Rape and bleeding

[ravenous_os]

 

[keki_doki]

... and then please read my later comment on this subject...

 

[blondevirgin]

Bah, I feel really sick now. Or I guess used is a better word to describe it. And cheap, dirty and nasty. ?

This feeling is going to stay with you for six months, or longer. How do I know that? It was last summer that a date tried to rape me...knowing how important it was for me to wait. He still ordered me to please him, yelled at me for doing it wrong and later "played" with me like a toy. By that point, I was just there. I had no sensation, no feelings, nothing. I just endured and tried to act like I enjoyed it fearing it would last longer if I didn't appear to. Today, the thought of any man touching me leaves me so confused: no matter how bad I want it, I feel dirty and unfit to be worthy of any affection...

If nothing else, seek help before you learn what I am talking about firsthand.

 

[A_Kefka]

YOu really do need to go to a doctor, even if the bleeding has stopped. Someone capable of rape woulnt' have any problems not caring if he was getting people sick, and since you didn't know him you don't know if he had anything. Thats a big worry.

 

[SweetErika]

This feeling is going to stay with you for six months, or longer. How do I know that? It was last summer that a date tried to rape me...knowing how important it was for me to wait. He still ordered me to please him, yelled at me for doing it wrong and later "played" with me like a toy. By that point, I was just there. I had no sensation, no feelings, nothing. I just endured and tried to act like I enjoyed it fearing it would last longer if I didn't appear to. Today, the thought of any man touching me leaves me so confused: no matter how bad I want it, I feel dirty and unfit to be worthy of any affection...

If nothing else, seek help before you learn what I am talking about firsthand.

True, though I wish you didn't know this from experience.

And welcome to Lit...there are a lot of wonderful, supportive people here (ignore the assholes who don't know what they're spewing about).

 

[ickle_stace]

This feeling is going to stay with you for six months, or longer. How do I know that? It was last summer that a date tried to rape me...knowing how important it was for me to wait. He still ordered me to please him, yelled at me for doing it wrong and later "played" with me like a toy. By that point, I was just there. I had no sensation, no feelings, nothing. I just endured and tried to act like I enjoyed it fearing it would last longer if I didn't appear to. Today, the thought of any man touching me leaves me so confused: no matter how bad I want it, I feel dirty and unfit to be worthy of any affection...

If nothing else, seek help before you learn what I am talking about firsthand.

Sorry to hear that. In some ways I kind of understand how you feel, except it was a boyfriend of mine who used me and forced me to please him etc. He made me feel nasty and dirty and used for 15 months, and it's taken me 4 years to get over. But thanks to lit I'm definitely on the mend now. This place really is good Stick around ok?

 

[SweetErika]

And, the next morning YOU'RE still THERE and EVEN have conversation with this person. OK!

I call bullshit. From experience and I don't need to say anymore than that, but you don't have a conversation the next morning with a person who just raped you. Did you sip coffee having the discussion about protection? Jesus Christ!

Saldne, you've got to know that experiences and reactions vary widely. I'm not going to argue about the OP, but I will say staying and talking to a rapist after does NOT mean the story's bullshit. It may seem odd or even improbable, but it DOES happen. One scenario might be:

A woman consents to some sexual activity with a date or friend, and he won't stop when she says, "NO" to going any further. He keeps her there for hours. She knows something's wrong, but can't really make sense of what's happening...after all, this is a guy she likes and has trusted for a long time. She dissociates, and when he's done, she falls asleep too. In the morning, she wakes up, still not really connecting the dots to RAPE, then maybe she feels the pain and sees the blood while she's using the restroom, and knows *something* is really wrong and she has to get out of there. She gets dressed as the rapist wakes, and questions and/or makes a few comments to him. She leaves.

From when I understand, the above isn't terribly uncommon. People are unpredictable, and if we call bullshit when something doesn't make a lot of sense to us, we're very effectively reinforcing the notion survivors won't be believed. In fact, one of the reasons I didn't get help or report it soon enough because I feared there'd be someone like you at the hospital or police calling my story bullshit, and I didn't think I could take it at the time.

So, please take care in invalidating others' stories just because certain things don't make sense to you as a bystander...you never know who you may be hurting or scaring by calling bullshit.

 

[bourbonslut]

Well excuse me for not remembering the details exactly. I don't know how things happened there, I guess I thought it was an ordinary nachpiel. And by clearly I don't mean sober like. But as I said, i remember parts of it. because I don't remember anything of what happened earlier, and not much of what happened after either. I guess I passed out, i don't know! And the next morning, this happened probably early morning/late night. I don't know what time it was, but I left as soon as I woke up or whatever. I was confused in the beginning, saw him and asked what happened. Then remembered parts of it asked him if he used a condom and then I told him to get the hell away from me before I left.

And what kind of whore do you think i am? I've never had unprotected sex in my life, and this guy was my second sex "partner".

Look. I'm going to defend you AND chastise you, a little.

If you are going to ask for advice - and you do admit to little experience - please think twice before dismissing it out of hand. And moreover, please take into consideration that you were passing out drunk in a situation where you allowed yourself, voluntarily or not, to be sexually compromised. That points to a problem not with sex, but with alcohol. Stay on top of that, please. Been there.

