PrincessErin
Literotica Guru
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Reviews/Essays
- Thread starter PrincessErin
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gauchecritic
When there are grey skies
- Joined
- Jul 25, 2002
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- 7,076
Hmm, I was just thinking of something today that might make for a decent essay.
A woman I know has been 'cared for' all her life (she's in her 50s now I believe) and to put it plainly she is what you'd call 'simple'. She leads a normal life, in her own flat with her own income and 'helps out' at places for the less fortunate. She is cared for lovingly by relatives and friends.
Last year she told a story (she never stops talking) about why she had to finish with her last boyfriend. I was amazed. The reason was that he kept 'messing about' with her 'up here' (indicating chestal area).
A passing remark by a young woman today, about her sex life, got me thinking about permission and indulgence. The remark was "if you let them shag you..." blah blah blah.
It strikes me that the 'lessons' from mothers (probably fathers too) for young girls is often couched as "Don't let boys do things to you."
The main thrust of that phrase (quite apart from the power thing) being boys do things to girls.
The question this raised for me was, does this 'advice' colour a girl's approach to sex?
Does a girl fuck or does she get fucked?
A woman I know has been 'cared for' all her life (she's in her 50s now I believe) and to put it plainly she is what you'd call 'simple'. She leads a normal life, in her own flat with her own income and 'helps out' at places for the less fortunate. She is cared for lovingly by relatives and friends.
Last year she told a story (she never stops talking) about why she had to finish with her last boyfriend. I was amazed. The reason was that he kept 'messing about' with her 'up here' (indicating chestal area).
A passing remark by a young woman today, about her sex life, got me thinking about permission and indulgence. The remark was "if you let them shag you..." blah blah blah.
It strikes me that the 'lessons' from mothers (probably fathers too) for young girls is often couched as "Don't let boys do things to you."
The main thrust of that phrase (quite apart from the power thing) being boys do things to girls.
The question this raised for me was, does this 'advice' colour a girl's approach to sex?
Does a girl fuck or does she get fucked?
CWatson
Not in a band.
- Joined
- Jul 4, 2003
- Posts
- 1,653
One thing that I always wonder about, but can't really explore personally (for reasons which will be covered shortly), is the issue of socialization of sex.
I have a friend who plain-out doesn't understand sex. She doesn't understand the appeal of it, nor why anyone would ever want to have it. Eventually, she gave her virginity to her boyfriend, not as an act of intimacy, but because she was about to fly in an airplane for the first time and didn't want to die a virgin. I do not think she enjoyed it. (And, because her boyfriend loves her, I bet he wasn't able to enjoy it either.) I do not think they've done it again. She doesn't tell me about her sex life--mostly because, the first time she did, I was inspired to start asking these questions, and she (understandably) felt I had disrespected her privacy. (I didn't realize she was taking me into her confidence; my assumption was, "If she's telling me, it must be something she'd tell a stranger, because that's how she's treated me up until now." It was a mistake, and I apologized for it, but the damage has been done.) Ironically, this means I haven't been able to answer the questions yet, since I've cut myself off from the person who could best answer them.
The long and the short of it is, this friend does not want sex. And I don't mean that as in, "I have decided not to have it before marriage" (especially since she broke that); as in, "I see no reason why I should want to have it."
Why does she feel that way?
Well, first off, sex is weird. It's icky and sticky and messy and gross and he puts his what in my what!! But I pee out of there! Hell, I BLEED out of there! What the hell is the appeal of doing that??!! And what about cooties??? I am never having sex. NEVER. This (I think) is my friend's mindset, and--from a purely mechanical standpoint--I understand why. That's why we all giggled at the diagrams our fifth grade (or 10th grade) teacher showed us: sex is inherently squicky, and we have to get over that before we can appreciate it.
For most of us, the impetus for getting over it comes via masturbation, and the discoveries associated with it. Speaking only for myself, I've been masturbating since the cradle--or at least I think so; my memory doesn't go that far back, but in the first memories I do have, I already knew that if I touched my weewee a certain way, it would feel really good. I had my first orgasm long before I had my first ejaculation. Despite this, it took me a while to connect orgasm to sex; and even longer to realize, "Oh: sex is supposed to cause orgasm. Me sticking my whathaveyou in her etc is supposed to make the happy feelings. It is completely natural for sex to feel good." And from there I moved naturally to Step 3--"If it's supposed to feel good, I wanna try it!"--and, thus, founded my healthy and normal sexuality.
But not everybody makes it to Step 3 with its healthy and normal sexuality. Not everybody reaches a point where they want sex. Heck, not everybody reaches Step 2 ("That's normal"), or even Step 1 ("If I touch myself funny, it feels good!").
And that's where the term "socialization" comes in. Simply put, I think we are meant (by Mother Nature) to be told these things, instead of being forced to make the connections on our own; we are meant to be taught that sex is pleasurable and desirable and that we should be open to experiencing it. We are supposed to be taught to want sex. And that's why I personally can't offer insight into this question: I was taught those things. I learned Step 1 all by my ownself. And, while I wasn't socialized towards sex by my parents, I also wasn't socialized against it the way some of our girls are. No one hindered my Step 2. (In fact, the only admonition I ever got towards masturbation was, "Maybe you shouldn't do that where other people can see you." And I probably wouldn't've listened if I didn't already have a life-long habit of sticking my foot in my mouth.)
