i've recently been promted to learn more about this lifestyle with the label 'BDSM', specifically the relationship dynamics between Doms and subs. In doing the research however, i've found the terms Dom/sub and Master/slave used to describe similar relationships in some cases and in others show vast differences. So, i'm coming here for some help. Are there real differences between a Dom/sub relationship and a Master/slave relationship, or is it just semantics? If there are real differences, what are they, or, should i say, what are they to Y/you?
Real differences or is it just semantics?
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Sqoodd
Really Really Experienced
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Yes, there are differences.
GENERALLY, the D/s is a relationship with safewords and the s retains some choices.
The deeper M/s relationship is without safewords and the s has given up the choices to the Master. This is also know as Total Power Exchange.
Now, every relationship is different, so you might find D/s without safewords and M/s with them, but I was answering your question in its most general terms.
I hope this helped.
GENERALLY, the D/s is a relationship with safewords and the s retains some choices.
The deeper M/s relationship is without safewords and the s has given up the choices to the Master. This is also know as Total Power Exchange.
Now, every relationship is different, so you might find D/s without safewords and M/s with them, but I was answering your question in its most general terms.
I hope this helped.
eastern sun
hungry little creature
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I could enter a D/s relationship with a relative stranger.
I would never enter an M/s relationship with a stranger.
I would never enter an M/s relationship with a stranger.
the captians wench
sewing wench
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In general the terms are used to catagorize relationships, but just as every lable different people may use them differently.
Generally it is accepted that a M/s relationship envolves a total power exchange (TPE). In this type of relationship the master has total control over every aspect of life. Generally, for practical perpouses, the slave may be given some things she is incharge of (I know a few here who manage the household expences and such) and will recieve little imput from the master once the slave is "trained" to carry out such tasks to the master's liking. Generally the use of safewords is put to a halt. And the slave is expected to act and carry out daily life always with in the master's expectations.
It is also generally accepted that in D/s relationships the sub carries a lot more liberty than that of a slave. She retains her safe word, and the right to say no to certain things. This is of course all nagotiated ahead of time so it will vary.
As with all generalaztions there are exceptions to the rule, probably more exceptions than not even. For instance I know a M/s couple who never play with out a safe word.
Just as in any relationship, it's all about what you decide is acceptable and what is not.
Generally it is accepted that a M/s relationship envolves a total power exchange (TPE). In this type of relationship the master has total control over every aspect of life. Generally, for practical perpouses, the slave may be given some things she is incharge of (I know a few here who manage the household expences and such) and will recieve little imput from the master once the slave is "trained" to carry out such tasks to the master's liking. Generally the use of safewords is put to a halt. And the slave is expected to act and carry out daily life always with in the master's expectations.
It is also generally accepted that in D/s relationships the sub carries a lot more liberty than that of a slave. She retains her safe word, and the right to say no to certain things. This is of course all nagotiated ahead of time so it will vary.
As with all generalaztions there are exceptions to the rule, probably more exceptions than not even. For instance I know a M/s couple who never play with out a safe word.
Just as in any relationship, it's all about what you decide is acceptable and what is not.
Sir_Winston54
Assume the position!
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To expand a little, perhaps, on Sqoodd's response: I would consider the difference between Dominance and submission, Master and slave to be one of degree.
A Dominant/submissive, or D/s, relationship puts a certain negotiated and limited amount of power in the Dominant's hands, e.g., to determine what activities the pair (or the submissive) will take part in (whether of a sexual or non-sexual nature); or making decisions concerning household topics such as what they will have for dinner, or when the submissive shall perform certain tasks, etc.
A Master/slave, or M/s, relationship generally puts all the power in the Master's/Mistress' hands. S/He makes all decisions S/He wishes to make, leaving only those decisions about which S/He has no preference to the slave. Though this arrangement is also negotiated, the amount of control given up by the slave is almost always much greater - even to total, as in Total Power Exchange - than that given up by the submissive in a D/s relationship.
Caveat: Since I'm a Sadist first, with Dominant tendencies involved, rather than a "pure" D/s or M/s practitioner, others here - more involved and/or experienced in the practicalities and realities of either the D/s or M/s life - may disagree in all or in part with my expansion of the earlier post; if so, their opinions will likely be more complete and/or accurate than mine.
A Dominant/submissive, or D/s, relationship puts a certain negotiated and limited amount of power in the Dominant's hands, e.g., to determine what activities the pair (or the submissive) will take part in (whether of a sexual or non-sexual nature); or making decisions concerning household topics such as what they will have for dinner, or when the submissive shall perform certain tasks, etc.
A Master/slave, or M/s, relationship generally puts all the power in the Master's/Mistress' hands. S/He makes all decisions S/He wishes to make, leaving only those decisions about which S/He has no preference to the slave. Though this arrangement is also negotiated, the amount of control given up by the slave is almost always much greater - even to total, as in Total Power Exchange - than that given up by the submissive in a D/s relationship.
