Relationship Advice

[theshadow]

Just wondering if any of you kind people would give me some advice:

For the last two years, Ive had a beautiful loving relationship with a girl. She is everything to me and without being OTT its magical.

However, short time ago she informed me that we needed a break, she fell out of love with me as we were suffocating each other.

Im a kind of stubborn guy. There have been times when I have been socializing with others with her, I have not enjoyed the company Ive been in and Ive made it shown. It makes my g/f frustrated and wonder if Im having a good night out. It has made her enjoy herself more when she is out with friends than when I am there.


Ive got a lot of change to make during this break. I neglected my life outwith her and my friends... I need to be more accommodating and loosen up. Not for her, but for me.. There is no-one else involved, and our relationship was beautiful. We were so lucky to have what we had.

We are going to have a break for a while and meet up again. If anything happens this time we shall take it slow.

Anyone had this kind of situation happen? Its killing..

 

[EJFan]

am i understanding you correctly when i say that you don't enjoy her friends and you don't spend time with your friends when the two of you are together?

if my interpretation is correct, i think this is a sign of a relationship that's not going anywhere good to begin with. there are always exceptions, but mostly minor ones to this. i feel that if a couple can't have mutual friends, or at least enjoy their SO's friends, they probably don't have as much in common with one another as they thought.

also... i don't personally approve of pushing friends to a back burner for a relationship. this isn't to say that the relationship is unimportant... just that there should be a balance and the friends shouldn't become a "safety net."

other than that, a break can sometimes be a good thing. if nothing else, it will put things in perspective... we don't know what we have 'til it's gone usually.

 

[yoshimitsu]

Im a kind of stubborn guy. There have been times when I have been socializing with others with her, I have not enjoyed the company Ive been in and Ive made it shown. It makes my g/f frustrated and wonder if Im having a good night out. It has made her enjoy herself more when she is out with friends than when I am there.

Yeah I am curious if you mean socializing with her friends and not enjoying their company or if you mean socializing with new people or mutual aquaintences.
My girlfriend and I have a tendancy to get too sucked into each other and have a hard time socializing when we are at parties together. It is something I really would like to work on. Part of it is we are both have minor social anxiety. When we are together we are more comfortable interacting with one another than others. When we ore out on our own it forces us out of our shells more.
Are you talking about something similar to this or are you saying you don't like the particular type of people you are interacting with in these situations?

 

[theshadow]

am i understanding you correctly when i say that you don't enjoy her friends and you don't spend time with your friends when the two of you are together?

Well.. The friends she has I like. There are others I aint keen on and it shows. lol. For instance, I dont really like clubbing, she does. If we are out then she is always thinking am I enjoying myself or not and it kind of spoils her night. I give her the freedom to go out and do the things she wants to do without me.

In regards to my own friends, yes I have neglected them. I would spend most of my time with my g/f and we would both enjoy each other's company.

I look back and find I have been silly in a lot of ways. I do think though that there have been more positives than negatives and it can be sorted out.

My girlfriend and I have a tendancy to get too sucked into each other and have a hard time socializing when we are at parties together. It is something I really would like to work on. Part of it is we are both have minor social anxiety. When we are together we are more comfortable interacting with one another than others. When we ore out on our own it forces us out of our shells more.

What I have is a bit similar. Its not being able to socialize fully when I am out with her or own my own. Im a quiet person and when I get bored of a situation, I get bored!

 

[LadyJeanne]

Well.. The friends she has I like. There are others I aint keen on and it shows. lol. For instance, I dont really like clubbing, she does. If we are out then she is always thinking am I enjoying myself or not and it kind of spoils her night. I give her the freedom to go out and do the things she wants to do without me.

In regards to my own friends, yes I have neglected them. I would spend most of my time with my g/f and we would both enjoy each other's company.

I look back and find I have been silly in a lot of ways. I do think though that there have been more positives than negatives and it can be sorted out.

What I have is a bit similar. Its not being able to socialize fully when I am out with her or own my own. Im a quiet person and when I get bored of a situation, I get bored!

One of my exes was like this. He didn't enjoy himself when we were out with my friends, or his. He didn't like going out. It got to the point where a friend of his brother's, a guy who always hit on me at one of the clubs, started to ask, "Well, if you have a boyfriend and you're living with him, how come you're never here with him?" That actually made me ask myself the same question.

If my guy is never around when I'm relaxed and having a good time, why am I with him? If he doesn't like my friends, and if he doesn't want to hang out with his own friends, do I want to be his entire social life? Does that really feel right?

You can give her all kinds of freedom to go out and do her own thing, and she will appreciate that about you. But if you never go out and do your own thing, you will become boring to her, as boring as it is for you to engage in her thing.

 

[mugman]

Not judgemental, but...

I don't want to be judgemental, but it seems odd to me that you say "I give her he freedom...". If you're GIVING it, it ain't freedom! All people don't like all people. But I think with common interests, you have a better chance for longevity.

 

[theshadow]

We have so much in common and share the same interests. You know, people get like this if one had an affair or were abusive towards their partner. I did neither, and thats the hardest part.

 

[LadyJeanne]

We have so much in common and share the same interests. You know, people get like this if one had an affair or were abusive towards their partner. I did neither, and thats the hardest part.

That's not the only reason people get like this. Did you read my post?

 

[yoshimitsu]

I don't want to be judgemental, but it seems odd to me that you say "I give her he freedom...". If you're GIVING it, it ain't freedom! All people don't like all people. But I think with common interests, you have a better chance for longevity.

Then how would you say it?
I would say I give my girlfriend her freedom. I don't mean it like I am in controll of her and ocasionally allow her to do what she wants. I mean it like I am open to letting her live her life and make her choices. Where I am from this is such a common use of the term I am kinda suprised to see it raise issue.

 

[Private_Label]

We have so much in common and share the same interests. You know, people get like this if one had an affair or were abusive towards their partner. I did neither, and thats the hardest part.

Yet you also said:

For instance, I dont really like clubbing, she does. If we are out then she is always thinking am I enjoying myself or not and it kind of spoils her night.

So there are some things that she enjoys that you do not.

You also said:

However, short time ago she informed me that we needed a break, she fell out of love with me as we were suffocating each other.

Which tells me that you aren't listening to her. You heard the words but you haven't yet accepted them. It has nothing to do with how YOU feel. She told you how SHE feels. Accept it at face value and don't over analyze it - it could be that there is nothing you did wrong, she just isn't as in to you as you are into her. Back off and let it be.