reBorn for your MASTER

[jekyl_and_hyde]

Hello,
i guess that a lot of us found their 2nd bdsm half somewhere in their own country...
in the "worst case scenario" is was at least at the same continent.
BUT did someone found that special someone in another country...across the ocean?
i think that it could give the lifestyle an even more exiting flavour.
to relocate for your MASTER. to change your country, language & maybe even the name.
to completly reBorn
did it happend to any of you?
what do you think about it?
Regards
Doc

 

[lne_iii]

Well, I dont think that you really have to change -every- part of your life to be "reborn" ...

Because, if you change absolutely everything about yourself to be with someone else...is that really YOU that they love/whatever you want to call it?

I can see where you are coming from though, and I have to say that whatever side of the spectrum I was on in that situation, I would be willing to make the changes, but it would require quite deep feelings for the person.

Something I've only ever experienced truly, one time in my short life.

LNE

 

[jekyl_and_hyde]

Well, I dont think that you really have to change -every- part of your life to be "reborn" ...
Because, if you change absolutely everything about yourself to be with someone else...is that really YOU that they love/whatever you want to call it?

Hello LNE
do you really believe that one's personality depends on his/her name/country/language?
don't you think that if you were reborned right now you would be more or less the same person, no matter where you were borned?

one's essence, soul, is what he/she is. all the rest are just nice tweaks & accessories.
they might change him a bit... but not his/her goal, direction & tendency.

 

[Etoile]

I'm pretty sure it's happened to some people around here. They would have to speak up for themselves though.

As for being reborn just by moving to another continent...it would certainly shake up your friendships outside the relationship. You might not know anybody where you're going, might have a hard time finding a job, there might be a language barrier...but I'm still not sure this would all equate to being reborn. It's a definite change of life, but I see rebirth as being more from the inside out. When you successfully kick alcohol or drugs or something...that's being reborn. When you change religions of your own accord, that's being reborn. I'm not sure moving halfway around the world is necessarily rebirth...I don't know.

 

[shy slave]

Our plan is that I will move to another country and learn another language.
However my name won't change nor will he suddenly become a different type of Dom.
Overall I am not worried about leaving my country or people that I know, the 'net makes the world a smaller place. Nor am I as excited as a school girl waiting for the time to elapse so it actually happens

BUT, I have never viewed it as a worse case scenario!!!

I knew before we met what the potential situation could be if we thought we wanted to be together in the long term.

Its has its amazing moments and low moments just like any other relationship

I had to control my laughing at the idea it was a 'worse case,' believe me I have been in alot worse situations.

Finding a job, making new friends are all part of life, I have done it many times before and will continue to do so.
Learning a new language, now that is a bitch but it is do-able (is that a word lol), I just need to focus more on it.

I certainly don't see it as being re-born, its more about another step in our lives.

Also you have not considered the effect on the other person, suddenly they are sharing their life someone who can't speak the language, knows no-one in the surrounding few 100 miles (or km) and has no job. That is a hell of a responsibilty, not to mention suddenly living with someone 24/7 whom you only previously shared shorter periods of time.

From my view its a change for us both, but 're-born' sounds like rubbish to me.

 

[anouk]

Daddy moved here eight years ago. His whole life changed drastically (friends, family, weather, language, etc.) but we’ve never seen this as him being re-born. Like Etoile wrote, I think changing religion or recovering from a drug addiction (something that happens within you) is more fitting for that term.

I think I understand what you mean though. Of course it's a sacrifice you make because you leave everything and everyone behind for the person you're going to be with. I guess that could give an extra dimension to "giving yourself to your Dominant".

 

[alice_underneath]

Hello,
i guess that a lot of us found their 2nd bdsm half somewhere in their own country...
in the "worst case scenario" is was at least at the same continent.
BUT did someone found that special someone in another country...across the ocean?
i think that it could give the lifestyle an even more exiting flavour.
to relocate for your MASTER. to change your country, language & maybe even the name.
to completly reBorn
did it happend to any of you?
what do you think about it?
Regards
Doc

Hello, Doc. Welcome to the Board.