Caveat: Since I'm a Sadist first, with Dominant tendencies involved, rather than a "pure" D/s or M/s practitioner, others here - more involved and/or experienced in the practicalities and realities of either the D/s or M/s life - may disagree in all or in part with my expansion of the earlier post; if so, their opinions will likely be more complete and/or accurate than mine.
ownedsubgal
lost little girl
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unlike most, i have never drawn this big bold line between D/s and M/s. the terms Dominant and submissive to me describe core personality traits, and a D/s relationship by my definition would be a relationship between a person who is Dominant by nature and a person (or persons) who is submissive by nature. one does not need to be a part of or even aware of "the lifestyle" in order to be in a D/s relationship. many, many traditional-type vanilla relationships are D/s.
now M/s i have always considered to be one TYPE of D/s relationship. it is a relationship where one person leads, and another follows (hence the D/s), but more specifically the follower in an M/s union is an owned piece of property, entirely subject to the will of the one who leads, the Owner/Master.
my Master is Dominant by nature, as i am submissive...which makes us D/s. but he is also my Owner, making us M/s as well. an analogy that could be used would be to view D/s as one's race or ethnicity (say: black), and M/s as your particular country of origin (say: liberia).
now M/s i have always considered to be one TYPE of D/s relationship. it is a relationship where one person leads, and another follows (hence the D/s), but more specifically the follower in an M/s union is an owned piece of property, entirely subject to the will of the one who leads, the Owner/Master.
my Master is Dominant by nature, as i am submissive...which makes us D/s. but he is also my Owner, making us M/s as well. an analogy that could be used would be to view D/s as one's race or ethnicity (say: black), and M/s as your particular country of origin (say: liberia).
Sir_Winston, Your answers are very similar to those of O/others i have recently consulted and i appreciate them very much. i have another question, though, if You do not mind. You reference differences in household decisions, which infers the C/couple live together. i have encountered many D/s couples who do not live together, but do You believe there can be M/s couples who do not live together, who perhaps have 'separate' lives outside of the M/s relationship?
CutieMouse
Meticulously Flighty
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(side note - don't worry about the online C/couple always lower case for submissive/upper case for dominant thing around here... we're a pretty informal board, really really. Although we do tend to use PYL [Pick your Label] for those of the Dom/Domme/Master/Top persuasion, and pyl [pick your label] for those of the submissive/slave/bottom persuasion... saves typing.
)Others may disagree, but OSG's explanation is perhaps one of the easiest/clearest I've read to date.
As to the question if M/s couples can remain M/s without living together, I'd say of course - the vast number of persons in long distance [power based] relationships attest to that. I'd also point out that even slaves have their own lives, more often than not, regardless of living situation. They have degrees, jobs, responsibilities, social lives... slavery does not prevent one from having a well rounded existence - it simply ads a little twist in which one's Lover's consideration comes first.
Thank you CutieMouse, for both your comments and your side note. Saving on the typing protocol really does help! LOL
All the comments so far seem to be pointing to similar distinctions between M/s and D/s and to the possibilities of a successful relationship between partners who do not live together. Thank you to everyone for helping me sort this out!
All the comments so far seem to be pointing to similar distinctions between M/s and D/s and to the possibilities of a successful relationship between partners who do not live together. Thank you to everyone for helping me sort this out!
Sir_Winston54
Assume the position!
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We'll send a bill.
Hmmmm....Do you take Visa? LOLWe'll send a bill.
Sir_Winston54
Assume the position!
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Sure. Through my PayPal or Amazon accounts.
Homburg
Daring greatly
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Honestly, you'd get an excellent education from perusing Eastern Sun's thread "marks of a slave". It's a window into the life of a slave, and a good example of the difference
Homburg
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Etoile is educational and informative.
No. This is neither a joke nor sarcasm. She really is. There are a few other people that are consistently content-heavy. You learn to watch those names. Cutiemouse is one, as is Sir Winston, and osg. You've managed to attract some very good posters to your thread, dollfla. If you click on their names, hit their profiles, and read previous posts, you will find some very, very handy info.
No. This is neither a joke nor sarcasm. She really is. There are a few other people that are consistently content-heavy. You learn to watch those names. Cutiemouse is one, as is Sir Winston, and osg. You've managed to attract some very good posters to your thread, dollfla. If you click on their names, hit their profiles, and read previous posts, you will find some very, very handy info.
Etoile
Mod, 2003-2015
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Wow, thank you. My goal here is to be helpful and thoughtful and it is truly rewarding to hear that I am successful.
JMohegan
.
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This is a concise, very useful explanation. To me, though, the line between treating a partner as owned property, vs. not, is big and bold indeed.
There are areas of a partner's life over which I have no interest in exerting control. Career and interaction with family & friends, for example. It's not that I have some moral or philosophical objection to that scope of control - I don't. It's just that I feel no need to control that which doesn't have an impact on me directly, have no interest in those types of responsibility, and have never been attracted (in the relationship sense) to women who are inclined to relinquish control in those areas.
This isn't a right/wrong thing, or a better/worse thing. It's a personality thing. But my observation is that the difference in personality types is really very significant.
i tend to research the people behind the posts i read and i have to agree with You, Homburg, i am very impressed with the ones who have responded here! i have learned so much already and am most appreciative of everyone who has taken the time to help me with my search for knowledge in this arena.
