relationships and lies

[woodnymph_O]

have any of you out there ever had to put up with constant lies in a relationship.I mean about totally stupid little things.Such as how much your partner payed for a dvd, or whether thay had lunch out?
I'm really frustrated and every time i catch one of these lies i'm invariably the bad guy for SNOOPING.I really havent snooped its just when you look down , see a recipt and read it to see if important or trash ,,, oh well.
having a bad week because of all this
nymphy

 

[Honey123]

Well...do you trust her?

I mean, what difference does it make if she didn't tell you she bought a dvd?

I think there is an underlying problem here. You either don't trust her or you're getting tired of your relationship and nitpicking.

Good luck in figuring it out ~ but the solution is probably as plain as the nose on your face....

 

[~photoguy~]

we have sort of an un-written rule that "small" things -- DVD's, clothes, CD's, lunches, things like that ... can be purchased by either partner with no questions asked... ie..Don't sweat the small stuff.

Bigger things ... like kitchen appliances, furniture, etc. require mutual agreement pre-purchase

 

[Honey123]

we have sort of an un-written rule that "small" things -- DVD's, clothes, CD's, lunches, things like that ... can be purchased by either partner with no questions asked... ie..Don't sweat the small stuff.

Bigger things ... like kitchen appliances, furniture, etc. require mutual agreement pre-purchase

Right...I mean, if you see a hotel room receipt...then....

(Hey, Bruce )

 

[~photoguy~]

Right...I mean, if you see a hotel room receipt...then....

(Hey, Bruce )

LMAO ... yes .. hotel room receipts would be a tad suspicious ... especially if it was a local hotel

Hey Honey ... backatcha

 

[Elsie Grey]

It's not fun when someone you love lies to you even if it's about a small thing or they think they are doing it for the best. You have my sympathy!

Maybe you should talk to them and say it's really upsetting you? Even if they try and make you into the bad guy at least you've made your feelings known. Also, if they keep on are you sure you really want to be with them?

My Mum never tells my Dad how much she spends on clothes and she often hides things she's bought so he can't find them but I think he knows as is secretly pleased, because then he doesn't have to fret about how much she's spending so I guess that doesn't really count does it?

Elsie

xxx

 

[woodnymph_O]

I have seen that for the most part I can trust

the people here to be helpful and open so here goes.
ok the partner is a him. to the dvd thing it was the price paid. I didn't ask how much, he just came in telling me look at this and it was only 3 bucks. ok it was seven,according to the recipt . no big deal really, but why lie? I'm not the type of person who flips out over money and if the truth be known I would give him my last dollar to spend on anything in this world if it made him smile.
to the current situation. I fix him lunch because we really can't afford for him to eat out all the time right now. I made him 2 deli style sandwiches that made subway look bad, chips ,coke, heart shaped cupcakes for desert,and sliped a card I made into his lunch(yes I was in a sappy mood).
He came home late, and brought in the bag , proclaiming he had a bad day and no time to eat.Later that night after he fell asleep I noticed his radio wasn't on his charger(which he needs for work) I woke him up and offered to go get it from the truck.
It was now about midnight and pitch black outside.I tried to turn on the light in his truck and it wasn't working.So I felt inside the console for the radio.It wasn't there so I slid my hand along the seat(which was full of junk) felt the radio and picked it up,along with 2 sugar packs and a recipt in one grab. I keep most recipts so I lokked to see if it was a trash one , or one for tools parts etc.It was a recipt from KFC that showed him buying 2 combo meals at 12:15 that day. Not only did he eat , he didn't eat alone..
hence the lie, and the trust issues.He just griped at me for snooping, and gave no answers at all .later after work he came home wanting to act like nothing was wrong and cuddle etc.I'm stil upset , and full of doubt.It is true enough he could have just ate with a co-worker, it would be like him , and also like him not to tell me that to be an ass, but with the origional lie I don't think I'd believe him anyway
nymphy

 

[woodnymph_O]

Well...do you trust her?

I mean, what difference does it make if she didn't tell you she bought a dvd?

I think there is an underlying problem here. You either don't trust her or you're getting tired of your relationship and nitpicking.

