Respect
- Thread starter shy slave
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graceanne
iteroticalay urugay
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RJMasters said:I don't know about steps....but a good swift kick in the butt sure helps. It did me.
Bend over and let me demonstrate
To quote someone over on 'things not to say to your dom'
You've got to be kidding! (with or without uprourious laughter)
TNRkitect2b
Sir Brian
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My thoughts also align with Sir_W. I do not demand that people respect me, I expect to earn it. Those who do not extend the same courtesy towards me quickly earn my ire.
Ther eare very few individuals on Lit that i have taken a disliking to, and when it has occured it is due to their treatment of not only myself, but also the other posters on here.
Those pyl's that post on the What not to say thread in my opinion are showing that they are not walking doormats. They need not bow and scrape to everyone who posts here as a PYL. They rightly save that sort of behavior for those in their life that they serve/submit to. Anyone who feels otherwise does not deserve the respect they demand.
just my two cents. Take it for what it's worth.
Ther eare very few individuals on Lit that i have taken a disliking to, and when it has occured it is due to their treatment of not only myself, but also the other posters on here.
Those pyl's that post on the What not to say thread in my opinion are showing that they are not walking doormats. They need not bow and scrape to everyone who posts here as a PYL. They rightly save that sort of behavior for those in their life that they serve/submit to. Anyone who feels otherwise does not deserve the respect they demand.
just my two cents. Take it for what it's worth.
rabblerouser
Virgin
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- Oct 26, 2004
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lolol I've never been called a doormat either; but she did say once that my chest was hairy enough to make a rug, with that special look that says "quit messing with me unless you want to be a rug!".
Respect is a weird one with me. I'm a guy sub. In some circles, guy subs get no respect at all. It's as if some male Doms are threatened somehow. I can understand that on an intellectual level, on a more emotional level I think it's a load of crap and no excuse for a lack of manners. And then you see Dom/mes walk into the room with the "I am the great and all powerful Dom/me attitude" or "I am Dom/me, hear me roar!". It's all I can do not to laugh. I don't usually, but sometimes it slips out.
I guess the thing it comes down to is the way they treat people. Screw the sucking up to the maitre'd, how do they treat the busboy? How do they treat their sub or Dom/me? How do they treat other's subs or Dom/mes? Do they talk down the shopgirl at the register?
Respect is a weird one with me. I'm a guy sub. In some circles, guy subs get no respect at all. It's as if some male Doms are threatened somehow. I can understand that on an intellectual level, on a more emotional level I think it's a load of crap and no excuse for a lack of manners. And then you see Dom/mes walk into the room with the "I am the great and all powerful Dom/me attitude" or "I am Dom/me, hear me roar!". It's all I can do not to laugh. I don't usually, but sometimes it slips out.
I guess the thing it comes down to is the way they treat people. Screw the sucking up to the maitre'd, how do they treat the busboy? How do they treat their sub or Dom/me? How do they treat other's subs or Dom/mes? Do they talk down the shopgirl at the register?
DVS
A ghost from your dreams
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First off, you've got to realise that there's at least 10 assholes for every good person out there. It's a sad fact of life. Some are assholes because they enjoy it and some are assholes because they hate their life.
None of those reasons are valid reasons to be an asshole, but the assholes don't need a valid reason. They are just assholes...nuf said.
So, when you have that many assholes running around, we all are bound to run into our fair share. Some of us will be lucky enough to run into our fair share and then some. It sucks, but that happens, too.
With this many assholes out there, all walks of life are going to have an abundant supply to share. Vanillas have their share of assholes, just as BDSM groups do. Just like there's good cops and bad cops, good drivers and bad, and on and on.
On line is special, because anybody can be anybody, literally. Good guys can be great guys, and guys can be gals, and visa versa. Some may seem like a well hung Domly dude and actually turn out to be a 14 year old geeky punk kid. But, because we are all so equally invisible, on line is a perfect medium for assholes to frequent.
Take this scenario...
An asshole meets a nice gal in an on line chat. They talk. They get to liking each other, then the asshole says something rude (because the true asshole will always shine though, eventually) and the nice gal logs off the chat.
What happens with the gal?
1) She is offended.