However - HOWEVER - nonconsensual sex and its aftereffects take a varying amount of time to, well, 'settle in.' I started a thread myself about a friend who had 'flashbacks' about a traumatic sex-related beating months after the incident.

In college, I got shit-faced wasted (see above, been there) IN MY OWN HOUSE, and a friend ("friend") who I trusted pressured me into having sex. And then made me swear NOT to tell anyone, even after I told him no, get the fuck off me, he proceeded to fuck me hard and say if i told anyone he'd kill me, etc. (I don't think he meant kill but he wanted it to be 'our little secret' that he force-fucked me.) I numbed out and took it and yes- acted NORMAL with him after that, and told no one. A couple months later, I got called on a campus EMS run to 'help out' a girl who was unconscious. Turned out this asshat had gotten her drunk to try and fuck her, except she had the good sense to get alcohol poisoning. I revived her and carted her to the ER, and only then did I have the sense to get mad at the guy, tell people what he did, and cut him out of my life until he apologized to me and quit drinking.

So....don't criticize people for acting or reacting out of shock.

I needed to say all this. I hope it helps someone out there.

B-slut out.

 

[silverwhisper]

keki: make sure you get blood work done for STDs.

ed

 

[jethrobodeen]

Perhaps we should put together a list of guys who'll volunteer to beat the fuck out of the worthless piece of shit involved in this.

I'll volunteer my hubby.

*raises hand* put me down . "Saturday night's alright for a fight!" -Elton

-JB

 

[TBKahuna123]

I don't see how what I wrote here don't match up with what I wrote in my LJ? Please, do tell me the specific things, because I fully stand for everything I wrote both here and in my LJ. I find it ridiculous that I have to sit here and defend myself like this!

Yeah well I don't get it either. My opinion is that the assholes in question simply dont' know what their talking about. They've never been on the recieving side of this, or seen somone they cared about be on the recieving side. They've never seen the different reactions, from denial, to depression, to shock, to fear, to rage, to guilt, to anguish, hell even empowerment. They've never dealt with the phone call from a raped sister who is an ocean and a continent away. All they can do is comment who it was stupid to get in that situation in the first place.

Well folks, let me tell you something, EVERY rape victim knows exactly where they screwed up and how they got themselves in that situation, even the ones who were there through no fault of their own. You don't need to tell them that. And how fucking insensitive do you have to be to point that out as your FIRST order of business. All I can say to that is fuck you!

Yeah, I'll agree that Keki drank too much and got into a situation where she was compromised, but you don't think she knows that? hell she fucking said it in her first post. That doesn't fucking make it right that he should take advantage of that situation, especially when she says no. Why the fuck do you think the term Date Rape was invented? Rape is NEVER the victims fault, no matter what the circumstances. NEVER!

Keki you don't have to defend youself, just ignore the asshats. They don't matter in the least.

I've talked about it with my two best friends but they don't know a lot about things like this. My main concern was the bleeding part, if I do the same next time I have sex, I'll go see a gynecologist. But I've never been to one before and I've always been terefied of hospitals and doctors. And the thought of sitting in that chair while some guy is checking out my vagina isn't all that appealing.

I totally understand how embarassing this is. Hell under the best of circumstances this is embarassing, but believe me when I tell you that isn't an option. When you tell them why you are coming in, believe me they will treat you with the utmost care and dignity. Far more in fact than at your normal exam.

Keki, I can sit here and tell you all the reasons you need to be checked: tearing, bleeding, pregnancy, STDs, you know them all. But there is one other reason you have to do this. You have to report this. If you don't turn this guy in he's going to do this to someone else. I don't mean to guilt trip you, but it's a fact, anyone who opperates like this isn't doing it to just you. Just as I think we have a responsibility to protect and support survivors of abuse, so those survivors have a responsibility to take that first step and tell what happened. THAT is the hardest step you'll have to make, but one you'll have to make. I don't say that to guilt trip you or anything, just think it's something that had to said. I tried to say it as gently as I could.

I probably shouldn't be sitting here defending myself like this, I know what's true and not, but I hate it when people don't believe me. And especially when it's things like this.

As I said before, fuck them! The fact though that you are defending yourself means that you have no doubt about what happened and how. So go get yourself taken care of and make it so this fuck can't do that to anyone else. As far as I'm concerned the only thing you'll have to defend to me is why you won't go to a doctor. I understand you're scared and embarassed, but you've got to do it. I think you'll find that once you do those there to help you will be fully supportive and understanding. Please, just go.

 

[jethrobodeen]

Ooooo I'll even remind the wife, no ejaculations for JB for a couple weeks. Let the aggression build...... where's that fuckin' rapist.....

-JB

 

[jethrobodeen]

Sorry, my 17yr old daughter is going to college next year. She's the oldest so, never been there yet. I got charged up and didn't mean to come across as insensitive.

-JB

 

[SweetErika]

Sorry, my 17yr old daughter is going to college next year. She's the oldest so, never been there yet. I got charged up and didn't mean to come across as insensitive.