Good luck in figuring it out ~ but the solution is probably as plain as the nose on your face....

i think i said a few things more clearly now, but you are right it does fall to an issue of trust.By the way if i didn't say it before I will now , we have a daughter, and i am now 3 months pregnant with our second child. It's not so easy for me to see anything clearly anymore.I'm tired, just really tired inside
thanks for the care
nymphy

 

[oggbashan]

Even in a stable loving relationship there should be room for each partner to be themselves. You do not have to share everything.

What is important is mutual trust. That can be destroyed by an accumulation of little things or by one big thing (like the local hotel bill).

If money is tight then there will be difficulties. How do you buy a birthday present for your partner when neither of you can afford it?

Communication and give and take help to get over the little things. Mistakes or minor errors of judgement should be aired and discussed but no one likes having every item of expenditure queried. What is 'minor' as an error or as a spend should be defined mutually.

What matters are the big things. Do you love each other? Do you trust each other? If the answer to either is 'No' then you have a real problem.

Og

 

[woodnymph_O]

Og thats so true

just posted about that , not really questioning expendatures I never ask ,to be picky about money.It's just when the information is voulenteered I like to be able to trust it's the truth.If you send me a Pm that says it's a beautiful day outside,I like to be happy for you , not have to assume it's raining cats and dogs because you don't tell me the truth..
taking you points to heart though
nymphy

 

[ABSTRUSE]

Run away,,,,,,,,,,now!

 

[woodnymph_O]

Run away,,,,,,,,,,now!

If only it were that easy my friend
Hugs
nymphy

 

[ABSTRUSE]

If only it were that easy my friend
Hugs
nymphy

I quite understand........go and look at the emotional manipulation section of the heartless bitches site, see any familiarities there?

 

[Colleen Thomas]

the thing with lies is that each one requires a battery of others to support it. Much like Doritos, you can't tell just one.

Even in a relationship, each partner retains a right to some privacy. that said, lying, either habitually or casually, is a bad sign. I feel for you hun.

best of luck

 

[woodnymph_O]

it has become my greatest wish

to lay my head down at night with the person I love, and have comfort and peace. there have been times i didn't think it was possible for anyone to do that ,but i keep telling myself somewhere it is happening.The hardest part in a relationship is realizing that through all the BS you are actually trying to convince yourself that you are wrong. That you are nitpicking, or that its not as bad as what so and so is going through.But I think any doctor would say that constant pain is not normal for anyone.
mine is just emotional.
Thanks all you guys who are listening to me cry today.
This is just a small thread and i cant tell all or expose every detail that would take weeks.but the pain is there and I had to let it out .Of course there is more to it all than I'm saying.There always is.
to sum it all up I heard a song yesterday that said
"one more kiss would make me, One more lie would break me .
I am sitting on that emotional borderline right now.
The choices seem to be give up myself, my logical mind, my pride and self worth. Or start a war , that I feel i will lose myself in .Words cannot seem to express it all.I guess thats bad for a writer.
If I didn't respond to anyones comment or I looked over anyone I apologize , you are stil valued , as is your opinion
thanks again
nymphy

 

[Honey123]

Nymphy, I am sorry.

#1 for thinking you were a guy!! (LOL)

Okay...I am realize that you are pregnant, but it doesn't give him the right to ignore your feelings.

#2 Women are very perceptive when it comes to men doing things that they shouldn't be doing. Don't let the fact that you are pregnant make you think that you are overracting..

#3 The 2 KFC meals...he never said if he had lunch with someone? I just think that if he was lying...maybe he would have thrown the bag away. But, that doesn't sit well with me. He should have answered you.

#4 Come on...are you snooping?

Has he cheated on you? Is he the type of person that is very outgoing?

If this is really personal...I am sorry!

 

[woodnymph_O]

Nymphy, I am sorry.

#1 for thinking you were a guy!! (LOL)

Okay...I am realize that you are pregnant, but it doesn't give him the right to ignore your feelings.

#2 Women are very perceptive when it comes to men doing things that they shouldn't be doing. Don't let the fact that you are pregnant make you think that you are overracting..

#3 The 2 KFC meals...he never said if he had lunch with someone? I just think that if he was lying...maybe he would have thrown the bag away. But, that doesn't sit well with me. He should have answered you.

#4 Come on...are you snooping?

Has he cheated on you? Is he the type of person that is very outgoing?

