Rants 101: An Introduction To Anger.

[modest mouse]

Here at Lit, Rant is a blanket word applied to nearly any bitchiness. Much of what has been deemed a 'rant' is quite simply not up to snuff. Please, people, help me formualte a class to educate the masses. Examples sought.

***

I pay my 3 bucks for some Dunkin Donuts coffee, no sugar, some milk, not cream. I get a super sweet, creamy cup of java, which i am not aware of until in the car.

Being Pissy: "Damnit! They always screw up the no-sugar request, at least its loaded with caffeine."

Rant: "Blech! What the fuck is this shit? That stupid mofo sludged me with sugar and nasty-ass cream like I never said a thing.

I knew that damn gold visor hat was too tight on his head, his eyes must pop out by late afternoon and blue looks good ont he little retard. How hard is it to follow instructions. Chimps do it but Im expecting too much from this douchebag.

If he gets out of work soon I should dump this over his head and kick the shit out of him while his skin boils up from the scalding shit he served me. These boots to his nut-sack would teach the pissant to listen to us poor bastards waiting in line for a fix.

Does he think he has some power 'cause he mans the fucking coffee counter? Shit I'll buy a travel cup and shut this place down in a month. Keep my $3 and by a paint gun to balst the little shit while he walks home from work.

This country is going to shit because ot twerps like him. Noone cares about quality anymore, about service. That happened to: "If a job is worth doing, its worht doing right"? His brother must be the mental midget that botched my dinner order last night. Its inescapable.

Parents should take the time to beat their kids more often and put an end to this laid back attitude. So what if some scare form, the rest of us would be appreciative.

I bet I can get this stupid shit fired. I'll be back tomorrow morning you pompous jackass!"

***

Class, this is an example of a mild rant induced by caffeine deprivation. The semester begins slowly but you should be up to speed in a few weeks.

 

[kotori]

mouse, you mutha

fucking mixer, what the fuck are you up to now, you ass-hole?

isn't this how you got your ass handed to you once before? You remember that fucking mess you made, don't you.

piss-ant little candy-assed bastard. you can just suck my hairy balls.

asshole.

***

how was that? it's only my first try

 

[MorgaineLaFay]

lol

 

[estevie]

LOL


Shut the hell up, so I can't rant...sue me!

I do feel much better now tho!

 

[*bratcat*]

 

[estevie]

oh, sweetie...but you CAN do so many other things!!

Well, yes, I am quite handy, thank you!

 

[*bratcat*]

 

[estevie]

speaking of that...I have a couple of pictures that need hanging...when can you and your toolbelt get here?


ty, hon.

*madly stuffing toys into toolbelt and bolting for the door*

Be there in a sec!

 

[Starfish]

Don't get me started.

I actually think people need to read this. Make it required reading.

Shit Fuckers.

 

[modest mouse]

Re: mouse, you mutha

how was that? it's only my first try

You have potential, my pupil. I will have you spewing vitriol in no time.

 

[Problem Child]

Being pissy:

(thinking to self) Jesus this guy is stupid. I wonder how he even got a job working fast food.

rant:

Holy Fucksickle. Dude, what are you doing? I specifically asked for NO pickles on my burger. What is your major malfunction? Are you acoustically challenged or are you just ignoring me? Or perhaps in the tiny hamlet where you were raised the preferred method for keeping one's ear canals warm during the winter is to stuff them full of pigshit, and you simply forgot to remove your fecal earplugs before you came to work today, to earn your $5.10 an hour.

How old are you, thirty-five? What the fuck are you doing working the drive-up at McDonalds? Oh wait, let me guess...this is just your day job to pay the bills until you get your ph.D in nuclear physics from Stanford, right? And your dad is an investment banker on Wall Street, but he thought it would help you build character to come out and work with the little people. I get it. You can't wait to get off from this mundane little exercise in fast-food-ology so you can go back to your smarmy rat-filled two-room apartment in the basement of the porn shop downtown to do your experiments in cold fusion.

I'm sure you have a poster of Einstein tacked up on your dank, mildewing wall, a poster that you masturbate mercilessly to, until your tiny turgid penis is swollen and raw from your own autoerotic excess, and while you whack you dream that some day you will formulate your own unified field theory. What's that? You don't know anything about physics? My, how surprising. Take this fucking burger, shove it up your pimply ass, and gimme my money back.