2) she didn't know it was an asshole she was chatting with, because he was obviously lying to her about himself.
3) she feels used because of how he manipulated her affections, while she was being honest and sincere.
4) she chocks it up for yet another of her many on line chats as being just another asshole.
What happens with the asshole?
1)He just moves on to the next unsuspecting nice gal, in hopes she is slower to figure him out than the last gal was.
There is no way to get respect (other than simple respect) from an on line connection, without some form of following. Either you have chatted with the person before, written a few posts the person respected, or something of that nature, but other than that, we are all just a stupid nick.
Only in real life will someone ever be able to gain the respect of others, by walking into a room. And, the best way to gain respect of strangers is to treat them with the respect they deserve so they will give you the respect you deserve.
Then, after a while, you will begin to notice you have the respect of strangers, without even noticing. I have people calling me "sir" all the time. Yes, it's a sign of respect, but I don't like it. It makes me feel OLD. But, I still understand it is respect.
You spend money in a store, you deserve that store's respect. You give the other driver enough room for their car, you deserve the same from them.
But, remember...they are out there, and they might soon outnumber the rest of us. Assholes are a dime a dozen, because it "don't take much smarts" to be one. They may outnumber us, but don't let them outwit you.
Just whisper to yourself... stupid fucking asshole , and then move on.
None of those reasons are valid reasons to be an asshole, but the assholes don't need a valid reason. They are just assholes...nuf said.
So, when you have that many assholes running around, we all are bound to run into our fair share. Some of us will be lucky enough to run into our fair share and then some. It sucks, but that happens, too.
With this many assholes out there, all walks of life are going to have an abundant supply to share. Vanillas have their share of assholes, just as BDSM groups do. Just like there's good cops and bad cops, good drivers and bad, and on and on.
On line is special, because anybody can be anybody, literally. Good guys can be great guys, and guys can be gals, and visa versa. Some may seem like a well hung Domly dude and actually turn out to be a 14 year old geeky punk kid. But, because we are all so equally invisible, on line is a perfect medium for assholes to frequent.
Take this scenario...
An asshole meets a nice gal in an on line chat. They talk. They get to liking each other, then the asshole says something rude (because the true asshole will always shine though, eventually) and the nice gal logs off the chat.
What happens with the gal?
1) She is offended.
2) she didn't know it was an asshole she was chatting with, because he was obviously lying to her about himself.
3) she feels used because of how he manipulated her affections, while she was being honest and sincere.
4) she chocks it up for yet another of her many on line chats as being just another asshole.
What happens with the asshole?
1)He just moves on to the next unsuspecting nice gal, in hopes she is slower to figure him out than the last gal was.
There is no way to get respect (other than simple respect) from an on line connection, without some form of following. Either you have chatted with the person before, written a few posts the person respected, or something of that nature, but other than that, we are all just a stupid nick.
Only in real life will someone ever be able to gain the respect of others, by walking into a room. And, the best way to gain respect of strangers is to treat them with the respect they deserve so they will give you the respect you deserve.
Then, after a while, you will begin to notice you have the respect of strangers, without even noticing. I have people calling me "sir" all the time. Yes, it's a sign of respect, but I don't like it. It makes me feel OLD. But, I still understand it is respect.
You spend money in a store, you deserve that store's respect. You give the other driver enough room for their car, you deserve the same from them.
But, remember...they are out there, and they might soon outnumber the rest of us. Assholes are a dime a dozen, because it "don't take much smarts" to be one. They may outnumber us, but don't let them outwit you.
Just whisper to yourself... stupid fucking asshole , and then move on.
TNRkitect2b
Sir Brian
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Well said, DVS. Well said indeed.
snowy ciara
Nerdalicious!
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I admire your restraint, grace!
Very well said DVS.
Very well said DVS.
Betticus
FigDaddy!
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shy slave said:I read betticus response as using 'you' as a generalism for everyone on the boards but having re-read I am not sure.
Right, the "you" was meant to cover everyone.
Anyway to respond properly to his post and yours Grace:
Betticus said
//Lastly, this is the internet and you never know who is on the opposite side of the connection. If someone appears to command your respect then so be it. If someone demands your respect without first earning it and building some kind of trust and rapport with you then he's full of shit.//
I would hope that 99.9 % of PYLs would agree with you. Its true you never know who is on the end of a keyboard.
