Rape and bleeding

[keki_doki]

I'm not sure if this belong here, I couldn't find where to put it.
but...

Thursday night, I was at a club with some friends. I was really drunk and disoriented, especially at the end. Somehow I met a guy that took me home with him. I don't remember if i wanted to or not. When we got to his house I layed down on the sofa. By then, I was starting to clear a bit more up so I remember bits and pieces. Sudenly he was on top of me and inside me. I said no several times, but was too drunk to do anything about it.

The next morning I asked him if he had used a condom, and he said no. I'm not on the pill, and I still haven't taken the morning after pill because it's not easy to get around here. He did say hat he didn't come inside me though, but I don't know if he was telling the truth.

Also, I have started to bleed a lot, and it's not my period since I'm in the middle of the cycle and don't have cramps or anything. But it's a lot of blood and it still haven't stopped. And I'm scared shitless. Is this normal? I've had sex before so I'm not a virgin or anything like that.

 

[LukkyKnight]

Go get examined today. Do not put it off.

 

[bobsgirl]

It can't be said too many times: Get medical attention. Today.

 

[keki_doki]

I don't bleed that much anymore though. And the doctor is expencive.

 

[Vixandra]

Get to a doctor and have them do a rape kit.

Drunk or not, you said no.
Which means that he raped you.
I'd report it to the police and find a DA after a visit to an ER (unless you can find an urgent care open on the weekend.)

 

[bourbonslut]

ER and request a rape kit and the police. Immediately.

They have to see you and can put through emergency medicaid if need be. Just get it done. Crime Victims services can often help compensate. Any decent hospital will also have rape counselors as well to advocate for you.

Also bring the clothes and underwear you wore that night. This is helpful if you still have it and it is not washed, please put it into a bag and bring it with you, even if it is gross. Take the sheets off the bed if you have to. This can only help you.

 

[onlyerics]

PLEASE!!! As someone who works in the medical field, I advise you to please go see a doctor. Go to the emergency room. It might be expensive, but is there someone, like a friend you trust, you could ask money to borrow from? Tell them your situation and surely, they will help you. I'm guessing you don't have insurance, but perhaps someone from the ER can refer you to a clinic that provides free service. You can call your local ER and ask them. I'm sure they will help you once you tell them what happened.

I'm sorry for what happened, and I wish you well.

 

[SweetErika]

Go to the ER NOW.

The state will cover the exam and care...it won't cost you a penny.

There's no need to worry about money; you only need to take care of yourself physically and emotionally. Getting that help right now is so critical...I wish I'd followed this advice.

If you need assurance of this, or anything else, or where to go, there's free, confidential counseling, 24 hours a day through RAINN at 1-800-656-HOPE (4673).

It's not your fault. Take care of yourself.

 

[TBKahuna123]

I know I'm just echoing what's been said but I want to add a male voice to this. Please, don't mess around, go see a doctor right away. No one has the right to do this too you and there is NO justification for it. Go to the ER, tell them what happened and they will take care of you. Forget about insurance, forget about how expensive it is, that's NOT important at this point. What is important is your health.

There is no excuse for Rape, there is no justification. You obviously feel you were raped given the title and the fact that you said no is all you needed to say. Don't let this go, don't feel guilty, you did NOTHING wrong.

Again, Please go to the ER right now, and when you go, Keep your head up dear. This isn't your fault.

 

[Eilan]

Perhaps we should put together a list of guys who'll volunteer to beat the fuck out of the worthless piece of shit involved in this.

I'll volunteer my hubby.

 

[TBKahuna123]

Perhaps we should put together a list of guys who'll volunteer to beat the fuck out of the worthless piece of shit involved in this.

I'll volunteer my hubby.

Yeah, I'm in.

 

[EJFan]

Perhaps we should put together a list of guys who'll volunteer to beat the fuck out of the worthless piece of shit involved in this.

I'll volunteer my hubby.

count me in.

keki... i really had nothing to add that hasn't already been said a number of times. i think, though, that it can't be repeated enough... i'm so sorry this happened. please, take care of yourself and see a doctor. it's not only the sound thing to do medically, it'll help you to reach some emotional closure.

be well... you're in my thoughts.

 

[acilenga]

Go see a doctor ASAP. That bleeding could even have been a miscarriage. You need to be taken care of. It troubles me that at this time all you think about is the expenses instead of the risk on your health.

Also, although this guy is a total slimeball and needs to be put behind bars, I think you need to be more responsible towards yourself and picking your friends. I mean jesus...if my friend was totally drunk and disoriented and wanted to leave with a total stranger, there's no way I'd let her. End of story.

 

[Eilan]

I think you need to be more responsible towards yourself and picking your friends. I mean jesus...if my friend was totally drunk and disoriented and wanted to leave with a total stranger, there's no way I'd let her. End of story.