Oh, and I'll have a small coffee to go. Please.

 

[Silverlily]

ameteurs

short and to the point (average attention span of an idiot is ten seconds)


What part of no pickles confused you? Tell me, were you born stupid or is it a hobby? Obviously, you left your helmet home today.

 

[modest mouse]

Being Pissy: This debacle over the lists of Lit is foolish and occupying time that could be spent otherwise partaking of sexual shananigans.

Rant: What the hell is going on with this place. The typical list mode passes through on its monthly cycle and people flip out. Even more than Siren's usual tirade we have to hear judgemental posturing by those who think both they and the rest of us should be above it.

Posters allow themeselves to get in a rancor over not haveing their daily affirmation forma bunch of strangers who are so in need of a good fuck they spend time at a Porn site without so much as pictures or videos. Somehow these are the opinions that we are supposed to be building our esteem on? Fucking pathetic. You probably ask the dude behind the counter at 7-11 for both investment and rmance advice as well.

Even lame dumb-asses liek yourselvbes should be able to discernt that the lists are just a roll call of who has been posting frequently int he last week or so or those who develop a circle of freinds because they are a dime a dozen. OR... pathetic whiners who get symjpathy nods just to shut up their maggot-mating-call-voice.

Then the same people who seemingly undergo a painful surgery due to their exclusion jump through hoops if they are ever metnioned. "Lists are stupid and hurtful.. unless mmy freinds name me and then we gotta be all kisses and hugs and emoticons."

One of those times I am glad that only half the population votes. You fuckers are easily influenced, needy, and conveniently honorable.

Shut your traps for the sake of the rest of us!

 

[Problem Child]

right on.

 

[Dillinger]

I thought Dennis Miller had excluse copyright to any and all rants?

You know what gets my goat? (The one I keep tied up behind the shed.) What rancors me? People who use other people's AVs for their own AV. It fucking confuses the shit out of me.

In fact, just today - I almost made a pass at Modest Mouse thinking he was Mischka. Hmmm... now that I think about it...

Hey Mouse... Wanna fuck?

 

[Marxist]

Hey Mouse, was that a rant about lists or a vent? What's the difference? Is there one?

 

[riff]

Bitchiness: You people haven't got lives.

Rant: Get a fucking grip and take some fucking chances. Sometime you have to say, "What the fuck?" and make a move. Everyone has baggage. I look at all these nice pretty houses on nice American streets and think of the fucking shit that goes on inside them. Take the house I grew up in. People said we were like the Brady Bunch. Yeah. Can you imagine Mike Reed dragging Florence Henderson by the hair down the hall and then turning to Peter with a shotgun and saying, "Boy, I am gonna kill you."

This place ain't shit., It's an instant freak. That's why I come here. I feel at home among the walking wounded.

Get a fucking life mouse or a boa will eat your rodent ass.

 

[Siren]

MM

 

[modest mouse]

Siren,

I'm right, thats what stings.

 

[Siren]

 

[perks]

I'm never ranting again.

 

[TN_Vixen]

LOL. This is classic.

 

[Problem Child]

Re: MM

and you prove my point about why many literoticans dont say anything about the lists......

because of people like you and PC just waiting to dry hump them with ridicule,
mockery
and
insults.

You proved exactly why I am speaking for them.

Ah, the Great F. Lee Siren, speaking out for the little people, railing against the injustice of the hated lists!

What would the downtrodden of Literotica do without Siren to protect them? Obviously they would have no choice but to shudder helplessly in the fetid squalor of their non-list lives, their self-esteem destroyed because they were left off a list.

O! but the cruelty of it is sinister! How can anyone go on with their daily lives when the cool folks leave them off the lists! The humanity of it is too much too bear! The world would be so much cleaner and nicer if the hated lists did not take away the dignity of so many. It would be less vicious if the very bread was taken from their mouths!

But look! Yonder comes one woman...a great woman of principle who is willing to stand up for the downtrodden, the unpopular!

She is Siren, the protector of the listless masses!

 

[riff]

Where the fuck is Sparky when you need him?

 

[Siren]

you know PC