I am American.

A friend of mine from high school met a Frenchman through business contacts. She fell in love, moved to Paris, learned French, had babies, got a new job, etc.

One of my best friends from college visited your corner of the planet on a summer student trip. She met a handsome IDF officer, fell in love, moved to Tel Aviv, learned Hebrew, had babies, got a new job, etc.

These women did not extinguish their former lives, or eliminate contact with old family and friends. Perhaps this would have been true a century ago, but the telephone, Internet, and occasionally affordable air travel have made that concept obsolete.

I currently live just outside a very cosmopolitan city and am personally acquainted with, or am aware of, dozens of mixed couples. ('Mixed couple', in this context, being defined as a marriage between two people of different nationalities.)

Where I live, this sort of thing doesn't raise anyone's eyebrows. It's not viewed as a worst case scenario, or even a cause for alarm. It's actually considered fairly mainstream behavior, to tell you the truth.

The exception to this rule comes in the rare cases in which someone marries outside of the Western world. ('Western', in this context, being used not as a geographic term but rather to refer to a democratic society with a reasonably well-developed economy.) For various reasons, moving to the non-Western world does raise eyebrows. It also creates a fair amount of anxiety for the family and friends of those involved.

Alice

 

[lne_iii]

Doc, sorry it took me so long to reply again, I had lost the thread.

But yes, I believe that language/upbringing/habitat, all such things help shape us into who we are.

Family life also has quite a bit to do with it, and culture inherently usually shapes family life...

So there you have it.


LNE

 

[Emma_Ray_Garrett]

As the dominant in my relationships, I can't say I know what its like to want to give up everything to be with someone. Though my sub, my husband, he would have done just that for me. Before we'd ever entered into a sexual relationship at all. And though he isn't the first, he is the one whose children I bore.

That said, I think most of the posters in here have the right idea. Being reborn is not so much a physical change but a spiritual/psychological one. Simply moving and/or giving up your past/friends/family doesn't equate to rebirth, IMO. Sacrifice, yes.

 

[shy slave]

Simply moving and/or giving up your past/friends/family doesn't equate to rebirth, IMO. Sacrifice, yes.

I don't agree that its a sacrifice.

Its only that if you are giving up on those relationships completely.

There are so many ways to keep in touch I don't see moving away as 'giving up' on those relationships.

I don't live near my parents or siblings, so whats a few extra miles when it already takes hours to see them? *shrug*

As for friends, some will keep in touch, some won't; that's life in general.

The main person in my family is my son, but in the natural order of things he will leave home and have an independant life.
As long as I know he is ok, then I will feel ok about moving on with my life, once he is ready for that.

Of course if I had to choose between Andante and my son then that would be sacrificing one for the other.
But it is not a position either of them would put me in, thankfully they are more mature than that.

 

[Emma_Ray_Garrett]

I don't agree that its a sacrifice.

Its only that if you are giving up on those relationships completely.

There are so many ways to keep in touch I don't see moving away as 'giving up' on those relationships.

I don't live near my parents or siblings, so whats a few extra miles when it already takes hours to see them? *shrug*

As for friends, some will keep in touch, some won't; that's life in general.

The main person in my family is my son, but in the natural order of things he will leave home and have an independant life. As long as I know he is ok, then I will feel ok about moving on with my life, once he is ready for that.

Of course if I had to choose between Andante and my son then that would be sacrificing one for the other. But it is not a position either of them would put me in, thankfully they are more mature than that.

That's what I meant. That moving and giving up or giving up those relationships would be a something I might consider a sacrifice. And even moving could be a sacrifice, depending on what you were giving up to move. Do you have a home? A good job? Those sorts of things weigh into my perception when pondering what is a sacrifice in this situation.

