Ramblings

[kindtemptress]

I guess this thread is for when we have an issue we need to discuss but cant with our real life people. A place for advice or musings.









My first one is more a rambling about myself. Im 28 and i feel like i should be married with at least one kid, and basically that im failing at life because im not. Logically i know this isnt true, but when are feelings always logical? Im a BIG girl.. not chubby, just plain fat. Always have been. I try to act like i dont care. I'll say "if they dont like it they dont have to look". But in order to meet someone dont they first have to look at you?
Im not going to lie. Lit is great for meeting guys who like bigger women, or at least guys who SAY they like bigger women, and isnt it just a kick in the ass that they always live so far away.

 

[tolyk]

My first one is more a rambling about myself. Im 28 and i feel like i should be married with at least one kid, and basically that im failing at life because im not. Logically i know this isnt true, but when are feelings always logical? Im a BIG girl.. not chubby, just plain fat. Always have been. I try to act like i dont care. I'll say "if they dont like it they dont have to look". But in order to meet someone dont they first have to look at you?
Im not going to lie. Lit is great for meeting guys who like bigger women, or at least guys who SAY they like bigger women, and isnt it just a kick in the ass that they always live so far away.

It's not about telling yourself that you don't care how others think, it's about loving yourself for who you are. If you don't care how others think, then how could you care if someone was interested. Accept yourself for who you are, and life will change. It did for me. Btw, your profile picture is beautiful. You say you are a large woman, but that's the only modifier you used. I'd personally say you're a beautiful woman.


And, my ramble: I never get birthday threads on Lit. Even when I was super super active here, I got one (because I intentionally went and told one of my friends and they felt bad enough to start it). I don't know why this is. I really don't care about birthdays at all, it's just another day to laugh and spend time with friends. I just find it odd, since i don't talk about how I'm indifferent about birthdays at all on here either

 

[kindtemptress]

It's not about telling yourself that you don't care how others think, it's about loving yourself for who you are. If you don't care how others think, then how could you care if someone was interested. Accept yourself for who you are, and life will change. It did for me. Btw, your profile picture is beautiful. You say you are a large woman, but that's the only modifier you used. I'd personally say you're a beautiful woman.


And, my ramble: I never get birthday threads on Lit. Even when I was super super active here, I got one (because I intentionally went and told one of my friends and they felt bad enough to start it). I don't know why this is. I really don't care about birthdays at all, it's just another day to laugh and spend time with friends. I just find it odd, since i don't talk about how I'm indifferent about birthdays at all on here either

And that is sort of odd. I see birthday threads on here all the time. But dont feel bad i didnt get one either.

 

[tolyk]

And that is sort of odd. I see birthday threads on here all the time. But dont feel bad i didnt get one either.

You have the same birthday as my wife we were on our honeymoon during her birthday, so I wasn't around to start one for ya

 

[PervyRomantic]

Nice thread KT. Now if only I knew how to
get those rambles outta my head...

 

[PervyRomantic]

And that is sort of odd. I see birthday threads on here all the time. But dont feel bad i didnt get one either.

When was your birthday sweet stuff? I just had one myself last
week.

 

[tolyk]

When was your birthday sweet stuff? I just had one myself last
week.

It's in her profile

 

[PervyRomantic]

It's in her profile

Do'h!!!
Thanks.

 

[kindtemptress]

Do'h!!!
Thanks.

lol is it really?
dont feel bad Pervy i didnt realize it was there either.
Guess i should pay more attention to what i have on my prof

 

[kindtemptress]

You have the same birthday as my wife we were on our honeymoon during her birthday, so I wasn't around to start one for ya

Well seeing as you were on your honeymoon... you're safe... this time.

 

[PervyRomantic]

lol is it really?
dont feel bad Pervy i didnt realize it was there either.
Guess i should pay more attention to what i have on my prof

Its okay. I think forgetting stuff like that is an occupational
hazzard of us being veterans around here. Haha.

