physics.

Without more specific details in what you are looking for I offer the following for consideration.

- Common sense goes a long way, for gawd sakes use it.
- What ever you plan to do to someone else, do it to yourself first. Though this is not a 100% effective measure as you might be able to halde something someone else can't or visa versa, at least you will have some kind of personal experience to go on.
- Discuss things you plan to do ahead of time and be honest to the extent in which you intend to take things. Don't say you want to use a butt plug and get the other person to agree to it, then pull out a 10' diameter assmaster.
- Did I mention testing things out on your self?
- If you are in the position of a being the submissive, do not be afraid to ask how much experiece that person has in what they want to do. Its not a challenge of their dominance to ask such a question and if they take it as such, its a good sign you don't want to be on the recieving end from them anyway.
- Safe sex practices apply. So do things like infections and hygene.
- No matter how sexually satisfying something is, blood circulation and air flow are still a must.
- Sometimes a person body doesn't bend that way no matter how much you think it should....muscles will tear, bones will break.
- Always a good idea to have some kind of safe word agreed upon, not only for limits sake, but also to communicate something is wrong and play needs to stop immediately.
- Don't let anyone tie you up unless you trust them with your life...because when your tied up your life is literally in their hands.
- Anger should not be confused as a show of dominance, when present, abuse is only a breath away, use that breath to safeword out until tempers have had a chance to cool and control restored.


Emotionally

- Make sure you care about the person you are with and they care about you.
- Make sure there is a measure of respect and trust.
- Communicate about where you are and what you are seeking from a relationship.
- Don't lie to get what you want.
- Take responsibility for your own action and reactions

 

[MzDeviancy]

I'm on the run at the moment but thought perhaps you might find this interesting.

Catalina

Ahhhhhhhhhh. I never even thought about that kinda stuff. Of course, I kind of just assumed that nobody ever falls for those online weirdos' bullshit. My favourite are the ones who message you with something like, 'On your knees, slut!' What ever happened to, 'Hi, how are you this evening?'

 

[MzDeviancy]

I'm not sure what you're looking for.

Any number of odd things can go wrong with nearly anything. Enemas, gags, any sort of actual binding at all, can all be dangerous if one doesn't pay close attention and know how to do them properly.

Wax can burn faster than you think; anyone, but especially people with certain illnesses, can get dehydrated (or in need of a snack) faster than you may think.

How "comparitively vanilla" are you looking for? A little more specific will help in getting you the answers you're actually wanting, and will skip the stuff you're not worried about.

Sorry, point taken. But I didn't really know how to phrase it because I'm looking for really general stuff.

For example, someone told me that you shouldn't use the wax from scented candles in wax play because it burns much hotter due to the oils in it. Can lead to some pretty nasty burns, apparently.

I wouldn't have known that until after I went to the emergency room with second degree burns.

Stuff that a person with common sense wouldn't know/think about (I'm not looking for helpful tidbits like, 'If your dom tells you to eat yellow snow, don't do it), that can have some pretty serious consequences.

Oh, and by comparitively vanilla, I meant more along the lines of lighter BDSM. It's pretty easy to grasp how someone messing around with an inexperienced dom or an idiot can get fucked up and turned off BDSM when they've gotten into stuff like scat, knife play, asphyxiation (or basically, all the stuff that's listed in the thread asking what most people find extreme). But you keep hearing people say there can be serious physical and emotional consequences of even light bondage/play, and I'm looking for info on those.

 

[Private_Label]

What are they?

I can figure it out for myself as far as messing with stuff like asphyxiation and hard beatings, but can some of you experienced folk point out some stuff that can go wrong with comparitively vanilla BDSM activities?

How about allergic reactions. Say said domly type rubs some oil on you and it happens to be of a kind that you are highly allergic too. Same goes for candle wax with perfumes, oils and colors. Anaphylactic shock really can ruin a scene, especially if the Paramedics have to come and give you a shot of epinephrine so you can make it to the emergency room.

