Rape and bleeding

[A_Kefka]

If I ever heard that this happened to one of my friends I'd track the bastard down, cut off his balls and make him swallow them.

That said, I don't see how its wrong to give someone advice about avoiding a situation that that leaves her vulnerable, especially since something awful DID happen. ITs not at all her fault, adn this guy deserves a slow, painful death. But thats no reason for her not to be more careful.

 

[Eilan]

If I ever heard that this happened to one of my friends I'd track the bastard down, cut off his balls and make him swallow them.

That said, I don't see how its wrong to give someone advice about avoiding a situation that that leaves her vulnerable, especially since something awful DID happen. ITs not at all her fault, adn this guy deserves a slow, painful death. But thats no reason for her not to be more careful.

Because she doesn't need advice about that right now.

*sigh*

 

[TBKahuna123]

I don't care if she was topless with a sign around her neck that says I'm drunk please fuck me, once she said NO, that's it. There is NO excuse for rape, none! She should have been more careful? How about she shouldn't have to be more careful? There is NO fault on the part of the victim of a rape. Once she says no, that's it, there is no other option for us guys.

Not only does this poor girl not need to be lectured on ways to avoid meeting these assholes, who the fuck are you to tell her? You can't even read her post fully, she said this happened Thursday night. If that's a miscarriage then that was one fast conception. No, she didn't miscarriage, she was brutalized!

Look acilenga, I'm gonna say something I don't normally say to people. Shut the fuck up! It's people with comments like you have made her today which give victims of rape and abuse this guilty conscience which traps them and stops them from getting the help they need. Suggest ways to keep this from happening AFTER she gets the help she needs, when those comments will have the desired effect rather than to reinforce the false guilt that she's already feeling. Now is not the time!

I apologize for the harshness of this post, I know it's not very constructive.

Keki, hun please, go see a doctor. Your health is the only thing you need to be concerned with right now. Forget about the why for now, just get yourself checked out.

 

[A_Kefka]

true, the advice should wait. If it was a friend I would give her more time to deal before going into that. But it bugged me that some people were jumping down guys throats for giving it. It might be too early and so seem insensitive, but its still good advice.

 

[Eilan]

But it bugged me that some people were jumping down guys throats for giving it. It might be too early and so seem insensitive, but its still good advice.

Maybe it's good advice in general. However. . . It. Is. Not. Good. Advice. Right. Now.

It's like telling people who are maimed by drunk drivers that they shouldn't have been out on the road.

 

[cloakedlover]

First, everyone here that says get to the doctor is right. Erika's on the money with the information about the free medical services and, if you're in college, you can get to the quack shack on campus. I hope you checked those out, have already been and are back home reading this post.

Second, I am backing up what The Big Kahuna said - just b/c someone is ignorant about making a post regarding something they seem to have little understanding of, especially the subsequent mental/physical repercussions, do not let yourself feel ashamed or guilty. I also speak from experience, like many of the women that have told you their stories.

Sweetie, there are people on this board that can relate, understand and be a sounding board for you. Don't hesitate to call upon us to help.

 

[keki_doki]

Yes, the guy was a total scumbag and yes, he should have stopped when I said no. But I guess the title is a bit misleading or something, it's true that I was in a bit of a shock condition when writing this, but things are fine now. Really, I don't feel as victimized and terrible like rape victims. I guess there's different degrees of that. And I do take self critique. Not like "It's all my fault" and things like that, because I know it wasn't. But, I remember that I did hit on him and I think I talked to him earlier that evening, so I probably went home with him by my own will. As for my drink, then no, I don't think anyone had put anything in it, I was just very drunk. Too drunk. And he was drunk too.
My friend shouldn't be blamed at all, I talked to her and told her what had happened, and she said she had just been talking to some friends for a moment, and when she turned around, i was gone. She was drunk too, it's not like I need a babysitter or anything.

