Respect

[shy slave]

My thoughts also align with Sir_W. I do not demand that people respect me, I expect to earn it. Those who do not extend the same courtesy towards me quickly earn my ire.

Ther eare very few individuals on Lit that i have taken a disliking to, and when it has occured it is due to their treatment of not only myself, but also the other posters on here.

Those pyl's that post on the What not to say thread in my opinion are showing that they are not walking doormats. They need not bow and scrape to everyone who posts here as a PYL. They rightly save that sort of behavior for those in their life that they serve/submit to. Anyone who feels otherwise does not deserve the respect they demand.

just my two cents. Take it for what it's worth.

This appears to be a concensous of opinion when dealing with on-line people.

How do you show your ire online. I tend to simply shrug and repeat the mantra of 'its not real life, its not real life' and when that doesn't work click onto another fav site until i am calmer.

I don't put anyone on ignore, simply because it would annoy me that someone had annoyed me enough to do that, if that makes sense

 

[shy slave]

lolol I've never been called a doormat either; but she did say once that my chest was hairy enough to make a rug, with that special look that says "quit messing with me unless you want to be a rug!".

Respect is a weird one with me. I'm a guy sub. In some circles, guy subs get no respect at all. It's as if some male Doms are threatened somehow. I can understand that on an intellectual level, on a more emotional level I think it's a load of crap and no excuse for a lack of manners. And then you see Dom/mes walk into the room with the "I am the great and all powerful Dom/me attitude" or "I am Dom/me, hear me roar!". It's all I can do not to laugh. I don't usually, but sometimes it slips out.

I guess the thing it comes down to is the way they treat people. Screw the sucking up to the maitre'd, how do they treat the busboy? How do they treat their sub or Dom/me? How do they treat other's subs or Dom/mes? Do they talk down the shopgirl at the register?

I confese that male subs fascinate me, it must take a great deal of courage to hold your head high in male company when someone's ignorance makes them think you are somehow so different from them. You only have to go shopping to see 101 vanilla men being very submissive to their partners when she is trying to shop lol.

If I were you faced with the I am Dom/Me hear me roar I would almost certainly laugh.
The only munch I have ever been to a Domme told me I could kiss her hand Later she commented to my Master that she could 'train me,' I confess before His brain/ mouth went into action she realised I was not very submissive to anyone other than Him (oh and those nice people who pay my wages )

 

[shy slave]

Wow im late on this one, but here goes.
Respect to me means considerate or courteous. I do try to basically act respectfully towards everyone whether it is online or in real life. Everyone gets respect from me until they prove in some way that they don't deserve my consideration.
To some, respect may mean something different in this "lifestyle", to me it means the same... everyone gets the same amount of respect from me ,PYL/pyl or otherwise... unless they give me a reason not to.

I like your thinking KC, everyone gets respect until they prove they're an asshole. According to DVS its only a matter of time before some people prove it , but at least you give them a chance to try and change.

On the subject of assholes, before your elequont post DVS were you thinking of 'recovering assholes' being the sort of ass that needs time to recover from your electro-play? Just the thought is making me wince and my ass cheeks tighten and He has never, ever considered your idea of electro-fun

 

[shy slave]

Catalina & MissT

Ocassionally I have noticed that the odd poster takes offence at something you have said because of your position as moderator.

For some a change of attitude is in their natural way of things.

The respect they give you as a moderator may be because they recognise its a voluntary,s ometimes thankless task

I bet you feel good now huh.

I admit that I have and will probably continue to view you both as people who have earnt respect from the community. The deduction being that Lit would not keep a moderator (voluntary or not) who did not complete the role well.

That said I have read posts from both of your that have made me stop and think before deciding to agree or disagree. For me, personally, it is hard to seperate your role as a moderator from your role as a poster.

I was a staff member of a non-BDSM site for about two years, never again, for 100's of reasons lol.

When I joined the site it was your willingness to give your time, knowledge and energy to Lit for free,made me give you the kind of respect KC talks of.

Oh and just so you know I am waiting for you to prove DVS asshole thing it hasn't happened yet but never say never huh

 

[Guest]

I try to be generically respectful to all, more of the common courtesy thing. I also tend to be too trusting of others, and it's bit me in the butt. The thing, respect is something earned.

There are PYLs here that I respect. Because they've always been honest and above board and they treat all of us fairly. There are other who, well that's in the past and it's not important now. One thing that I haven't seen here, but had seen on other sites was "they're only a sub" sort of attitude.

The other day, I was at a social fiunction with a friend. In walked this Dom with a swagger and shit eating grin. I was sitting with three people who are involved rt bdsm. He twigged on the fact that I'm a sub right away and started being, well,smarmy is the best word I can think off. I was nice and polite. I wasn't excessively gooey at him; didn't call him sir or anything. He was offended. I can't figure out where folks like this come from. He says I wasn't respectful because I'm a sub and I wasn't falling all over myself to suck up to him. I asked him where the reciprocal respect for me was, and he gave me a blank look. He didn't have a clue what I meant.