I don't think this is something she needs to hear right now. Way to blame the victim.

 

[bisexplicit]

I don't think this is something she needs to hear right now. Way to blame the victim.

Agreed. Whats next? If she only wasn't wearing provacative clothing, if only she never went to clubs, if she only was never let out of sight of a male member of her family...

She didn't ask for this, and she didn't want it.

 

[SweetErika]

Go see a doctor ASAP. That bleeding could even have been a miscarriage. You need to be taken care of. It troubles me that at this time all you think about is the expenses instead of the risk on your health.

Also, although this guy is a total slimeball and needs to be put behind bars, I think you need to be more responsible towards yourself and picking your friends. I mean jesus...if my friend was totally drunk and disoriented and wanted to leave with a total stranger, there's no way I'd let her. End of story.

What the fuck is wrong with you?

Look, Dumbass: We don't think clearly after we've been brutalized...no one does. Rape survivors are in a state of shock, and most don't know what the hell they should be doing or focusing on. Getting help is fucking scary because it makes the experience 'real' and it's a reminder of something you don't want to be reminded of, and there are strange people there and what if they don't believe you?

I walked right by a hospital after I was raped, and didn't go in because my main thought was I needed to get home. Secondary thoughts included, 'I don't like this hospital' and 'I'm not sure what really happened' and 'What if they don't believe me?' Logical? No, but it's the reality of survival mode.

It's amazing the orginal poster was together enough to ask for help on this board. She knows what she needs to do, she's likely just trying to rationalize her way out of it for the reasons in the previous paragraph. Reinforce her needs and support her.

And don't you dare blame this on her or her friends. Drunk, drugged, sober, or otherwise, it's 100% the scumball rapist's fault, period. It doesn't help to blame anyone else...doing so makes the criminal's behavior seem just a little less horrific. It also doesn't help to give the survivor 'what if' scenarios to chew on...we do that plenty on our own, and we actually need to be talked out of all of them because reinforcement fucks us up even more.

Oh yeah, it could only be a miscarriage if the woman was already pregnant. It's not uncommon to bleed heavily for days or more after forced penetration.

Think and get educated before you open your mouth or post. Start with these:
http://www.ou.edu/womensoc/effects-of-rape.htm
http://www.911rape.org/
http://www.safecampusesnow.org/safety/friend.htm
http://www.nwarapecrisis.com/what_can_I_do.html
http://www.hopeforhealing.org/friend.html

 

[human_male]

Whatever you decide to do please get some help. Good luck.

 

[bisexplicit]

Jesus don't drink so much. Don't put yourself in a position where a predator can take advantage of you. Don't get so fucked up that you don't know where you are, or what you're doing or who you're with. Well, unless you're with some very very good friends that you can trust to keep you out of trouble.

See the above post.

Idiot.

 

[acilenga]

What the fuck is wrong with you?

Look, Dumbass: We don't think clearly after we've been brutalized...no one does. Rape survivors are in a state of shock, and most don't know what the hell they should be doing or focusing on. Getting help is fucking scary because it makes the experience 'real' and it's a reminder of something you don't want to be reminded of, and there are strange people there and what if they don't believe you?

I walked right by a hospital after I was raped, and didn't go in because my main thought was I needed to get home. Secondary thoughts included, 'I don't like this hospital' and 'I'm not sure what really happened' and 'What if they don't believe me?' Logical? No, but it's the reality of survival mode.

It's amazing the orginal poster was together enough to ask for help on this board. She knows what she needs to do, she's likely just trying to rationalize her way out of it for the reasons in the previous paragraph. Reinforce her needs and support her.

And don't you dare blame this on her or her friends. Drunk, drugged, sober, or otherwise, it's 100% the scumball rapist's fault, period. It doesn't help to blame anyone else...doing so makes the criminal's behavior seem just a little less horrific. It also doesn't help to give the survivor 'what if' scenarios to chew on...we do that plenty on our own, and we actually need to be talked out of all of them because reinforcement fucks us up even more.

Oh yeah, it could only be a miscarriage if the woman was already pregnant. It's not uncommon to bleed heavily for days or more after forced penetration.

Think and get educated before you open your mouth or post. Start with these:
http://www.ou.edu/womensoc/effects-of-rape.htm
http://www.911rape.org/
http://www.safecampusesnow.org/safety/friend.htm
http://www.nwarapecrisis.com/what_can_I_do.html
http://www.hopeforhealing.org/friend.html

First of all, about the miscarriage: I said it was a possibility, since she didn't specify when the bleeding occured in relation to the rape. She could have got pregnant from him, then miscarried. In any case, whatever the reason for the bleeding may me, she needs to be tested for STD.

I am sorry you were raped and I can understand that, being a victim yourself, this is a touchy subject for you. I am a woman myself and I think that rape is an atrocious act and very rightfully so, a crime that should be punished REGARDLESS of circumstances.