I did not go to see a doctor or anything. I know, all of you are going to be like "You gotta do it" and all. But the bleeding stopped and I feel fine. Tomorrow I'll get the morning after pill. I don't want to make a big deal out of it, I just want to leave it and forget about it. I've learned my lesson now.

 

[Guest]

I'm not sure if this belong here, I couldn't find where to put it.
but...

Thursday night, I was at a club with some friends. I was really drunk and disoriented, especially at the end. Somehow I met a guy that took me home with him. I don't remember if i wanted to or not. When we got to his house I layed down on the sofa. By then, I was starting to clear a bit more up so I remember bits and pieces. Sudenly he was on top of me and inside me. I said no several times, but was too drunk to do anything about it.

You layed on his sofa before the "rape" and you were starting to think more clearly, then suddenly, he's on top of you. OK!

The next morning I asked him if he had used a condom, and he said no. I'm not on the pill, and I still haven't taken the morning after pill because it's not easy to get around here. He did say hat he didn't come inside me though, but I don't know if he was telling the truth.

And, the next morning YOU'RE still THERE and EVEN have conversation with this person. OK!

I call bullshit. From experience and I don't need to say anymore than that, but you don't have a conversation the next morning with a person who just raped you. Did you sip coffee having the discussion about protection? Jesus Christ!

Let's stop the damn rape sympathy and get down to the problem below.

Also, I have started to bleed a lot, and it's not my period since I'm in the middle of the cycle and don't have cramps or anything. But it's a lot of blood and it still haven't stopped. And I'm scared shitless. Is this normal? I've had sex before so I'm not a virgin or anything like that.

You HAVE to know this is not normal. You're an adult and aren't new to sex life or figuring out what pads to choose. I'm sure you've seen the OBGYN before. You mentioned the morning after pill. How many times do you get drunk and have unprotected sex with strangers? You could have an STD because bleeding is one of the symptoms. It is also a sign of cancer. You know what to do. Do it!

 

[Guest]

Yes, the guy was a total scumbag and yes, he should have stopped when I said no. But I guess the title is a bit misleading or something, it's true that I was in a bit of a shock condition when writing this, but things are fine now. Really, I don't feel as victimized and terrible like rape victims. I guess there's different degrees of that. And I do take self critique. Not like "It's all my fault" and things like that, because I know it wasn't. But, I remember that I did hit on him and I think I talked to him earlier that evening, so I probably went home with him by my own will. As for my drink, then no, I don't think anyone had put anything in it, I was just very drunk. Too drunk. And he was drunk too.
My friend shouldn't be blamed at all, I talked to her and told her what had happened, and she said she had just been talking to some friends for a moment, and when she turned around, i was gone. She was drunk too, it's not like I need a babysitter or anything.

I did not go to see a doctor or anything. I know, all of you are going to be like "You gotta do it" and all. But the bleeding stopped and I feel fine. Tomorrow I'll get the morning after pill. I don't want to make a big deal out of it, I just want to leave it and forget about it. I've learned my lesson now.

This is the most ridiculous post I've read to date. You asked for advice, got your sympathy, and didn't listen to anyone. I hope to God you start carrying condoms. And what lesson have you learned??

 

[Emerald Eyed]

This is the most ridiculous post I've read to date. You asked for advice, got your sympathy, and didn't listen to anyone. I hope to God you start carrying condoms. And what lesson have you learned??

Why don't you just back off this girl?

 

[keki_doki]

Well excuse me for not remembering the details exactly. I don't know how things happened there, I guess I thought it was an ordinary nachpiel. And by clearly I don't mean sober like. But as I said, i remember parts of it. because I don't remember anything of what happened earlier, and not much of what happened after either. I guess I passed out, i don't know! And the next morning, this happened probably early morning/late night. I don't know what time it was, but I left as soon as I woke up or whatever. I was confused in the beginning, saw him and asked what happened. Then remembered parts of it asked him if he used a condom and then I told him to get the hell away from me before I left.

