Quid Pro Quo Mutual Read & Comment

[PierceDe]

Hello literotica authors,

I notice that like my own stories, many other authors are left with few comments. I, for one, fiend for comments on my works... nice fat comments dripping with feedback.

I'm HAPPY to read literotica stories linked to me in this thread or sent to me in messages, and leave comments, for anybody also ready to click the literotica links in my signature, have a read, and leave a comment.

(Now I might get like one author taking me up on this offer, but if I get a million please be patient, I'll take them first come first read. If I don't like or reply to your post/message don't assume I'm set to read & comment on your literotica story.)

I just think this is a nice way for us to boost engagement and get more of what we come for here at literotica.

Thanks!

-Pierce

 

[Gamblnluck]

Okay, I'll bite. First of all, your "The Type" is just too damn long for a single story. Nobody is going to commit to read that kind of story. Especially for an author they do not know. If you'd broken it into suitable bites with chapter lengths of say, 10k words, you'd have a better readership. That depends of course how you start out.
I did read the DIC. or rather most of it. It read like an essay. It did not really have a plot, but was a description of a tyrannical regime that in some ways was a little hard to follow.
Your tag of cuckold was also wrong. In your story, you wrote that men simply accepted their wife could be called to report and the offspring produced and he'd be forced to raise would not be his. You might change minds in 4 decades. Of course if only hot super studs were called to provide semen then that would change the gene pool.
You went into all kinds of statistics of women being called over and over. Maybe I missed it but what happens if she does not conceive during her day at the clinic? She stays there getting screwed until she finally conceives and then returns to her waiting hubby?
If you'd incorporated some of your world into a plot, it would be better received. You have to make the reader accept the world you create as part of the story you are telling. Portions of this could be a prologue for a longer story perhaps. Like following the story of 3 or 4 wives as they RELUCTANTLY go through the system.

As an example of what I mean, read the first chapter or 2 of my Slave Camp story. It has many faults, but I began with a story of a woman, and as the story goes, it introduces the society in which they live. A society not so far from our own in some ways but vastly different in others.

 

[dirk2024]

Okay, I'll bite. First of all, your "The Type" is just too damn long for a single story. Nobody is going to commit to read that kind of story. Especially for an author they do not know. If you'd broken it into suitable bites with chapter lengths of say, 10k words, you'd have a better readership. That depends of course how you start out.

Just a quick agreement here. There is no way I'm going to read a 107k story. At most, I'll read a 20k story, but even then, I have to be in the right mood to do so. I much prefer to read 10-12k stories. So if this was broken down into a series of 8 to 10 chapters, I might take it on depending on the category/title/tagline/tags.

As a comparison, I am reading a series now, where the chapters are 15-20k words long. But then, its an author I'm following and have read before.


I didn't attempt the DIC story as I don't enjoy cuckold stories.

 

[Gamblnluck]

I didn't attempt the DIC story as I don't enjoy cuckold stories.

To be honest DIC was not really a cuckold story as such despite the tag. It was an essay on a new society set in the future where wives were expected to submit to impregnation by government -selected 'studs' acting as sperm donors to propagate society. Of course men were supposed to have accepted this condition and raise the children their wives bear.

 

[dirk2024]

To be honest DIC was not really a cuckold story as such despite the tag. It was an essay on a new society set in the future where wives were expected to submit to impregnation by government -selected 'studs' acting as sperm donors to propagate society. Of course men were supposed to have accepted this condition and raise the children their wives bear.

That doesn't sound sexy.

 

[Gamblnluck]

That doesn't sound sexy.

well, take a read and decide for yourself. I made a comment how he could improve it. Or at least integrate his imagined society into a story. But like others here will say, everybody has an opinion and an asshole. They both stink.

 

[dirk2024]

I finished it, though it wasn't easy. As @Gamblnluck said, it's an essay. It's neither hot nor sexy nor a turn-on, so not really what I come here to read. So I'll stick to the technical stuff.

On the positive side, it was well written. Spelling, grammar and word choice were fine. There was one place where I felt a word was missing. "an unsustainable crushing grey weight on the working." Perhaps working class?


