Regain Motivation

[CelticFrog]

Okay, here's the deal.

I have always seemed to have a problem with flat-out motivation. Like I can rarely summon myself off my fat ass to clean my house, do the dishes, do the laundry, etc. I do it, but generally it takes a lot of effort and I always seem to be way too exhausted when I'm done. I'm not HORRIBLY out of shape, but I am overweight and endeavoring to lose the weight. I recently had my thyroid checked, and apparently it's fine although my doctor shares my concern, as everything has seemed to get worse over the last few months.

I have gained weight that I shouldn't have. It is getting increasingly more difficult to get off my ass. I have problems keeping my house straight. I have to force myself to exercise. Hell, sometimes I have to force myself just to READ MY EMAIL.

I WANT to do these things, I seriously do. I think forward to the day I can just MAINTAIN my house's cleanliness instead of having to burn myself out on huge cleaning sprees and smile. The only problem is getting my body's motivation to correlate my own desires for a clean house and a proportionately happier family.

To put this into perspective -- I LOVE gourmet cooking and breadmaking. I used to make all of our own bread, to be healthier and fresher and altogether yummier. Now, I have to literally have someone hold me accountable for it or I never even pull out the flour.

Something's wrong, and even my doctor (albeit military) can't seem to put his finger on it. I'll go back in in a few weeks if I can't seem to shake this, but in the meantime I'm wondering if any of you have constructive suggestions.

Ang

 

[the_untouched]

well i guess i'm not the best advice you can get at this topic though i already had the problem of being overwheight... i'm not quite sure but like 5 years ago i felt like i'm becoming one of those fat ugly pimple guys sitting in front of the computer doing nothing but eating pizza and playing games all day... and so i simply didn't eat that much a day.. i cannot quite explain it but i really just started all of a sudden and couldn't stop... i went jogging every day for over an hour and all that kind of stuff... after a year i stopped and i was in such a good form... the only thing that bugged me was the fact that i got some ugly white lines because of the streched skin on my ass but i got a six pack and some nice muscles from this... i'm one of those persons who can really achieve a lot if the just have the will to do it... and i got the will from facing what may become out of me if i just go on living the same way... i simply skipped some meals... a lot of sweets and one of the biggest thing i think is eating pizza... i really lost a lot of weight even though i still think i was very young when i did all this... but hey now i can still be proud of being in a nice shape without having to do that much for it...

 

[Whoa Canada]

I personally think having someone hold me accountable for the things I do is a great motivator, definitely keeps me on my toes...

I've come to realize that there's basically two people living inside me.
1. The person who wants to do things and
2. The person who doesn't want to do things

And let me tell you, they fight all the time.

I exercise quite a bit. Four times a week at least. And each time is a constant mind struggle. The one who doesn't want to do anything says to me "Just sit down, watch some TV, have a drink, relax." The active tells me the exact opposite. In the end, it was all a matter of who I would listen to. It's not easy to listen to the one who wants to be active. Hell, it's a lot easier to do nothing than something, but there are more rewards when doing something.
I have always had to just say "Fuck it, I'm going to do it" and got up and did it.

"If something's too hard to do, than it's not worth doing"
-Homer Simpson

WC

 

[CelticFrog]

Thanks WC...

I think I need to give the 'active' voice more confidence, somehow. My 'inactive' voice tends to find every possible reason why I SHOULDN'T go do something.

*sigh*

Ang

 

[bobsgirl]

Ang, could you possibly be depressed? Those symptoms--the lack of energy and motivation--sound sort of like depression to me. Some days, it is a real victory to just get out of bed and get dressed. Try to make an effort to do one or two constructive things each day, and try not to worry about the dust and the cobwebs too much. They'll still be there tomorrow.

The depression thing might be worth looking into. Good luck.

 

[CelticFrog]

LOL bobsgirl -- I knew I was forgetting something.

Yes, I'm depressed. Chronically. But I don't think that this is stemming from that. Why? Because I am being succesfully treated both with medication and occasional therapy (I graduated to the 'come in when you need it' sessions!!!) and am very consistent and honest with my self-evaluations.

Amazingly, I am worried that this is a physiological thing instead of mental, but then again I'm looking for a mental way to overcome it. There I am, looking for the easy way out.

But THANK YOU!!! for recognizing the need for depression to be addressed. I'm sorry I forgot to.

