Really Bad Poops

[Kid_Orgo]

I've been having really unsatisfying, perhaps even emotionally distressing, bowel movements lately.

Perhaps it's because I drink too much.

It's like half an hours effort to excrete a paste the consistency of chili.

And then another half an hour to wipe.


What the fuck?

 

[bob_the_silent]

I find it best to simply walk into the shower after a shit like that.....

Just wash down the brown.

 

[no_mercy]

you need a stool hardener.

 

[Kid_Orgo]

I find it best to simply walk into the shower after a shit like that.....

Just wash down the brown.

The problem is that my shower grate is so full of heat-solidified semen and back hair runoff that doing that just leaves a two-inch deep layer of tea-colored liquid that takes a week to go away.

And then I toss when I try to brush my teeth, from the smell.

 

[TrippinTeddy]

same thing happens to me when i've been eating lots of hot wings and beef jerky.

It smells extra foul too. I hate butt paste. Mudd butt is the worst

 

[mattzdope]

Yeah, burritos will do that to you as well.

 

[angelkitty7888]

wow.... this is one discussion i never thought i'd see on lit... though i do have to agree that it sucks...

 

[77817]

I've been having really unsatisfying, perhaps even emotionally distressing, bowel movements lately.

Perhaps it's because I drink too much.

It's like half an hours effort to excrete a paste the consistency of chili.

And then another half an hour to wipe.


What the fuck?

OK muchacho, here is the deal:
-Quit drinking. Alcohol doesn't improve gastrointestinal health. It probably aggravates it. I know my dad said back in his barhopping days he'd get the runs if he drank draft beer.

-Change your diet. Fat is a lubricant, like grease. It can make the ol' poo nice and squishy. I'm not saying you should go vegetarian since we're not rabbits here, but eat less meat. When you do eat meat, eat lean cuts of meat. Give the hamburger and sausage and steaks a rest. I ate a small amount of turkey for thanksgiving and my friday bowel movement was like a brick. One or two wipes and I was back to work. Move to a lower fat, higher fiber diet.

-Lay off the coffee. It gives you heartburn and throws the whole digestive system off kilter. The devout Mormons are on to something there.

-Wear loose underwear and pants so the intestines aren't all squeezed up and confined. Hell, just dispense with wearing pants. Wear a robe or muumuu. Be a fashion pioneer.

Follow these steps and your bowel movements will be hard as brick my friend.

 

[Eilan]

I've been having really unsatisfying, perhaps even emotionally distressing, bowel movements lately.

Try removing your head from your ass first.

 

[center_stage]

Try removing your head from your ass first.

Pop spew alert!