I was also thinking about being given respect without demanding it.
A great many Doms and all the Dommes have my respect but that has come through their posts and my deductions from those posts.
I guess this thread does link to the misrepresentation thread in many ways.
betticus if your sub posted on here (Perhaps they already do if so apologies) would you expect their posts to offer you respect if it seemed appropriate. For example in previous post i teased you a tiny bit, would your sub feel compelled to rush to your defence and would you expect them to?
Can't answer that, I don't have anyone.
Grace fuck off is my favourite expression at times, that and fuck, fuck fuck, when i screw up
In the other thread where we teased some people I have noticed those who take themselves seriously ignore such teasing and those who respond appear to do so because it is harmless fun not because they feel obliged not to offend us poor timerous subs.
Teasing is just fun, I posted somewhere that I love the playful lil' brats.
As a respect thing if I am comfortable enough to tease I usually have respct for that person regardless of online or r/t.
Although that has got me into all kinds of trouble in r/t ~imagine teasing your boss who no-one but no-one dare tease.
snowy ciara
Nerdalicious!
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Nope, no bratness here.. I'm sweet n innocent..
KissMeFool
Virgin
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- Oct 12, 2004
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TNRkitect2b said:
I agree, nice, very nice.
Kajira Callista
Empty
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- Sep 10, 2003
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- 19,348
Wow im late on this one, but here goes.
Respect to me means considerate or courteous. I do try to basically act respectfully towards everyone whether it is online or in real life. Everyone gets respect from me until they prove in some way that they don't deserve my consideration.
To some, respect may mean something different in this "lifestyle", to me it means the same... everyone gets the same amount of respect from me ,PYL/pyl or otherwise... unless they give me a reason not to.
Respect to me means considerate or courteous. I do try to basically act respectfully towards everyone whether it is online or in real life. Everyone gets respect from me until they prove in some way that they don't deserve my consideration.
To some, respect may mean something different in this "lifestyle", to me it means the same... everyone gets the same amount of respect from me ,PYL/pyl or otherwise... unless they give me a reason not to.
catalina_francisco
Happily insatiable always
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- Jul 29, 2002
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- 18,730
Re: Early days but..
shy slave said:
I am also curious about etoile, catalina and MissT because they are moderators on Lit
Do you feel people give you a wide berth because of your moderator status or more/less/no different respect because of it?
I have noticed since becoming moderator a couple of people have changed their attitude toward me, but most treat me just as they did before which is exactly the way I like it. I don't see moderating as anything great or superior, just a voluntary position which requires doing. Personally it has not changed me or my views and despite my being told on a few occasions that as a moderator I should no longer express m,y views or opinions but remain in the background and silent, I don't agree. For me a good moderator is part of the community they moderate, not an outsider or someone who feels they are above the rest or special.
My mother used to say my curiosity would get me into trouble one day and after all the q's I ask on here she could be right
LOL, I think questions demonstrate a healthy and active mind and are far better than just hoping someone answers what you want to know.
As to Dominants giving thanks they don't own some of the subs on Lit.......hmmm, they should be so lucky. ROFL, F has many days when he wonders if he was crazy to take ownership of me!!
Catalina
MissTaken
Biker Chick
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- Jun 30, 2001
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- 20,570
Showing up late to the thread:
I can show people respect and courtesy regardless of whether I respect their character.
I try my best to do this, but do screw up, sometimes.
Some seem to defer to us as moderators, but they shouldn't. We are human and not deserving of anymore respect than the newbie who chimes in with two posts and anxiously waits to see how he or she will fit into this community.
If you choose to respect me, do it because of who I am, not what I am.
I guess that comment sums up my feelings with regard to PYL/pyl and all that.
I can show people respect and courtesy regardless of whether I respect their character.
I try my best to do this, but do screw up, sometimes.
Some seem to defer to us as moderators, but they shouldn't. We are human and not deserving of anymore respect than the newbie who chimes in with two posts and anxiously waits to see how he or she will fit into this community.
If you choose to respect me, do it because of who I am, not what I am.
I guess that comment sums up my feelings with regard to PYL/pyl and all that.