Ang

 

[Sybarist]

I saw in a previous thread that you said you suffered from postpartum depression? How old is your child now? Your current feelings of 'sloth' could be directly related to your new job, taking care of kids all day, every day, takes more out of you than you ever think it should...

Do you give yourself "me" time everyday? Is this possible for you to do? Is there a father or someone else in the picture for you to, even a couple of times a week, pass the child off to and just spend at least half an hour doing something special (even if it is nothing at all!) so that you don't start to resent the parent you have had to become?

There are so many different emotions that come with being a new parent, sometimes difficulties in working things out in your own head can cause external behavioural problems that seem unrelated. Resentment is a big one and hard to deal with in a lot of cases. ("Why would rational people who conciously decide to have a child then turn around and feel resentment and anger at having to carry through with the responsibility?") Are you getting enough sleep? Lack of sleep can really work against you energy-wise, as can lack of excersize (any excersize, even just getting outside to walk around for a few minutes!)

I have had problems with depression as well and it's always been sort of cyclic? Could be you are just going through a 'down' phase that will go away eventually, could be you need to go and up/change your meds, could be you just need a kick in the butt (sometimes it really helps, LOL!) Having kids can make it harder to deal with things in the way they need to be dealt with at the time it needs to be done. Have you talked to your therapist or group about this lack of motivation before? They may be able to offer some good advice as well..

Syb.

 

[CelticFrog]

Wow, Sybarist. You do your homework.

Alekz just turned 18 months on New Year's Day.

I have to say I don't get out and exercise as much as I should. The whole motivation thing there exists too. The desire and general mental motivation is there, just not the actual 'get up and go'.

I have a few hours to myself every night after I put the bug to bed (his nickname for some reason) and before his father gets home from work (he works swings). J helps out with the bug as much as he can, which isn't always a lot, but I also have to get used to him not being around as much, as he'll be gone for several months this summer.

I feel the most guilt when I really want to get something done for J (like iron all of his uniforms) to help him out or have a nice clean house for him to come home to (domestic housewife disease... lol) and then it isn't there for him. I want so much to be able to be one of those godawful Stepford wives, it's disgusting. I know I wasn't really made for it, but the desire to be perfect is there.

Yeah, I know that's an issue in itself.

I don't resent Alekz any longer. I did when I was at rock bottom. Now, he is an absolute joy to have around (except when he's throwing tantrums, then he's just a plain joy) and everyone loves him that meets him. We say ugly babies don't like him because they're jealous. Actually, my mom said that first.

I have changed so much in the last few months and am a much happier person. I eat healthier (even the sweets aren't so bad, when I do eat them!), I have made tiny tiny improvements (like I've vacuumed for the first time in three years -- even though I have an excuse and J used to do it until we got a new vacuum) and I just FEEL happier in my heart and soul. Unfortunately, my body can't seem to follow. DAMNIT!

I'm trying to take babysteps, but even those sometimes become overwhelming to me.

At least we got our closet mostly clean this weekend. Maybe weekend projects is how I need to work for a while. Then, I guess it's the guilt of not doing daily ones I need to work on.

Okay, I promise right now I'm going to go do ten pushups. And twenty situps.

Ang

 

[Sybarist]

Actually, it was a chance glance at a thread almost right before this one that makes me seem so knowing (I'm not a stalker, honest! )

Used to be a time that I had to pick fights with the hubby in order to get anything done. My motto was "Nothing gets the dishes done faster than pure, unadulterated rage!!" It was a horrible time for all of us (my daughter is now 4.5) and I'd rather be messy and peaceful thank you. It did take some pills and some therapy to get over that little molehill though. I had unresolved issues about becoming a mom and the responsibilties I never saw coming. Plus, like you say about your guy, to me mine was never around enough, always working and going out to do things I couldn't justify having the time to do anymore!

I was actually starting to slide again over the summer. I could feel it building up inside and I just couldn't get away from it. I had just about reached the point of goingtoget more help when one night I got a phone call. It was my hubby telling me he was bringing home this young dog that had been neglected and basically abandoned. LIFECHANGE!! Taking him out for the excersize he needs is what saved me this time. Being out with him and my girl just enjoying the outdoors and our time together! I have lost ten pounds in the 5 months since he has been with us and I am back to loving most of my life again..

Okay, go do your push-ups, sit-ups, whatever. (not important what, just do something right?) Once you get the weekend projects done you will feel better. It's really terrible how just putting a few things off can drive us down eh? (I am also a wonderful procrastinator!) Usually just doing a few things that you have been putting off will create the desire to do more- a veritable frenzy of motivation awaits!!