Common courtesy is a social requirement, but respect is earned.

*Grin* Hey!! I think lots of us have met him...And his twin sister too...They're the ones we look at then turn back to the conversation we were having with the real people...
Until he tries to schmooze our pyl...then we look at him till he goes away.

 

[Kajira Callista]

schmooze.....thats a fun word to say.

 

[graceanne]

schmooze.....thats a fun word to say.

I like smarmy. Another thing that's fun to say is 'poo', when I disagree with something I say "oh, poo."

 

[DVS]

On the subject of assholes, before your elequont post DVS were you thinking of 'recovering assholes' being the sort of ass that needs time to recover from your electro-play? Just the thought is making me wince and my ass cheeks tighten and He has never, ever considered your idea of electro-fun

Well, sort of. Just so you know, not all of my anal fun is derived from electrical stimulations. Some of the most enjoyable are from good old fashioned forced anal sex.


And, by the way, your statement "Just the thought is making me wince and my ass cheeks tighten..." is making me hot. I just thought you should know.

P.S. Not all kinds of assholes are bad. Some are very inviting.

 

[MissTaken]

Re: Catalina & MissT

Awww crap, my train of thought derailed!

 

[snowy ciara]

schmooze.....thats a fun word to say.

schmooze schmooze schmooze... Yup, sure is.

EK, I passed on your comment about "until he tries to schmooze our pyl" to someone, and he sighed and said "And they always do. "

 

[shy slave]

Re: Re: Catalina & MissT

Awww crap, my train of thought derailed!

*Starts looking for MissT's derailed train*

 

[TigerClaw]

......

 

[Netzach]

jumping in very late -- I don't expect to be treated differently ny subs as an abstract whole. I generally get along better with submissives and switches socially than I do other dominants, I've noticed, and I tend not to wear my orientation on my sleeve IRL because sometimes I find people kind of clam up or shut down once they think "oh she's a Domme I *should* be treating her this way or not saying this thing..." if you're not *my* sub, I really don't have any interest in changing or limiting your spectrum of behavior or being treated differently than anyone else.

The incident snowy talked about happens altogether too often, and it provokes either indignity or laughter from me.

A guy I bottomed to and submitted to once deferred to every senior person in the scene, top or bottom, unless they were a total raging asshole, simply as an acknowledgement of being new to the scene, and percieving himself as somewhat outside it. It was polite and classy the way he did it, and actually very old-school without him even being informed about that

It actually inspired me to take a clue or two off that behavior, that it doesn't kill you to defer to someone socially, let them think what they will. I'd had a lot of Doms and a few Dommes assume that if I pull out a chair for them it means they can flip me, I'm finally trying to arrive at a point where they can think that if they like and I don't feel the urge to set records straight.

I mean, that really *is* the height of self-possession isn't it? Where you know what you are and that's all that really matters.

 

[blue kat]

jumping in very late

Me too. Sorry.

The incident snowy talked about happens altogether too often, and it provokes either indignity or laughter from me.

It was quite amusing. I was one of the PYL's there. Either one of us could have jumped in and rescued her, but she was doing fine and a quiet gracious slap down from a sub had more impact on his attitude than it would have had from one of us. She handled the situation well. He did ask why neither of us stepped in, in his defense. We informed him that she was right, he was out of bounds and it wasn't our place to do so. We're all friends, but she is collared to neither of us.

A guy I bottomed to and submitted to once deferred to every senior person in the scene, top or bottom, unless they were a total raging asshole, simply as an acknowledgement of being new to the scene, and percieving himself as somewhat outside it. It was polite and classy the way he did it, and actually very old-school without him even being informed about that

This is how she behaves irl when we can drag her to any functions. (The wench is somewhat shy IRL, that's what makes some of her posts here such a hoot to those who know her offline. I'm probably one of the only people offline who've seen this side of her. )This is also how she got in trouble with the clueless guy above. He assumed that the polite, detached deference he recieved was indication of interest on her part. Even when she told him point blank it wasn't.

I find polite deference to be classy. I also try to treat people well, until they prove their asshole-ness. Usually, I'm pleasantly surprised. I'd put the asshole percentage at closer to a third of all people, rather than half. It seems like more, though, because they're usually loud and obnoxious and therefore call attention to themselves.

 

[shy slave]

it doesn't kill you to defer to someone socially, let them think what they will. I'd had a lot of Doms and a few Dommes assume that if I pull out a chair for them it means they can flip me, I'm finally trying to arrive at a point where they can think that if they like and I don't feel the urge to set records straight.

I mean, that really *is* the height of self-possession isn't it? Where you know what you are and that's all that really matters.

Beautifully said