recognising sub/dom tendency?

[Satinred]

Hi, lately I have been wondering whether it is possible to recognise dominant/submissive tendencies in others from just regular daily interactions. On one hand, I know that there are people who may be dominant, assertive people in the their every day work, but like to release control in their private time/bedroom. On the other hand; if I look at myself, submission turns me on, but I also think my submissive tendencies sometimes show in regular interactions. (That is to say: not always and every time, but I think it shows sometimes, though I don't know if others pick up on this of course)

So I'd be very interested to hear others thoughts on this. If you are interested in someone, are there traits/behaviours you watch out for that may give an indications of where their interests lie? If so; what are they? Or is it impossible to make an estimation of this with any accuracy without flat out asking?

I'd be very interested to hear others thoughts on this

 

[cocktaildress21]

Hm. It's not.

That's the easy answer. Just as you cannot tell a liberal, of a pool player, or a competent motorist, or whatever - there also isn't some universal outward sign that someone is dominant or submissive.

On the other hand, when I meet a guy I feel like being submissive towards, he has been universally turned out to be dominant. However, my sample size is small - there have been exactly foru such men.

But that's not from observation - it's from interaction. Like, one guy asked me to fetch coffee for a meeting he had, and I asked him, all mock-concerned, and replied 'oh - is something wrong with your legs?'

He's not one of the four, mind. His reaction to me being deliberately bratty towards him was to get his own coffee. Not dominant. But a real dominant would have picked up the undertone, and reacted in some appropriate manner.

Or not. No real guarantee.

 

[Justplatonic]

Hm. It's not.

That's the easy answer. Just as you cannot tell a liberal, of a pool player, or a competent motorist, or whatever - there also isn't some universal outward sign that someone is dominant or submissive.

On the other hand, when I meet a guy I feel like being submissive towards, he has been universally turned out to be dominant. However, my sample size is small - there have been exactly foru such men.

But that's not from observation - it's from interaction. Like, one guy asked me to fetch coffee for a meeting he had, and I asked him, all mock-concerned, and replied 'oh - is something wrong with your legs?'

He's not one of the four, mind. His reaction to me being deliberately bratty towards him was to get his own coffee. Not dominant. But a real dominant would have picked up the undertone, and reacted in some appropriate manner.

Or not. No real guarantee.

https://external-content.duckduckgo.com/iu/?u=http%3A%2F%2Fgifimage.net%2Fwp-content%2Fuploads%2F2017%2F08%2Fi-agree-gif-10.gif&f=1&nofb=1

I agree... From my point of view, a dominant woman can be so, from a distance. Outwardly there would be certain traits you may recognize, but no way would that necessarily translate to how you would desire/imagine it (in the context of BDSM). There are too many variables at play.

I'd also think asking about hobbies and pastimes would elicit no useful responses. For example, I don't think a true Domme would out herself on the behest of a casual conversation.

You could be direct and just ask, but I'd bet you'd get more slaps in the face (as a man asking), than sly smiles.

You'd be better off searching in the right places i.e. the Personals here, Fet Life. At least then, you'd avoid a sore face... Unless of course, that's your sort of thing...

 

[Goldenfinger]

I think some you can and some you can’t.

 

[Kumquatqueen]

I don't think so. People often act the opposite to daily life when they have a BDSM-friendly environment; others are similar.

Most subs/doms are such in carefully-delineated spaces, and anyone telling them that isn't being a True Dom/Sub can fuck right off.

 

[SissySalina]

It is up to the person, there are those that wish to be seen as dominant or submissive but most are themselves. There are bossy people that are not really dominant but submissive so to hide their true nature. The only real way is through conversation and getting to know the person, you can then pick up on those little things that give the tell in their nature.

 

[wallstreetguy]

I do not think it is easily recognizable.
Some subs are very dominant in their everyday lives. They boss people at work and home and on the train or bus or traffic. They are smart and funny and all colors of the rainbow. They can be very confident about their lives or others' or politics or whatever....
But when they get to bed, they want to be dominated. Period.
That has been my experience. I have never interacted with anyone but subs, so I do not know other Doms' experiences.

 

[Lady2020]

....

 

[Justplatonic]

I do not think it is easily recognizable.
Some subs are very dominant in their everyday lives. They boss people at work and home and on the train or bus or traffic. They are smart and funny and all colors of the rainbow. They can be very confident about their lives or others' or politics or whatever....
But when they get to bed, they want to be dominated. Period.
That has been my experience. I have never interacted with anyone but subs, so I do not know other Doms' experiences.

https://external-content.duckduckgo.com/iu/?u=http%3A%2F%2Fnothing-mundane.com%2Fwp-content%2Fuploads%2F2014%2F10%2FChris_Pratt_I_Agree-GIF.gif&f=1&nofb=1

A lot of dominant traits are born from a need to survive outside in the modern/man's world (shouldn't be this way, but...)... Although for some (not all (more later)) these dominant traits (not kinks) are distinctly/exclusively for the workplace. They sometimes leak in to home/social life, but when all is said and done, they don't define said person, IMHO.

However, if said person has had dominant tenancies (emerging kinks from childhood/teenage years) prior to a working life, those work place pressures would not only feed dominate kinks, they would fuel it too, again IMHO...

 

[seekingAlpha]

As a Dom, I have never noticed any traits outside of the bedroom/dungeon that foreshadowed my partner being submissive. The submissive tendencies only became evident while having sex and there were no other notable correlations.

 

[Escierto]

When you see us you would never think that my girlfriend is dominant and I am submissive. Aside from the discrepancy in our physical sizes (she is small and skinny while I am tall and not skinny!), I tend to be assertive while she hangs back and follows.

In the bedroom she calls the shots and she uses her big cock to fuck my ass or make me suck her. Sometimes she cums on my face. I love our dynamic.