Rationality vs. Gut Feeling

[macfan2123]

As a (mostly) straight guy with definite bi-curious desires, there is such a push/pull between what is rational and what is in my gut.

My brain (being rational) tells me I'm free to hook up with whomever I want and experiment to my heart's content. Girls (especially in college) hook up and experiment all the time and no one gives it a second thought. It makes no sense for two guys doing that to be any different.

And then there is my gut which can't get over the social stigma or how wrong it feels. I love women and I don't have any romantic feelings towards guys whatsoever. And I think this leads to me to feel seriously guilty everytime I jerk off thinking about fooling around with a guy. I tell myself there's no point in going through with the fantasy, just leave it in my mind and enjoy sex w. women.

This push/pull is so annoying. It makes no sense. And yet it is there and I can't shake it.

 

[tanyachrs]

It's OK to have fantasies you don't want to act out. I have lots of them! Maybe you just need to relax and give yourself permission to enjoy it as a fantasy without having to pursue it in real life. There's always later.

 

[T.H. Oughts]

Head and Guts can have a good old fight now and then. I suppose you could right a pros and cons list and work through it.

Social conditioning makes up a BIG part of it. Write down your feeling and try to distinguish which feeling are yours and those of others.

Just go with the flow.....

 

[funny215]

As a (mostly) straight guy with definite bi-curious desires, there is such a push/pull between what is rational and what is in my gut.

My brain (being rational) tells me I'm free to hook up with whomever I want and experiment to my heart's content. Girls (especially in college) hook up and experiment all the time and no one gives it a second thought. It makes no sense for two guys doing that to be any different.

And then there is my gut which can't get over the social stigma or how wrong it feels. I love women and I don't have any romantic feelings towards guys whatsoever. And I think this leads to me to feel seriously guilty everytime I jerk off thinking about fooling around with a guy. I tell myself there's no point in going through with the fantasy, just leave it in my mind and enjoy sex w. women.

This push/pull is so annoying. It makes no sense. And yet it is there and I can't shake it.

i think you need to ask yourself who were the people in your life who made you feel that its wrong. is it society as a whole or is your family and/or friends. guilt will stop us from doing alot of things when sometimes its only ourselves who put the guilt, the shame on us. i dont think you would be letting anyone down if you did go through with it, and even if you did, they would have to get over it, understand that you didnt kill someone, you simply followed through with a curiousity to better understand who you are.

 

[LoonShia]

Macfan, you have my sympaties. I know exactly how you feel, I feel it all the time. However, like funny said, what is it that makes it "wrong"? Guilt is a huge factor in these matters, and if we don't come to terms with our guilt, the only thing that'll happen is that we only feel more of it.

Remember though, same-sex encounters can be dealt with in a discreet way.

 

[HeavenCanWait]

Hey Macfan,

It's hard, I know this from experience. I'm still there with you actually. All I can say is that if you are going to feel the stigma, and feel the guilt, then it's not worth doing, because it will spoil any encounter you have with another guy.

Perhaps you could search for someone who is in the same boat as you, and ot might feel more natural?

 

[tango48]

mind or gut

you have a point, i was bi, maybe still am, but been straight for almost 15 years now, i am from a society where gay relationshps are taboo - we all know they exist but we do not talk of these, bi means to be bi in private, the right hand should not know what the left hand is doing -or what it is groping

so - mind or gut - i guess both, depending on the situation, but if you want an honest opinion, i doubt if anyone will be able to say which is right.

so go with the flow, take it as it comes, no gulit trip this, you are what you are, and feel what you do - so relax, and as nike would say - just do it!

 

[FrenchMustard]

All of this depends on you, but you should think long and hard before you let our shitty society tell you who you should be with. If people around you are going to push some stigma on you for kissing or fucking or hugging a boy, then perhaps you should reconsider having those people around you.

If you seriously want to experiment with boys, then you should do so, and you shouldn't be afraid of the consequences.

As a (mostly) straight guy with definite bi-curious desires, there is such a push/pull between what is rational and what is in my gut.

My brain (being rational) tells me I'm free to hook up with whomever I want and experiment to my heart's content. Girls (especially in college) hook up and experiment all the time and no one gives it a second thought. It makes no sense for two guys doing that to be any different.

And then there is my gut which can't get over the social stigma or how wrong it feels. I love women and I don't have any romantic feelings towards guys whatsoever. And I think this leads to me to feel seriously guilty everytime I jerk off thinking about fooling around with a guy. I tell myself there's no point in going through with the fantasy, just leave it in my mind and enjoy sex w. women.

This push/pull is so annoying. It makes no sense. And yet it is there and I can't shake it.

 

[bi_asian_guy]

*****

 

[Night_Jasmine]

Unfortunately, most families and today's societies are too close minded about same sex relationships. We're conditioned to believe that we have to find a partner of the opposited gender to settle down with and raise 3.5 children to the same close minded standards.

It doesn't have to be that way. You want to fill those fantasies, tell that conditioning that you're going to be happy and screw what other people think is best for you.

The one thing I have learned from my own path away from that conditioning is this: You live your life because no one else can do it for you.

 

[Programmer Cat]

It's OK to have fantasies you don't want to act out. I have lots of them! Maybe you just need to relax and give yourself permission to enjoy it as a fantasy without having to pursue it in real life. There's always later.

Exactly. I have plenty of fantasies that I wouldn't consider acting out. One of them involves publicly and forcibly sodomizing Fred Phelps.