rape fantasy

[headdoctor]

That's well said, Netzach. In some ways the recent exposure (?!) of BDSM fantasies a la Shades of Grey is both liberating and rather tiresome. My wife and I have been exploring this, admittedly at a glacial speed, for 25+ years. But the feelings you describe are in large part right. I wouldn't say it's guilt so much, but rather trepidation--and, for the first time in a long time, uncertainty about what my own limits are. I've let my mind roam through some taboo fantasies for ages, and others not so much. It was a revelation to me one night when, with no forethought, I put a hand around my wife's throat, and we both were intensely aroused. But to be sure, as an ardent feminist I say and believe (?) the "right" things about rape, so it is complicated to fantasize about it. It's also the case, at least for me, that being dominant means taking responsibility for what's happening, at least ostensibly: making the moves, risking the limits. I don't mean that the sub is not an equal partner in her way, but that in my case I'm the one who speaks the words, and I'm the one who calls the shots.

I'm not sure this makes sense. I've been writing and thinking and whenever possible exploring sexuality for a long time ... and yet talking about this particular part of my life is new to me.