If this is really personal...I am sorry!

First of all no need for sorrys my friend
1. the issue of pregnancy. I know I'm emotional. I was with the first one also. I was also lonely, feeling unattractive, and usually not in the type of physically loving relationship I wanted to be. I talked and cried to him about this.I showed him from other discussion how some men lost their attraction to women who were pregnant.I begged him to talk openly about it to no avail.Instead he began watching loads of porn. I could have dealt with this fine if it were not for the lying about it.I'm an open minded person, and would have understood.But I guess in his mind he was saving me from being hurt because he wasn't attracted. I knew the difference when after the baby was born he was chasing me around 24/7
2. I'm trying hard not to
3.I think he should have answered me to , but instead he came home from work the next day acting like nothing happened. As if to say I lied you snooped , We're even.Isn't sitting well with me either atm.As evidenced by my rambling
4. I have in the past , mostly because I knew he had lied,and I looked for proof, but by now, I'm scared to
No this isn't to personal , I'm the one who laid my life out there for all of you to see.but a dam inside me was bursting and i had to talk to someone.
He's not outgoing at all , he's quiet and shy, until it comes to flirting with a female.I've seen it and experienced it first hand.
I can't say he's ever cheated but he's done some things that were close enough to slice at my heart, such as chatting with an ex girlfreind and telling her the reason he hadn't been around to talk to her was, he was out of state. Not that he had a girlfriend . In fact she didnt know I existed until I intercepted a message and talked to her. He claims its because he felt guilty for just not calling her anymore , and kind of disapearing on her.He says there was no contact(which she supported) but she says they were on the computer every day flirting.It hurts me even now. I used to tal to him on the computer before he moved in and asjk him if he was on with someone else talking because it would take him so long to respond.He said no , later I learned different.
I should have run then I know.
Forgive my spelling puntuation etc
I need an emotional editor today
nymphy

 

[woodnymph_O]

Ill be getting off here

for a couple of hours to take out my frustations on my kitchen floor and my dishes
thanks all
nymphy

 

[Spitfire_23]

Hell, sometimes I lie just to stay in practice. Luckily I'm good at it. From a larger perspective though, I don't really like lying. It takes a lot more work than truth (would you believe I usually have contingencies planned for every stage of a good lie?)

Lying in a relationship is a bit different though. If lying is necessary, it means I've done something wrong and now I'm trying to duck the consequences. If I have to lie to a woman I'm in love with, it's never a good sign.

 

[woodnymph_O]

Hell, sometimes I lie just to stay in practice. Luckily I'm good at it. From a larger perspective though, I don't really like lying. It takes a lot more work than truth (would you believe I usually have contingencies planned for every stage of a good lie?)

Lying in a relationship is a bit different though. If lying is necessary, it means I've done something wrong and now I'm trying to duck the consequences. If I have to lie to a woman I'm in love with, it's never a good sign.

thats what i feel too
lieing indicates something to hide. if you had nothing to hide why lie.Unless its a behavior you have become accustomed to and can't stop . I just don't know which i'm dealing with , probably both.Btw floor was finished sooner than I thought lol ,, maybe I'll have a nap ,welcome to my exciting day lol

 

[woodnymph_O]

in all my whining i just noticed

i made 100 posts ,, odd didn't think i'd be complaing that much today
thanks for the PMs (you know who you are)
the support id appreciated more than you know

nymphy

 

[SeaCat]

Nymph,

I am so sorry to hear/read about this. To tell the truth at first I didn't want to post. I felt it would have the possibility of making a bad situation worse, but my wife convinced me otherwise.

It seems to me from what little I have read here that there is an issue of trust in your relationship. This is not a good thing. (How obviouse can I get right?) Whether your S.O. realizes it or not he has raised this issue of trust by his telling you a lie about lunch, then blowing it off. To him it may seem like no big deal, (and maybe it isn't a big deal. Maybe it was a lunch with a MALE co-worker.) Unfortunately it is a big deal, because it makes you think there is a reason not to trust him. I think you have to sit down with him and explain this to him. (Yes sometimes we can't see what is obviouse to you.) Will he become defensive, unfortunately I am sure he will. Will he become angry, probably. e won't see what the big deal is, he will feel that you are attacking him. You have to convince him that you aren't attacking him, but you are concerned. However, if he has half the brains a Monkey does he will soon understand what is bothering you and why. It is only then that you can decide what the future holds for the two of you.

