Revenge- talk me out of it

Cheyenne

Ms. Smarty Pantsless
Joined
Apr 18, 2000
Posts
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If you discovered someone you truly thought was a good friend had really been an asshole all along, manipulating you the entire time, what would you do? What if you discovered he had done the same thing or worse to at least one other board member at the same time he was manipulating you? Do you still turn the other cheek, take the high road, believe in what goes around comes around, etc.? Or do you get revenge?

I'm finally going to bed so I'll have to read your answers later in the morning. Good night, everyone.
 
taking the high road

will always give you more satisfaction that any type of revenge you enact. It portrays self-respect and will make you feel (albeit, in the long run) better for having witheld your vengance than acting on it.

It is easy to react, not so easy to take the time to reflect on things and eventually choose to walk away.... especially when you know you're in the right

The only thing I can say to make you feel better about taking this advice would be to keep your eyes open and be aware of any unsuspecting soul who could fall prey to this person's manipulative actions.
 
Revenge

You'll probably still be rather upset as you're reading this, but I just have one question. Is any revenge you're contemplating worth all of the time you'll spend thinking about it, planning it, making the revenge happen? Is this person worth that much of your time and effort? Are you going to give this person that much importance in your life?

The hurt you're experiencing is real and painful. It's your choice to either let the pain fade, or keep the pain and nuture it through revenge. Will the final satisfaction of the revenge be worth the pain of keeping the hurt alive in you?

Yes, I do believe that what goes around comes around. Maybe not in this lifetime, but certainly in the next. If you feel that sharing this information with the other board member will be helpful to you both, then go ahead.
 
Good Morning

The problem with getting revenge on assholes is that they are usually much better at it than you are. Anything you do as payback will likely be returned tenfold. This is not to say you can't let him know you are pissed, just don't lose control and lower yourself to his level.

Like Mom always said,"Don't get into a pissing contest with a skunk." :D
 
Cheyenne

In my younger days I was a very firm believer in an "Eye for an Eye,and a Tooth for a Tooth",and I don't see where it really got me anywhere,although I did feel better.

But now that I'm a little more mature,and a little wiser,I've noticed that when people turn out to be assholes,and hurt other people,the old addage that"What goes around,comes back around",seems to apply.

And that same addage will probably apply to you too,if you try to get revenge.Or you can just sit back and wait for the situation to come full circle.

If this person is as bad as you say,the dog will have it's day with them,you can bet your ass on that.

So whatever you decide,I wish you well on your decision,and good luck.
 
either way (ambivalent)

"Revenge is a dish best tasted cold." Frankly, though, as I have progressed through life I find myself - more and more - simply ignoring people who are not worth the negative energy that you expend to "get back." Tn_Vixen's comments contain good advice.

Having said that, every once in awhile I RELAPSE! "Yea though I ride into the valley of death I fear no evil, for I am the meanest SOB in the valley."
 
Cheyenne

Tn give some good advice, to me, there is one question i would be asking myself:

Would i want this person doing what was done to me, to my friends on this board?

I'm sorry this has happened to you, whatever you decide to do, i hope it all works out for ya.
 
I was in a similar situation...no one on this board, but it happened at another net community. A woman contacted me asking questions about the man in question...I answered her honestly...she posted a BB post, not naming names, but "warning" the other women about him. I responded on that post. He was less than pleased...but know what? I feel better, because he has been playing women from day one, and I think they deserve to know it. He is sort of still speaking to me. I think he realized what he was doing and is now realizing that he hurt a lot of people in the process.

I didn't do this out of spite, or revenge. I was looking out for the welfare of the less informed women he may prey on next.

I think people should be held accountable for their actions. That doesn't necessarily mean broadcasting a name, or burning him at the stake. I just think that you, and the other woman, deserve some answers. There is no excuse for being an asshole.

And this person, who is more than likely reading this, needs to stop being a prick. If all you are in it for is sex or a sexual fantasy, why form a friendship with someone only to end up throwing it all away? Why waste the time of both parties? Start asking for pictures right off the bat, when your fantasy woman responds, then proceed. Don't use peoples feelings and emotions to hurt them. Do not pretend to be friends or pretend to really like someone, only to hurt them when they don't fit your ideal.

Grrrrrrrrr :)
 
Sorry to hear about your situation Cheyenne. It reminds me of something a couple guys I know went through with a Young jezebel from here. Normally I would be the "eye for an eye" sort of person, but in this situation it may be easier to just walk away? Ignore him.
 
Re: taking the high road

TN_Vixen said:
will always give you more satisfaction that any type of revenge you enact. It portrays self-respect and will make you feel (albeit, in the long run) better for having witheld your vengance than acting on it.
I can't say it any better than this.
 
MMm...I dunno about that. Revenge is fun. The problem is, it's a road with no end. You get revenge, then they get even, and so on and so on until something REALLY nasty happens. Not worth it, in my opinion.
 
Re: Cheyenne

Mortto56 said:
In my younger days I was a very firm believer in an "Eye for an Eye,and a Tooth for a Tooth",and I don't see where it really got me anywhere,although I did feel better.

