Revealing Your Kinks To A New GF or BF

[BBW_T&A_Lover]

This is a bit like the one thread for those who are already with someone for awhile, but....

You meet someone great. They are beautiful, treat you well and love you. You've been going out for awhile. The sex is good, but you want to tell them about your fetishes. Say for example, adult breastfeeding. You don't want to lose this person because they could be the one, but you also don't want to go through life not trying to fulfill your "needs" to try this kink.

What do you do? Do you tell them and risk losing them? Or do you keep it to yourself, remain happy, but wonder?

 

[Funnbrandy]

Hmmmm

Wow good topic!
That's a tough one, luckily for me I don't really have any crazy kinks, the few things I do enjoy are pretty easy to bring up.
I think you should try testing the waters, ask her about some of her naughty thoughts....but I wouldn't just full out say " I want you to breast feed me", that might scare her off.....but that's a really tough one!

 

[BBW_T&A_Lover]

Wow good topic!
That's a tough one, luckily for me I don't really have any crazy kinks, the few things I do enjoy are pretty easy to bring up.
I think you should try testing the waters, ask her about some of her naughty thoughts....but I wouldn't just full out say " I want you to breast feed me", that might scare her off.....but that's a really tough one!

I haven't dated anyone yet. I guess I am hoping I meet someone who I can talk to about such things and get their thoughts while talking online.

One of the reasons I choose here, although I know I am wasting my time. Women want to be fairies and pixies instead of being real. And I have yet to meet a down to Earth older woman.

 

[sterculius]

I'm a married cocksucker, and I never know whether it might turn off a new guy when I let them know that I like being throat fucked very roughly and being impersonally "used" as a tool for their sexual gratification.

 

[BBW_T&A_Lover]

I'm a married cocksucker, and I never know whether it might turn off a new guy when I let them know that I like being throat fucked very roughly and being impersonally "used" as a tool for their sexual gratification.

I'm straight as can be and don't think about things like this. But if I was in your shoes, I would likely go down on the guy and make the move yourself and see what happens. We're guys. If we are horny enough, we'd do anything while I woman had a cock in our mouths (or in your case, a guy).

 

[BBW_T&A_Lover]

Wow good topic!
That's a tough one, luckily for me I don't really have any crazy kinks, the few things I do enjoy are pretty easy to bring up.
I think you should try testing the waters, ask her about some of her naughty thoughts....but I wouldn't just full out say "I want you to breast feed me", that might scare her off.....but that's a really tough one!

Noo. I would like to think I have enough decorum to not do that, no matter how turned on I was.

 

[Funnbrandy]

I haven't dated anyone yet. I guess I am hoping I meet someone who I can talk to about such things and get their thoughts while talking online.

One of the reasons I choose here, although I know I am wasting my time. Women want to be fairies and pixies instead of being real. And I have yet to meet a down to Earth older woman.

Well if your not already dating someone why not seek out someone with your same interests, won't necessarily mean you're compatible but worth a shot!

 

[Carnevil9]

Wow good topic!
That's a tough one, luckily for me I don't really have any crazy kinks, the few things I do enjoy are pretty easy to bring up.
I think you should try testing the waters, ask her about some of her naughty thoughts....but I wouldn't just full out say " I want you to breast feed me", that might scare her off.....but that's a really tough one!

I think this is a good approach... ask for her fantasies first. After you fulfill a few of them, she's bound to ask about yours. And by that time, you will know much more about how she ticks.

 

[LookingGlassLicker]

Coming out of a 13-year relationship in which the sex was vanilla when it even existed, I'm going to insist on a frank and honest conversation about fetishes and expectations with anyone I'm considering dedicating a portion of my life to.

Wouldn't it be nice if that was just normal?

 

[UnderMyKilt]

Well if your not already dating someone why not seek out someone with your same interests, won't necessarily mean you're compatible but worth a shot!

Coming out of a 13-year relationship in which the sex was vanilla when it even existed, I'm going to insist on a frank and honest conversation about fetishes and expectations with anyone I'm considering dedicating a portion of my life to.

Wouldn't it be nice if that was just normal?

Both of these offer some of the best advice yet on this thread. I say honesty, forthrightness, and openness is the best policy.

I've been the other route since I kept my kinks and fetishes secret from my first wife for ten years. Ten years of secrets, hiding (denying) my past, enduring her bigoted and cruel comments about anyone with same sex desires, hiding toys, and having unfulfilled desires was no way to go. I didn't know it at the time, but the best thing that ever happened to me was the day she walked out.

It would have saved me a lot of stress, grief, and even guilt if I'd just said, "I'm into this, this, this and this and I've done this. What are you in to?" and been done with it.