And what kind of whore do you think i am? I've never had unprotected sex in my life, and this guy was my second sex "partner".

 

[rosco rathbone]

Something dubious about all this. *lifty spectacles look*

 

[revolution724]

OH my God, I cannot even grasp how the poster above thought what she wrote was appropriate. Please try to disregard that completely thoughtless and hateful message.

Anything you did or said or whatever does NOT excuse, negate, or lessen in any way the behavior of the rapist, and any way that you responded at the time was what you needed to do and fine in a very abnormal situation.

It's very normal for you not to want to deal with this right away. It's very normal for it to take a long time to integrate it in your life, too. You might feel fine now and not fine at all in a week, and you might go back and forth between feeling very traumatized and not feeling too bad, and that is completely normal.

Of course I would also say that seeking medical help as soon as possible might protect you from STDs, unwanted pregnancy, and any immediate medical needs you might have. With that said, it's your choice what you do. You know yourself best and what you need most.

It sounds like you wouldn't be ready to do this now, and might not ever want to, but in case you do feel some time like you want to talk to someone about what happened, there are rape crisis centers across the country that have 24-hour, anonymous hotlines. You don't have to give your name or any personal info, and you can talk to a trained counselor any time you need or want to do so. The number for the national (U.S.) toll-free hotline is 1-800-656-HOPE; they could offer you some telephone support themselves and probably also refer you to a local hotline if you wanted one. The hotline would also be able to answer any informational questions you might have. Local rape crisis centers provide a lot of additional resources to survivors; they might even be able to send someone with you to the hospital if you wanted someone to be there with you.

I wish you only the best as you do what you need to do here. Good luck.

 

[Guest]

Why don't you just back off this girl?

Back off? I know bullshit when I see it. But I'm not going to keep posting to state my opinion over and over. I did. I'm done. If you read all her posts s l o w l y, maybe you'll figure it out too.

Over and out.

 

[Guest]

saldne's never done

And what kind of whore do you think i am? I've never had unprotected sex in my life, and this guy was my second sex "partner".

You said "partner". Wake up, people!

http://keki-doki.livejournal.com/

Last night I went to a club. Or actually, I went to a lot of different clubs. We never really ended up on the one we were suposed to go to. or, I think I did for a little while, but I don't remember anything of it. The thing was that I got drunk. Really drunk. Yesterday is nothing but a big blur to me. I remember bits and pieces, like a really deep conversation with a friend of mine about all sorts of things I've never said to anyone. It was nice I guess, but I hope she has forgotten atleast some parts of it.

At the end of the night I was at my worst, and me and my friend was just standing outside a club talking to people. Now, I don't know where he came from and I don't really remember talking to him all that much either, but somehow, I went home with a guy. He said I had talked to him earlier, and when I think of it, I guess I did too. But I thought we were going to a nachpiel because there was another girl with us too. I wasn't really able to think much, by then, there should be a big warning sign inside my head, saying "DON'T GO HOME WITH STRANGERS", but, since I was drunk as I were, this warning sign did not work. I did go home with them. I layed down on their sofa. The girl disapeared and I was alone with the guy. I did not want to have sex with him, but he did it anyway.Even though I said no. several times. I couldn't stop it, I just layed there, I guess he thought it was ok. Now, I don't have a problem with one night stands, but I'd like to have a say, and I'd like to be heard and respected when I say no.

Now, it's not like I got raped or anything, after all, I did go home with him. And I don't remember much of what else I did, but I probably kissed him too, guess I gave him the impression that it was ok. Or, he other option, he was a jerk. Whitch I found out this morning when I asked him if he used a condom. He said no. I said I can't afford the mornign after pill, he said oh well. So, when I left, I walked to the other side of town to this place where youre suposed to get free morning after pills. And the bitch there told me that no, she couldn't hand them out before 6 pm. so i haven't taken the morning after pill, and I'm freeking out again. it's not that the chance of getting pregnant is big, but imagine if I had gotten pregnant with that prick! Besides, I hardly remember his name and I don't have his number. I just left.