As for his other habits, ie. his not being turned on by a woman who is pregnant. That is his personal choice. Personaly I can't think of anything hotter than a happily pregnant woman.

Cat

 

[curious2c]

Okay...my daughter was with a jerk that sounds alot like your...um...anyway...he was pulling the same stuff on her. Come to find out, he was going out with a couple other women at the time. She later dumped him...but waiting so long only made it harder on her. If it looks like a fish, smells like a fish and tastes like a fish...it's a fish.

What I'm saying is...his actions...getting mad at you for 'snooping' and the lying about the little things...I'm sorry...I'd be real suspicious of him were I you.

I'm not saying throw it all away...yet. Perhaps some heart to heart talking is in order...and he needs to know that you mean business about it too. Where there is smoke...there could be fire.

Hopefully it was just him and a buddy (Male) that ate lunch from KFC and he didn't want to hurt your feelings...but I am suspicious of his actions.

 

[woodnymph_O]

Nymph,

I am so sorry to hear/read about this. To tell the truth at first I didn't want to post. I felt it would have the possibility of making a bad situation worse, but my wife convinced me otherwise.

It seems to me from what little I have read here that there is an issue of trust in your relationship. This is not a good thing. (How obviouse can I get right?) Whether your S.O. realizes it or not he has raised this issue of trust by his telling you a lie about lunch, then blowing it off. To him it may seem like no big deal, (and maybe it isn't a big deal. Maybe it was a lunch with a MALE co-worker.) Unfortunately it is a big deal, because it makes you think there is a reason not to trust him. I think you have to sit down with him and explain this to him. (Yes sometimes we can't see what is obviouse to you.) Will he become defensive, unfortunately I am sure he will. Will he become angry, probably. e won't see what the big deal is, he will feel that you are attacking him. You have to convince him that you aren't attacking him, but you are concerned. However, if he has half the brains a Monkey does he will soon understand what is bothering you and why. It is only then that you can decide what the future holds for the two of you.

As for his other habits, ie. his not being turned on by a woman who is pregnant. That is his personal choice. Personaly I can't think of anything hotter than a happily pregnant woman.

Cat

I've just now had a chance to get on here today thanks for all the concern. cat you hit the issue on the head, it's all about trust.If I can't trust the small things how can I trust the picture as a whole?
I have tried to talk to him about this before to no avail when he was caught in a couple other "little white lies". So as to his current position , I tried yet again this morning to talk to him .He does say that the lunch was with a male co-worker.But on his defensive side he trows at me that I know he lies , and he will continue to do so as long as he wants , and any chance he gets .then after a small walk out to go to the store he comes back and hugs me as if to say he's sorry/didn't mean it,and yet it's never said.I think I'm finally accepting that he will never be wrong in anything he does in his eyes.I feel sometimes that I am being punnished for something I never did , that somedays he looks over and doesnt see me at all , he just see's his ex, and treats me accordingly.I heard this song on the radio this morning talking about "this is all just one long goodbye", I'm starting to feel that way too .
As for you comment on pregnant women THANK YOU , it made me smile.
Big hugs to you and do this girl a favor and hug the wife too.
She was right, your comments were very appreciated.
lots of love
Nymphy

 

[woodnymph_O]

Okay...my daughter was with a jerk that sounds alot like your...um...anyway...he was pulling the same stuff on her. Come to find out, he was going out with a couple other women at the time. She later dumped him...but waiting so long only made it harder on her. If it looks like a fish, smells like a fish and tastes like a fish...it's a fish.

What I'm saying is...his actions...getting mad at you for 'snooping' and the lying about the little things...I'm sorry...I'd be real suspicious of him were I you.

I'm not saying throw it all away...yet. Perhaps some heart to heart talking is in order...and he needs to know that you mean business about it too. Where there is smoke...there could be fire.

Hopefully it was just him and a buddy (Male) that ate lunch from KFC and he didn't want to hurt your feelings...but I am suspicious of his actions.

Thanks for the concern ,, and for seeing it MY way.Some days I almost let my self get convinced it IS just me.
Better luck to the daughter.
Light and love to you
nymphy