And lucky are you that both your son and Andante are happy with you and to be in your life. I understand fully about children coming first. Mine do as well. My warmest wishes for your continued happiness! It's good to see something bright and shining when so often its only the bad that is highlighted.

 

[catalina_francisco]

Hmmmm, it appears a sacrifice to me many days, especially ones when I find myself thinking silly thoughts like 'how many more times will I see my daughter and granddaughter in my life? Will it even be double figures? Will we ever spend Christmas or birthdays together ever again? How many more times will I smell them, hear them?What if one of us is seriously ill in hospital, how will we cope?''. Those days are the more difficult ones and as much as I love chatting online or the phone to them, it is nowhere like being in the same room and listening to their voices, hearing their laughter, touching them physically, going places and having fun together, just being together. If they lived closer, or one of us were a millionaire, it would not be so dificult, but flying 16,000kms everytime I need a real hug as opposed to a virtual one is out of the question.

In some ways I can relate to the reborn question, though I think many have taken a different view to the one which was intended. For me it has been a major change in just about every way imaginable and then some. I have gone from being a free spirited, totally independent and self sufficient woman, to being the property of another, dependent financially, culturally, emotionally, and often psychologically, and even changed my whole diet and way of living day to day right down to the most basic habits and practices. There are no more midnight to dawn phone chats and giggles with friends when one of us were in need of it, no more doing as I please, buying what I want without permission, dropping in on family and friends, jumping in my car at any hour and just driving for hours for the joy of it, not eating dinner if I don't feel like it, conversing with people easily, and damn I miss sitting down and reading the paper or hearing the news on a daily basis and following politics and environmental causes without effort. I find my view of my world on a daily basis now is filtered, not by F, but just by circumstances and resources available to me, thus my view is not always as informed or clear as I am used to.

Do I regret my decision? No. In many ways it has been a lifesaver, in many ways it has broken me. It has changed lives, not just mine, both negatively and positively, but it has also brought me the greatest of experiences and the greatest love I could ever have imagined with a man who though on a daily basis just carries on in a simple and practical way, on other days when I need it most, he shows the most icredible insight and sensitivity, not to mention a strength he keeps hidden from the world most of the time. I would do it again and again knowing what I have gained and how I have grown, and the love we share, but it just is not always that easy nor am I the person I was before and will never be again. In that way I am reborn as there is little which remains of the past in my daily existence.

Catalina

 

[Emma_Ray_Garrett]

Catalina, that was a very moving post. Both poignant and sweet. Thank you for sharing.

 

[lne_iii]

Catalina, that was a very moving post. Both poignant and sweet. Thank you for sharing.

I'll second that.
Gives us all something to ponder as we wrap our collective brain around this question.

LNE

 

[shy slave]

Hi catalina

Your post is amazing.

Your moving to be with him sounds like a huge sacrifice.
I know the mileage between where I am headed and where you are is vastly different.
For me its a short flight across a small sea.

As for everything that changed in your life, including the level of dependancy on another person, I admire you.

A really powerful post.

Thank you for sharing such a personal moment

 

[shy slave]

That's what I meant. That moving and giving up or giving up those relationships would be a something I might consider a sacrifice. And even moving could be a sacrifice, depending on what you were giving up to move. Do you have a home? A good job? Those sorts of things weigh into my perception when pondering what is a sacrifice in this situation.

And lucky are you that both your son and Andante are happy with you and to be in your life. I understand fully about children coming first. Mine do as well. My warmest wishes for your continued happiness! It's good to see something bright and shining when so often its only the bad that is highlighted.

Hi Emma, my post, your comments and catalinas post all show how many shades of grey there are in the world.

Things that weigh into your perception and mine have shades of differences, catalina changes make us both seem a world away from her reality.

(Not sure I have worded that as well as I could)

I know many aspects of my current life will change but I am not sure they will change to the extent that catalinas has. Perhaps that will occur over time but I don't envisage it happening overnight or immediately.

As for bright and shining, well it may be my own naivity peeking through, not anything meaningful lol