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Reflections on Gentleman Doms

https://78.media.tumblr.com/26a68085ede9714dc7708ef323f71680/tumblr_n6ad99rg6h1rs7mayo1_500.jpg

Original Tumblr Post by me-allofme​
Submissive Traits - Leadership

Recently my Muse sent me the Joey Hill quote in the post pictured above, and in addition to meaning a great deal to me during a time of personal and professional stress, it set me to thinking more globally about the ways in which a submissive at times serves their Master through artful and subtle leadership. Once again it pointed out to me how a submissive is not a dish rag, simply accepting direction and command, but rather a partner who expresses love and devotion through service, and yes, at times even leadership.

Tumblr is littered with references to the Anais Nin quote that begins, “I do not want to be the leader. I refuse to be the leader. I want to live darkly and richly in my femaleness. I want a man lying over me, always over me. His will, his pleasure, his desire, his life, his work, his sexuality the touchstone, the command, my pivot.” This may indeed be a commonly held feeling of many submissives, but to believe that one can have a successful D/s relationship as a submissive while abdicating all responsibility for taking the lead at times is an illusion.

You see, contrary to popular myth, a Dominant is not some infallible and omnipotent being. A Dominant is human and subject to human stresses, pressures, emotions, and needs. Sometimes that seeming rock of a Dom succumbs to the pressures of life, work, relationships, family, or loss, and suddenly does not seem so dominant. A Dominant can lose their way every bit as much as can a submissive. And like Puff the Magic Dragon, many Dominants, when confronted with overwhelming pressures or loss, will slip into their cave of self-imposed exile and retreat from the world. They often do not express themselves and the weight that they bear. That is part of what makes them seem so Dominant. Yet to the intimate D/s submissive partner, this self-imposed isolation by a Dominant can feel like rejection. When the Dominant withdraws, the submissive can themselves feel lost.

With that in mind, read the Joey Hill quote again. “If my Master is lost, I’ll find him. I’ll lead him back to himself, because to serve does not always mean to follow.” Pretty brilliant stuff I say. When a Master is not feeling so terribly masterful, when a Dominant is not feeling so terribly in control of their world, it is indeed the hour of glory for a submissive partner to truly shine in their devotion. Under these circumstances, leading a Master back to themselves is not an exercise in brattiness or challenging them to be Dominant, or to take action of some sort. No. This is the moment when a submissive can lead their Dominant back to himself by being their most devoted and submissive self. It is leadership through service. Not badgering or shaming the Dominant about poor performance, that only makes matters worse. The submissive leads their Dominant back to their dominance by giving them what they seem to have momentarily lost in life; control. Through loving devotion and service, the submissive gives their Dominant what they have lost, and in so doing slowly breathes life back into their own Master. This is not leadership in the overt traditional sense of command and control, or even leadership by example. This is leadership through service and devotion.

When I was a child we never had pets in the household because my family tended to travel a lot and could not care for them. So I walked a neighbor’s dog on a regular basis to put a little change in my pocket and frankly to fill a void. Over time I developed a bond with this dog and I will never forget the intervention that dog once made on me during a time of extreme emotional distress in my life. One day while walking the dog I remember sitting on some steps in the neighborhood and crying my eyes out where I thought no one would see me. All the while I did this, that dog just sat there devotedly before me gazing up intently and unwaveringly with his big brown eyes. Then slowly but surely, sitting at my knees, he laid his head on my lap and did not move until my outpouring of sadness subsided. This otherwise active and rambunctious dog sat there in utter devotion with his head motionless on my lap for more than half an hour. He comforted me through devotion, patience and service. He submissively gave me full control over him until I was able to stand up and lead again. He gave me unconditional love.

My Muse is not my pet. We do not have that dynamic to our relationship. But like the dog from my childhood, my Muse gives me what I need most, even in times of stress or distress. Through her utter devotion, tireless service, and unwavering love, she sometimes quietly and subtly takes the reigns for both of us. But she doesn’t use that control to lead us anywhere or make us do anything. She takes the reigns, holds them tenderly for a time, then lovingly hands them back to me. And in that act of handing me control of her, she bring some modicum of control back to my life and thus my sense of Dominance and her place of comfort.

Ultimately, by leadership through service a submissive leads their Master back to being their most authentic self, as my Muse has for me from the day we met. That is why she is a Muse. My Muse.

Caption © For The Love of a Submissive, 2014


an excellent essay in my opinion. Cascadia :heart:
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A man is ...

self-reliant, but has enough self-respect and common sense to ask for help when he absolutely needs it. He is calmly competent. He is focused. He is strong internally, though external physical strength is also wonderful as long as it is a reflection of that internal strength. He has grit. He sees things through. He is courageous, physically but most importantly, ethically. He protects and defends his family and friends. He is openhanded and generous to those less fortunate than him. He pushes himself. He loves strongly and openly. He is aware of his limitations, and works to improve where he can. He is the calm in the storm. He owns his fuckups, and makes them right. He doesn’t whine when life hands him a steaming pile of shit, he girds his loins and says “OK, let’s do this.” He is responsible. Above all, he handles his business, a nebulous phrase to be sure but one recognizes it when one sees it.​
 
cascadiabound said:
A man is ...

self-reliant, but has enough self-respect and common sense to ask for help when he absolutely needs it. He is calmly competent. He is focused. He is strong internally, though external physical strength is also wonderful as long as it is a reflection of that internal strength. He has grit. He sees things through. He is courageous, physically but most importantly, ethically. He protects and defends his family and friends. He is openhanded and generous to those less fortunate than him. He pushes himself. He loves strongly and openly. He is aware of his limitations, and works to improve where he can. He is the calm in the storm. He owns his fuckups, and makes them right. He doesn’t whine when life hands him a steaming pile of shit, he girds his loins and says “OK, let’s do this.” He is responsible. Above all, he handles his business, a nebulous phrase to be sure but one recognizes it when one sees it.​
Click to expand...

I love this! I'd love to find one....:rose:
 
The gentleman Dom. Things dreams are made of. Someone who knows and understands that my daily life requires me to be assertive and dominate. The man who embraces my intelligence and confidence because he knows that when I am with him, I can relax completely and know that he will take care of me in every way. I was just talking about this dichotomy earlier today. For me, it’s not even about BDSM or pain/humiliation as I don’t like any of that. But that feeling of being safe and protected. Like a beast with his beauty. And he would know that I am there for him in every way as well. How exactly does one meet these men in the real world? I can’t even meet them online.
 
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