I don't know who was telling the story. It starts with a mystery narrator, then apparently two college professors? Then maybe back to the narrator? I'd like to know who was providing this information.

Several aspects were repeated, particulary the "1 in 10" thing and the "beauty standards" concept. It started to feel like two versions of the same story cobbled together

 

[PierceDe]

Okay, I'll bite. First of all, your "The Type" is just too damn long for a single story. Nobody is going to commit to read that kind of story. Especially for an author they do not know. If you'd broken it into suitable bites with chapter lengths of say, 10k words, you'd have a better readership. That depends of course how you start out.
I did read the DIC. or rather most of it. It read like an essay. It did not really have a plot, but was a description of a tyrannical regime that in some ways was a little hard to follow.
Your tag of cuckold was also wrong. In your story, you wrote that men simply accepted their wife could be called to report and the offspring produced and he'd be forced to raise would not be his. You might change minds in 4 decades. Of course if only hot super studs were called to provide semen then that would change the gene pool.
You went into all kinds of statistics of women being called over and over. Maybe I missed it but what happens if she does not conceive during her day at the clinic? She stays there getting screwed until she finally conceives and then returns to her waiting hubby?
If you'd incorporated some of your world into a plot, it would be better received. You have to make the reader accept the world you create as part of the story you are telling. Portions of this could be a prologue for a longer story perhaps. Like following the story of 3 or 4 wives as they RELUCTANTLY go through the system.

As an example of what I mean, read the first chapter or 2 of my Slave Camp story. It has many faults, but I began with a story of a woman, and as the story goes, it introduces the society in which they live. A society not so far from our own in some ways but vastly different in others.

I read your chapter 2 of Slave Camp. I see precisely what you did there, and left a comment.

I considered going into the what if she doesn't conceive question, but then I would feel obliged to detail a dozen others that seemed to distract from the main point; all moms are subject to state mandated copulation. I left it to the reader to imagine if conception was prerequisite not to be called back in for more, but my reading was... no. The true point of the program was never the fertility rate and that was merely a thin justification to impose this psycho-sexual domination on the public.

I have considered using this short story as the foundation of a series that follows male paramours, husbands, the women summoned, and even the director of the ministry herself.

As for The Type... I will take your advice and break up it's prequel "Cheater's Anthology" into digestible chapters. I hadn't considered people would be afraid to begin a large novel if I put it in the novel section. Lesson learned and thanks.

Again, thanks for your input. It's sincerely ruminated on.

 

[PierceDe]

I finished it, though it wasn't easy. As @Gamblnluck said, it's an essay. It's neither hot nor sexy nor a turn-on, so not really what I come here to read. So I'll stick to the technical stuff.

On the positive side, it was well written. Spelling, grammar and word choice were fine. There was one place where I felt a word was missing. "an unsustainable crushing grey weight on the working." Perhaps working class?


I don't know who was telling the story. It starts with a mystery narrator, then apparently two college professors? Then maybe back to the narrator? I'd like to know who was providing this information.

Several aspects were repeated, particulary the "1 in 10" thing and the "beauty standards" concept. It started to feel like two versions of the same story cobbled together

I read and commented on your fun story The Train Ride.

I noticed 2 spelling errors in DIC... I once forget the I in DIC, and I said higher waist-to-hip ratio when I meant lower.
In the instance you quote I meant working as in the noun, "the working", a grammatical nominalization; the dying, the living, the missing for example.

I hear you on narrator-identity clarity, and will remember it in future writing.

Thanks for reading it despite it not being your favorite genre.

 

[dirk2024]

I read and commented on your fun story The Train Ride.

I noticed 2 spelling errors in DIC... I once forget the I in DIC, and I said higher waist-to-hip ratio when I meant lower.
In the instance you quote I meant working as in the noun, "the working", a grammatical nominalization; the dying, the living, the missing for example.

I hear you on narrator-identity clarity, and will remember it in future writing.

Thanks for reading it despite it not being your favorite genre.

Self editing can be a drag. In my first story, I misspelled a word in the first sentence. I haven't been able to get over it, so I'm working on an edited version to upload and fix it, plus a few other things.

Thanks for the read and comment on train ride. Another author here had thrown out a "mind control" challenge, so that was my attempt at it.