BTW, since the OP mentioned it, adult breastfeeding is one kink that she was into though it just came kind of naturally. Her nipples are so big, and I mean BIG, that our kids, especially our first child who was a preemie, had a hard time nursing and we had to start him on formula very early on. She expressed but it just didn't give her enough relief. Being the gallant and unselfish chap that I am, I gave her relief by nursing that sweet mother's milk at those huge tits as often and as long as I could. Not only was it clinically beneficial....LOL...but it was erotic and we both enjoyed it immensely. Luckily for me, she's one of those women who sometimes lactates when not pregnant or with child and regular stimulation of her breasts kept it flowing.

You know, all I can say is to be bold and go for it. Just say, "I have something, that's important to me, and I need to talk to you about it."

I guess I'm fortunate that, with my second wife, I seem to have done it the "easy" way.

My wife and I met online...but in a rock band's forum on Compuserve (over 21 years ago) and NOT in a sex or dating site.

What started as responding to each others posts in the forum became private messages, then chatting via chat clients and then long phone calls. We'd been corresponding for eight months, during which time we'd fallen in love, before ever meeting in person and getting physical. It was another six months before she could disentangle herself from her east coast affairs and move out west with me.

For over a year, most of our contact was via written or spoken word and largely without the distraction of a physical relationship. We told each other anything and EVERYTHING. If this woman was considering moving 3,000 miles to marry me and co-parent our blended families together, I wasn't going to surprise her with any secret kinks or fetishes.

The first time we had sex together, there was no awkwardness, no surprises, no wondering what we each liked or disliked because we had talked about everything. She sucked me to completion and swallowed my cum on that first meeting, something my ex had done only ONCE in ten years of marriage, AND happily slid a few fingers up my ass while doing it (something my ex never did).

She knew about the extensive same sex experience of my youth and I about hers. She knew that I am anally erotic is more than turned on by it and readily engages in anal play with me to fulfill those proclivities. She's also never shocked by what I wear, around the house or under my street clothes, and I've never had to sneak her underthings...because I have my own.

I know, many people don't have the benefit of starting out the way we did, or the courage to have so much candor, but I can only say that honesty is the only way to go. In the end, who wants to be stuck with someone from whom you have secrets or with whom you aren't truly compatible?

 

[mbanes81]

I've just started dating a woman recently (we've just had our fourth date), and honestly I've been thinking the same thing. I've only got one long-term relationship and one "lucky break" (where I slept with someone who was a little more kinky than I was, so it just sort of came out during the first time we slept together, but it was never a relationship) to go by.

Honestly, I think the best thing is to a) find out how you get on as two people, and b) find out how you get on in bed, sans kink. If you get on well enough on those two bases, i.e. the relationship seems pretty good and the sex (in its "plain" form) is good, then definitely go for honesty.

Actually, Never Have I Ever. It's a great game as an ice-breaker for groups, but I think it can work for couples as well. Don't necessarily involve alcohol, well, maybe to start, but start out with stuff that you've never done, but you think people actually have (it gets your new partner to potentially open up, if they follow the rules). Then start being a little... self-deprecating. Reveal little things about yourself based on your previous replies to their questions (especially if they didn't give a negative reaction). They might then reciprocate, the advantage being that you then start fishing for similarities in each others pasts, but you can compare differences as well. Then become a little more self-deprecating, revealing deeper, kinkier things.

The "gamey" start takes it from something fun and playful to something rather serious, but with a build-up to it, and it has the advantage that they can either reveal something about themselves in turn or dig a little deeper. The alcohol (or whatever you choose as a "penalty") at the beginning, adds to it feeling more like a game, but you can drop it as you progress.

You get to test the waters of what they can handle, they get to ask questions about you, and they get to reciprocate. All round win

 

[old_hippy_46]

This is a bit like the one thread for those who are already with someone for awhile, but....

You meet someone great. They are beautiful, treat you well and love you. You've been going out for awhile. The sex is good, but you want to tell them about your fetishes. Say for example, adult breastfeeding. You don't want to lose this person because they could be the one, but you also don't want to go through life not trying to fulfill your "needs" to try this kink.

What do you do? Do you tell them and risk losing them? Or do you keep it to yourself, remain happy, but wonder?

Having several fetishes

This is a bit like the one thread for those who are already with someone for awhile, but....

You meet someone great. They are beautiful, treat you well and love you. You've been going out for awhile. The sex is good, but you want to tell them about your fetishes. Say for example, adult breastfeeding. You don't want to lose this person because they could be the one, but you also don't want to go through life not trying to fulfill your "needs" to try this kink.

What do you do? Do you tell them and risk losing them? Or do you keep it to yourself, remain happy, but wonder?

My kinks are important to me. I want to be able to share them with any partner, I made the mistake of becoming emotionally attached to someone, when I revealed my kinks.
Next thing...goodbye Joe, me gotta go, she did.
My new policy and i suggest to any minister reveal early. Like the second date, or better seek out someone. By social media someone who understands or has the same kink. It's easier to say goodbye to someone you have not bonded with.