Reflections on Gentleman Doms

[cascadiabound]

http://68.media.tumblr.com/29be1ff74a7dbf97a89b7f57dc548c5a/tumblr_oim0nfMkJc1qc5rkjo1_500.jpg​

 

[cascadiabound]

http://68.media.tumblr.com/f8a8cf74e20c6c36f4b31d0f6dfc4c61/tumblr_nf8rjj5s0O1si7o4ao1_500.jpg

 

[barefootgirl69]

I really wish there were more conversation taking place here by Gentleman Doms.

What I like most about having a Dom, whether online or in life, is how they help you to grow in certain areas. It is different for every submissive... but, personally, I find that it makes me feel cared for.

 

[cascadiabound]

I really wish there were more conversation taking place here by Gentleman Doms.

What I like most about having a Dom, whether online or in life, is how they help you to grow in certain areas. It is different for every submissive... but, personally, I find that it makes me feel cared for.

Agreed. But. I would note that the last significant post by a male litster here got not a single comment or response. Makes a guy think twice about bothering I would think.

Periodically, like today... I post something I find that seems like it belongs on this thread as a way of bumping it.

cb

 

[barefootgirl69]

Agreed. But. I would note that the last significant post by a male litster here got not a single comment or response. Makes a guy think twice about bothering I would think.

Periodically, like today... I post something I find that seems like it belongs on this thread as a way of bumping it.

cb

*runs to look*

Edit... ah, yes! I remember this! I also remember waiting for other Doms to join this discussion. Hopefully, your careful cultivation will bring it to someone's notice.

 

[cascadiabound]

quoted from elsewhere...

I'm a needy Dom

The more I read posts by submissive girls about their fear of being needy and the stigma that’s attached to it, the more I realize I need to say this…

I’m a needy Dom.

I need her to text me repeatedly until I respond because she can’t wait to share something with me.

I need to hear the excitement in her voice when she hears mine.

I need her undeniable devotion.

I need her to recognize the things I do for her.

I need her to need me.

I need her to pay attention to my likes/dislikes just as much as I pay attention to hers.

I need to feel her love. Consistently.

I need HER. Every bit of her. Her deepest, darkest corners. Her sharp edges. Her weaknesses.


I need her naked soul.

 

[barefootgirl69]

quoted from elsewhere...

I'm a needy Dom

The more I read posts by submissive girls about their fear of being needy and the stigma that’s attached to it, the more I realize I need to say this…

I’m a needy Dom.

I need her to text me repeatedly until I respond because she can’t wait to share something with me.

I need to hear the excitement in her voice when she hears mine.

I need her undeniable devotion.

I need her to recognize the things I do for her.

I need her to need me.

I need her to pay attention to my likes/dislikes just as much as I pay attention to hers.

I need to feel her love. Consistently.

I need HER. Every bit of her. Her deepest, darkest corners. Her sharp edges. Her weaknesses.


I need her naked soul.

I think many times this gets over-looked. I'm glad you posted it.

 

[OldUncleJack]

quoted from elsewhere...

I'm a needy Dom

The more I read posts by submissive girls about their fear of being needy and the stigma that’s attached to it, the more I realize I need to say this…

I’m a needy Dom.

I need her to text me repeatedly until I respond because she can’t wait to share something with me.

I need to hear the excitement in her voice when she hears mine.

I need her undeniable devotion.

I need her to recognize the things I do for her.

I need her to need me.

I need her to pay attention to my likes/dislikes just as much as I pay attention to hers.

I need to feel her love. Consistently.

I need HER. Every bit of her. Her deepest, darkest corners. Her sharp edges. Her weaknesses.


I need her naked soul.

This is so true...

 

[TheOlderGuy]

quoted from elsewhere...

I'm a needy Dom

The more I read posts by submissive girls about their fear of being needy and the stigma that’s attached to it, the more I realize I need to say this…

I’m a needy Dom.

I need her to text me repeatedly until I respond because she can’t wait to share something with me.

I need to hear the excitement in her voice when she hears mine.

I need her undeniable devotion.

I need her to recognize the things I do for her.

I need her to need me.

I need her to pay attention to my likes/dislikes just as much as I pay attention to hers.

I need to feel her love. Consistently.

I need HER. Every bit of her. Her deepest, darkest corners. Her sharp edges. Her weaknesses.


I need her naked soul.

I read somewhere (I truly wish I could be more specific)
that (and I paraphrase, perhaps badly):

A submissive's strength comes from her dominant
and a dominant's weakness is his submissive.

With that I could concur . . . (gender pronouns aside)

 

[TheOlderGuy]

I really wish there were more conversation taking place here by Gentleman Doms.

