Rape Fantasies take II

[Slut_loves_pain]

Hi there
I have read the whole of the first thread on this topic.
I am a normal woman who is interested in exploring the boundaries of sex... and has a huge fascination in making my rape fantasy come true.
I did PM one of the people who posted in that thread and recieved a response telling me that I was totally sick and was not to contact her again, that I needed to be in a mental hospital, and that I was probably a policeperson trying to entrap her.
I do not understand that reaction.
Personally yes, I want to be raped. I've been raped before more than once, by my own father as well as by strangers, the whole gamut. Those people are now being investigated by the police and will hopefully be put away for a long time.
I consider real non consent rape to be the most despicable thing on earth.
I never did once get pleasure out of being raped. It disgusts me that all the non-consent stories end in multiple orgasms. Thats not what rape is about. No woman should ever feel guilty if she did become aroused but neither should the stereotype be that thats what rape is about.
Rape is about humiliation, power, control, violence. With a sexual element.
I will admit to wanting to be taken by choice, with a high level of violence and that I do not want to get pleasure out of it. That is MY rape fantasy. I want to CHOOSE to have an even take place to help me put in perspective the other events that I did not have control over.
I do want to have the crap beaten out of me and be totally humiliated and KNOW that at any time I can say NO and it will stop. I know this is way way out there for people to understand but thats MY fantasy. My husband knows about it, my therapist knows about it, and after considering the childhood I went through both are supportive of it taking place in a safe enviroment as part of my healing if thats what I need to do.
Am i SICK??? NO. I cant believe that is the reaction so called like minded people on this site have.
I appreciate anyones feedback questions or whatever both positive and negative.
I'm just trying to get my head around all this.
R

 

[catalina_francisco]

All I can offer is it is a form of therapy in some instances, but needs to be handled in an appropriate way which you control totally. That means knowing you can trust the other person/s involved, and ensuring your therapist is qualified to handle any negative outcomes, and available immediately if needed. It also needs to be considered how it will affect your husband if he is not the one you choose.....not just that he agrees, but you know he honestly is okay with it and not feeling he has to agree for your sake. The outcomes can be positive or negative, there are no guarantees.

Catalina

 

[s'lara]

I don't understand why it was necessary to start a new rape thread to hold your rant. The first one would have sufficed.

Please do not paint us all with the same brush based on your conversation with one individual here. Doing so would be the same as that person thinking you were sick for your fantasies.

You are entitled to your sexual fantasies and a better question than "am i sick?" would be "am i defined by the opinion of a person i do not know and who does not know me?"

Good luck and be safe.

lara

 

[Slut_loves_pain]

agreed... however my slow ass connection means that it takes like 5 minutes to download the long ones so this was easier.
And you are right about it being an online person, however, who in 'real' life am I going to find who can help me with fantasies so dark?

 

[s'lara]

Unfortunately for you, i am not in the "rape connection" business.

However, this board and its moderators are toying with the idea of placing a board/thread just for bdsm/alternative personal ads. You might have some luck if that comes to fruition. Be safe though, your carefully constructed rape fantasy may not be what you get from a stranger. As i said before, i wish you the best of luck in finding a way to fulfill your fantasy without irreparable harm to you.

You also can talk with others here who share similar fantasies to yours and have a discourse without the fear of judgment.

lara

 

[rosco rathbone]

I do want to have the crap beaten out of me and be totally humiliated and KNOW that at any time I can say NO and it will stop.

Interesting. Never considered rape-play from this angle before--perhaps; in the case of someone who had been "for-real" raped in the past, rape-play could be a chance to relive/reprogram the scenario except with (at least the option) of a different outcome (stopping at some point). The idea of having some control in the matter; although in a "scene" set up to feel out-of-control. (Which would make the fact of actually control all the more satisfying.) In other words, not "rape because I now enjoy being raped", but "rape in order to now associate the act with a feeling of control rather than humiliation."

 

[Pure]

Hi SLP,

I'm sorry to hear you're being PM'd about being 'sick'.

I don't think any fantasy per se is 'sick', even if it's of being torn to pieces by wolves, executed or whatever. I'd challenge anyone to post evidence that imagining something is, in an of itself either 'sick' or 'dangerous'. If that were so, a number of writers, from Shakespeare (wrote of rape/mutilation) to Agatha Christie to Bret Ellis (wrote of rape/murder) are very dangerous indeed, and no one even knew it!

So it's unfortunate you feel compelled to say,
I consider real non consent rape to be the most despicable thing on earth. I don't see that statement at the end of any of the works I've cited above: "I think real murder is reprehensible" [signed] Agatha Christie.