 

[kindtemptress]

I am so sick of the fighting and attitudes at my sisters. I cant wait til October when I can get into my own place. For it to be nice and quiet, where I dont have to answer to anyone, can do whatever I want, lol hell walk around in my underwear for christsakes.
Im 28 years old.. and my sister asks me where I go when I leave the house. I mean really!?!? I have a mother thanks. Yes I get that they are letting me stay here and not asking for money, however, I give them 100 a month in food, and they are STILL getting the $200 a month rent. Yet when I mention how I feel about being woken up cuz her daughter is screaming, or how I dont like the attitude thats directed at me by the kids, and about 80% of the time nothing gets said to the kids about it, she gets all upset and takes it personal. Then shes like a fucken dog with a bone, she doesnt drop it when I ask her to, she keeps going and going and going, and that just ends up pissing me off more.
I left earlier instead of 'talking' it out with her because I didnt want to fight, and she doesnt get that I need to calm down before I discuss something. But nooo, I get back and she starts in on me, "Well i didnt understand this" or "It was like you were asking for this." So she started right back up, and yes I got upset and actually finally told her I couldnt wait til October, and she took it all personal and was like, "Well we just wont make the house payment so you can have your $400 back." Which of course pissed me off even more because I knew when I loaned her the money that they werent gonna be able to pay me more than $100 a month back, I get it I do. So I got pissed and told her to knock the bullshit off, that I didnt fucken ask her for the money back, and that I hate it when she says stupid ass bullshit like that.
Ive been up for 2 1/2 hours, what a great way to start the day.

 

[PervyRomantic]

I am so sick of the fighting and attitudes at my sisters. I cant wait til October when I can get into my own place. For it to be nice and quiet, where I dont have to answer to anyone, can do whatever I want, lol hell walk around in my underwear for christsakes.

Sorry, I had to laugh at that part. ^^ Since Ive been living all alone (not
counting a cat) I walk around that way myself often. I wont lie...it is nice!!
Haha.
Good afternoon KT.

 

[Riles]

So, this is sort of like a "Dear Journal" thread....okay.

I've been having a debate in my head lately over if I should do something or not. I was at a Business Womens meeting the other night, and one of guest industry reps was a man I knew from a few years ago. He was a Stakeholder in a project I was working on, and we got quite close - not intimate, but there were feelings there. But my being married of course kept things all on the up and up, if the flirtations sometimes went borderline. Anyhow, at the time my contract for the job was coming to a close, and I was looking for a new position -- he offered one to me as his Exec. Assistant. It took me a lot of thinking -- worry for what might be a potentially bad situation given the attraction between us, and working so closely with him on a daily basis. I ended up turning the job down, and part of me still regrets it. I think I'd have loved the job.

Anyhow, more to the point now that the history is set. The rep turned out to be HIM. I just about died. I haven't seen him in almost 4 years, and I was shocked with how hard it hit me -- the instant welling up of all those feelings again. It seemed like he was equally surprised to see me. We had a drink together, but it was hard to talk given the buzz of the room. He asked if I'd like to get together for lunch sometime next week to catch up. I didn't commit, and did the lame bit about checking my schedule. Pfft...What schedule? I'm essentially a house wife now. I think part of me doesn't want to meet with him because I'm afraid of being seen differently by him now? Ugh!

Am I insane for contemplating it? It's not like there was anything else to the invite...maybe he was just being polite? I hate that I don't have an actual date to turn down...and now it's up to me to call his office. Dammit. Do I just let the week pass and not call? It's not likely I'll see him anytime soon again during a public setting -- this was total fluke, I never go to those meetings anymore.

Trouble is....I WANT to see him again. It kinda scares me how much. Shoot! Shoot! SHOOT!.

What do I do?

 

[Riles]

I guess this thread is for when we have an issue we need to discuss but cant with our real life people. A place for advice or musings.