What I like most about having a Dom, whether online or in life, is how they help you to grow in certain areas. It is different for every submissive... but, personally, I find that it makes me feel cared for.

!00% submissive -- 97% brat -- that leaves a 3% mystery.

Agreed. But. I would note that the last significant post by a male litster here got not a single comment or response. Makes a guy think twice about bothering I would think.

Periodically, like today... I post something I find that seems like it belongs on this thread as a way of bumping it.

cb

We're guys, dominant or not, and we're absolutely accustomed to being rejected, so don't worry about us. You've done your job. Most posters here are cruising for vulnerable females, so I get it. It's just the nature of Lit.

 

[cascadiabound]

We're guys, dominant or not, and we're absolutely accustomed to being rejected, so don't worry about us. You've done your job. Most posters here are cruising for vulnerable females, so I get it. It's just the nature of Lit.

I didn't mean to suggest I was worried. And yes, guys have to have a thick skin around here. In fact, it pays for all of us on line to have a bit of toughness in our on line encounters...if you take things personally all the time you are plain screwed. *Shrugs*

I keep bumping this thread because Lit is full of chatty women especially women who self ID on some part of the sub spectrum happy to talk about how they feel and their exploration and experience as they fumble through this stuff. It is much more difficult to get guys to talk at all. I suspect because they are 1) guys and 2) Dom guys are perhaps even more reticent to talk.

However...I think men have interesting things to say. So. I like this thread providing an opportunity for those posts when guys feel inclined. No comment is certainly better than flaming. But... Whatever.

 

[DarkSimian]

I've recently had an experience with a woman that wanted to explore BDSM with me. And while she has seen me as a Daddy Dom, a Collector Dom, a White Knight Dom....in the end, I'm just me. And that's ok.

And with that, I think I will retire to my attic for a bit. Good day

 

[cascadiabound]

I read somewhere (I truly wish I could be more specific)
that (and I paraphrase, perhaps badly):

A submissive's strength comes from her dominant
and a dominant's weakness is his submissive.

With that I could concur . . . (gender pronouns aside)

I have been reading and rereading this quote turning it over in my mind.
Initially, I nodded. But now...I am rebelling against this quote.

I wonder....isn't a submissive strong on his or her own account? Does he/ she derive his/ her strength from the Dominant partner? For myself...I am a powerful strong person. Period. I am also a submissive. In some ways, I think that my dominant is actually stronger because of his relationship with me. Because of what I bring to the dyad.

Perhaps...on some level, the need or vulnerability that a dominant grows to have as he/ she becomes more connected to the submissive partner does expose a weakness. But...idk.

Discuss.

 

[Sundayschild]

Is part of the attraction simply a formalization of what we all want from a relationship - the knowledge that the other person is there for us? Mix up a little kink to taste and you have a healthy loving relationship with 2 people who know where each other stand. Oh, and some spanking ☺.

 

[cascadiabound]

I've recently had an experience with a woman that wanted to explore BDSM with me. And while she has seen me as a Daddy Dom, a Collector Dom, a White Knight Dom....in the end, I'm just me. And that's ok.

And with that, I think I will retire to my attic for a bit. Good day

Labels I think sometimes have limited usefulness​. DS? Did you have a good time? Did you feel a tug and pull with the power exchange/ possession/ control play? Or was it all meh for you?

 

[cascadiabound]

Is part of the attraction simply a formalization of what we all want from a relationship - the knowledge that the other person is there for us? Mix up a little kink to taste and you have a healthy loving relationship with 2 people who know where each other stand. Oh, and some spanking ☺.

Sunday...
In my view, a D/s relationship is more than just a dyad getting each other's needs met plus kink to taste.

I bolded the bit above cause it caught my eye. Of course we all want healthy relationships. I don't think you intended to suggest that a BDSM relationship couldn't also be a healthy loving relationship, but I want to posit that it has just as much liklihood of achieving that as any other.

The things that seem different to me about a Dom/ sub interaction is that there is some component of power exchange. And spanking may or may not be involved.

 

[Sundayschild]

Not to belittle your view at all - my point was that a lot of relationships suffer pressure by virtue of there is always a power exchange - and that placing your arrangement in a slightly more formal context could (for some) remove or alleviate said stress.

Picture a relationship without a D/s component. Who makes the decisions on decor? Who chooses the holiday? Who takes the bins out? Who gets oral sex first? These issues have to be decided - hopefully in a good-natured manner. Well, why not use the D/s pre-arranged roles to add structure to these simple exchanges? Bearing in mind that while both parties are of equal worth, there is usually a dominant partner anyway.

And at no point did I (or would I) suggest that a D/s, or BDSM relationship has a different chance of success as any other. I think rather the reverse is true. I was suggesting that it makes achieving harmony easier - for some.