It's also unfortunate if you feel a need to say,

I never did once get pleasure out of being raped. It disgusts me that all the non-consent stories end in multiple orgasms. Thats not what rape is about. No woman should ever feel guilty if she did become aroused but neither should the stereotype be that thats what rape is about.

It does not matter that there was no pleasure, and there's no need to say that in an attempt to prove anything (i.e., not sick) since you yourself acknowledge (in the very next sentence) that arousal and orgasm do happen, though not as in Lit. fantasies. And their occurrence does not affect the existence of a crime.

So I'm very sorry to see you put on the defensive, as it were. Your critics are cruel and ill informed.

That said, we can proceed to the second issue,
//I want to CHOOSE to have an even take place to help me put in perspective the other events that I did not have control over. //

That desire too, is entirely normal; traumatized persons often repeat or imagine repeating with a view to 'control', or 'mastery' of the situation, as the psychoanalysts would say. If you set it up, and make it happen, you're in charge, and that's likely to feel better and be re-assuring of your power-- with a few cautions: If a person sets up something truly harmful and terrifying, let's say, getting another finger cut off, it may not 'work', i.e, create a feeling of power.

Now the key point, a critical feature of this plan or fantasy:
I do want to have the crap beaten out of me and be totally humiliated and KNOW that at any time I can say NO and it will stop. I know this is way way out there for people to understand but thats MY fantasy.

This important variation you introduce seems exactly designed-- through a 'sudden-stop safe signal'-- to lessen the likelihood of the problem I just mentioned: that the re-enactment is so terrifying it doesn't work.

But we can still ask, would that signal be sufficient to prevent harm or to ensure 'working through' the trauma. Perhaps there are 'other' pre requisites. Off the top of my head, say, perhaps being acquainted with the person beforehand and perhaps talking to them after.

Here is the crux of the matter however. The introduction of a safe signal (or other features) makes the new event NOT like the older one(s). Think about that. Will it 'do' at all? Maybe it would be like trying to overcome my trauma about a cougar jumping me, by buying a large cat and having it jump me, from off my bookcase.

You're proposing to ensure your control. Note I'm not saying it's a bad idea or reflects on you badly. But it's arguably a new situation, adn/or one significantly different.

Maybe it would be a 'learning experience' and or have some 'satisfaction'. It's hard to tell.

By the way, you don't say if you expect the controlled scene would be arousing, or not? Which would be 'better' for you?
Obviously the answer depends on what you're after. Is it therapy? or a 'kick' based on coming close to a real event, but not getting so scared?

So reflection is in order, but it's not helped by those who throw stones at you. Reflections about medical and legal issues are also relevant, but not in a way that calls your reasoning ability or mental health into doubt.

A final note: the thing that 'works' is not always so obvious. Sometimes it's an imagining. Sometimes it's a writing. Sometimes it's a helping others. The writer Alice Sebold wrote about her rape of 20 years ago (in effect, an autobiographical, non fiction novel, 'Lucky') in order to help exorcize her demons. Iow the cure may not closesly resemble the original events, though it involves imagining and re-imagining them.

best,
J.

[original posting by SLP]
Hi there
I have read the whole of the first thread on this topic.
I am a normal woman who is interested in exploring the boundaries of sex... and has a huge fascination in making my rape fantasy come true.
I did PM one of the people who posted in that thread and recieved a response telling me that I was totally sick and was not to contact her again, that I needed to be in a mental hospital, and that I was probably a policeperson trying to entrap her.
I do not understand that reaction.
Personally yes, I want to be raped. I've been raped before more than once, by my own father as well as by strangers, the whole gamut. Those people are now being investigated by the police and will hopefully be put away for a long time.
I consider real non consent rape to be the most despicable thing on earth.
I never did once get pleasure out of being raped. It disgusts me that all the non-consent stories end in multiple orgasms. Thats not what rape is about. No woman should ever feel guilty if she did become aroused but neither should the stereotype be that thats what rape is about.
Rape is about humiliation, power, control, violence. With a sexual element.
I will admit to wanting to be taken by choice, with a high level of violence and that I do not want to get pleasure out of it. That is MY rape fantasy. I want to CHOOSE to have an even take place to help me put in perspective the other events that I did not have control over.
I do want to have the crap beaten out of me and be totally humiliated and KNOW that at any time I can say NO and it will stop. I know this is way way out there for people to understand but thats MY fantasy. My husband knows about it, my therapist knows about it, and after considering the childhood I went through both are supportive of it taking place in a safe enviroment as part of my healing if thats what I need to do.
Am i SICK??? NO. I cant believe that is the reaction so called like minded people on this site have.
I appreciate anyones feedback questions or whatever both positive and negative.
I'm just trying to get my head around all this.
R

 

[angela146]

The concept of reliving a past traumatic event in a safe way and "getting off" on it is something I can relate to.