But now that I'm a little more mature,and a little wiser,I've noticed that when people turn out to be assholes,and hurt other people,the old addage that"What goes around,comes back around",seems to apply.

And that same addage will probably apply to you too,if you try to get revenge.Or you can just sit back and wait for the situation to come full circle.

If this person is as bad as you say,the dog will have it's day with them,you can bet your ass on that.

So whatever you decide,I wish you well on your decision,and good luck.


I firmly believe in this too - What goes around comes around. Don't waste your time or any effort on this particular person. Do not sink to their level - you are a much better person than that. Walk with you head high and know that you are the better person and that when the times comes they will get theirs.
 
Cheyenne
While I want to say take the high road I have to say if it were me I would at least post his name as a warning to others.
 
Thank you, everyone. I knew the correct answer when I posted this last night/early this morning. And I'd already come to the conclusion that I will stick with my normal "take the high road" approach to life. But I was really really angry and if I've ever been tempted to take the road of revenge, it was last night. I needed all of you to reinforce my high road approach. It has always worked for me in the past, and it will work again.

I'm still worried that he is on this bb, doing this to someone else. But I haven't figured out how to prevent that or stop it if it is already happening. He uses multiple identities, so posting his registered name won't save you. He has hurt at least two of us, maybe more, from this bb. So, for now, all of you women members- keep your guard up. Do not trust too easily, share too much. Especially with someone who makes you feel like you've always known him and says exactly all the right things in response to anything you tell him. He is a snake. The true evil in the Garden of Eden. And he is loose and slithering among us.
 
Cheyenne

Honey, you have mail...my comments on this subject are there for you to read.
 
Cheyenne, maybe you should post some of this guys aliases for all to see. That might limit his opportunities a little.
 
Annihilate the bastard! I know everyone else has told you to let it go, but if you do doesn't that mean he just gets away with his behavior. Obviously no one else (at least from this board) has done anything to stop him, and he has continued with impunity.
 
I for one, would like to know who that asshole is. And some of the names he uses on here.

I'd like to say forgive and forget. But something like this is not something easily forgotten. I'd personally feel the urge to get back at whoever would do such a thing. But I doubt I would though.
 
I agree with the high road approach, but remember, revenge is a state of mind. Sometimes actions that can serve as revenge, may also be justice. Only you know for sure if it was revenge.

As a society, we punish criminals everyday. It makes us feel good to see them brought to justice, but I don't believe it is because of revenge, but rather a sense of having stopped the behavior, at least temporarily. This person has preyed on more than one BB member and probably should be indentified. Not only may that prevent someone else being hurt, but prevent the innocent from being accused by others trying to guess who the culprit is.
 
Kitten Eyes said:

This person has preyed on more than one BB member and probably should be indentified. Not only may that prevent someone else being hurt, but prevent the innocent from being accused by others trying to guess who the culprit is.

That is exactly what I and the other bb member are struggling with at the moment. Identifying the guy won't save anyone if he uses one of his other multiple ID's on the board, or creates new ones that we don't know. It would just open up debates on whether he really did what we say he did, or if he is a good guy afterall. He isn't, but I don't want to debate the issue publicly.

Kitten, I do worry about others being accused falsely, too. I know there are so many members that are truly good guys, the same as they portray on the board. Not snakes. It is a shame that they are all painted with the same brush right now, that women will be wary of all members, wondering which one is the culprit. I'm sorry for that. On the other hand, it might be a good time for all of us to get that skepticism back that we shouldn't have lost in the first place. Members post to this board and after awhile, you think you really get to know them from what they say. But you only know what they want you to know. You know their style. And they are learning a lot about you by what YOU post at the same time. Which buttons to push, what you like, what you dislike, etc. That is a huge advantage when striking up a relationship with someone later on, like having a built-in cheat sheet of "how to" notes! People you meet in RL don't have the unfair advantage of knowing so much about you from the board before you ever speak to them. The false sense of intimacy isn't there, like it is here. What I'm saying is, we all need to be more careful.
 
Re: Cheyenne

Angelique said:
Honey, you have mail...my comments on this subject are there for you to read.

You are 100% correct. And you have mail, too. Thanks!
 
revenge..i vote ..no.

hi cheyenne
i vote no..why? because revenge takes a little peice of you with it. each time. anger is even worse than revenge.
if someone commits an act bad enough or enough of them to keep you so upset that you cannot deal with it the long term effects can and will make you sick in mind and body. and if i may be so bold your spirtual self also. i speak sadly from experience. as well as covering it very well in group meetings. the right words in the right places at the right times have the same effect on the rat. it will do you no harm and might even serve as justice of a sort.

on the other hand sometimes you just have to give rat's what they beg for.

................to your ownself be true....................

good luck with it. fgarvb1
 
I agree with ya Cheyenne, Seems like many girls have fallen victim to a bad joke.............I think there is something wrong when someone strings another along . Sounds like high school to me.

This person had been busy I see..............
 
:) The best revenge is a life well lived. There really is some deeply hidden meaning in that, if you look. Of course, you can find some deeply hidden meaning in that fuzzy thing I found hiding in the back of my fridge this morning too. But we won't go there.

If you must have revenge, then I suggest you have a conscience-ectomy, that way you won't hate yourself too.
 
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