(P.s. I was joking about the spanking )

 

[Mrtenant]

Define....'strong person'.....is this a universal definition that all agree upon?

Or is it an opinion?

Ask any two people you are likely to get a differing view, even if slightly.

Same with 'powerful'.

 

[Sundayschild]

Define....'strong person'.....is this a universal definition that all agree upon?

Or is it an opinion?

Ask any two people you are likely to get a differing view, even if slightly.

Same with 'powerful'.

Totally. I sell for a living. Lots of couples. It's very rare that decisions are made equally. You have to work out which person is making the decisions, but equally what the other person will or won't accept. Usually one person will be making the decisions, but deferring to the quiet partner who has already set his/her parameters. Power is often silent.

 

[barefootgirl69]

Totally. I sell for a living. Lots of couples. It's very rare that decisions are made equally. You have to work out which person is making the decisions, but equally what the other person will or won't accept. Usually one person will be making the decisions, but deferring to the quiet partner who has already set his/her parameters. Power is often silent.

Even without a BDSM relationship, I submitted to my (ex) husband as the leader. But, that didn't mean that things weren't discussed. You can't have two leaders in ANY relationship.

 

[Sundayschild]

Even without a BDSM relationship, I submitted to my (ex) husband as the leader. But, that didn't mean that things weren't discussed. You can't have two leaders in ANY relationship.

Yep. And I bet you drew a line in the sand about some things. How dominant you are could be how many lines you draw, and how respectful of your partners lines. I suppose the bigger the area between them the less conflict there is.

Anyway - may be getting slightly off topic....☺

 

[cascadiabound]

Not to belittle your view at all - my point was that a lot of relationships suffer pressure by virtue of there is always a power exchange - and that placing your arrangement in a slightly more formal context could (for some) remove or alleviate said stress.

Picture a relationship without a D/s component. Who makes the decisions on decor? Who chooses the holiday? Who takes the bins out? Who gets oral sex first? These issues have to be decided - hopefully in a good-natured manner. Well, why not use the D/s pre-arranged roles to add structure to these simple exchanges? Bearing in mind that while both parties are of equal worth, there is usually a dominant partner anyway.

And at no point did I (or would I) suggest that a D/s, or BDSM relationship has a different chance of success as any other. I think rather the reverse is true. I was suggesting that it makes achieving harmony easier - for some.

(P.s. I was joking about the spanking )

1) I did not think you intended to suggest that a BDSM relationship has any less chance of success... you word choice just made me wonder.
2) All spanking is good IMO.

All relationships have all kinds of given and take. Parts of daily life that one person cares about deeply perhaps, or that one or the other has more skills in or has more time for. These are the little negotiations that one makes when one lives with another person whether or not one is also sexually involved. And yes. Hopefully in a good natured manner. Hopefully in a way that feels reasonably equitable in some fashion to the two people involved. Not that anything is ever truly fair. But there are all kinds of ways to make things "fair".

Of course all couples have some amount of deference and power exchange unspoken or not. It is easy to witness when you are selling to a couple. However... I think that ones public behaviour and ones private behaviour can be pretty different. We have a way of interacting in public that is long practiced.

 

[Azuldrgon]

quoted from elsewhere...

I'm a needy Dom

The more I read posts by submissive girls about their fear of being needy and the stigma that’s attached to it, the more I realize I need to say this…

I’m a needy Dom.

I need her to text me repeatedly until I respond because she can’t wait to share something with me.

I need to hear the excitement in her voice when she hears mine.

I need her undeniable devotion.

I need her to recognize the things I do for her.

I need her to need me.

I need her to pay attention to my likes/dislikes just as much as I pay attention to hers.

I need to feel her love. Consistently.

I need HER. Every bit of her. Her deepest, darkest corners. Her sharp edges. Her weaknesses.


I need her naked soul.

agreed.

 

[Mrtenant]

Weakness is also a relative term.

Does the expression of emotions denote weakness? What defines it?

Immaturity? Emotional scarring that remains raw and exposed? Lack of self awareness?

All have a measure of these.

I would hope that a loving partner would not expose and/or exploit such things of their partner.



On another note...

With D/s, each serves the other in the way that excites that mutually recognized feeling of D and s .

The power exchange is an illusion. It doesn't exist without a partner whose proclivity pairs up with your own. And even then, it is a sharing. Both get what they need out of the exchange.


I'll also qualify that and say that's not true for everyone.

 

[cascadiabound]

On another note...

With D/s, each serves the other in the way that excites that mutually recognized feeling of D and s .

The power exchange is an illusion. It doesn't exist without a partner whose proclivity pairs up with your own. And even then, it is a sharing. Both get what they need out of the exchange.

Exactly this Mr T.