My point is that her behavior was reckless. That doesn't change the fact that he's a despicable sonofabitch who took advantage of a drunk woman and should be jailed. This has nothing to do with flirting, or provocative clothing, or asking for it or any of that bullshit. She got drunk to the point where she didn't know what she was doing, then left with some stranger who could have been drunk himself and went to his place and laid on his sofa! What the hell! This guy could have been another Ted Bundy! It was totally irresponsible of her part to do so. I understand she didn't want this to happen, but she put herself in a dangerous position. That's a fact. I wish we could live in a world where a simple no would be enough in that situation, but it's not. Any person in their right mind and an instinct of self-preservetion would avoid it. That's my point and again, I emphasize that this doesn't diminish the severity of his actions in the least.

And as for the friends, if they were sober, then yes, they should have done something to protect her at some point. That my opinion and I stick with it.

 

[Quoll]

Now is not the time for her to even be thinking of woulda, coulda, shoulda (actually she should never have to) she needs to get medical help and that's all, the last thing she needs is a lecture from someone, can't we save that for another thread.
Hell we don't even know, her drink could have been spiked or anything.

I hope you looking after yourself keki_doki

 

[Eilan]

My point is that her behavior was reckless. That doesn't change the fact that he's a despicable sonofabitch who took advantage of a drunk woman and should be jailed. This has nothing to do with flirting, or provocative clothing, or asking for it or any of that bullshit. She got drunk to the point where she didn't know what she was doing, then left with some stranger who could have been drunk himself and went to his place and laid on his sofa! What the hell! This guy could have been another Ted Bundy! It was totally irresponsible of her part to do so. I understand she didn't want this to happen, but she put herself in a dangerous position. That's a fact. I wish we could live in a world where a simple no would be enough in that situation, but it's not. Any person in their right mind and an instinct of self-preservetion would avoid it. That's my point and again, I emphasize that this doesn't diminish the severity of his actions in the least.

I'm glad there are perfect people like you and human_male around to tell the rest of us bottom feeders how to behave.

Sorry, quoll.

 

[Guest]

 

[Just_4_Giggles]

She got drunk to the point where she didn't know what she was doing, then left with some stranger who could have been drunk himself and went to his place and laid on his sofa! What the hell! This guy could have been another Ted Bundy!

WHOA! How do you know some date rape drug wasn't introduced into her drink?

NEVER EVER go anywhere and leave your drink.

 

[CagedGirl]

I agree with everyone that you should get help. Please do not blame yourself at all for what happened.

As for the people criticising, There is no point in what she should have/haven't done. That is not the issue and its probably hurting her more than helping.

 

[SweetErika]

Comments that need not be repeated.

So, I'm guessing you didn't bother to click on the links. You need to. You'll notice the last few tell you how you can help someone who's been raped, and pointing out how they made mistakes or could have done differently is NOT HELPFUL. In fact, doing so can be extremely damaging short- and long-term. Crisis is not the time to try to teach lessons or say anything that could be construed as other than compassionate and supportive...the only aim should be to get the person out of crisis.

You wouldn't remind a suicidal friend of things that will make them feel more hopeless or worthless, or where they can find the means to carry it out, right? Wouldn't it be kind of cruel to tell a bank teller who's been shot in a robbery they really shouldn't have been working in the bank in the first place? Well, in telling an assault survivor she was irresponsible, you're basically doing the same thing: needlessly giving her a push toward an even deeper, more unbearable place. That's why most of our comments are along the lines of, "Get medical attention now, take care of yourself, I'm sorry for what you've been and are going through, and IT'S NOT YOUR FAULT" without blaming, commentary on how/why, or how it could have been prevented.

Most people know we're our own harshest critics, and survivors tend to feel incredible guilt and punish themselves without outside help. Don't think for a second that every one of us doesn't go over the situation a million times, wishing we'd not had that drink, invited him in, consented originally, gone on the date, trusted him, worn that outfit, had fought harder, or gotten help sooner, etc., even when we really couldn't have done any better or differently.

You know, I got a couple of comments like yours from other women, and those were the ones that hurt the worst and reinforced my guilt and belief it was mostly my fault for a long time. 'After all, if another woman doesn't understand and would have done so much better than I did, then I must have really screwed up and deserve the blame.' A survivor's psyche is fragile, and already skewed toward self-blame, so even well-intentioned or casual comments can do a lot of damage.

Empathy requires understanding, compassion, and the ability to see the situation from another's standpoint. Your comments show you're not there, but hopefully you'll consider what I've said here, read other survivors' stories, get educated on the effects and what's helpful and what's not, and will get there sooner rather than later. Trying is really the least you can do. Every survivor needs and deserves our empathy and support, and even those who are unable or unwilling to give that can still help by keeping quiet.