Bah, I feel really sick now. Or I guess used is a better word to describe it. And cheap, dirty and nasty. The first thing my best friend said about was "You're gonna start on the pill. And you're starting tomorrow."

But, I have to say that the guy was gooorgeous. He looked like jonathan thomas taylor or whatever his name is. I used to have a poster of him on my wall when i was a kid. And he had a cute accent too. But, Looks can deceive...

Want more?

 

[Quoll]

I did not want to have sex with him, but he did it anyway

That's rape.

 

[Emerald Eyed]

Back off? I know bullshit when I see it. But I'm not going to keep posting to state my opinion over and over. I did. I'm done. If you read all her posts s l o w l y, maybe you'll figure it out too.

Over and out.

Her blog is consistant with her story

 

[Guest]

Her blog is consistant with her story

Not to me it's not and you have to continue to read her blog. Not only that but her posts here on Lit don't match up.


Hey, I'm out of court for now.

 

[vanelane]

Not to me it's not and you have to continue to read her blog. Not only that but her posts here on Lit don't match up.


Hey, I'm out of court for now.

She's not telling the truth, either here, or in her blog.

 

[Lukass]

Friends

Seriously....
Friends look after friends..Did you not have a cell phone your friend could have tried to call..

Are your friends not decent enough for you to be able to ring or contact them the next day,as opposed to posting on here something so traumatic..

Hope you learn more then a few lessons about protection and how much alcohol you can consume ...

Get some decent friends and learn self control and respect..Good luck.

 

[willardthegrey]

Just get to the doc your health is all that matters, bleeding for no reason is very serous even if it stops get checked out! It doesn't matter if you went home with him or not you remember saying NO that's all you should have had to say and if he had a shred of respect or decency he would have been off you and on the other side of the room in 2 seconds, people like him don't deserve to have a sex they deserve to be eunuchs and clean the portapotys at concerts... you don't want to read all the stuff I think should be punishment for rape. The list is endless.

 

[bisexplicit]

Lukass, (and I would like to emphasize "ass") fuck off.



And, denial is a common way to deal with having been raped. Please, go see a doctor. You do not have to report it to the police if you don't want to. I would recommend talking to someone who deals with domestic and sexual abuse. They can go with you to the hospital, help you take care of whatever paper work is needed. They can tell you all of your options. Please, do this for yourself.

 

[keki_doki]

I don't see how what I wrote here don't match up with what I wrote in my LJ? Please, do tell me the specific things, because I fully stand for everything I wrote both here and in my LJ. I find it ridiculous that I have to sit here and defend myself like this! And what abut my posts here, how do they not match up? And in my LJ? What the hell is wrong with that? Yes, my LJ is mostly about my sex life, whitch is why I titled it like I did, but I only write about one person I have sex with, don't I? Because before that I hadn't had sex in years and years. I guess i should have written three sex partners. I have done sexual things with others, but never had sex.

And I wrote partner because, as far as I know, you need two people to have sex. The "'s was becase I didn't want to.

I've talked about it with my two best friends but they don't know a lot about things like this. My main concern was the bleeding part, if I do the same next time I have sex, I'll go see a gynecologist. But I've never been to one before and I've always been terefied of hospitals and doctors. And the thought of sitting in that chair while some guy is checking out my vagina isn't all that appealing.

I probably shouldn't be sitting here defending myself like this, I know what's true and not, but I hate it when people don't believe me. And especially when it's things like this.

 

[bisexplicit]

You don't need to defend yourself.

Take your friend or your mother with you. Call an advocate, and have them accompany you as well. Specifically request a female gyno.

Please do it now.

 

[onlyerics]

Keki: You need to go to the doctor immediately. As in today. Now. If you are not comfortable with a male doctor, ask for a female doctor. Take someone you trust to go with you if it makes you more comfortable.
Your main concern at this moment is taking care of yourself, and not what other people are negatively saying.