For me it was being spanked as a child.

Pure has a couple of really good points including the fact that the safeness and control may detract from the experience.

I find that I keep seeking ways of getting closer and closer to true non-consent without actually getting there.

Maybe the same could work for you: the idea of successive approximations with a trusted partner would seem like a way of getting to where you want to be without having to take all of the risk at once.

 

[sigsauerprinces]

roleplay rape is one of my biggest fantasies. roleplay with someone i trust, of course. but i'd want it to be real as possible, starting from him "breaking into" my house and just going from there all the way til the end. i know if i ever do it its going to be a really powerful scene, and frankly ive never met anyone yet that i want to go there with. but its something that i have a lot of desire to do, and hopefully someday ill meet someone who GETS me and gets WHY i want to do it...someone who can direct it the way he wants, so im not topping from the bottom, and yet at the same time give me the basic experience that im craving.

i'd also-and this is hard to explain-id want to trust the person of course..but i'd want to trust him about 95%. i want about 5% of doubt as to what was really going to happen and if he would really hurt me..at what point he would stop..how far would he go. i honestly think that if i had no fear at all of what was going to happen then its pointless to do the scene.

in reading the fantasies in the nonconsent section i was actually suprised how many other women share this fantasy. i'd rather thought i was in a very small minority, but it seems its not such a small minority after all.

i just want to say also that i would hope it goes without saying that i find real rape atrocious and those who do it ought to be castrated with no anesthetic.

 

[angela146]

...i'd also-and this is hard to explain-id want to trust the person of course..but i'd want to trust him about 95%. i want about 5% of doubt as to what was really going to happen and if he would really hurt me..at what point he would stop..how far would he go. i honestly think that if i had no fear at all of what was going to happen then its pointless to do the scene.

I understand perfectly. I have that feeling with my husband. I want him to go "too far" every once in a while so that I can be afraid the rest of the time.

After many years, he knows how far is "just too far enough"

in reading the fantasies in the nonconsent section i was actually suprised how many other women share this fantasy. i'd rather thought i was in a very small minority, but it seems its not such a small minority after all.

There are a lot of us out here.

 

[catalina_francisco]

in reading the fantasies in the nonconsent section i was actually suprised how many other women share this fantasy. i'd rather thought i was in a very small minority, but it seems its not such a small minority after all.

i just want to say also that i would hope it goes without saying that i find real rape atrocious and those who do it ought to be castrated with no anesthetic.

Another place this was highlighted was in Nancy Friday's books of women's sexual fantasies (Women On Top; Forbidden Flowers; and My Secret Garden) a couple of decades ago. It surprised many that it appears to be one of the most common female fantasies, with a variation of styles. They are interesting books to read, and there is also one of male fantasies (Men In Love) she researched and wrote.

Catalina

 

[sigsauerprinces]

Another place this was highlighted was in Nancy Friday's books of women's sexual fantasies (Women On Top; Forbidden Flowers; and My Secret Garden) a couple of decades ago. It surprised many that it appears to be one of the most common female fantasies, with a variation of styles. They are interesting books to read, and there is also one of male fantasies (Men In Love) she researched and wrote.

Catalina

wasnt nancy friday kind of judgemental about these womens rape fantasies tho? saying something along the lines of "when women liberate themselves from patriarchy bla bla they wont fantasize about being raped or submitting to men anymore". tis why i dont really read nancy friday. i love susie bright tho she's brilliant, i agree with just about everything she says.

 

[catalina_francisco]

wasnt nancy friday kind of judgemental about these womens rape fantasies tho? saying something along the lines of "when women liberate themselves from patriarchy bla bla they wont fantasize about being raped or submitting to men anymore". tis why i dont really read nancy friday. i love susie bright tho she's brilliant, i agree with just about everything she says.