-JB

If you haven't already, look up and educate her on rape on college campuses. Most of us knew better than to walk alone or go with strangers, but didn't take the possibility of being raped by a party-goer, date, partner, friend, or anyone else we trust seriously. It's sad, but no one's safe (one of my friends was raped by a member of a Christian group after one of the church's events even) really, and most don't have a solid plan for what they should do after the fact. Education may not prevent it, but hopefully it will enable her to get help right away, come to you for support, and help minimize some of the effects.

 

[Eilan]

(one of my friends was raped by a member of a Christian group after one of the church's events even)

What Bible passage justifies that?

The school where I did my graduate work recently made the news for having three (or was it four?) on-campus sexual assaults in less tham a month.



I'm a bit bothered by the implication (from earlier in the thread) that women who post on Lit's boards or share stories on a blog somehow can't be raped. Am I reading this wrong?

 

[SweetErika]

What Bible passage justifies that?

That's what I wondered. I guess he was just a bad apple, and it was a crime of opportunity, but stories like this make you not want to trust anyone.

The school where I did my graduate work recently made the news for having three (or was it four?) on-campus sexual assaults in less tham a month.

At least the school's somewhat open about it; mine purposely covered statistics and refused to acknowledge it was a real problem, even while hundreds of t-shirts telling the stories hung on lines in the middle of campus.

I'm a bit bothered by the implication (from earlier in the thread) that women who post on Lit's boards or share stories on a blog somehow can't be raped. Am I reading this wrong?

I read it as, 'if your story doesn't meet my criteria, you must be lying,' but I guess I'm one of the liars, so what do I know?

 

[FastFastr]

Sorry this happended, and whether or not this was "rape," a few points:

You are an ADULT. You should NEVER be so trashed that you don't remember how you got somewhere or what someone did to you.

Being raped by a cute guy is still rape.

At any point in the "transaction" you should be able to change your mind. If you are naked, and have gotten undressed and on a bed WILLINGLY, you should still be able to say no and cancel the sex.

Go to the ER or cops. It's probably too late for a rape kit, but it is possible that this guy has done this before.... and will do it again. Your story may strenthen a case the cops have on him.

Also, how would you feel if someone else has this experience because you kept quiet?

 

[jethrobodeen]

What Bible passage justifies that?

None of them.

-JB

 

[Eilan]

None of them.

I was just wondering, because I know that lots of verses are open to interpretation.

 

[A_Kefka]

And there are twisted freaks who will interpret Dr. Suess to mean they can rape people if they want to. Just because someone can take a phrase out of context and say it means something doesn't mean it does.

 

[SweetErika]

<snip>
Also, how would you feel if someone else has this experience because you kept quiet?

Similarly: How would you feel if you had this experience BECAUSE someone else had kept quiet, not reporting it when he raped them?

Both are good motivators.

 

[jethrobodeen]

I was just wondering, because I know that lots of verses are open to interpretation.

I agree that a lot of verses are "subject" to interpretation, but I wouldn't necessarily agree they are "open" to interpretation. It sounds like a petty vocabulary distinction, but perhaps significantly more than that for some people. And furthermore, I don't mean to split hairs, because I'm cookoo for coco-puffs!

-JB

 

[Eilan]

I agree that a lot of verses are "subject" to interpretation, but I wouldn't necessarily agree they are "open" to interpretation.

You obviously don't live where I do.

I'm not the right person to discuss this with, so it's probably best if this little tangent ends right here.

 

[jadefirefly]

Okay. This here postin' is for all you assmonkeys who seem to be lacking in the basic tenets of human decency.

Maybe you're right. MAYBE. Maybe there was no rape, maybe it's all an attention game. What then? What, exactly, do your comments do to help that situation? Not a damned thing. All it does is add fuel to the fire, so more people will come see the story and either leap on your bandwagon of rude assholes, or give sympathy and advice.

And maybe you're wrong. Maybe you're just so self-righteous, and so absolutely convinced of your own superiority that you'd never be in such a situation, so you must somehow be better than this girl, that you can't possibly admit it might be a true story.

If I hadn't been in a very similar situation myself when I was 15, I'd -almost- be willing to wish such an incident on your worthless asses, just so you'd shut the fuck up and realize that you're not helping. In any way, shape, or form.

Some of our mothers taught us as small children how to be nice to others and keep our fat mouths shut when we've not got anything constructive to say. And some of us didn't. Whether or not Keki is being truthful, those of you who didn't are not being helpful.


And Keki, it really is imperative, even now, even after several days, to at least see someone. Maybe you're not pregnant. Maybe you're not bleeding. But there is damage that can be done, physically and mentally, that can't be seen at this point. You don't know if he's clean. Please, go see a doctor. Just to be sure.

It took me almost six years to admit that what happened to me was a rape. It took me almost ten years to even be able to say or write the word rape. Please, please, please, see a doctor. Please.

 

[jethrobodeen]

You obviously don't live where I do.

I'm not the right person to discuss this with, so it's probably best if this little tangent ends right here.

Tangent? My back button is broke...I forgot what we were talking about. Pleasant weather for this time of year I might add...... *ninja-cartwheel-puff of smoke*

-JB