Thus, I can't answer what happens without them, not on any meaningful or emotional level. My friend doesn't want sex; I don't understand her. To me, sexuality is deeply embedded in life and in my identity; it's like fingers, or the fact that I breathe, or my ability to talk. For her, it's something external, something outside herself, to be prodded at gingerly like a loose tooth. And I don't understand that. Heck, I can't.
So, to make a long story short: I think that we, as human beings, have to be taught to want sex. We have to be informed that, despite the squick factor of Insert-Tab-A-Into-Slot-B, In-Nine-Months-Produce-Baby, there are worthwhile things to be gained and enjoyed from sex. I think that being taught those things is the basis of a person's ability to have a healthy sex life. And I think that women probably have a lot more to say on this subject than would any man, because their sexual socialization is much more a convolution than any man's. (And we haven't even started the Virgin/Whore Dichotomy yet; that's Step 4 or 5!)
I have a friend who plain-out doesn't understand sex. She doesn't understand the appeal of it, nor why anyone would ever want to have it. Eventually, she gave her virginity to her boyfriend, not as an act of intimacy, but because she was about to fly in an airplane for the first time and didn't want to die a virgin. I do not think she enjoyed it. (And, because her boyfriend loves her, I bet he wasn't able to enjoy it either.) I do not think they've done it again. She doesn't tell me about her sex life--mostly because, the first time she did, I was inspired to start asking these questions, and she (understandably) felt I had disrespected her privacy. (I didn't realize she was taking me into her confidence; my assumption was, "If she's telling me, it must be something she'd tell a stranger, because that's how she's treated me up until now." It was a mistake, and I apologized for it, but the damage has been done.) Ironically, this means I haven't been able to answer the questions yet, since I've cut myself off from the person who could best answer them.
The long and the short of it is, this friend does not want sex. And I don't mean that as in, "I have decided not to have it before marriage" (especially since she broke that); as in, "I see no reason why I should want to have it."
Why does she feel that way?
Well, first off, sex is weird. It's icky and sticky and messy and gross and he puts his what in my what!! But I pee out of there! Hell, I BLEED out of there! What the hell is the appeal of doing that??!! And what about cooties??? I am never having sex. NEVER. This (I think) is my friend's mindset, and--from a purely mechanical standpoint--I understand why. That's why we all giggled at the diagrams our fifth grade (or 10th grade) teacher showed us: sex is inherently squicky, and we have to get over that before we can appreciate it.
For most of us, the impetus for getting over it comes via masturbation, and the discoveries associated with it. Speaking only for myself, I've been masturbating since the cradle--or at least I think so; my memory doesn't go that far back, but in the first memories I do have, I already knew that if I touched my weewee a certain way, it would feel really good. I had my first orgasm long before I had my first ejaculation. Despite this, it took me a while to connect orgasm to sex; and even longer to realize, "Oh: sex is supposed to cause orgasm. Me sticking my whathaveyou in her etc is supposed to make the happy feelings. It is completely natural for sex to feel good." And from there I moved naturally to Step 3--"If it's supposed to feel good, I wanna try it!"--and, thus, founded my healthy and normal sexuality.
But not everybody makes it to Step 3 with its healthy and normal sexuality. Not everybody reaches a point where they want sex. Heck, not everybody reaches Step 2 ("That's normal"), or even Step 1 ("If I touch myself funny, it feels good!").
And that's where the term "socialization" comes in. Simply put, I think we are meant (by Mother Nature) to be told these things, instead of being forced to make the connections on our own; we are meant to be taught that sex is pleasurable and desirable and that we should be open to experiencing it. We are supposed to be taught to want sex. And that's why I personally can't offer insight into this question: I was taught those things. I learned Step 1 all by my ownself. And, while I wasn't socialized towards sex by my parents, I also wasn't socialized against it the way some of our girls are. No one hindered my Step 2. (In fact, the only admonition I ever got towards masturbation was, "Maybe you shouldn't do that where other people can see you." And I probably wouldn't've listened if I didn't already have a life-long habit of sticking my foot in my mouth.)
Thus, I can't answer what happens without them, not on any meaningful or emotional level. My friend doesn't want sex; I don't understand her. To me, sexuality is deeply embedded in life and in my identity; it's like fingers, or the fact that I breathe, or my ability to talk. For her, it's something external, something outside herself, to be prodded at gingerly like a loose tooth. And I don't understand that. Heck, I can't.
So, to make a long story short: I think that we, as human beings, have to be taught to want sex. We have to be informed that, despite the squick factor of Insert-Tab-A-Into-Slot-B, In-Nine-Months-Produce-Baby, there are worthwhile things to be gained and enjoyed from sex. I think that being taught those things is the basis of a person's ability to have a healthy sex life. And I think that women probably have a lot more to say on this subject than would any man, because their sexual socialization is much more a convolution than any man's. (And we haven't even started the Virgin/Whore Dichotomy yet; that's Step 4 or 5!)
snoopercharmbrights
Was charmbrights, snooper
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- Jan 20, 2008
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- 2,131
How to write a how to ...
How to get a plot ...
How to upset [xxx] ... (choose your own xxx - Laurel and especially Manu are NOT a good idea.)
There are three, of which one is quite interesting and another is a possible. <Sigh> Oh well, two out of three isn't bad.
PrincessErin
Literotica Guru
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- Jan 19, 2008
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