Take care,
Syb.

 

[warrior queen]

ok, baby steps.

1. get yourself a physio-ball, and then make it a rule to only ever sit on that - at the puter, at the table, watching tv.
that way, your body is exercising even when you're sitting doing not much.

2. make a daily list for the week.... mon - kitchen, tues - laundry, wed - babys room etc..... and only do those on those days. just a few things at a time.
eg. on the mon - kitchen, you could clean out the pantry one week, sort out the fridge the next, and it will spiral on from there.

3. schedule "ME" time!!!!
this is very important!!!!
go to a movie (walk instead of taking the car? or get off 2 stops earlier from the bus) get your hair done, see a friend for a cuppa - without the bub.
you really need to make sure you get some you time so that you don't lose your identity in your life - it's all too easy to become the 'mommy' and the 'wife', and forget who you really are under all that.

4. make 'dates' with your SO - you need to make an effort to keep the romance and communication alive and kicking.
even if you just make time to have dinner together after bub is down for the night, with no tv or distractions in the background - focus on the two of you.

5. STOP STRESSING about it all!!!!
stressing about things makes them 10 times worse than they really are.

6. try this site for more help on coping with depression and it's after-effects.

good luck.

 

[English Lady]

Just a little extra advice....alot of good stuff has been said already


I know myself that if I am sitting about eating junk food I loose motivation and energy but if I am eating fresh fruit and veg everyday my energy shoots up!


The best way of getting some fresh fruit into you easily is to get fresh juices in cartons..I know a glass of fruit juice in a Morning sets me up for the day


Check out your diet as it really does make a difference

 

[Cakegirl]

Hey Celtic Frog,

What is important here is to find the balance between setting your goals too high (setting yourself up for failure) and setting them too low (giving yourself an excuse to not achieve as much as you could).

Your goals need to be meaurable, realistic and achievable, but you also need to push yourself, because working to achieve goals will actually motivate yourself to set new, higher goals. The best way is to make a big goal and then break it down to smaller ones.

The post that recommended saying one room per day is on the right track, but if you're starting a next to no housework, it might not be realistic for you to suddenly clean one room per day. However, if your 'big' goal is to have a tidy house for your partner, a realistic way of breaking that down into smaller goals might be that each day you will do 1/2 hour of high intensity cleaning, and each day it will be in a different room from the day before. (By high intensity, I mean cleaning non-stop - not stopping to look at the cute photos you find while cleaning, or stopping to pat the cat, or to read the mail that you didn't know you'd left unopened! Those things, you do after your 1/2 hour.

So, the goal is realistic, because 1/2 hour of cleaning gives you 23 1/2 hours every day to not be cleaning. And it's measurable, because at the end of the day, you will know that you've set a goal and made it. And it's also measurable because if you're consistently cleaning 1/2 hour each day, eventually you will begin to notice the change around the house.

And when your fitness starts to increase (taking into acount the above suggestions for getting out and about, and English Lady's advice about diet), you might want to reconsider your short term goals, and maybe up it to 45 minutes!

Cakegirl

 

[lilpriss]

Just got done reading Dr Phil's weight loss Solution book. It's AWESOME and gets to the heart of WHY you're overweight.

I've been losing weight for a long time now and I've lost 100 + pounds... I'm 40 pounds from my goal and trust me IT CAN BE DONE.

Motivation isn't what you need, you need to change your habits. Change your environment and your life will change.

For example... are there stashes of food everywhere you turn? (packs of crackers in the car, snacks next to the tv, do you keep a drink by your bed?) If so, put the food in the kitchen (where it belongs) and only consume food in one spot in your house... at the dining room table. The extra effort it takes to get to the food will give you a chance to decide if you're really hungry... would a bubble bath or breath of fresh air actually make you feel better???

I'm telling you, that book is awesome, I'd love to meet Dr Phil some day.

 

[Limbhugger]

Trust me, I dealt with military doctors for 11yrs, I know what you mean. There are good ones out there. Trouble is tho, they don't get to spend much time with you and getting to know you. But remember, it never hurts to arm yourself with some knowledge and then talk to the doctor about it.

Anyway, it could be anything from depression (sooner or later one of the military doc's will mention this) to homronal changes to fibromyalgia to lymme decease to just plain old burn out.

I don't know how to answer this for you I was just throwing out some ideas for you to think about.

Best of luck!!!