My first one is more a rambling about myself. Im 28 and i feel like i should be married with at least one kid, and basically that im failing at life because im not. Logically i know this isnt true, but when are feelings always logical? Im a BIG girl.. not chubby, just plain fat. Always have been. I try to act like i dont care. I'll say "if they dont like it they dont have to look". But in order to meet someone dont they first have to look at you?
Im not going to lie. Lit is great for meeting guys who like bigger women, or at least guys who SAY they like bigger women, and isnt it just a kick in the ass that they always live so far away.

I wanted to comment on this post honey, first for starting the thread -- nice idea. And second, I wanted to write something in regards to your 'rant'.

Throughout my teen years I was somewhat overweight -- I'm not sure exactly what the issues were, but I was well aware of how it felt to THINK I was being overlooked because I carried a little extra. I also know the toll it took on me to act like I didn't care -- my sister was a serial dater, and there I was professing to want nothing to do with 'boys', while putting up the defense that a quality person would see the value of me for ME, and not the plumpness.

-sigh-

I think in an ideal world, we would all meet with blind eyes first. But that's not the case, at least not in most instances, and it's very hard to find someone who can overlook something that you yourself find fault with.

Does that make sense?

You have to figure out what it is that is holding you back from being completely happy -- with or without the MAN. If your weight makes you self-conscious, it's always going to be an issue in your relationships because you will make it so. Same would be said for any physical aspect that had the ability to poke holes in your confidence, so it's not weight specific...okay?

My suggesstion? Get happy with YOU first! You don't have to be a bean pole to find a good partner, but you DO have to know, accept and love the overall YOU before you can contribute to a healthy relationship.

Good luck honey.

 

[kindtemptress]

So, this is sort of like a "Dear Journal" thread....okay.

I've been having a debate in my head lately over if I should do something or not. I was at a Business Womens meeting the other night, and one of guest industry reps was a man I knew from a few years ago. He was a Stakeholder in a project I was working on, and we got quite close - not intimate, but there were feelings there. But my being married of course kept things all on the up and up, if the flirtations sometimes went borderline. Anyhow, at the time my contract for the job was coming to a close, and I was looking for a new position -- he offered one to me as his Exec. Assistant. It took me a lot of thinking -- worry for what might be a potentially bad situation given the attraction between us, and working so closely with him on a daily basis. I ended up turning the job down, and part of me still regrets it. I think I'd have loved the job.

Anyhow, more to the point now that the history is set. The rep turned out to be HIM. I just about died. I haven't seen him in almost 4 years, and I was shocked with how hard it hit me -- the instant welling up of all those feelings again. It seemed like he was equally surprised to see me. We had a drink together, but it was hard to talk given the buzz of the room. He asked if I'd like to get together for lunch sometime next week to catch up. I didn't commit, and did the lame bit about checking my schedule. Pfft...What schedule? I'm essentially a house wife now. I think part of me doesn't want to meet with him because I'm afraid of being seen differently by him now? Ugh!

Am I insane for contemplating it? It's not like there was anything else to the invite...maybe he was just being polite? I hate that I don't have an actual date to turn down...and now it's up to me to call his office. Dammit. Do I just let the week pass and not call? It's not likely I'll see him anytime soon again during a public setting -- this was total fluke, I never go to those meetings anymore.

Trouble is....I WANT to see him again. It kinda scares me how much. Shoot! Shoot! SHOOT!.

What do I do?

Ok well wow... i guess there are definately some things to consider.
1. How is your marraige? If its a great loving marraige than no matter of attraction would make me go to lunch with someone else. Course this depends on how understanding your husband is.
2. I absolutely would have taken the job. If for no other reason than (sorry to say) most marraiges dont last. And a woman needs something to fall back on if the day comes that she has to support herself.

 

[kindtemptress]

I wanted to comment on this post honey, first for starting the thread -- nice idea. And second, I wanted to write something in regards to your 'rant'.

Throughout my teen years I was somewhat overweight -- I'm not sure exactly what the issues were, but I was well aware of how it felt to THINK I was being overlooked because I carried a little extra. I also know the toll it took on me to act like I didn't care -- my sister was a serial dater, and there I was professing to want nothing to do with 'boys', while putting up the defense that a quality person would see the value of me for ME, and not the plumpness.