Not from what I recall from her books which I have had since their release in the 1970's when she was considered a feminist pioneering the acceptance of women's sexuality as normal and healthy, and most importantly, real. She actually has been credited with liberating women's sexual self in highlighting women were not the fragile princesses who never had a sexual thought or desire, as they had been portrayed and forced to live for eons. She brought the reality out of the closet and advocated it was normal human behaviour which women were entitled to enjoy as much as the males in our society. She also supported those women who sought to live out their fantasy, as long as they were aware, did it of their own free will, and were safe from permanent harm. For instance, this is one observation she makes from her research as a psychologist and woman on the common rape fantasy in 'My Secret Garden' p.109:

"Rape does for a woman's sexual fantasy what the first martini does for her in reality; both relieve her of responsibility and guilt. By putting herself in the hands of her fantasy assailant - by making him an assailant - she gets him to do what she wants him to do, while seeming to be forced to do what he wants. Both ways she wins, and all the while she's blameless, at the mercy of a force stronger than herself. The pain she may suffer, the bruises and indignity, are the necessary price she pays for getting the kind of guiltless pleasure she may be unable to face or find in reality.
It's worth repeating my conviction that fantasy need nothing to do with reality, in terms of suppressed wish-fulfillment. Women like Julietts (coming up), whose fantasy life is focused on the rape theme, invariably insist that they have no real desire to be raped, and would, in fact, run a mile from anyone who raised a finger against them, and I believe them. The message isn't in the plot - but in the emotions that story releases. "

From posts in both rape fantasy threads, it seems most female posters reflect what she observed so long ago.

Catalina

 

[Pure]

Catalina, quoting Friday,
//Women like Julietts (coming up), whose fantasy life is focused on the rape theme, invariably insist that they have no real desire to be raped, and would, in fact, run a mile from anyone who raised a finger against them, and I believe them. The message isn't in the plot - but in the emotions that story releases. " //

Catalina,
"From posts in both rape fantasy threads, it seems most female posters reflect what she observed so long ago."

Friday has a fairly strict line between fantasy and reality, and affirms that 'her' women are only on the fantasy side.

What shows in this thread is some women's desires for approximations to rapes, staged quasi-rapes, 'as if' rapes with bailout provision, 'rapes' by friends, etc.

Assuming sometimes these 'as ifs' occur, this is not at all what Friday, or the PC folks of the late 60s and after, ever acknowledged about women.

 

[catalina_francisco]

Friday has a fairly strict line between fantasy and reality, and affirms that 'her' women are only on the fantasy side.

Assuming sometimes these 'as ifs' occur, this is not at all what Friday, or the PC folks of the late 60s and after, ever acknowledged about women.

Geez Pure, I think perhaps you better read those books, all 4 of them again as she interviewed men and women of straight, bi, and gay inclinations which was not done by many in those times, and in those interviews she spoke with people who shared their fantasies and for some their actual lived experiences of those fantaises. The books were initially researched and written to highlight fantasy has authenticity and healthy outcomes in everyone's life, but also discussed some wish to go beyone fantasy and how that was also good for those who choose freely to do so. Before then it was not greatly discussed or seen as valid conversation. What many fail to appreciate is that while hindsight can be wonderful, it is not a valid point to judge something written or done in a different era and climate on today's standards and realities.

Catalina

 

[Lovin_to_death]

new to this and surprised

I never knew that this type of fantasy had such a following im actually kind of speechless about it im new to this area of lit and I'm sorry if I offend anyone but anyone who calls a fantasy "sick" is just kinda ignorant of the fantasy itself and thats not right

 

[Stormbird]

My girlfriend and I have acted out this particular fantasy of hers manyl times over the last few years. I think there is nothing wrong with it as long as its enjoyable for both people. It was somthing that she brought up originally and I leave her in charge of when she wants it.

 

[mellian]

if one consents to rape, then it is not rape at all.

anyway, personally, i am against the idea of rape, period.

-mellian

 

[sigsauerprinces]

if one consents to rape, then it is not rape at all.

exactly. thats why its called ROLEPLAY rape. the participants are acting out a story-the story of a rape.

 

[Pure]

mellian: if one consents to rape, then it is not rape at all.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

SSP: exactly. thats why its called ROLEPLAY rape. the participants are acting out a story-the story of a rape.

Fine, but as our co-conspirator Netzach reminds is, 'role' and 'life' are not separate categories, and the word 'play' can be misleading as 'not serious' or 'not real.'

Consider what happens around someone calling a new person to arrange to meet, and that meeting (first date). It's highly structured. Roles are enacted: compliments are paid; flirting according to certain rules occurs. It's also 'real life.'

Without commenting on Storm in particular, a pre-arrangement can be more or less specified; and more or less 'real'. The arrangement might to be have a strange person do the assaulting, for instance. Its location might not be pre-arranged. etc.

Iow, despite enactment of 'roles', one may get genuine emotions, as for example _fear_ in the above scene.