 

[AngelicAssassin]

Oh, and by comparitively vanilla, I meant more along the lines of lighter BDSM. But you keep hearing people say there can be serious physical and emotional consequences of even light bondage/play, and I'm looking for info on those.

Anyone that wants to play without a whole lot of talking beforehand.

Case in point: Prospective playmate has a hearing problem, and Domly wants to put a blindfold on his new toy. i think it was Seri that said not a good idea, and that's putting it mildly by vague recall. Now, common sense would suggest further sensory deprivation would rob the playmate of necessary cues to feel safe, especially on the first dance, but Domly wants that power rush of toy control. Smart money says the two sit down and talk about the scene in detail beforehand. Otherwise, Domly might have Daffyduck bouncing off the walls of his/her "dundgeon," an accident occurs, and Domly has to explain to Blue man with nightstick what happened.

 

[graceanne]

How about allergic reactions. Say said domly type rubs some oil on you and it happens to be of a kind that you are highly allergic too. Same goes for candle wax with perfumes, oils and colors. Anaphylactic shock really can ruin a scene, especially if the Paramedics have to come and give you a shot of epinephrine so you can make it to the emergency room.

It's a good point. That's the extreme, but I make all my own oils cause perfumes give me asthma attacks, and the alcohol in them makes me break out. But then I guess the answer to this thread is the same to many a thread:

COMMUNICATION!

 

[jadefirefly]

Sorry, point taken. But I didn't really know how to phrase it because I'm looking for really general stuff.

For example, someone told me that you shouldn't use the wax from scented candles in wax play because it burns much hotter due to the oils in it. Can lead to some pretty nasty burns, apparently.

I wouldn't have known that until after I went to the emergency room with second degree burns.

Stuff that a person with common sense wouldn't know/think about (I'm not looking for helpful tidbits like, 'If your dom tells you to eat yellow snow, don't do it), that can have some pretty serious consequences.

Oh, and by comparitively vanilla, I meant more along the lines of lighter BDSM. It's pretty easy to grasp how someone messing around with an inexperienced dom or an idiot can get fucked up and turned off BDSM when they've gotten into stuff like scat, knife play, asphyxiation (or basically, all the stuff that's listed in the thread asking what most people find extreme). But you keep hearing people say there can be serious physical and emotional consequences of even light bondage/play, and I'm looking for info on those.

Ahh. Actually, I had forgotten about candles burning hotter if scented. Mebbe's cos I don't care for wax on me..

Anyhoo. Any action which constricts any part of the body has the potential to be dangerous. Handcuffs can be too tight, cutting off blood flow and possibly pinching nerves... things some subs may ignore or not even notice in the midst of everything else. Limbs pressed together and bound could constrict blood flow as well.

Allergies are a definite concern, too.

Diabetics can drop in blood sugar quickly, as another example.

As important as it is, I feel like a broken record always reiterating just "communicate!" but honestly, when one's hobbies/habits/lifestyles include potentially dangerous activities, it really is something that bears repeating.

 

[O'Mac]

I'm on the run at the moment but thought perhaps you might find this interesting.

Catalina

That's by far one of the most funniest threads I've ever seen. Cheers, Cat.

 

[m wisdom]

If you are going to play with ropes learn how to make proper knots first. Using the wrong knot can cause the rope to tighten and cut off the blood.
And keep a pair or two of safety scissors close by so you can cut the rope fast. Do no use normal scissors as they can cut the skin.

 

[Acoradra]

Investigate every activity you plan on exploring, broad plans lack important contours.

 

[pandoravampire]

a milder form of play, for us one day, was to try clothes pegs on my clit. seemed like a fine idea, ill try anything once.

And bang! I little button of mine was triggered, i didnt know it was there, and im a gibbering monkey in the bedroom. My Dom was playing with his only ever submissive ie. completely inexperienced in Domly ways of how to cope with this sorta situation.
And i didnt know why i was carrying on like a pork chop for fucks sake, i just was.

But we sat, he held me, he comforted me, he soothed me. Then we talked. No eperience necessary. Just common sense and caring.