-sigh-

I think in an ideal world, we would all meet with blind eyes first. But that's not the case, at least not in most instances, and it's very hard to find someone who can overlook something that you yourself find fault with.

Does that make sense?

You have to figure out what it is that is holding you back from being completely happy -- with or without the MAN. If your weight makes you self-conscious, it's always going to be an issue in your relationships because you will make it so. Same would be said for any physical aspect that had the ability to poke holes in your confidence, so it's not weight specific...okay?

My suggesstion? Get happy with YOU first! You don't have to be a bean pole to find a good partner, but you DO have to know, accept and love the overall YOU before you can contribute to a healthy relationship.

Good luck honey.

Growing up it was my sister that was always in trouble, so i tried to be the 'good kid'. Never really pushed the box, did what i was told. And i guess for the most part im still like that. Im very inhibited, which is why i love lit so much. No one sees "ME" so i can be whoever i want to be. I can be this strong, sexual, sensual person that in reality im not.
LOL and i completely agree about meeting people with blind eyes first. Thats another reason i love lit. You have to talk to people, its not based on looks.
I guess im scared to break out of my little box. In my box no one hurts me (well not as much), i know my limits. Im 28, never been drunk, i dont sleep around with a bunch of guys (sad i know right), because of the aforementioned, i dont think im all that great in bed, i dont like giving head, so therefore what do i have to offer a guy?

 

[Riles]

Forgive me for the bit of a laugh that gave me.

Honey...oh honey....there's a bottomless well worth of things you have to offer a man -- including or excluding 'head'. LOL

I think we will leave the sexual stuff behind for now, as that aspect of YOU can be developed over time, with the right partner(s), and THEY will/should delight in showing you all the varying ways to demonstrate your affections -- both giving and taking.

It's the box you're hiding in that I want to address. Sweetie, as good as Lit can be, it's NOT living. Okay? But the only way to beat your fears is to confront them, HEAD ON. And this doesn't mean you have to lose the "good kid" package. Doing things that expand your interests, broaden your range of social interaction and build your confidence so you truly CAN be that strong, sexual, sensual woman you see yourself pretending to be on here. I mean obviously it has to be in there somewhere, right? The role playing of Lit only goes so far....at somepoint the real YOU and KT meet up. Embrace that middle ground, and let KT take a few steps towards the offline world now and again -- I bet you'll like it, and be better for it.




And as for your comments to MY issue:

My marriage is solid for the most part. I won't get into the details of US, as that's not what's giving me pause.

I don't doubt my ability to control my attraction to this man -- nor do I fear for the stability of my marriage just by having lunch with him. It's more a question of myself. The inner turmoil I will feel at being someone 'different' in his eyes. See, we ALL have insecurities. -wink-

There is certainly a portion of me that wants to see him again....not just to see him, but because I remember how good it feels to be in his company. He's charming and witty and funny and always so sincere in his words. Who he is speaks to me, and I'm not sure I'm prepared for that to hit me again and NOT have it returned.

 

[kindtemptress]

Forgive me for the bit of a laugh that gave me.

is certainly a portion of me that wants to see him again....not just to see him, but because I remember how good it feels to be in his company. He's charming and witty and funny and always so sincere in his words. Who he is speaks to me, and I'm not sure I'm prepared for that to hit me again and NOT have it returned.

So is it more that while you know your husband loves you and is attracted to you, its nice knowing that someone else could feel that way too? lol Not that i could blame you there though.

 

[lakesailer_mi]

Im 28, never been drunk, i dont sleep around with a bunch of guys (sad i know right), because of the aforementioned, i dont think im all that great in bed, i dont like giving head, so therefore what do i have to offer a guy?

Being "great" in bed is highly overrated I think. When two people care about each other, they will be great in bed together. I know, I've experienced it.
My wife and I were both virgins when we met and neither of us had done much more than a little kissing and an occational quick grope over the clothes.

We learned to please each other. Over time, and with setbacks, and all kinds of other shit life throws at you as you grow.

Do you think you have something to offer a female friend? I suspect you do. It's no different. The best relationships are not based on sex, but on much more than that (not that sex is bad! indeed!).

People here have mentioned liking yourself first, and I agree. You need to do that, and I think that can be difficult.
Let me offer that I've seen your posts for some time now (I think we've played on the boards). You are bright and interesting. I'm not that weird of a guy, there will be others out there who feel the same.
There is much that you offer. Don't give up on yourself.

 

[GiggLeGasm]

A while back, I went to lunch with someone from whom I'd declined a marriage proposal despite a fairy tale relationship.. for no reason really other than I didn't feel ready to be married.. the concept was still too intimidating. We'd dated for a very long time. It was (yet another) long distance relationship but we saw each other every other week and spent many weeks at a time either here or in LA because each of us had very flexible schedules and lives that would permit that kind of relaxed attitude.

When we went to lunch, I think I had the same "feeling" as you're describing. It wasn't that I needed to feel attractive or that I was afraid of any "thing" that could happen. It was more that I knew there was an attraction and I didn't know how we would transition that to a new, adult conversation. ( and I don't mean adult/sexual )

What was very very nice.. was that it happened with the same ease we'd had when we were younger. There was a happiness in seeing how each of our lives were progressing that kind of balanced the underlying butterflies. By the end of it, I really felt as if we'd built an entirely new friendship in a single afternoon.

And then.. a month later.. we each confessed that if he'd have asked me to slip out of my panties so he could carry them to lunch in his pocket.. to begin an afternoon of naughty games.. we'd have sinned like Satan's own children.

lol.. but we didn't admit that until AFTER

Good luck to you.. may your decision result in a wonderful afternoon.. either way.

 

[Riles]

So is it more that while you know your husband loves you and is attracted to you, its nice knowing that someone else could feel that way too? lol Not that i could blame you there though.

-smile-

Not exactly, honey. Of course it appeals to my feminine pride to know that men -- including Mr. Riles, find me attractive, but I confess that that has never been in question since I hit 18. That likely sounds very vain, but it's the truth.

What worries me is just what GG said...transitioning, without playing the fool for my simmering attraction to a man I have no business with any more.

I am proud of my kids, and the hard work we do. I believe in the dreams my husband has for this place, and will work till I drop to make it a success....but is it what I saw for myself? Is it all I could have been? Do I miss having a sense of self in my job, and a professional title to go with it? This man knew me when I was MORE...or rather different perhaps.

 

[kindtemptress]

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[kindtemptress]

Wow, guess my mom knows me pretty well. She sent this to me this morning for me to watch. I thought I should pass it along.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Gc4HGQHgeFE&feature=player_embedded

 

[123hot]

Wow, guess my mom knows me pretty well. She sent this to me this morning for me to watch. I thought I should pass it along.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Gc4HGQHgeFE&feature=player_embedded

What an awesome fella. Nice video, thanks.

As for what you can offer a guy - well, I don't know about you but I think I've nowt to offer a girl and restrict what I believe is the real me to fit the less than perfect appearance that goes with (at the end of the day, how dare a big guy have fun in public, all fat and all? Sad thing is, most of the people I perceive think that, probably don't, and the few that do are probably only doing so to avoid the jealousy they hold that someone else, even a fatman, is having a better time than them - still, doesn't make me feel any better at the time).

But in your case you, just you. If guys don't like that, they're ruddy fools, but one day someone will. Besides, you've probably more chance with guys if you're comfortable with who you are so be yourself and be proud of it - people may do all they can to knock you, but they can't break you unless you let them.

Well, that was more a personal statement than anything else haha, but never think you've nothing to offer - apart from anything else your profile pic's lovely and on this thread alone you seem pretty cool. Good luck.

Your friendly councellor